10 Common Marriage Problems That Couples Face And How To Solve Them

Despite what you may have been told or seen, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage; however, couples can learn how to keep their marital problems to a minimum by being proactive about problem-solving and communication. This article will cover some of the most common marital problems that can be faced even in the strongest, healthiest relationships. Tips to handle these issues will also be discussed so that you can build a foundation of trust, respect, and teamwork within your own relationship.

Boredom

Relationships are often exciting in the beginning because there’s a lot of time spent going on dates and getting to know one another. After spending so much time with one another, though, it can be easy to fall into a state of boredom or even loneliness. Many couples fall into habits and routines and stop being adventurous after a few years of marriage. When boredom causes you and your spouse to stop growing or being intentional with one another, that’s when it can become a problem. 

One of the easiest solutions for boredom is to start shaking things up; put simply, go out and try new things. You can start small; for example, maybe you can dedicate one day out of the week to enjoy the outdoors together or go to the movies. However, keep in mind that these can eventually become routines as well, so make sure you come up with new ideas on how to switch up activities. 

Another solution is to have more interesting conversations with your partner. Ask one another about your days and try to be intentional about making time for each other and asking questions. Get curious about each other because you’ll both be changing and growing for a lifetime. Commit to getting to know your spouse all over again every day. 

Getting things done around the house

One of the most common things couples fight about is who is (or isn’t) picking up the slack with household chores. While this problem often has underlying issues, it can also be one of the most solvable issues. While no one wants to have to do chores after coming home from a long day at work, someone must do it, and if one person feels that they are the only one keeping the house clean, this can create tension between partners.

This problem can be resolved by dividing and organizing tasks and agreeing on when they will get done. Some couples prefer to clean a little bit each day, while others designate a day out of the week to get all the chores done. You and your partner can make a chart together and cross things off as the chores get completed. Visual aids, like a chart, can also help keep you both accountable since you both can see what has and hasn't been done. If you have kids, this can be even easier, since you may have more hands to help around the house. No matter what system you and your spouse come up with, what matters is that you’re on the same page. 

A lack of intimacy

Intimacy refers to the physical and emotional bond you share with your partner. When emotional intimacy is lacking in your relationship, it often affects how physical you are with one another. Intimacy issues are common in a marriage, but they can have serious consequences on the relationship. Often, they happen gradually, rather than suddenly; however, you may also experience dry spells here and there. This is normal and can happen in response to illness, stress, or taking medication, to name a few.

Since intimacy issues often arise because of an emotional disconnect between partners, it can be important to practice open and honest communication to get to the root of the issue. Getting the spark back in your marriage is possible, but it can take time and effort on the part of both spouses. Letting your partner know they’re appreciated, cuddling with them, giving them hugs and kisses, and incorporating touch throughout the day can all be ways to start building intimacy in your marriage. Talking to a sex therapist or couples counselor could also be helpful if you feel you can’t get through to your partner on your own. 

Financial issues

Whether it involves losing a job, dining out too much, or one spouse spending more than the other in a marriage, financial troubles can rear their ugly head. Some situations might be out of your control (i.e., slow business), whereas others can be entirely preventable.

If you and your spouse have different ideas about money, it can be important to sit down and have a conversation about it. This can promote empathy and a greater understanding of one another’s perspectives. Creating a budget can also be helpful. Whether you and your spouse have a joint account or keep your funds separate, it’s possible to create a system that works for both of you. Talking with a financial advisor could also be beneficial if you can’t agree on a plan going forward.

Different core values and morals

Having a difference in values and beliefs is an issue that is frequently seen in cross-cultural marriages, especially in regard to religion. These beliefs can be ingrained in us from a very young age through our parents and upbringing, and we can hold onto them for the rest of our lives and feel strongly about them. As a result, this can create problems in the marriage, particularly if your spouse does not respect your values. Sometimes, this problem can be as straightforward as feeling alone when going to a place of worship. For example, one partner may go to church while the non-religious partner stays at home. These issues can arise when trying to raise your kids, and disagreements can come up regarding how they should think and behave.

Even if you and your partner disagree on core values and morals, it is still possible to have a healthy, loving marriage. First, it can be important to discuss why your disagreement is a point of tension in your marriage. Every couple has differences, but that doesn’t mean they must become a source of conflict. If your differing values are affecting how each of you wants to live, raise children, spend money, etc., it can be important to listen and try to understand your partner. Although their way of doing things may not seem right to you at first, perhaps it’s something you can come to terms with and accept. Maybe you can even see where they’re coming from and agree to try things their way. Marriage can be about compromise and give and take, but it must come from both parties. 

Jealousy

An overbearing partner might ask too many questions, such as "Who are you talking to?" "How do you know them?" and "Why are they talking to you?" This can create a lot of stress and tension in the relationship, which can eventually cause it to end if it is not addressed. Even with enough reassurance on your part, your partner’s jealousy may not go away. 

The insecurity that often comes with a jealous partner may need to be resolved with the help of a therapist. While you can be reassuring and supportive of your partner, you cannot fix the issues they’re dealing with yourself. Leave that work to a professional and try to be there for your partner as they make changes to promote a healthier relationship. 

Excessive arguing

Arguments and disagreements can be a normal part of a marriage. After all, two unique individuals are coexisting with one another and spend the majority of their time together. This is bound to create problems at some point. Arguing in and of itself is not necessarily concerning. However, it can become a problem when the arguments are frequent and intense. 

Successful marriages are built on effective communication and the ability to repair after conflict. If you and your partner are consistently arguing and struggling to mend your relationship after fights, it could signal a communication issue. Namely, you and your spouse may not know how to dissolve tension, talk about things productively, and compromise. The ability of each of you to handle conflict and move past it can be an indicator of how healthy the relationship is. If excessive arguing is getting in the way of your marriage, speaking to a professional could be beneficial. Learning effective communication skills could help turn the marriage around.

Being in different stages of life

Growing apart can be a sign that you and your spouse have drifted apart physically as well as mentally. For example, in a physical sense, a couple that has a significant age gap in their relationship may start to want something more out of their partner. One might want kids, while the other doesn’t. One may want to travel the world, while the other wants to settle down. However, this can also happen with people who are around the same age, especially those who marry young. Despite being the same age, people mature at different rates, and this can inevitably lead to personality differences and incompatibility issues.

If you find that you and your spouse are in different stages of life, it can be important to discuss what you each want out of the relationship. Not being open and honest about your desires and needs can breed resentment, which can erode the foundation of the marriage. Many times, you can each find a middle ground to promote contentment and satisfaction within the relationship.  

Family influence

With the merging of two different families, it’s likely that not everyone will get along. Perhaps you have a father-in-law who doesn't like you because you don't make enough money, or your sister-in-law loves to gossip about your marriage to everyone. These kinds of things can happen, and you can't change what others think, but by talking to your spouse, you can reduce how they impact your marriage. 

It can be important for you and your spouse to prioritize your marriage and put it first. While there’s nothing wrong with getting advice or input from other family members, ultimately, decisions must be made by you and your partner since you two are creating a unique life together. Setting boundaries with family members can also be helpful. Boundaries tell others how you expect to be treated and what topics are off-limits. You can use them anytime you feel someone is overstepping some aspect of your marriage. 

Infidelity

Infidelity can occur for several different reasons, including some of the ones mentioned in this list already. For example, feeling bored and having no intimacy can tempt people to cheat on their spouses. In fact, it is estimated that anywhere from 20 to 25 percent of men and 10 to 15 percent of women will have an extramarital affair. While there is no excuse for cheating, there are factors that can contribute to it.

Some couples can work through infidelity, while others cannot. When cheating has taken place, there is likely to be some type of fallout in the relationship, and it can be difficult to rebuild the trust that was broken. Open communication, honesty, vulnerability, and a recommitment to making the relationship work can all be helpful in restoring the marriage. Therapy can also be instrumental in overcoming issues with infidelity. 

Online counseling for marriage problems

You don’t have to wait until your marriage is on the brink of divorce before deciding to get help. Instead, you can begin online couples counseling with a licensed marriage therapist to begin getting the support you and your spouse need. At Regain, you can connect with a therapist regardless of the type and severity of the issue you’re facing. Counseling can give couples the tools they need to identify the issues in their marriage and communicate effectively to solve them. You and your spouse may have demanding schedules because of your children or careers, which can make it difficult to find the care you need. With online counseling, you can chat with a therapist 24/7 right from home, which may help solve the time-constraint issues you’re facing. Reach out whenever you both feel ready to start repairing your marriage. 

The efficacy of online counseling for marital troubles

Experiencing problems in marriage is normal, but successful, long-lasting unions are such because these couples know how to move past obstacles together. Couples having difficulties with marital issues could benefit from online counseling, according to one study. In a web-based intervention utilizing integrative behavioral couple therapy (IBCT), researchers found that couples were able to recognize the issues in their relationship and then take steps together to correct them, ultimately bringing the couple closer by increasing their understanding of one another. IBCT is an approach that helps couples make improvements in their relationship by becoming more accepting of the flaws and negative aspects present within it. Over time, this acceptance can lead to positive changes in the relationship. 

Takeaway

Understanding some of the common problems that can harm a marriage may be useful if you’re married, thinking about getting married, or considering dating or entering a relationship. While couples may experience some of the same issues, how they work through them can vary. Effective communication, vulnerability, and the willingness to work through problems can be vital for maintaining a strong, healthy union. Marital problems can be challenging to overcome, but they’re not impossible to move past when you have the right support. By connecting with a marriage or couples therapist, you can learn how to address issues in a healthy way and repair your relationship to get it back on track.