Can My Marriage Survive If I Have A Bisexual Husband?

Ensuring that your marriage is strong enough to stand the test of time is important. Every married couple is going to encounter difficult situations over the years. If you have recently discovered that your husband is bisexual or even bicurious, then this might make you feel quite uneasy.

Many women who find out they have a bisexual spouse and that their husbands are also attracted to men may feel threatened in their relationship. Is your husband going to leave you for a man? Does he want to have sex with men more than with women? You might be driving yourself crazy due to the doubts and worries that are circulating in your mind about what your husband told you. If you want to talk to someone about dealing with bisexuality in marriage, seeking support from an online therapist is a great first step.

It's important to take a step back and breathe. Learning about your husband’s bisexuality can be a difficult situation that could have an impact on your happy marriage. But having a bisexual spouse, bisexual wife, or bisexual husband included, could also be something that won't harm a successful marriage in any way. If you've found yourself asking whether your marriage can survive, then you're obviously worried about your husband’s sexuality and if he’ll still be sexually attracted to you. Don't jump to conclusions just yet. Take the time to examine the possibilities while also considering what you should do about your husband's newly realized sexual orientation.

You need to talk

The first thing that you need to do when you discover that your husband is bisexual is to talk about it. If you beat around the bush or try to avoid the subject, then that is only going to make things worse. Your husband shouldn't be made to feel bad or unusual because he has come out as a bisexual man. His sexual orientation is a part of his identity and as his partner, you should approach this with loving curiosity. This could present problems for you and it might make you feel strange, but it's still crucial that you approach the topic with respect and love.

Ask your husband how long he has known that he has been bisexual. There is a chance that he knew he was bisexual all along. It's also possible that these feelings have only recently surfaced even if he had some indication that he was attracted to other men in the past. You might feel like your husband lied to you if he never told you about his sexual preferences before. This might make you feel hurt and you can express your feelings to your husband during this conversation.

Try to be open and honest with one another while you chat. If you can keep an open and accepting mind about bisexual people and your husband’s experience, then that is going to be better for the future of your relationship. You don't have to suddenly become comfortable with the idea of your husband sleeping with other men, though. All you need to do is acknowledge that he is bisexual. You can talk about what this means for your relationship and whether or not your husband is still committed to being loyal to you.

Your husband being bisexual doesn't mean that he will cheat

Yes, your husband is bisexual. But remember that having a bisexual husband doesn't necessarily mean that they are going to cheat on you with other men, or that their brain structure is somehow completely different. Sexual orientation is not correlated with someone’s inclination to be promiscuous, sneaky, and unfaithful.

Your husband might simply need to acknowledge that he is a part of the LGBTQ community and he might want you to accept that part of him. Having to keep his sexual orientation a secret from you isn’t part of a fulfilling marriage. If he had been keeping his sexual identity secret all this time, then he probably just finally felt like he had to tell you.

Most women who discover they have a bisexual husband feel worried and they might have a hard time understanding it. This is especially true if you don't have many friends or family who are a part of the LGBT lesbian gay bisexual community. If your husband came out to you about his sexuality openly and honestly, then you should try to respect that as much as you can. He's still the man that you love and it doesn't have to negatively impact your relationship. If he is committed to you and loves you with all of his heart, then everything is going to be just fine.

Open marriages work for some couples

Some women might be open to the idea of allowing their husbands to explore sexually by experimenting with their sex life. Many people are open enough sexually to consider these ideas without feeling like it will harm their marriages. You might have heard of the concept of an open relationship or non-monogamous marriage. This allows people to seek out men and women outside of their main relationships.

Having sex with other partners of multiple genders wouldn't be considered cheating. To make an open relationship successful, both people have to be on the same page and set ground rules. For some people, this is an ideal alternative to the more common monogamous marriages.

Of course, some people are simply not going to be able to entertain the idea of having an open marriage or allowing their bisexual husband to have sex with more than one gender, even with ground rules. People can be jealous and the idea of your husband sleeping with other men and women is very scary. Also, there might be some sex related health concerns and you'd need to ensure that everyone was being as safe as possible. Your husband might not like the idea of you having sex with multiple partners either. Same sex relationships, and open bisexuality can be a difficult can of worms to open. But many find that an open relationship makes them happier in the end. It's a terrible idea for some married couples and it's a perfect fit for others.

Remember that there is a social stigma when it comes to open marriages and open relationships as well. You shouldn’t concern yourself too much with social factors, like the opinions of a family or others, but some do value their reputations in the community. It's also true that your faith might prohibit you from entertaining the same sex relationship or open marriage idea. This could simply be a good way for your husband to explore his sexuality without having to lose you. Not every bisexual man is going to need to go have sex with other men, though.

Can your marriage survive?

Now that you know you have a bisexual spouse who is attracted to the same sex as well as opposite sex, it's time to address the big question. Can your marriage survive if you have a bisexual husband? Yes, it definitely can. It all comes down to how good you are at communicating with your husband about your sex life and sexuality, your relationship, and how committed he is to you. If he isn't as committed to being with you as he initially thought, then he might not want to stay.

This question is just as much about how strong your relationship and bond is as it is about his bisexuality. Even if this is the case, you don’t have to feel guilty about asking questions. As a newly outed bisexual person, your husband may be struggling with his own mental health and confused about what he needs. 

Some marriages will wind up dissolving due to a revelation like this. A bisexual husband may find out he's more interested in being with other men than women. You can't just worry about things or assume that things are going to go sideways. Just because your husband is bisexual doesn’t mean he wants other partners, wants to have anal sex, or has a higher sex drive for a specific gender. You have to sit down with your husband and work things out. Determining how you're going to move forward might feel intimidating at first, but many couples have been able to achieve lasting and satisfying marriages even when one of them discovers that they are bisexual.

If he has been loyal to you, then there is no reason to overreact to this. Work on your relationship and don't be afraid to reach out for help if you're in need. Your marriage can survive if you both want it to. All you have to do is be committed to each other.

Going to couples counseling is recommended

Going to couples counseling online is going to be a good idea when you're having problems like this. Your husband's sexuality doesn't change the fact that you love him very much. He might not be thinking of cheating on you with a man, but it's still a difficult situation to navigate. Your husband might feel very confused by his own feelings and he could use guidance. An LGBT center, related reading, or online relationship counselors can work with him to help him get through this. They can help him to learn about himself while also working on fixing any worries that you have about your marriage.