Four Signs Your Marriage Is Over -- And What To Do About It

Coming to the realization that your marriage is over is never easy. In most cases, people who marry one another expect to be together for the rest of their lives. The end of a marriage is understandably hurtful, challenging, and painful. In some instances, it’s not always easy to tell when your marriage has officially come to an end; therefore, maintaining an awareness of the signs that a marriage may be over is essential. Remaining in a marriage that has run its course can wreak havoc in your life, both emotionally and psychologically.

A word on failed marriages

When a marriage comes to an end, this is rarely due to the fault of solely one person. Most of the time, both parties play a significant role in the failure of their marriage. If you find yourself in a marriage that is failing, it’s important to know that you will get through it. Sometimes, when you’re in the middle of something as challenging as realizing that your marriage is over, this can be soul-crushing. Taking time to process things, grieve, and determine what your next best step should be is entirely acceptable. At the same time, you must always remember that better days can and do lie ahead of you.

The healthiest mental approach to adopt regarding a failed marriage is to consider what you’ve learned. For better or for worse, your marriage served as a chapter of your life, and there are specific details that you can take away from it. Maybe you learned something about yourself or the type of partner you’re compatible or incompatible with. Knowing the warning signs of trouble in a relationship and what to avoid in future partnerships are also benefits associated with this approach to the end of a marriage. Never losing hope even as you’re processing things emotionally and psychologically is imperative.

Reactions from others

There is an excellent chance that your friends and family will be eager to chime in once they learn about the state of your marriage. Depending on the situation, you may face encouragement to begin divorce proceedings or feedback to try to save the marriage. Only you can determine what the best course of action is. Other people may have the best of intentions when they throw in their opinions, but you must do what’s most conducive to your own wellbeing and sanity. It’s okay to hear others out, but don’t make the mistake of allowing outside noise to drown out your inner voice.

Signs that your marriage is over

How do you know when your marriage is over? Knowing when your marriage is over may be painful, but it’s ultimately in your best interest. Aside from the emotional and psychological toll of remaining in a dead marriage, failing to recognize when a marriage has run its course robs you of the opportunity for positive and healthy relationships later down the line. As hurtful as it may be, turning a blind eye to the tell-tale signs of a failed marriage may not serve you well. It’s also not fair to your spouse, who could also find happiness somewhere else.

Lack of interest in fixing the marriage

When one or both parties in a marriage lose interest in fixing the relationship, this is a sign that it’s over. When someone doesn’t want to fix their marriage, this means they don’t view it as worthy or valuable enough to save. There are a variety of factors and circumstances which can lead someone to this point, but none of them change reality. If either you, your spouse, or both of you have emotionally checked out of the marriage, it’s usually a done deal. This is something that you really need to be honest with yourself about, even if it takes time to process.

Not seeing a future with your spouse

When the majority of people get married, they see themselves remaining with their spouse forever. This vision is what fuels partners to get through rough times and stay committed to one another, even when it’s not the easiest thing in the world. All marriages experience highs and lows, but when things get to a point where you don’t even see a future with your spouse, this can be a sign that the relationship has run its course. 

Infidelity

Cheating on a spouse shows a complete lack of regard and respect. When people take their wedding vows, those vows usually include honesty and faithfulness. Some marriages have managed to survive infidelity; however, many others haven’t and for a good reason. Engaging in cheating shows that the guilty spouse views extramarital liaisons as worth the inevitable fallout that will occur when the cheating is discovered.

Individuals who partake in infidelity have all kinds of reasons, but this doesn’t make it okay. Quite frankly, if a marriage has reached a point where one or both parties view cheating as preferable to working through the existing issues, the status of the marriage should seriously be re-evaluated.

Different goals in life

Everyone has various goals and ambitions in life. Some folks are very career and achievement oriented, while others want to settle down, have children, and live a modest life. Having disagreements or differences in individual interests is fine, but when someone’s personal goals conflict with that of their spouse, that’s problematic. Sometimes, people tend to push what they really want in life to the side for the sake of saving their marriage. However, more often than not, this strategy ultimately results in feelings of resentment and blame. Growing apart happens in certain cases; not everyone who starts off together will remain together for the rest of their lives.

What to do when your marriage is over

Once you realize your marriage is over, it’s crucial to ensure that the split occurs as smoothly and amicably as possible. Failed marriages are sometimes plagued with bitter feelings and animosity, but doing all you can to ensure a healthy divorce is always in your best interests. Thankfully, there are a series of steps you can take to accomplish this goal.

Pursue divorce mediation

Divorce mediation is a service that can be of value to you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Approaching the end of a marriage as a transition rather than a fight can genuinely be of value. The use of divorce mediation has been linked to healthier and more constructive outcomes for all parties involved, especially if your marriage resulted in children. This service can also save you the hassle of feeling stressed out or overwhelmed by trying to tackle everything on your own.

Have a support system

Having family and friends in your corner is so important when you’ve come to the realization that your marriage is over. This is good for both mental and emotional health reasons; having a great network to talk to and confide in can help ensure that you’re okay as you approach the process of divorce and everything which comes along with it. If a divorce appears as though it’s going to be lengthy or ugly, this is all the more reason to have a reliable support system in your corner. The people who care about you should be there to support you and have your back.

Have fun

Despite the inherently challenging nature of divorce, you can and should find ways to have fun in other areas of your life. This can mean going out, taking up a new hobby, or even getting exercise. Having fun will not only contribute to your mental health and wellness, but it will also ensure that all of your time and energy are not monopolized by the divorce. You deserve better than that and as you’re out living your life, you just may make new friends and realize the potential for a better relationship later on down the line.

Find support for ending your marriage in online therapy

Coming to an understanding that a marriage is over is often accompanied by a whirlwind of feelings and emotions. This is normal and to be expected, which is why working with a professional therapist may be a good idea. Your marriage may be over, but your life isn’t, and being able to process and handle this new turn in your life is going to make a difference.

If you choose to search for professional help, you may want to consider online therapy. Online therapy has become an increasingly popular and effective way to work through all kinds of issues, including a failing marriage. No matter where you're located, online therapy is available to support you.

Regain is an online therapy option that is convenient for both your schedule and your location. With Regain, you don’t have to worry about consistently making it to a specific location to get the services that you need. You can meet with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your home—and you can choose to meet alone or with your partner, whichever is more helpful for your situation.