Can A Marriage Survive Drug Addiction? Recovery And Mental Health Strategies
Drug addiction, also called substance use disorder (SUD), is a complex and often misunderstood condition. Whether you’re navigating SUD on your own or supporting a spouse with this diagnosis, you may be struggling to find the right words to describe what you’re experiencing and the proper treatment to overcome the addiction.
While drug addiction can upend relationships of all kinds, navigating SUD in a romantic partnership can be especially tricky. Fortunately, there are several options and outlets for married couples facing the challenge of drug addiction, as well as hope for brighter days ahead.
Read on to learn more about SUD, the impact of drug addiction on marriages, and strategies to help couples seek treatment and rebuild their relationships.
Drug and alcohol addiction: understanding substance use disorder (SUD)
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR) uses the diagnosis of SUD to describe a range of problems related to the use of addictive substances, ranging from mild to severe.
While the DSM-5 does not formally list “drug addiction” in its catalog of disorders, addiction is usually regarded as the most severe form of SUD. Addiction is considered both a brain disorder and a mental illness caused by the repeated misuse of a substance or substances. Common addictive substances include alcohol, cocaine, tobacco, sedatives, opioid painkillers, and inhalants.
Regardless of the severity of their substance misuse, people with SUD often struggle to maintain marriages and other healthy relationships. According to the American Psychiatric Association, the primary symptoms of SUD can be grouped into four categories:
- Impaired control, characterized by a strong urge to use the substance and repeated, failed attempts to cut back on use.
- Social problems, whether in a marriage, friendships, at work, or school.
- Use of substances in risky settings.
- Effects from long-term drug usage including a higher tolerance for substances and experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
If you or your spouse exhibits any of these symptoms, reach out to a medical doctor as soon as possible. Promisingly, there are several effective treatments to help people with SUD uncover the root of their behaviors and achieve sobriety.
Can a marriage survive drug addiction?
If you or your spouse are living with drug addiction, it can be difficult to think ahead and envision your future, both individually and together.
But with early treatment and empathic care, married couples can work through SUD and emerge from the experience stronger than before. To recover from a drug addiction and save your marriage and other relationships, medical professionals urge couples to seek treatment as soon as possible.
How to support a spouse with a drug addiction and mental health challenges
As a spouse or loved one to someone with a drug addiction, you cannot do the work of recovery for your partner. This process takes time, patience, and ongoing effort.
That said, there are several strategies to support both partners throughout the treatment process and to work past any marital issues that may remain after sobriety.
Actively participate in addiction treatment
According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, involving both partners in treatment for drug and alcohol misuse can shape the ultimate success of the treatment.
“Participation” in your spouse’s treatment can take various forms but may include attending appointments with your spouse, support groups, or even couples counseling to work through specific issues in your marriage.
Crucially, you do not need to be present for every appointment or check-in. While treatment for SUD is often a group effort, spouses and other loved ones must also set aside time for their own needs and self-care.
Take care of your mental health
If you’re supporting a spouse with a drug addiction, you likely want to show up for them and reduce their pain in any way possible. To an extent, offering love, care, and encouragement is critical to your spouse’s recovery. But if you neglect your own needs to care for your partner, you may not have the energy to show up for them in the long term, and to maintain connections with other loved ones.
Your time and mental health are valuable. Every day, try to set aside windows of time to relax, rest, and recharge, whether you’re supporting a loved one with an addiction or simply getting through your day-to-day routine.
In addition to the basics of sleep, nutrition, and movement, other forms of self-care may include:
- Joining a support group for SUD or spouses of people with SUD.
- Scheduling a weekly “coffee date” or a fun outing with a friend to chat and catch up.
- Investing in a hobby or passion project is a form of a healthy distraction.
If you’re struggling to find time for rest and relaxation, remember that self-care doesn’t need to be fancy or elaborate. In many cases, a five-minute meditation or a short stroll around the block can give you the energy and clarity you need to continue with the day.
Be conscious of enabling substance misuse (formerly “substance abuse”) in your marriage
Enabling is a complex behavior, but common in marriages in which one or both spouses struggle with drug addiction. When one partner makes it possible for the other to misuse substances without facing the consequences, they’re “enabling” unhealthy behaviors.
While enabling generally leads to further damage in a marriage, the associated behaviors often occur without the enabler realizing what they’re doing. If you’re concerned that you may be enabling your spouse, take care to notice and avoid the following behaviors:
- Making excuses for your spouse related to their substance misuse.
- Allowing your spouse to neglect their responsibilities.
- Dismissing your own needs to support your spouse.
In most marriages, there are times when one partner may need more support or leniency than the other, especially during times of personal turmoil and change. This natural ebb and flow can be a byproduct of a healthy, mutually supportive marriage.
But if you find yourself doing all the work to support a partner with drug addiction, it may be time to take a step back and reflect on the dynamics of your relationship, ideally with the support of a mental health professional.
Learn more about codependency and alcohol addiction
In some marriages, spouses develop a codependent relationship, especially when substance misuse, such as alcohol addiction, is present. Codependency occurs when one person is overly dependent on their partner to fulfill their basic needs, both physically and emotionally. Common signs of codependency between married partners include:
- An inflated sense of responsibility for the actions and emotions of the other partner
- A fear of abandonment
- An intense need for the other person’s approval
- Sacrifice of health and wellness to support the codependent spouse
- Unequal responsibilities
Left unaddressed, codependency can prevent a couple from maintaining healthy relationships outside their marriage. With awareness, education, and therapy, however, individuals can break the cycle of codependency and establish a strong, healthy sense of self.
Can a marriage survive drug addiction? Seeking professional help
In cases of drug addiction, individuals and couples should consult a team of experienced medical professionals. Drug addiction and SUD are serious conditions and deserve careful, professional treatment to support the person with the diagnosis as well as their loved ones.
Depending on the severity of symptoms, treatment for SUD may involve hospitalization to manage any withdrawal symptoms, outpatient or intensive outpatient programs, and residential treatment or “rehab”, as well as self-help groups and mutual-aid groups like Alcoholics Anonymous.
Online addiction treatment and couples counseling to help partners through recovery
As part of their treatment plan, many couples enlist the help of a board-certified therapist with expertise in relationship therapy and addiction.
While some people prefer in-person therapy, a growing number of individuals and couples turn to online therapy platforms like Regain to improve their mental health and relationships. Using Regain, you can connect with a board-certified therapist within a few days of completing a brief questionnaire. Each Regain therapist has at least three years of experience and expertise in relationships, and many support clients with histories of substance misuse and related challenges.
Several studies show that online therapy can be just as effective as face-to-face alternatives, including a 2021 study of telehealth for SUD services during and after the COVID-19 pandemic. The researchers looked at the transition to telephone and video technologies for delivering treatment for SUDs. Based on survey data from 457 organizations, treatment providers used various digital platforms to deliver SUD treatment and reported a higher likelihood of using digital treatment services after the pandemic. These results are promising and align with related studies, which suggest that outpatient SUD treatment delivered via videoconferencing has similar effectiveness to in-person care.
Takeaway
Drug addiction may be one of the most challenging experiences in a person’s life. This condition affects your physical, emotional, and relational health, but with early treatment and professional guidance, both individuals and couples can reach sobriety and restore their relationships.
If a drug addiction is damaging your marriage, there is hope for recovery. In addition to a team of medical professionals, a licensed therapist can help couples address any relational challenges that may linger after sobriety and rebuild a marriage founded on trust, love, and healthy independence.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do drug use and substance misuse impact relationships?
Drug use and substance misuse often create distance and distrust in relationships. Addicts may lie, become unreliable, or prioritize their substance of choice over their partner or family. Emotional and financial strain can grow, leading to arguments and resentment. Over time, the connection weakens as the addiction takes center stage. However, with recovery and support, relationships can heal.
Is it possible to fully recover from an addiction?
Full recovery is possible, though it requires time, effort, and a strong support system. Recovery isn't just about quitting the substance; it's about building a healthier, more stable life. Many people go on to live fulfilling, addiction-free lives, especially when they remain committed to their growth and healing.
What is the last stage of addiction?
The last stage of addiction is often referred to as addiction or dependency. At this point, the substance dominates a person's life—they use it compulsively despite severe consequences, such as damaged relationships, financial problems, or health issues. It's also a stage where professional help is most critical.
What is the percentage of relapse for people with an addiction?
Relapse rates vary but are generally between 40% and 60%, similar to other chronic illnesses like diabetes or hypertension. Relapse doesn't mean failure; it's a signal that treatment needs to be adjusted or reinforced.
Is addiction a form of love?
Not exactly. Addiction can mimic obsessive love because the person becomes fixated on the substance, much like infatuation. However, addiction is not healthy or nurturing—it's a destructive cycle that harms both the individual and their relationships.
How many months does it take to stop an addiction?
The timeline varies greatly depending on the person and the substance. Physical withdrawal can take days to weeks, but psychological recovery often takes months or even years. Experts suggest that significant improvement typically occurs after 90 days of consistent effort, but long-term sobriety requires ongoing work.
How do people with an addiction behave in relationships?
Addicts in relationships may become distant, irritable, or secretive. They might lie about their behavior, prioritize substance use over their partner, or engage in manipulative tactics to maintain their addiction. Emotional instability and unpredictability are common, often leading to strained or broken connections.
How does drug addiction ruin lives?
Drug addiction can destroy health, careers, finances, and relationships. It leads to physical and mental deterioration, legal troubles, and social isolation. Over time, the addict's life revolves around the substance, pushing everything else to the sidelines.
What personality traits are associated with addiction?
Traits often linked to addiction include impulsivity, risk-taking, low self-control, and difficulty managing emotions. People with addictive tendencies may also struggle with anxiety, depression, or feelings of inadequacy, which can drive them toward substances as a coping mechanism.
Are the brains of people with an addiction different?
Yes, addiction changes the brain. It alters the reward system, making the brain crave the substance while reducing the ability to experience pleasure from other activities. Over time, it also impacts decision-making, impulse control, and stress response, making recovery more challenging.
How can you help your spouse with addiction?
Supporting a spouse through addiction requires patience and understanding. Encourage them to seek professional help, such as therapy or rehab, and avoid enabling their behavior. Set healthy boundaries, offer emotional support, and consider joining a support group like Al-Anon to navigate your own feelings.
Why is it so hard to overcome the challenges of addiction?
Addiction rewires the brain, creating intense cravings and making it hard to resist. Emotional triggers, withdrawal symptoms, and deeply ingrained habits can make quitting feel overwhelming. Additionally, societal stigma or lack of support often compounds the struggle.
Can meditation and other mindfulness techniques help decrease symptoms of addiction? How?
Yes, mindfulness practices like meditation can be powerful tools in addiction recovery. They help by reducing stress, improving emotional regulation, and breaking the cycle of impulsive behaviors. Mindfulness encourages self-awareness, allowing individuals to recognize triggers and respond calmly instead of reacting to substance use.
What are the most common ways to break free from addiction?
Breaking free from addiction often involves:
Seeking professional treatment through therapy, counseling, or rehab.
Building a strong support network of family, friends, or support groups like AA or NA.
Establishing new routines and healthy habits to replace addictive behaviors.
Addressing underlying mental health issues with therapy or medication if needed.
How does recovery from addiction help improve one's life?
Recovery allows people to rebuild their lives, often gaining better health, stronger relationships, and financial stability. They experience emotional growth, renewed self-confidence, and the freedom to pursue their passions without the shadow of addiction holding them back. Recovery is a path to reclaiming joy and purpose.
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