Facts About Teen Love

So many are quick to judge teen love, saying things like “you’re too young to know what love is” and “you’ll never last past high school.” The fact of the matter is that teen love can be an important part of growing up. For better or worse, the experiences we have with our early partners helps develop our foundation for that “true love” that many of us find ourselves looking for as adults. While teen love may not last forever, it can still be an essential part of self-discovery and provide a host of learning opportunities along the way.

Teen love for the digital age

Teens do most everything online, so it stands to reason that social media and texting can play a significant part in how many teen relationships get started. Now, teens can send each other flirty GIFs or text messages without worrying about appearing awkward in person. All it takes nowadays is a Snapchat to get the butterflies going (“They added me on Snap – what do you think that means?!”).

It may come as no surprise, then, that most teens in relationships have reported talking at length to their partners by text every day. However, perhaps more surprising is that fewer than 10 percent of teens surveyed by the Pew Research Center have reported meeting a romantic partner online. This may have to do in large part with parents forbidding their children from meeting people in person that they have met online, which can be important for safety reasons.

While technology can bring people together and help them feel closer, it can also easily lead to disputes. A text that goes unanswered for too long or a missed post can sometimes be enough to hurt people’s feelings. A hurt girlfriend may think to themselves, “Why didn’t they respond to my text? Are they out with someone else?” Meanwhile, it may be as innocent as their boyfriend taking a nap or their text accidentally getting missed. The longer that time passes, the more excuses the girlfriend may invent in their head, leading to a major blow-up later for the confused boyfriend.

While most teens think, and rightfully so, that it is cowardly to end a relationship by text message, many have said they have been on the receiving end of such behavior. Once a relationship ends, by any means, about half of the teens surveyed by Pew have reported severing all digital ties to their former flame. This includes removing them from their address books, un-tagging photos of themselves with their partners on social media, and – perhaps the least surprising of them all – unfriending or blocking an ex.

Teen breakups

While some couples stay together for the long haul, many teen relationships break up before teens are even halfway through college. Teen relationships often break up for the same sorts of reasons, like one partner going off to college and simply realizing that life has changed so rapidly that they don’t have as much in common with their partner anymore.

Teen relationships can also outright crash and burn. In other words, when things end, they can end very passionately and poorly. This is because teenagers are still at an age where their hormones are running high, and their emotions are still maturing. What can often make things worse is when their parents and other adults in their lives belittle their feelings and downplay the breakup.

Parents can be much more helpful and supportive by reassuring their children that their feelings about the breakup are normal and that they will be there for their children in any way they are needed. If you are a parent, try to encourage your child to talk to you about how they are feeling. Talking it out alone can be immensely therapeutic. If your child expresses that a breakup is interfering with their studies and other daily activities, you may want to consider getting them professional help from a mental health expert. A counselor can help teens who are facing challenges with love and other common teenage problems.

Dating violence and teens

Since passion runs high with teens, often so does anger. Anger can come out in quite unhealthy ways, and what makes it more dangerous for teens is that they often don’t realize that what they’re experiencing is, in fact, abuse. This extends to their parents who can’t know their children are being abused because their children don’t realize it and can’t tell them. The teens who realize it may be too afraid to say anything, which can have detrimental results.

What many teens may not know is that dating violence extends to digital communication. So, if someone is tearing them apart on social media or in a text or email chain, this is considered a form of abuse. Put another way, someone does not need to be standing right in front of you to be subjecting you to dating violence. In fact, stalking is a form of dating violence which certainly does not need to happen right in front of you to be considered a major issue. Teens can also be subjected to dating violence from someone they are not currently dating.

According to the CDC, in a survey conducted in 2015, about twelve percent of high school-age girls and seven percent of boys reported being subjected to physical violence. Sixteen percent of those girls surveyed reported experiencing some form of sexual violence within that past year alone, as did five percent of boys. Teens who are subjected to dating violence can develop both long-term and short-term effects from such exposure, including:

• Engaging in risky behavior, including promiscuity, or using drugs or alcohol
• Thinking about or attempting suicide
• Exhibiting symptoms of depression and anxiety

Online counseling with Regain

Has your teen started dating for the first time, and you’re worried about the types of people they’re pursuing? Are you a survivor of intimate violence? In either of these cases and more, connecting with an online therapist through Regain could be beneficial. Abusive relationships can be isolating and make it difficult for people to know where to turn. Whether you’d like to talk through phone calls, video chats, or in-app messaging, you can choose sessions with your therapist that fit into your free time. 

The efficacy of online counseling 

Those who have been subjected to intimate partner violence (IPV) or other types of abuse may benefit from online therapy, according to one study. In an assessment of an internet-delivered cognitive-behavioral therapy intervention for survivors of IPV, researchers found that participants experienced statistically significant reductions in PTSD, depression, and anxiety. They also showed improvements in their quality of life. 

Takeaway

The teen years can be formative for one’s dating life and future relationships. A positive dating experience can lead to healthy relationships down the road, while a negative experience could create lasting mental health effects and contribute to unhealthy relationships. Parents can be instrumental in the dating process by teaching their teens about safe behaviors and healthy traits to look for in a significant other. If you or your teenager has been subjected to violence or abuse, it can be vital to seek support. Regain can connect you with an online therapist to help you process the experience and move forward toward happier, healthier relationships.