20 Habits Of Intimate Couples

If you have been experiencing a lack of intimacy in your relationship, you are not alone. Many couples find that after the honeymoon period is over, they may lose some of the intimacy in their relationship. In the beginning stages of a relationship, intimacy may seem to come more easily as you get to know one another. Yet after you settle into a routine, the intimacy may start to wane a bit. If not addressed, intimacy issues can become a barrier to a healthy and productive relationship. But there are many things you can do to help you become more intimate with your partner. Here, we’ll explore 20 different habits to consider to help you and your partner cultivate more intimacy in your relationship.

Habits for intimate couples

There are many habits, exercises, and tips that you can use to try to gain more intimacy in your relationship, including some of the options detailed below.  

Openly appreciate your partner

Sometimes the little things that our partners do for us tend to get overlooked. Yet, these little things contribute to the happiness and success of your relationship, so try to let your partner know that you appreciate them and all that they do, and tell them frequently. Openly appreciating your partner will likely make you both feel more content and connected. 

Practice gratitude for the ordinary

One of the things that many couples complain of when intimacy becomes a problem is that they feel stuck in a routine or a rut. But the entire relationship cannot be like the beginning. In the beginning, you are learning about each other. After you settle into a routine, the dynamics can shift, but this can be an opportunity for further intimacy. It may look different from the flashiness of the early days together, but the ordinary, daily moments you share can spark intimacy if you shift your perspective. 

Try something unexpected

Another way to try to cultivate greater intimacy in your relationship is to do something unexpected or surprising. Even small romantic surprises can be something to spark intimacy when you feel that it is waning. This could be surprising them with their favorite coffee drink in bed, or suggesting an intimate weekend away together somewhere. 

Maintain the process of discovery

When you first start a new relationship, you often want to learn everything you can about your partner. As you learn more about each other and settle into a routine, that thirst for knowledge can wane. To build intimacy, try to keep that process of discovery going. All of us can change all the time, so there is likely always more to learn and discover about each other. Working to discover new aspects of your partner through open communication can help you grow closer.

Make time for cuddling

Cuddling is an important part of intimacy. Holding each other for even fifteen minutes a day releases several "happy hormones" that can help you and your partner feel happier and closer together. No matter how hectic your day is or how tired you are, setting aside time to cuddle before bed or at another time of day can be beneficial.

Exercise together

Some research has found that couples who exercise together or take on a challenging task may have closer relationships. Whether you go jogging with your partner every morning, go for a walk in the evenings, or participate in a marathon, hike, or other activity, spending that time together in physical activity can be a bonding experience.

Laugh together

It can also be valuable to laugh together with your partner regularly. You can laugh together over funny stories, or, if you don't seem to have anything to laugh about because life is stressful, try sitting down and watching a funny sitcom or movie together. It doesn't have to be a long time, but spending time laughing together regularly can be very beneficial. 

Have "no tech" time

Technology can be a big distraction, and it can sometimes make it harder for us to deeply connect with the person sitting right in front of us. To work on cultivating intimacy, you and your partner can carve out a set amount of time each day not to use technology, and instead focus your attention on each other during this time. Consider putting away your phone, tablet, or laptop, and focusing on each other’s presence and conversation. 

Set time for sex

Life can get hectic and stressful, and you may not always feel like you have the time for physical intimacy. But, if sex is an important part of your relationship, it may be worth putting in effort to ensure you create a sex life together that works for you both. Some couples find it helpful to schedule time for sex on a regular basis, so that it is “in the calendar” and more likely to happen. Making the time for physical intimacy each week can help you grow stronger as a couple. 

Make your partner think about sex

If sex is part of your relationship and you are looking to cultivate a more vibrant sex life, there are many subtle and not-so-subtle ways that you can make your partner think about sex throughout the day that may build intimacy. For instance, you could send a flirty text, thank your partner for the great time you had the night before, or make a promise of what you'd like to do next time you are in the bedroom. 

Work as a team

When facing life, finances, and household struggles, it can be useful for you and your partner to tackle these by working together as a team. When you work as a team with your partner, you will likely feel closer to each other and more connected with one another. 

Embrace imperfection

It can be tempting to wait for the perfect time and place to be intimate, but that rarely happens. When you have the stress and responsibilities of things like maintaining a career, household, and family, the perfect time and place may not come up for a while. Take advantage of less than perfect moments to be with each other and enjoy the experience.

Focus on sexually satisfying your partner

When you focus only on your own sexual enjoyment and overlook your partner, it can create a block to intimacy. Instead, if you want to be more intimate with your partner, it may help to try to focus on their sexual pleasure and satisfaction. 

Trust each other

Intimacy and trust go hand in hand. If you do not completely trust your partner, it will likely be difficult to be truly intimate with them. If you have some concerns with trust in your relationship, you can seek help building trust and getting past those concerns in therapy. 

Don't rely on being in the mood

Oftentimes with couples who are sexually active, especially at the beginning of a relationship, you may rely on being in the mood for sex. But when life happens and becomes routine, mundane, and stressful, you may find it difficult to be in the mood. Instead of waiting for the mood to strike, consider making intimacy a priority regardless. 

Have fun

Sex doesn't always have to be intense and romantic; it can also be light and fun. To build more intimacy, it may help to try to have more fun with your partner, both in and out of the bedroom. Being fun and flirty from time to time, or even frequently, may help bring you closer together. 

Talk about sex

Especially at the beginning of a relationship, it can be difficult to talk about sex. You may not be comfortable telling your partner what you like when it comes to sex and intimacy. As you get to know your partner better and strengthen your communication skills, these conversations will likely become a little easier. Talking about what you both like and want can help you to create a deeper, more satisfying level of intimacy. 

dition to talking about sex, you can also ask your partner intimate questions in your conversations. You could ask them what they want in the bedroom, where they would like to have sex, what they would like to try, and their fantasies. You can also ask other deep questions focused on emotional intimacy. You can often find lists of intimate questions to ask your partner online and in self-help books for building intimacy in relationships.

Try intimacy exercises for couples

There are also some intimacy exercises that you can do to help you and your partner build intimacy back into your relationship. These exercises include things like extended cuddle time, breathing connection exercises where you breathe deeply together, gazing into one another's eyes, or coming up with three or five random things to talk to your partner about. There are a lot of intimacy exercises for couples available both online and in self-help books.

Work on intimacy in counseling

Another thing you and your partner can do to build intimacy is seeing a relationship or marriage counselor or therapist. When you see one of these licensed professionals, they can help you identify what took the intimacy out of your marriage and help you get it back. They can also address past traumas and other life events that may be preventing you from being intimate with your partner. In fact, research has found online therapy to be effective for improving relationship satisfaction.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

For some couples, discussing these personal, vulnerable topics may feel easier to do when in a space where they already feel comfortable and at-ease. With online therapy through Regain, you can connect with a therapist virtually from the comfort of your home. 

Takeaway

If you’re looking to build more intimacy in your relationship, consider trying some of the habits for couples detailed above, such as laughing together, exercising together, making time for cuddling, and openly appreciating your partner. For additional support in strengthening your relationship, online therapy can help.