Do You Feel Like You're In A Failing Marriage? Find Help That’s Catered To You

Is marriage a lot harder than you thought it would be? If you feel that you're in a failing marriage, you're not alone. Many people may have received warnings while they were dating or engaged, but it can be hard to know exactly what to expect when you’re in the thick of it with your spouse.

The grass isn't any greener

It can be easy to look at other couples and think that their relationship is better than what you have. However, you're likely not seeing what goes on behind closed doors when they know that no one else is there watching. You may not hear their arguments and probably don't know the hidden challenges that they've been through. 

Common reasons marriages fail

While it's true that marriages fail for all different reasons, some are more common than others. Things like communication skills and finances are often referred to as common reasons why couples divorce. But there are usually underlying reasons at the root of those other divorce reasons.

For example, when couples aren't on the same page about finances, or they are considered working class or low-income, they may be more likely to divorce. This isn't just about the money; it's about the feelings that are attached to it. If the two of you are only making enough to get by barely, the anxiety that you're both under might cause you to have short-tempers and argue more about everything. You also might disagree with your partner about how to manage your finances or one partner might blame the other for not being more ambitious. 

Some other common risk factors for divorce may include:

• Getting married young. Those who marry before they reach their twenties have a higher divorce rate.
• Having less formal education. The divorce rate decreases for those who graduate from high school and college.
• Coming from families with divorced parents.
• Living together before getting married.

If your marriage has common risk factors, or if you think that you're in a failing marriage, you don't have just to throw in the towel. There's marriage help that can assist you in turning things around and experiencing true happiness within your marriage.

Is marriage counseling right for you?

If your marriage feels like it is failing, marriage counseling can help. There is a misconception among some that counseling is something that's a last-ditch effort before getting a divorce. And counseling can indeed help at this point in your relationship, but the sooner you take action on getting marriage help, the better your chance is of finding success with it.

A marriage counselor can help you and your spouse get to the root cause of your marriage troubles. Instead, they can focus on helping both of you see the areas that you can improve in the relationship and where common triggers might cause reoccurring problems.

If your spouse isn't interested in attending therapy sessions, you can still go on your own. The therapist can work with you to identify and change behaviors, beliefs, and thoughts that you have that may be negatively impacting your relationship.

If your marriage is having trouble, a therapist can help you turn it around.

Marriage help alternatives to counseling

If you're worried about your marriage, there are also things you can do outside of marriage counseling to help. These can be done along with therapy, or you can focus on these to improve your relationship before things get too rough. Here are some ideas that you can implement on your own to help build a strong marriage.

Date night

Getting married is no reason to stop dating your spouse. Before saying, "I do," you most likely spent plenty of time putting effort into your dates. Perhaps you carefully thought about where to go, what to do, and what the other person would enjoy.

On your dates, maybe you had the chance to learn about the other, connect on a deeper level, and form bonds. Maybe you were able to learn what your partner liked to do, and you probably did some things that you didn't want to do just because they did.

These are the same things that you should continue after getting married to help keep your relationship strong. It can be easy to push this aside, especially if you have children, but it can be important for having a healthy relationship.

Read a relationship book together

There are plenty of well-written books on the topic of marriage available on the market. Choose one that addresses the marriage challenges that you're facing and then read it together with your spouse. Then, make sure that you spend some time talking about what you read as well. This can help to connect you while also teaching you new strategies to use within your marriage.

Learn about forgiveness

There are most likely going to be times when you have to forgive and ask for forgiveness within your marriage. Keeping track of who has wronged whom can damage your marriage. Holding past failures over your spouse can ruin your marriage. And living in bitterness and unforgiveness can ruin your mental health.

Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but it's something that can be learned. Many people might think that forgiveness is a feeling and that if you don't feel like forgiving your spouse, then you don't have to. But your feelings follow your thoughts and behavior. If you decide to forgive them and then start to treat them like you have, then eventually, the feeling that comes with forgiveness can show up. 

How Regain can provide marriage help

Regain provides online therapy that can help you improve your relationship. You and your spouse, if they're interested in participating, can be matched up with a therapist unique to your needs. 

Online therapy can be helpful for marriages when you have young children at home, which can make it difficult for you both to get out of the house and to a therapy session. It can also be helpful for those with busy schedules or for spouses that travel a lot as part of their jobs.

Studies show that online therapy is effective in treating many mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, phobias, PTSD, and more. Significant evidence also points to a direct tie between your mental health and self-confidence and the quality of your close romantic relationships, so putting time into your mental health can be very beneficial to your relationship, especially in the long run. 

Takeaway

If you feel like you're in a failing marriage, you can turn it around. Learning the right strategies to use within your marriage can help you to avoid common problems that lead to divorce. The most important thing is that you continue to focus on your marriage. While marriage might not always be easy, with effort and attention, it can be incredibly rewarding to have a partner you love to spend your life with.