Six Types Of Marriage In The Modern Day

Marriage in the 21st century can look many different ways. It is not simply the legal joining of two households or the legal joining of two individuals. In fact, there are a variety of marriage styles these days.

Past generations had a standard, expected marriage—this is no longer the modern-day ideal. The modern world offers new opportunities, new ideas, and new marriage dynamics. What used to be true of most, or even all, marriages is now only true for some marriages. Many people feel that they now have more freedom to choose what their relationship dynamic will look like.

What kind of marriage do you have? Or, if applicable, what kind of marriage would you like to have? Learning about different types of marriages and relationships can help you determine what you want for both your present life and your future.

Marriage types

Defining your marriage as a certain "type" does nothing to set it in stone. However, it is interesting to know what kind of marriage you have or want to have in today's world. Learning more about different types of marriage can shape your ideas and expectations where marriage is concerned. Putting a name to your marriage type might allow you to see why some things are the way they are and what can be done to alter those things if desired. Defining your marriage type might also help a marriage counselor understand how to best help you.

Traditional marriage

While much of the world has modernized, there is nothing wrong with keeping your marriage traditional if that works for both you and your partner. In a traditional marriage, both parties have a clear-cut understanding of their roles and responsibilities. Most commonly, this leaves the wife to stay home with the kids, cook, and clean. It is becoming far less common in the modern world—likely due to the economy and a family's need for two incomes—but is still present.

The APA defines a traditional marriage as “a marriage according to the historical norms of a given society, usually for the primary purpose of establishing a family. Although prenuptial customs vary in different cultures, a traditional marriage generally follows a period of courtship, public announcement of wedding plans, and a wedding ceremony” or “a marriage of husband and wife, wherein the former is the primary or sole breadwinner and the latter holds primary or sole responsibility for maintaining the home and managing child care.”

As a result of changing expectations, a modern traditional marriage does not often resemble what was traditional in 1950. It is a change that has occurred with a change in societal expectations and acceptance in other marital practices over time. While the original form of traditional marriage is still acceptable, it is not the only “traditional marriage" any longer.

Companion-based

A marriage that is based on friendship and a sense of mutual respect is often known as a companion-based, or companionate marriage. In this common type of marriage, the couple desires to be friends for life. It is the embodiment of the common phrase "married to my best friend."

Keeping that friendship intact is important to each person within the relationship, and they work to maintain that friendship in addition to their loving relationship. It brings new, modern roles into the household. There is a sense of equality when it comes to parenting, cooking, and cleaning. A companion-based marriage is also one that highly values communication.

In addition to challenging some of the expected roles within traditional marriage, this may be an excellent relationship type for someone who is aromantic but desires close, platonic life partners, though this type of marriage can certainly involve sexual companionship, as well. 

Independent or disengaged

There are a variety of terms for this kind of marriage. Commonly, people refer to it as “living apart together,” and in a way, that means exactly what it sounds like it means. It’s healthy for a couple to remain independent individuals, with their own careers, friends, and whatever else they desire, but in this type of marriage, people may even live apart. Being separate from your spouse is a once-in-a-while activity for most married couples. However, couples in this kind of marriage can be like ships in the night—passing by one another and having little interaction, and that works for some.

Although a disengaged or independent marriage might seem like it would not work for you, those that have this kind of marriage usually prefer it this way. Even with little physical closeness, both parties in the marriage often feel satisfied with the relationship the way it is. As with many things in life, it’s vital to remember how different we all are; for some, like with other non-traditional marriage styles or types of marriage, this is idyllic.

Parenting marriage

Kids take a lot of work and time. Sometimes, married couples find themselves with a lack of interest to interact with one another unless it involves parenting or their children. The individuals involved focus on their children and how best to raise them. A parenting marriage makes for a great co-parenting team, but it’s far from traditional marriage.

This style of marriage has little to no romantic or intimate interaction between the parents. It is not the goal of the married couple to place focus on their relationship. Instead, the goal is that they parent the children together. Many experts believe that it can be non-beneficial or counterintuitive to remain a couple solely for the children. This is something to keep in mind if you do not actually wish to stay together, if there’s conflict that has not found resolve despite therapy, and in other situations where you would not want to be together if it weren’t for the fact that you have a child or children together.

There are also types of marriages where parenting is the priority, but the romance is still very much still there. Again, everyone’s different. It is important to do what’s authentically healthy for you, your partner, and any children involved.

Financial marriage

Sometimes, marriage is something people choose based on practicality rather than other common aspects affiliated with marriage. This is one of those cases. It may be more financially viable to stay in or initiate a marriage, which is often why two people choose this marriage type. When it comes to ethics, the important part —as with anything else that initiates legal documentation—is that both parties are on the same page. It’s not the same as marrying someone for money without their knowledge.

A financial, or economic, marriage is one that has become less common in the modern world, but was historically quite popular, and still is in some countries. This type of marriage is most commonly associated with terms like “bride price,” “dowry,” or “gift exchange,” in which one family paid something like money or land to purchase a bride for their son or themself. Other historical forms of economic marriages are those that joined two nations, tribes, etc. together, such as the union of the son of one powerful family and the daughter of another to help ensure peace between the two geographical entities.

Non-monogamous marriage

Non-monogamous marriages can exist in a very wide range of ways. They can pair with elements of other marriage types, and one non-monogamous or polyamorous marriage may differ very extensively from another. A non-monogamous marriage might be a monogamous-polyamorous or monopoly/polymono marriage, where one person is monogamous, but the other is polyamorous and dates as such with permission and awareness from the other partner. Alternatively, both people who are married could be polyamorous.

Polyamory is more common than many people realize, and a person who is single may also be polyamorous. Some people know that polyamory is what works for them before they enter a committed relationship, whereas others discover it with a partner.

Does your marriage conform to a type?

Although the above-listed marriage types are not a comprehensive list of every single marriage type and style, it might give you an idea of the kind of marriage you are engaged in. It might also shed some light on changes you would like to make and things you enjoy about your marriage. If you desire some changes, it is most important that you and your spouse discuss your needs and desires within the marriage to stay transparent.

There is also no reason that you must stay within the bounds of a single type of marriage. If communicating these desires to your spouse proves to be too difficult, a marriage counselor is always a great resource to help you.

Online support for improving your marriage

Therapy could be advantageous for those who wish to talk about marriage, love, mental health, life, stress, grief, and a variety of other topics with an unbiased professional. A couples’ counselor or therapist can help you and your partner sustain or create a harmonious marriage that works for you and your distinctive needs.

Online therapy has become one way for individuals or couples to seek out help. Research has shown that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy, and for those living in rural areas, online therapy can open the door for getting help.

Regain is an online therapy platform that is both affordable and convenient. There's no need to travel to a physical location. As long as you have an internet connection and an electronic device, you can have a session any time.

Counselor reviews

Below are some reviews from people who have used the Regain platform.

“Cris Roman saved my marriage. His approach to therapy taught my husband and I the skills we needed to change how we communicated and understood each other. He is very non-judgemental and helps each person make sense of the others' feelings and actions without taking sides or placing blame. His ability to make you feel heard while helping you to see and understand why your significant other is acting a certain way is phenomenal.”

“My wife and I decided to give online couples counseling a go after finding traditional methods weren’t all that suited to our busy working and parenting lifestyle. Our counselor Donna Kemp has been amazing! We both feel she’s listened to us and given us the confidence to step out of our comfort zone to deal with problems that are easy to avoid. She is encouraging without being pushy. We’ve both responded very well to her and her methods and look forward to continuing on with Donna. Highly recommend!”