Does A “Dream Marriage” Really Exist?

Hollywood would like us to believe in a picture-perfect romance. In many popular films, the guy always gets the girl, they wed in a beautiful ceremony, and the audience is left to assume that every moment after that first married kiss is paradise. But what about in the real world? Does a "dream marriage" really exist?

The answer is in how you define what a "dream marriage" looks like. If you imagine a scenario where you and your significant other greet each other with nothing but smiles, arguments never happen, financial troubles never rock your boat, and everything is always 50/50, then you will likely be disappointed. Nothing is perfect, and that includes marriage, no matter how compatible you and your spouse seem.

Being endlessly happy does not necessarily mean you are in a "dream marriage." In fact, a marriage that works overcomes obstacles, bounces back from difficult times, maintains honesty and trust, and has a deep emotional connection to thrive on. The idea of what a "dream marriage" is changes from person to person, so if you and your loved one have a different goal of what you want your relationship to look like, having that ideal marriage will be that much harder to achieve.

A "dream marriage" is possible, but it does take work. It's not something that happens on its own, nor can it be forced. If you and your spouse want to achieve a fulfilling relationship that works for the long term, there are some things you should keep in mind. Remembering these truths will get you on the road to the "dream marriage" you desire.

Marriage takes work

Most people think that marriage is a 50/50 arrangement. But if each partner is only putting in 50% of their maximum effort, they will only get that amount back in happiness. Marriage is a 100/100 situation, meaning each partner has to commit 100%, or as close to that as possible, all the time.

This may sound like a daunting task, but that is because it is. Being fully present with another person, maintaining total honesty and loyalty, and staying emotionally available at all times is hard. Before you dive right into what seems like the perfect marriage, ask yourself if giving 100% to this person is what you want and if this person can give 100% back to you.

As your marriage progresses, other obligations like children or illness may come up and change how your 100% commitment to one another looks. Given your specific relationship, your all will look different as the years go by, but if you are willing to go with the flow and be flexible with how you show up in your relationship over time, achieving a "dream marriage" status is possible.

Communication is key

Communication is the foundation of any relationship, but between spouses, it is exceptionally important. Many believe that two people will never argue in an ideal marriage, but this is not the case. It is unreasonable to expect that any two people will agree on all things all the time. This is especially true for those that are married since couples typically face monumental financial, familial, and personal decisions all the time. Never leave genuine problems unaddressed, no matter how uncomfortable it is to discuss the details. Leaving issues to fester can create a rift between two people who otherwise truly love one another.

A "dream marriage" is one in which disagreement is okay. It recognizes situations where "give and take" applies and leaves room for each partner's feelings and opinions, even if they cannot be accommodated.

Marriage is a partnership

To achieve a "dream marriage," your spouse should always be on your team. This does not mean you have to agree on everything that comes up but avoiding an "I vs. them" mentality, in general, is key. If you start labeling your partner as the "bad guy" when things get tough, you will only create a wall between you that could be very difficult to break down in the future.

Being partners in marriage looks different for every couple based on their mental and emotional needs. Here are some things you can try to encourage teamwork in your marriage:

• Address life-changing decisions or new financial obligations together (new jobs, cars, etc.)
• Discuss and support one another's goals
• Put equal amounts of work into maintaining your home or caring for your children
• Prioritize one another without cutting out other things that are important to you
• Encourage one another's mental and physical well-being
• Check in with each other often to ensure both of you are happy
• Do not override decisions you have previously made together

Respect for boundaries matters

Just because two people are married does not mean that boundaries cease to exist. People enter relationships with certain mental, physical, or emotional experiences that have created barriers that should not be crossed. Perhaps your spouse has a hard stance against pornography, or maybe they refuse to have children or take part in religious services. Forcing your spouse into territory they are uncomfortable with will almost never bode well for your marriage.

A "dream marriage" respects boundaries at all times. Knowing if you can live with the boundaries surrounding your loved one is an important question you should answer for yourself before walking down the aisle. It's not wise to think you can marry someone and change who they are in the relationship's future. Although people change over time, and your marriage will look different in the future, those changes should happen organically and without force.

Connecting is important

Intimacy comes in a lot of different forms. Sometimes intimacy is physical, whether that be holding hands or making love. Other times, intimacy is emotional, requiring a deeper connection to achieve fulfillment. Having physical and emotional intimacy in a relationship is vital. Both partners should feel desired in some way.

A "dream marriage" allows for many different types of intimacy. This type of marriage will maintain its intimacy despite changes in a partner's libido, physical distance, health conditions, or other obligations. A "dream marriage" is one where both partners can flirt, touch, laugh, talk, and bond with one another often without feeling forced to do so.

Being unique is crucial

While there are many stereotypes about what an ideal marriage looks like, a true "dream marriage" forms independently. While it may seem like your best friend or neighbor has it all together with their spouse, you should never try to mimic what another couple has.

Every marriage has its ups and downs, just like both partners in that marriage have their strengths and weaknesses. When you try to keep up with what another couple has on the outside, you will immediately begin neglecting what your relationship has at its core.

Always look for reasons why your relationship is special and appreciate what you and your partner bring to the table. Value what makes the two of you unique and why what you do for one another matters. Your relationship should never be based on showing off for others or trying to get what someone else has.

Build your dream marriage in online therapy

Your perspective and attitude about your relationship will largely determine if you can make a "dream marriage" real. If you believe that dynamic cannot exist, it likely won't for you. However, if achieving a great marriage is a priority to you, and you and your partner are both willing to work to achieve that goal, a "dream marriage" can be yours.

Remember, a "dream marriage" is not the same thing as a perfect marriage. A perfect marriage cannot exist because the two people in that relationship are not perfect themselves. A "dream marriage" is more than a romantic story about how you met, it's more than a stunning ceremony for your vows, and it is more than the "happily ever after" on the big screen. It's two people constantly working on maintaining their relationship.

Don't forget that sometimes, even partners in a relationship that's working well need to ensure that the lines of communication are still working. Some married couples turn to online therapy to help work out any kinks in their relationship. Online therapy can be a flexible and convenient way to check in with your partner and make sure no issues are outstanding.

Regain is an online therapy platform designed to work with those who are in relationships. You and your partner can meet with a licensed therapist via text, phone, or video call. If you feel like you and your partner need a refresh to get back to your "dream marriage" status, a Regain therapist can help you reach your goal.

Takeaway

A "dream marriage" is one where both partners put in the effort to achieve their unique happiness; where value, respect, and appreciation are apparent; and a place where intimacy, communication, and connection can thrive. It acknowledges that not every day will be good, but that every moment together matters.