Having Marriage Struggles? Seven Pieces Of Marriage Advice That Work

Few things are as frustrating as a struggling marriage. You might want it to work out so much but just aren’t sure what to do. You might have different struggles that come one after another, or you could have the same struggle that keeps resurfacing.

Regardless of what you and your spouse are going through, the following advice can help you navigate difficult times.

1. Choose to focus on the good more than the bad

Every marriage has its rough moments, just like every person has areas where they can improve. We tend to see more of what we focus on, so if you choose to focus on the bad things in your marriage, that’s what you’ll notice the most. But the couples that end up happier are the ones that choose to focus on the positive aspects of their marriage the most.

Think about when you first started dating your spouse. If you’re like most people, you were probably so focused on everything you liked about them that you didn’t even notice all the other things. Even when family or friends would try to point out something negative about the person, you couldn’t see it. Your attention was on everything you loved about them, so there wasn’t any room for you to focus on the negative things.

When you’re married, you have the same choice. You could focus more on the good things in your marriage than the struggles. This doesn’t mean you should ignore the struggles and pretend they don’t exist. It just means that you shouldn’t get so caught up in them that you forget to focus on all the good things your marriage has going for it as well.

 2. Love is a choice more than a feeling

When your marriage is struggling, it’s essential to remember that love is a choice. This is difficult for many of us to accept because we want love to be something we feel. We think of love as something that makes us feel good, so when our marriage is struggling, we don’t connect it with love at all, which makes it difficult for us to want to do things to show love to our spouse because we just aren’t feeling it.

However, love is something that you can choose. Even if you aren’t feeling all of those good-loving feelings towards your spouse, you can still choose to act in love towards them. Many times, your emotions will follow your thoughts and your actions. If you decide to focus on the good things about your spouse and show them love, your feelings will eventually catch up with it.

However, if you wait to show love to your spouse until you feel like it, it might not happen. As you continue to focus on the struggles that you’re having, it’s going to become harder and harder to feel love for your spouse. Couples that go down this road often end up divorced because they think they’re no longer in love with the other person instead of realizing it will take a little more work.

3. Keep the discussion on the topic

When you’re in a relationship, it’s easy to let things build up because you don’t want to have those difficult conversations. You might sweep an issue under the rug instead of dealing with it and coming to a conclusion because you think this is easier. But then later, when you’re in an argument, all of those old things end up coming out. Then the disagreement that you’re having with your spouse blows up into an even bigger deal. You end up discussing many different topics and conflicts instead of the one you initially started on.

It’s essential to come to a real conclusion after disagreements with your spouse. Unfortunately, there will be times when you reach an impasse and cannot agree on a topic. But anytime you can, it’s essential to end a disagreement instead of simply pushing it off to another time. This allows you not to have all of these unfinished disagreements lingering underneath the surface of your relationship. This makes it easier to keep the conversation on topic when dealing with a new problem.

It’s much easier to address one situation at a time instead of dealing with many different disagreements at once.

4. Watch your words

Your words are critical in life and your marriage. Once you say something, you can’t take it back, so it’s essential to learn how to communicate effectively within your marriage. Many different pieces of advice go along with this.

The first is something you were most likely taught as a child: don’t name-call. When you get frustrated with your spouse, allowing a few unpleasant names to slip through your lips can be tempting, but don’t do it. Even if it’s just in the heat of the moment, this is not a healthy conversation to have within a marriage.

Avoiding words like “always” and “never” is also important. Very rarely does someone “always” do something or “never” do something. These words don’t add to your conversation or help you reach a conclusion. Instead, work on sticking to the facts and the present moment.

You also want to focus on using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This can help you to communicate without making your spouse feel defensive. The calmer you can stay in your discussions, the easier it will be to work through the struggle you’re facing.

5. Remember that you are on the same team

Some struggles in marriage aren’t things that you’re going to have one discussion about and then be done with it. Some challenges take longer to work past and figure out. When you’re in the middle of this, it’s easy to feel that your spouse is your enemy, but they’re not. As long as you’re married and want to remain in the marriage, you’re on the same team and working towards a common goal.

When you stop viewing your spouse as the enemy, it’s easier to start to make compromises and work together to reach a conclusion to the situation that leaves you both feeling okay about things.

6. Don’t go to bed angry, if you can help it

This piece of marriage advice has been handed down from generation to generation. And while it’s great advice, there are some limitations to it that you should be aware of. The primary purpose of this advice is to help you resolve arguments quickly. If you let situations go, they can build up over time. But if you address them quickly and ensure that you reach a conclusion that both you and your spouse agree with, you can move on, and that topic won’t have to continue coming up as a future problem.

However, there are some situations that you won’t be able to resolve quickly. If you try to stay up until you reach a conclusion, you’ll skip sleep, making dealing with the struggle the next day even more difficult because you’ll have little patience. Sometimes, it’s better to go to sleep and leave the situation for the next day when you can handle it better.

When you can, handle the situation quickly. Try not to go to sleep when you’re angry with your spouse. This will allow you to wake up without bringing struggles from the day before into it. But, if you’re in the middle of a struggle that isn’t a one-day-and-done type of situation, then make sure to practice good self-care. Get the rest that you need and take care of yourself, so you can think clearly and control your thoughts and behavior as you work through the situation.

7. Don’t be afraid to get a therapist involved

Then, there are some marriage struggles that you just don’t know how to get past on your own. This could be more serious situations like infidelity or just not feeling like you’re not connecting with each other anymore. Talk to a therapist if you aren’t sure what steps you can take to improve your marriage. An experienced therapist will be able to help you make progress in moving forward in your marriage. They can help you identify areas that need improvement and then teach you the strategies and skills you can use to make the necessary changes.

Online therapy is an excellent option if you’re not interested or don’t have time to attend in-person sessions. When you sign up for online treatment, you’re matched with a qualified therapist who is available to start helping you right away. You can attend sessions from anywhere you have an internet connection, whether at home or the office, and you can communicate with your therapist via email, text, phone, or video chat. Research shows that couples felt able to connect with their therapist in their online sessions and felt that video chat actually enhanced the therapeutic alliance because it made them feel like a greater focus was being placed on the therapy process. If you’re ready to take the next step, sign up with Regain.

Takeaway

Marriage is a complex relationship. Every married couple fights, but these seven pieces of marriage advice can help you navigate challenging times and help make your union even stronger. Reach out to an online therapist if you need more support.