Does Marrying Your Best Friend Lead To A Happier Marriage?
The idea of getting married to your best friend is nothing new. When asked how to have a successful marriage, many people recommend getting married to your best friend. Does this idea have any evidence supporting it, or is it just a cliché piece of marriage advice? And what if your spouse isn't your best friend? This blog post is going to answer these questions and explain the importance of friendship in marriages.
What does getting married to your best friend mean?
There is a high chance you have heard at least one married couple claim to be each other's best friends. A common misconception about this phrase is that people need to be best friends before falling in love. While this does happen on occasion, this is not what the phrase is referring to. The fact of the matter is that it might be very difficult to find a spouse if you wanted to be best friends with them before entering a romantic relationship.
The benefits of marrying your best friend
If the phrase "marry your best friend" worried you because you aren't interested in any of your best friends, worry no more. When you are told to marry your best friend, most people mean you should build a friendship with your romantic partner. They are recommending that your spouse should be your very best friend, as this will likely lead to a happier marriage. Here are some ways to know if your partner is one of your best friends.
You have similar interests
Whether you enjoy the same types of movies, sports, or hobbies, having similar interests can greatly benefit your relationship. Doing things together that you both enjoy will make your relationship fun and exciting.
If you and your partner don't have the same interests, this does not mean you shouldn't get married. Chances are good that you have many friends whose interests are different from yours. This is why you don't have to enjoy doing all of the same things your partner enjoys. However, you should be sure you and your partner don't mind engaging in each other's activities and can compromise. This will help make spending time together easier and more enjoyable. You never know, your interests might grow on each other after some time.
You get along with them
When you're going to be spending a great deal of time with someone else, you want to get along with them well. This does not only mean arguing infrequently or usually agreeing with each other. While these things are often important, you should also feel like it is easy to be around each other. You should feel that most of the time, getting along with your partner is effortless and even second nature.
Living harmoniously with your future spouse is often overlooked when discussing relationships. Feeling like you are walking on eggshells trying to avoid an argument with your spouse is not enjoyable. It is usually very easy to get along with your best friend when spending time together. The same should be true for your romantic partner. Of course, arguments and conflict are very normal in all relationships, but for the majority of the time, it should be easy to get along with the people closest to you.
You genuinely enjoy being around them
Along with living harmoniously with your partner, you should also enjoy being around them. For almost every relationship, there will be times when people don't enjoy being around their partner. This is completely normal, so do not worry if you are in one of those times currently. For the most part, you should enjoy being around your partner and want to make time for them. If you do this, there is a great chance your partner is one of your best friends.
A best friend is someone you make time for, no matter how busy your schedule is. Spending time with someone is how you develop your relationship with them. To keep any relationship going, being intentional about spending time with them is crucial. This is also the case with marriages. You should enjoy being around your spouse and prioritize quality time with them. This will help your marriage to have a strong foundation and deepen your connection.
They like your friends, and you like theirs
Many people enjoy spending time with their friends in group settings. They may also have the same friend group as their best friend. This is because people tend to have something in common with their friends and enjoy the same types of personalities. The same can be true for romantic partners.
A sign that your partner is your best friend could be that you both enjoy each other's friends. Usually, a person is very similar to their group of friends, which is why you may get along with your partner's group of friends. Being able to go out with your partner in a group of friends can be a great way to spend time together and develop your relationship.
Research on the benefits of getting married to your best friend
While the saying may have been started as honest marriage advice, it has certainly become a cliché in the recent past. However, there is research supporting the idea of getting married to your best friend. Here are two examples showing that friendship is important in marriages.
Marrying your best friend can lead to a happier relationship
One of the most highly regarded psychologists who has contributed to relationship research is Dr. John Gottman. He has developed an entire relationship counseling method around his research findings with his wife, Julie Gottman. They have a theory called the "Sound Relationship House" where they describe important traits of a happy marriage.
John and Julie Gottman's Sound Relationship House theory is separated into nine different levels. The foundation of the theory is having a deep friendship with your spouse. They found that couples who have mutual respect and enjoy their partner's company tend to have happier marriages. Based on these findings, they recommend couples who partake in their relationship counseling method take steps to develop a deep and meaningful friendship with each other to make their marriage more enjoyable. They help couples do this by instructing them to build "love maps" of their partner, which is everything they care about and love. The Gottmans' method of relationship counseling is very effective, and many couples report having better marriages after receiving counseling.
Married best friends may experience enhanced well-being and happiness
Two professors at the University of British Columbia in Canada, Shawn Grover and John F. Helliwell, published a marriage study in the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) of Canada. Their goal was to see if married couples found life more satisfying than single individuals. While they concluded that married couples are usually more satisfied with life than those who decide not to marry, they also came up with other findings.
The two professors found that the benefits of marriage are long term and that marriage is very important for the well-being of middle-aged individuals. They also found that having a romantic partner as your best friend resulted in double the well-being benefits. This goes for couples who are not yet married and couples who have tied the knot alike. The couples who were studied were much happier with their marriage and cohabitation when they considered their partners their best friends.
What the research shows
With both the Gottmans' and the NBER of Canada's research, we can conclude that marrying someone you consider a best friend is a great idea. You and your partner will likely feel more satisfied with your marriage and with life in general. Having a deep friendship with your spouse can help create a level of respect and value for each other. When difficult times arise in marriage, having a friendship as the foundation of your relationship can help you move past your problems and better manage conflict.
What if your spouse isn’t your best friend?
You may be reading this and feel concerned if you don't consider your partner or spouse your best friend. There could be many reasons you feel this way. You two might not have many common interests, or you may not spend much time together. Keep in mind, it is alright if you do not consider your romantic partner your best friend. Everyone has different preferences when it comes to relationship dynamics. Just because your partner is not your best friend, it does not mean your relationship is doomed.
If you would like to develop a deeper friendship with your partner, try out some of the methods below. Finding a meaningful friendship with your partner or spouse is possible, but it does take some effort.
Show interest in your partner’s hobbies
Try to participate in your partner's hobbies and passions. Even if their hobbies seem boring to you, your partner is sure to love having you show interest. You can also ask them to do the same for your hobbies. Hopefully, you two will eventually be able to find common interests that you both enjoy doing together.
Schedule regular date nights
You and your partner are busy people. Between work, kids, responsibilities, or anything else that requires your time, it is easy to forget to go on dates with your partner. You both can get so caught up that you become passers-by in each other's lives. Sit your partner down and look at your schedules. Find some time to go out to dinner, watch a movie, or even take a walk. Spending quality time together should help deepen your relationship greatly.
Be in the moment when spending time with them
If you and your partner already spend time together but don't feel as connected as you would like to be, make sure you are living in the moment. Many people have a bad habit of sitting on their phones or computers when they are around others. Being distracted by the internet or social media when spending time with your partner can hinder your ability to truly connect with them. The next time you two are spending time together, make sure you both are focused and are actively listening to each other.
See a relationship therapist
If you try these methods and still do not feel a connection with your romantic partner, you can consider going to relationship counseling. With the help of a counselor, you and your partner can get tools and resources to help you bond and develop a personal connection again. A counselor can help you get to the root of the problem and help you get back on track.
Regain is an online therapy platform offering both individual and relationship counseling. Once matched with a therapist, you can meet alone or with your partner via text, phone, or video chat. Sessions can happen at a time that fits your schedule best.
Many couples have found help through online relationship therapy, be it difficulty with communication, division or labor, or parenting, among other issues. Online therapy is often more convenient than in-person therapy, and people have found it as effective as in-person therapy, if not more.
If you have never felt a connection with the person you are currently dating and have made multiple attempts to connect, do not hesitate to do what is best for you. Finding a partner you connect with and enjoy being around is possible for everyone, no matter what stage of life you are in.
Takeaway
According to research and cliché marriage advice, getting married to your best friend can be a great idea. If you have a great friendship with your spouse, difficult times may be easier to get through. Just like with your other friendships, you will need to develop your friendship with your spouse and be intentional with each other. With your marriage, you may want to strive to treat your spouse as your best friend forever, because they are!
What are the benefits of being in a relationship with your best friend?
True friendship builds mutual trust and respect, which is also the foundation for a healthy and lasting relationship — a recipe for a dream marriage. A best friend knows your values and stands by you through the ups and downs of life. They’ve likely learned your quirks and embraced them over the years, making your bond authentic. Plus, a best friend brings laughter, tons of shared memories, and a strong emotional connection that enhances your health and happiness.
How many people marry their best friend?
Studies show that many couples report marrying someone they consider their best friend. While exact numbers vary depending on location and research, it's clear that the bond of friendship is a common thread in many lasting marriages. This reflects how friendship can evolve into a lifelong commitment that enriches your present and helps you navigate the challenges of the world together.
What is it like marrying a best friend?
Marrying a best friend is like having a companion with you throughout your journey in life. She’s been there to see your worst moments and celebrate your best. You realize the relationship transcends romance, offering emotional intimacy and a deep sense of partnership.
Can best friends fall in love?
Yes, best friends can fall in love! A platonic relationship may evolve into a deeper level of understanding and trust. Over the years, you may realize that this person has become more than just a friend—they hold a special place in your heart. The connection grows stronger as your commitment to each other deepens, crossing the boundaries of friendship into something extraordinary. You begin to deeply imagine a future with them as your wife or husband. The transition can feel natural, as the bond develops into a beautiful blend of romance and companionship, making it worth waiting for the right moment to fully embrace it.
Can best friends become life partners?
Yes, best friends could become life partners. When a deep bond of friendship transitions into love, it often creates a strong foundation for a successful relationship. One thing that sets this apart is the pre-existing trust and understanding, which makes the journey to becoming husband and wife smoother. Friendship is often the key to a lifelong partnership, where emotional intimacy and shared values play a critical role.
What are the disadvantages of marrying your best friend?
One potential disadvantage is that it can blur the lines between friendship and romance. If conflicts arise, there’s a fear of losing not only your partner but also your closest friend. Additionally, balancing the emotional aspects of marriage, including sex, with the familiarity of friendship may require extra effort. While marrying your best friend has its challenges, clear communication and mutual respect can help navigate these obstacles.
Do guys fall for their female friends?
Yes, it’s common for guys to develop feelings for the opposite sex. Over the years, shared experiences, trust, and emotional closeness can naturally lead to deeper feelings. She’s someone who knows and respects your boundaries, creating a foundation of trust. You may begin to think about when your feelings began developing, as what once seemed purely platonic starts to shift. This connection often grows stronger as both people understand each other better, and it may evolve into a meaningful commitment if both are open to exploring the possibility of romance.
How can I make my bestie fall in love with me?
Every person falls in love in different ways and for different reasons. If you want your bestie, or anyone for that matter, to fall in love, start by being patient and respecting their feelings. Show them how much you care through your actions, and be someone they can rely on. She’s likely already noticed your qualities as a good friend, so focus on building emotional intimacy without pressuring them. Small, thoughtful gestures and honest communication are key to fostering a deeper connection. Let the transition from friendship to love happen naturally, if it’s meant to be.
Can friends be soulmates?
Yes, friends can absolutely be soulmates. A soulmate isn’t necessarily a romantic partner, although they could be. They can be the person who eases your pain, stands by you during heartbreak, and helps you navigate the challenges of the world.
However, sometimes a soulmate becomes your wife or husband, and the bond transforms into a lifelong partnership. You make vows to care for each other in sickness and in health, creating a love that is unwavering and enduring. Soulmates are the people who truly understand and complete us, bringing light and purpose to our journey.
What are the benefits of marrying your best friend?
Marrying your best friend means you already share a foundation of trust, humor, and mutual respect. You’re marrying someone who knows your quirks and loves you for who you are. This bond can make challenges easier to face together. Your relationship has the potential to combine the emotional intimacy of friendship with the passion of sex, creating a balanced and fulfilling marriage. A best friend can also be the husband who truly understands you.
What are the chances of being happier by marrying your best friend?
The chances of being happier are significantly higher when marrying your best friend. A marriage built on friendship provides a strong foundation of trust, shared values, and open communication. You’ve already developed a deep understanding of each other, which minimizes conflict and fosters a sense of security. This strong emotional connection often leads to greater satisfaction, as you’re sharing life with someone who truly knows and values you.
What are the pros and cons of marrying your close friend?
Pros:
You already trust and understand each other.
A strong emotional bond enhances intimacy and connection.
Shared experiences and history can strengthen your partnership.
Cons:
If the marriage faces challenges, the friendship could be at risk.
Balancing the comfort of friendship with romantic dynamics may require effort.
Marrying a close friend could be incredibly rewarding, as long as both partners are willing to communicate openly and adapt to new roles in the relationship.
Do you think marrying your close friend would be more successful because there is greater trust and reliability?
Yes, marrying a close friend is often more successful because trust and reliability are already established. When you marry someone who knows you deeply, you’re less likely to face misunderstandings or major surprises. A strong foundation of trust means you approach challenges together as a team, making the relationship more resilient and fulfilling.
Can best friends become great couples?
Best friends can make amazing couples because their relationship is rooted in trust, understanding, and mutual respect. They’ve likely already built strong communication skills and know how to support each other. This foundation allows for a smooth transition from friendship to a romantic partnership, creating a love that is both emotionally and practically fulfilling. Couples who were best friends first often enjoy deeper intimacy and stronger connections in their relationships.
Why is establishing friendships in life beneficial?
Friendships are the foundation of meaningful relationships. They teach us how to navigate trust, communication, and empathy—skills that are essential for building a lasting bond with a partner. Writing these lessons into our lives allows us to form deeper connections that benefit not just our romantic relationships but all aspects of life. Friendships help us grow as individuals and can grant us a more fulfilling journey through life.
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