Can A Marriage Survive Drug Addiction? Five Strategies For Married Couples

Drug addiction, also called substance use disorder (SUD), is a complex and often misunderstood condition. Whether you’re navigating SUD on your own or supporting a spouse with this diagnosis, you may be struggling to find the right words to describe what you’re experiencing, and the proper treatment to overcome the addiction.

While drug addiction can upend relationships of all kinds, navigating SUD in a romantic partnership can be especially tricky. Fortunately, there are several options and outlets for married couples facing the challenge of drug addiction, as well as hope for brighter days ahead.

Read on to learn more about SUD, the impact of drug addiction on marriages, and strategies to help couples seek treatment and rebuild their relationships.

Understanding drug addiction and substance use disorder (SUD)

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) uses the diagnosis of SUD to describe a range of problems related to the use of addictive substances, ranging from mild to severe. 

While the DSM-5 does not formally list “drug addiction” in its catalogue of disorders, addiction is usually regarded as the most severe form of SUD. Addiction is considered both a brain disorder and mental illness, caused by the repeated misuse of a substance or substances. Common addictive substances include alcohol, cocaine, tobacco, sedatives, opioid pain killers, and inhalants. 

Regardless of the severity of their substance misuse, people with SUD often struggle to maintain marriages and other healthy relationships. According to the American Psychiatric Association, the primary symptoms of SUD can be grouped into four categories:

1. Impaired control, characterized by a strong urge to use the substance and repeated, failed attempts to cut back on use.
2. Social problems, whether in a marriage, friendships, or at work or school.
3. Use of substances in risky settings.
4. Effects from long-term drug usage, including a higher tolerance to substances and experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

If you or your spouse exhibits any of these symptoms, reach out to a medical doctor as soon as possible. Promisingly, there are several effective treatments to help people with SUD uncover the root of their behaviors and achieve sobriety.

Can my marriage survive a drug addiction?

If you or your spouse are living with a drug addiction, it can be difficult to think ahead and envision your future, both individually and together. 

But with early treatment and empathic care, married couples can work through SUD and emerge from the experience stronger than before. To recover from a drug addiction and save your marriage and other relationships, medical professionals urge couples to seek treatment as soon as possible. 

How to support a spouse with a drug addiction

As a spouse or loved one to someone with a drug addiction, you cannot do the work of recovery for your partner. This process takes time, patience, and ongoing effort. 

That said, there are several strategies to support both partners throughout the treatment process, and to work past any marital issues that may remain after sobriety. 

Actively participate in the treatment process

According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, involving both partners in treatment for drug and alcohol misuse can shape the ultimate success of the treatment.

 “Participation” in your spouse’s treatment can take various forms, but may include attending appointments with your spouse, support groups, or even couples counseling to work through specific issues in your marriage. 

Crucially, you do not need to be present for every appointment or check-in. While treatment for SUD is often a group effort, spouses and other loved ones must also set aside time for their own needs and self-care. 

Take care of yourself

If you’re supporting a spouse with a drug addiction, you likely want to show up for them and reduce their pain in any way possible. To an extent, offering love, care, and encouragement is critical to your spouse’s recovery. But if you neglect your own needs to care for your partner, you may not have the energy to show up for them in the long term, and to maintain connections with other loved ones.

Your time and mental health are valuable. Every day, try to set aside windows of time to relax, rest, and recharge, whether you’re supporting a loved one with an addiction or simply getting through your day-to-day routine. 

In addition to the basics of sleep, nutrition, and movement, other forms of self-care may include:

• Joining a support group for SUD, or for spouses of people with SUD.
• Scheduling a weekly “coffee date” or fun outing with a friend to chat and catch up. 
• Investing in a hobby or passion project as a form of healthy distraction.

If you’re struggling to find time for rest and relaxation, remember that self-care doesn’t need to be fancy or elaborate. In many cases, a five-minute meditation or a short stroll around the block can give you the energy and clarity you need to continue with the day.

Be conscious of enabling

Enabling is a complex behavior, but common in marriages in which one or both spouses struggle with drug addiction. When one partner makes it possible for the other to misuse substances without facing the consequences, they’re “enabling” unhealthy behaviors.

While enabling generally leads to further damage in a marriage, the associated behaviors often occur without the enabler realizing what they’re doing. If you’re concerned that you may be enabling your spouse, take care to notice and avoid the following behaviors: 

• Making excuses for your spouse related to their substance misuse.
• Allowing your spouse to neglect their responsibilities.
• Dismissing your own needs to support your spouse.

In most marriages, there are times when one partner may need more support or leniency than the other, especially during times of personal turmoil and change. This natural ebb and flow can be a byproduct of a healthy, mutually supportive marriage. 

But if you find yourself doing all the work to support a partner with a drug addiction, it may be time to take a step back and reflect on the dynamics of your relationship, ideally with the support of a mental health professional.

Learn more about codependency

In some marriages, spouses develop a codependent relationship, especially when substance misuse is present. Codependency occurs when one person is overly dependent on their partner to fulfill their basic needs, both physically and emotionally. Common signs of codependency between married partners include: 

• An inflated sense of responsibility for the actions and emotions of the other partner
• A fear of abandonment
• An intense need for the other person’s approval
• Sacrifice of health and wellness to support the codependent spouse
• Unequal responsibilities 

Left unaddressed, codependency can prevent a couple from maintaining healthy relationships outside their marriage. With awareness, education, and therapy, however, individuals can break the cycle of codependency and establish a strong, healthy sense of self. 

Seek professional help

In cases of drug addiction, individuals and couples should consult a team of experienced medical professionals. Drug addiction and SUD are serious conditions and deserve careful, professional treatment to support the person with the diagnosis as well as their loved ones. 

Depending on the severity of symptoms, treatment for SUD may involve hospitalization to manage any withdrawal symptoms, outpatient or intensive outpatient programs, and residential treatment or “rehab”, as well as self-help groups and mutual-aid groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. 

Online therapy can guide couples through recovery

As part of their treatment plan, many couples enlist the help of a board-certified therapist with expertise in relationship therapy and addiction. 

While some people prefer in-person therapy, a growing number of individuals and couples turn to online therapy platforms like Regain to improve their mental health and relationships. Using Regain, you can connect with a board-certified therapist within a few days of completing a brief questionnaire. Each Regain therapist has at least three years of experience and expertise in relationships, and many support clients with histories of substance misuse and related challenges. 

Several studies show that online therapy can be just as effective as face-to-face alternatives, including a 2021 study of telehealth for SUD services during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. The researchers looked at the transition to telephone and video technologies for delivering treatment for SUDs. Based on survey data from 457 organizations, treatment providers used various digital platforms to deliver SUD treatment and reported a higher likelihood of using digital treatment services after the pandemic. These results are promising and align with related studies, which suggest that outpatient SUD treatment delivered via videoconferencing has similar effectiveness to in-person care. 

Takeaway

Drug addiction may be one of the most challenging experiences in a person’s life. This condition affects your physical, emotional, and relational health; but with early treatment and professional guidance, both individuals and couples can reach sobriety and restore their relationships.

If a drug addiction is damaging your marriage, there is hope for recovery. In addition to a team of medical professionals, a licensed therapist can help couples address any relational challenges that may linger after sobriety, and rebuild a marriage founded on trust, love, and healthy independence.