Loving Someone With Anxiety Or Anxious Tendencies: 8 Tips For Dating Someone With Anxiety

If you or someone you love has anxiety, you are not alone: anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting around 40 million adults every year.

Dating someone with anxiety 

Anxiety can be very disruptive to a person’s daily life, and if you are in a relationship with someone with an anxiety disorder, you may be wondering what you can do to best support them. In this article, we’ll explore eight tips to consider to help you be there for a partner with anxiety. Understanding anxiety and treating your partner with validation, kindness, and sympathy can all be crucial steps to supporting your loved one.

What is an anxiety disorder?

If you're dating someone with anxiety, learning more about anxiety may help you become a more supportive, sympathetic partner. Anxiety disorders can come in different forms, but tend to be characterized by an intense feeling of fear or panic that disrupts daily activities. This is different from than typical anxiety that anyone feels during moments of stress or nervousness. People with an anxiety disorder endure a chronic fear or worry that can interfere with their daily lives. 

There are several types of anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and phobia-related disorders. 

Loving someone with an anxiety disorder: Tips to support a partner who often feels anxious

Even if you learn everything you can about anxiety, you may still feel unsure of what to do if your partner feels overwhelmed, anxious, or panicked. If your partner experiences anxiety, there are some steps you can regularly take to be as supportive as possible.

1. Discuss your partner's anxiety with them

When your partner is feeling calm and ready to talk, you may want to ask questions about their anxiety. What does their anxiety feel like and look like? Do they experience panic attacks? Do they have chronic worries over specific issues? What are their triggers? Learning more about your partner’s anxiety can help you to better understand what they are experiencing and how best to support them in tough times, and it may also help them feel more seen, understood, and accepted in your relationship. 

2. Be prepared for panic attacks (if applicable)

Panic attacks can be very intense and very scary for the person experiencing them. Some of the common signs and symptoms of panic attacks include a rapid heart rate, sweating, trembling, tightness in the chest, chills, hot flashes, nausea, dizziness, headache, feeling of unreality, and more. If your partner has panic attacks, it may be helpful to have a conversation with them when they are feeling calm and relaxed about their experiences so you can be there to support them when one occurs, know what would be helpful in those moments, and perhaps even help to remove triggers. For instance, if your partner frequently feels dizzy during a panic attack, planning to escort them to a safe spot to sit down may be a helpful step. 

3. Get familiar with grounding techniques for anxiety disorder symptoms

When discussing your partner's anxiety with them, you can also ask them what soothes them when they feel anxious. Since anxiety can be different for everyone, what works for one person may not work for someone else. If your partner experiences frequent panic attacks or intense bursts of anxiety, you can ask them what grounding techniques they use or need when they feel an attack coming on or when they are in the middle of one.

Grounding techniques are exercises that help someone who is feeling stressed or anxious remain focused on the present. They range from specific activities, such as yoga or taking a walk, to focusing particularly on one's environment. One popular grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 method that aims to reduce anxiety by engaging all of the senses. The 5-4-3-2-1 method is a focusing technique to help your partner remain focused on the present by stating out loud:

• Five items you can see
• Four items you can touch
• Three items you can hear
• Two items you can smell
• One item you can taste

By becoming familiar with some grounding techniques and what tends to work well for your partner, you may be able to suggest some of these in the moments when they are feeling very anxious or panicked, or even help to guide them through such exercises. 

4. Be sympathetic

Oftentimes, one of the best things to do to help someone with anxiety is to try to better understand their condition without judgment or dismissal. When your partner or loved one has anxiety, often one of the worst things you can do is devalue their fears. When your partner is revealing their worries, try to listen. It may seem unreasonable to you, but it is not to them. Instead of dismissing your partner's condition, take this opportunity to understand your loved one's anxiety from their perspective.

Sometimes your partner might need you to listen and validate that what they are feeling is real. Other times, they might want you to help them talk through potential solutions. You can learn how you can help your partner cope, and your partner will likely feel more loved, understood, and accepted.

5. Offer alternatives when your partner is feeling anxious

Helping someone with anxiety can also mean coming up with creative ways to help make situations less scary for them. Even if your partner seems to have their anxiety under control, they may still have hard days when their fears get the best of them. During these times, you can try to help them cope by offering alternatives. If your partner experiences social anxiety, for instance, you might suggest a date night at home with dinner and a movie. For that big vacation coming up, you might try to soothe your partner's phobia of flying by planning a road trip.

6. Living with or loving someone with anxiety can be hard; be encouraging

While sometimes you may want to help your partner avoid situations that set off their anxiety, that doesn’t mean you have to coddle them either. Once you understand your partner's anxiety, you can encourage them when they make progress. Did your partner with social anxiety attend that business party with you, even though they were dreading it? That can be a big step, and they may appreciate it being acknowledged. This kind of positive reinforcement can help your partner feel loved and understood, as well as continue making small steps to conquer their fears. If they are taking other steps to try to reduce and manage their anxiety, such as exercising regularly, getting adequate sleep, and eating a balanced diet, you can also offer support and encouragement in these areas. 

 7. If you are dating someone with anxiety, remember that you both need your own space

Supporting your partner with anxiety doesn't mean making their condition the focus of your relationship. Remember to set boundaries for each other and engage in your interests and social lives without each other. Just like any other couple, taking time apart is healthy. Try to ensure that both of you have the time, space, and opportunity to tend to your own interests, friendships, and other important areas of your lives. Doing so can be important for both of your mental health, as well as for the strength of your relationship.

8. Encourage your partner to seek professional mental health help and/or seek help for your anxiety disorders together

Another way you can support your partner with anxiety is by encouraging them to seek help from a professional, or suggesting that the two of you seek help together as a couple. For individuals with anxiety, the prospect of leaving the house and attending an in-person session may feel daunting. This is where online therapy can be helpful. With online therapy through Regain, you can meet with your therapist wherever you have internet—so your partner doesn’t have to leave the house if they don’t want to. 

Plus, a growing body of research has demonstrated the effectiveness of online therapy for range of concerns, including anxiety disorders. 

Takeaway

If you're dating someone with anxiety, you may consider some of the tips above to help you become a more supportive partner. For example, you can discuss your partner’s anxiety with them, familiarize yourself with grounding techniques, and be sympathetic and encouraging. For further support with anxiety or relationship concerns, you can connect with a licensed therapist online for help.