Six Possible Effects Of Being With A Husband With Narcissistic Traits

Living with someone who has narcissistic traits can be draining, especially if you are married or deeply committed to one. This person may have been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or have a range of narcissistic tendencies. Either way, they may have an enlarged sense of their own importance that can cause significant challenges in a relationship. In this article, we’ll explore six possible effects of being with a husband with narcissistic traits, and how to seek help if this is something you’re experiencing. 

What is narcissism?

A person displaying narcissistic behaviors may have NPD or simply have a number of narcissistic traits. The Mayo Clinic defines NPD as "a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance.” Someone with NPD may have a sense of superiority, an intense need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and little empathy for others. But at the same time, they can have deep feelings of insecurity, humiliation, and shame, and they can be easily upset by criticism.

You might not have recognized that your husband had narcissistic traits when you first met him and started dating. They often know how to make you feel good, so in the end, you'll do the same thing for them. While it's very manipulative, you can be so caught up in the newness and fun of the relationship that you might not notice.

Possible effects of being with someone with narcissistic traits

You lose your outside relationships

When you're living with a husband with narcissistic tendencies, he may not want you to have any other relationships with friends or family. He may work to pull you away from your friends and family slowly, so it may take a while to notice.

It could start by him making small comments about how he doesn't like your friends. He might always need to spend time with you when you're supposed to go out with your friends, so you'll choose to stay with him instead of going out with them. It might be that he's not feeling well when you're supposed to go to your parents' house for the holidays, so he asks you to stay home with him. It could be that he points out all the imperfections or things that he thinks are annoying about the people in your support network to persuade you to think the same thing. The more this happens, the less time you spend with others, and eventually it may feel like you have lost your relationships with them.

Low self-esteem

Being with a narcissistic person may whittle away at your self-esteem. A narcissistic person often can't handle when someone else does something better than them. They may consistently make you feel criticized and belittled. Eventually, this constant criticism may impact your self-esteem.

You may start to feel that you are "not good enough" or "less than" your husband. Because he is likely secretly insecure himself, his goal may be to build himself up and make himself feel better by making it seem like he's better than you. People with NPD can also thrive on the idea that they are out of your league, and that you should not leave them because they are the best you’ll ever get. Their sense of entitlement over the relationship may make you feel like you would be foolish to leave. They might even threaten to leave themselves, as a ploy to cause you to beg for them to stay, preying on the low self-esteem they’ve instilled in you. 

Feeling like you're losing your mind

Some people with narcissistic traits participate in both gaslighting and narcissism. It's a form of emotional abuse that they use, which can leave you feeling like you're losing your mind. Gaslighting is described as a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt themself, and ultimately lose their sense of perception, identity, and self-worth.

If your husband does this, he may constantly lie to you and criticize you. If you try to talk to him about it or call him out on his lies, he will deny it and become defensive. Instead of accepting responsibility, he makes it sound like you're the one that has the problem. He repeats this behavior so much that even if you knew the problem was his at the beginning, eventually you start to believe what he's saying and think that it might be you. As this continues, you may start to feel like you're losing your mind because you don't remember things that he swears he told you, or he acts like you didn't tell him something you know that you did. 

Always having to focus on keeping him happy

When you’re married to a husband with narcissistic tendencies, your life may become all about making him happy. You will learn how to say and do things to boost his ego because you can't stand the way he behaves when you don't. It could be that he becomes depressed, angry, irritable, or verbally abusive. After seeing this behavior, time and time again, you learn how to give him what he wants. Otherwise, he might give you the cold shoulder, or threaten to leave because of “unhappiness.” This can be a form of emotional abuse and manipulation.

You lose yourself

When you are living with someone with narcissistic traits, your life may become all about them. Over time, you start to lose yourself. The dreams and goals that you had for your own life may slowly start to disappear because your husband controls so much of your life. You may find that your friends are gone. You don't spend any time with your family, and everything in your life revolves around your husband.

Arguments always end with you apologizing

A person with narcissistic traits often cannot handle admitting that they are wrong. That means even if you know they were wrong, and they know they are wrong, they may still not apologize. Their sense of self-importance can overpower any scenario. Every argument that the two of you have seems to end with you taking the blame for it. Everything is your fault. Even things that are outside of your control. They may say that you’re doing everything wrong, even small things like grocery shopping or laundry, and tell you that if only you’d change, the marriage would be “perfect.”

Help is available 

If being with a partner with narcissistic traits has taken a toll on you, know that help is available. Whenever you’re ready, you can connect with a licensed therapist online or in person for support. 

Being with a partner with narcissistic tendencies can be very draining, and it can leave you feeling belittled and low energy. For some in this situation, traveling to an in-person appointment may feel exhausting. With online therapy through Regain, you can meet with a licensed therapist wherever you have internet—no need for a commute. 

And research has demonstrated the effectiveness of online therapy for a range of concerns, including self-esteem, empowerment, and quality of life. 

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Takeaway

Being married to someone with narcissistic traits can take a significant toll on a person. Some of the possible effects might include developing low self-esteem, losing oneself, and becoming distant from friends and family. If you are married to someone with narcissistic traits, help is available. You can connect with a licensed therapist online for support.