10 Tips For Writing Love Notes For Her

Romantic love can be nerve-wracking and writing a love note for someone can be intimidating—especially if writing isn’t one of your top skills. You might not know what to say or how to say it. Putting yourself out there on paper may be a challenge, but with a little help, you can open up in a way that might not be possible if you were speaking face-to-face. Plus, you can give your special someone something to hold onto for years to come. If you're curious to learn how to write a love letter, here are ten tips for writing love messages for her.

1. Use your voice

With all the famous poems about love out there and enough cheesy lines from movies to fill a book, it can be tempting to use someone else's words in your note. However, a letter that reflects your personality can be much more meaningful and memorable. Stick with your style of communication, even if that means it is not perfect. Avoid words that you do not use in your everyday vocabulary and try not to write in a way that does not sound like you. If you are struggling with finding your voice, think about how you would talk face-to-face and write like that.

2. Keep your current relationship in mind

Avoid straying far from your current relationship in the tone you use in your note. If you do not know each other very well, be polite and speak to her just like you would in person. If you have been best friends for a long time, and your relationship already has a certain character, you might want to lean into that.

If your note is about how much you want to be with her, express what it is about her that draws you to her. Avoid filling it with quotes about loving someone who doesn't love you back. If you have an otherwise great relationship but come off as overbearing or needy in a letter, you may not get the response you want. Choose confidence regardless of what you decide to write. This can be much more appealing to your loved one. 

3. Get inspired

If writing romantically is not something that comes naturally to you, look for inspiration in quotes about love, love stories, or love poems. While you do not want to copy exactly what another writer has said before, the messages and themes you find in published works can help you come up with your own ideas.

If that fails, look to your lover for inspiration. What is unique about her? What makes her attractive to you? If her beauty captures your attention, write about that. If your favorite thing about her is the time you spend together, let your memories motivate you. It can be important to craft a love note that has meaning, so think creatively about why you want to put pen to paper.

4. Say what you mean to say

While it can be fun to write a love note for no reason, often, you are writing to achieve some aim. Maybe you are confessing your feelings to her for the first time. Maybe you want to tell her "thank you" for something she did for you. Whatever the reason, it can be essential to write your letter in a way that gets your message across.

If your note includes something that is hard to say in person, avoid also dancing around the issue on paper. Stay away from jokes or puns about love if it is not relevant to what you are trying to say. It’s likely she will want to discuss your note at some point face-to-face. Both of you can benefit from having an idea of where the conversation might go. Writing clearly can help you tackle whatever is on your mind head-on and leave little room for confusion in the future.

5. Size doesn't matter

When most people think of a love note, they imagine a long, drawn-out letter. However, if it feels right to keep your letter short, that is okay, too. Love notes can be as simple as one or two sentences or as complex as multiple pages. Trust your gut and think about what she might prefer and what comes naturally to you. Any length is acceptable as long as you’re able to say what you need to. 

Avoid cutting the note short out because you are rushing to get it done. Your significant other may be able to tell if you don’t put much thought into what you are trying to say. If your note feels too short, you can always include a few love quotes to add to your message. If you go this route, remember to use quotations, and write the original author's name so that the overall voice of the letter stays your own.

6. Remember it is in writing

One of the benefits (or drawbacks, depending on your perspective) of writing love letters or love notes is that what you say is permanent. Unlike a phone call or face-to-face conversation where words can get lost or forgotten, what you put on paper can be much harder to talk your way around.

The best love notes are often the ones that are sincere. If your love note for her includes promises, do your best to fulfill them. If it has apologies, ensure they are genuine. What you write may mean a lot to her, and she is likely to hold you to what you took the time to say. There is a high probability she will keep this note for a long time, too, so avoid writing anything down that you don’t think you can stand by in the future.

7. Appeal to her love language

Everyone has ways in which they give and receive love. One person may like to show love by giving their significant other gifts or praising them for everything they do. However, their partner may not feel love when they are showered with attention. In fact, their partner may only feel truly loved during physical contact. This means all the gifts and praise in the world would not be as important to them as walking down the street hand in hand.

When writing your letter, think about how your partner likes to receive love. Remember that you are writing for her, not you. If flooding her with compliments works for you but makes her uneasy, a love note that goes on and on about how amazing she is may not have a lasting impact.

If you are not sure what your partner’s love language is, check out Dr. Gary Chapman's "5 Languages of Love" quiz. You and she can both take the quiz and compare your needs. Her test result can help guide you in writing your note.

8. Presentation matters

While it can be important to stick to your writing style, it can also be vital to give your love note one last read-through before sending it on its way. Your letter should make sense and have as few spelling errors as possible. Be sure to write it on a clean sheet of paper, and if your handwriting is not the neatest, consider typing it instead. Folding it nicely or placing it in an envelope is fine. The nicer it looks, the more she may realize you have put serious thought into what you have written.

9. Be spontaneous

The popular love saying, "Be spontaneous," does not just have to apply to the things you do together. It can work for love notes, too. We live in a world where we rely on technology more and more often, and it is likely most of your communication with your love interest happens over text or e-mail.

Writing a note can be unexpected but in a positive way. It may help shake things up from the norm. When you write a love note without being asked, it can convey a lot of things to her. It shows that you think about her when she is away and proves that you make time for her. It also hints that you are capable of intimacy in ways that are beyond the physical. It takes time and effort to write a love note, and that will likely not go unnoticed by your lover.

10. Write more than once

Writing a love note can be a one-time thing for some people, but this doesn’t have to apply to your own relationship. If possible, try to write love notes regularly. While writing letters every day could make them less meaningful, crafting one every now and then when the inspiration strikes can help remind your special someone of your love for them. Love notes allow you to organize your thoughts and say things that are not always easy to say face to face. 

As your relationship ebbs and flows, there may be points where talking to each other feels more difficult. Communication can be an important aspect of any relationship, and telling your significant other regularly how you feel about her can help your partnership grow. Feeling appreciated in the relationship can help your partner want to do the same for you, and this can keep things exciting for both of you.

Online counseling with Regain

If communication or intimacy is a problem between you and the person you love, love notes can help. However, they are not a replacement for professional intervention. Should you and your partner face bigger issues that feel too difficult to overcome alone, working with a licensed counselor could help you find the results you’re looking for. Regain is an online counseling platform that offers support to both individuals and couples. Working with a therapist, you and your partner can learn how to communicate with one another more effectively and acquire tools for increasing the level of intimacy in your relationship. Though you both may have busy schedules, online counseling allows you to meet with your therapist 24/7 from anywhere you have an internet connection. Getting the support that you and your partner need might be simpler than you imagined.

The effectiveness of online counseling 

Research has shown that online counseling can be just as effective as face-to-face interventions. In one study, researchers found that a digital cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) intervention produced “sustained and clinically meaningful improvements in depression and anxiety.” CBT is a form of therapy that encourages individuals to recognize their unhelpful thoughts and reframe them to be more productive. This can allow them to develop more positive patterns of thinking, which can also change their beliefs and behaviors. 

Takeaway

Writing love notes can be challenging, especially if you are not sure where to begin. However, it can be helpful to remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to write something meaningful to someone you love. As long as you speak from the heart and keep these tips in mind, you can feel confident that you are sending her a sincere and thoughtful message. If you’re looking for ways to express your love that doesn’t involve notes or need help crafting romantic love letters, a therapist can offer advice and guidance. Whether you choose to participate in individual or couples counseling, a professional can help you navigate the intimacy and communication within your relationship and help you build a closer bond with your partner.