How Do You Know When Your Marriage Is Over, And What Can You Do To Fix It?

Marriages can go through ups and downs, but how do you know when a marriage is truly over? While every relationship is different, there are several signs you can look out for that may help you determine if it could be time to either walk away or put in effort to rebuild the marriage. Here, we’ll explore four signs that may signal the end of a marriage, and we’ll offer a few tips for how to improve your relationship if you decide you want to mend your marriage.

Signs that your marriage may be over

You feel like roommates

Are you and your spouse simply coexisting in the same house? If your marriage feels like you are just sharing a space and paying the bills together, this may not be a dynamic you want to stay in. A healthy marriage can feel like a loving, enjoyable partnership. If the love and connection is missing, and you are just feeling like roommates, it may be time to reevaluate the marriage. A marriage typically doesn’t reach this place all at once, which can make it difficult to spot. Instead, your relationship may slowly deteriorate until one day you wake up and realize you don’t feel connected with your spouse at all.

All trust is gone

Trust is an important element of any relationship, and developing trust takes time. It often takes dedication, respect, and the ability to adjust to and accept differences. Trust can be broken for many different reasons. It could be that you or your spouse has cheated on the other. Or it could be that one of you hasn’t been following through with things that you said that you would do for a long time. If you can’t trust your spouse, it can be challenging to continue being together and living together. If you don’t trust your spouse, you may start to question what they’re doing when you aren’t around. You may feel like you can’t be fully comfortable around them, and you may begin to be suspicious about their behavior, which can cause additional arguments and strain.

You don’t care anymore

Oftentimes before reaching the point of not caring anymore, couples may go through a stage of constant fighting. It may seem like they can’t agree on anything, and they are arguing nearly all the time. But, after this goes on for a while, one or both partners may feel so exhausted from the conflict and stop caring altogether. You may feel so tired of fighting that you don’t care to argue anymore. In this situation, maybe you don’t care if your spouse believes what you’re saying or if they agree with you. It just doesn’t matter to you anymore. When they try to engage in a conversation with you, you don’t even want to talk. You’d rather that the two of you keep your separate opinions and go your separate ways.

There’s any type of abuse

Abuse is a serious sign that an immediate change needs to happen within the marriage, or it needs to be over. This can be a very difficult situation for many reasons. For starters, even in situations with physical abuse, it can be difficult for a spouse to realize that they need to leave. Many times, survivors of abuse have low self-esteem due to the treatment they have received, and this allows their abuser to control their decisions including whether they stay or not. In addition, some forms of abuse aren’t as easy to recognize as physical abuse. Verbal abuse and emotional abuse can also happen within marriages. While they don’t leave visible scars, they can damage people and their self-esteem. It can lead to mental health challenges like anxiety and depression. Abuse of any kind is never acceptable; if it is something you’re experiencing, know that help is available. 

What to do when you think your marriage is over

So, what can you do if you think your marriage is over? First, you may need to do some reflection and decide what you want. Do you want to end the marriage? Do you want to take some time apart? Do you want to stay and try to mend the relationship? This is a very personal decision, and it can be up to you and your partner and what makes the most sense for your unique situation. 

If you decide that you want to stay in the marriage and try to improve the relationship, there are a range of steps you can take that may help.

Set your boundaries

If your spouse has a behavior that needs to change, or if they’ve broken your trust, you may need to decide what you’re willing to allow and what you’re not. Once you are set on those boundaries, you can clearly communicate them to your spouse. Try to make sure that they know and understand how you expect to be treated as their partner.

Work on your communication

Strong communication is an important part of any relationship, and it can be especially vital if you are trying to navigate conflict and make positive changes in your marriage. If you and your spouse struggle to communicate, then it’s likely going to be very difficult to improve your marriage. Try to work on having open and honest conversations. Be an active listener, and look for ways to encourage and support your spouse in sharing their own thoughts.

Discover their love language

Different people can have different ways they prefer to show and receive love. Some people appreciate words of affirmation more, and for others, it could be acts of service. It could be that you’ve been trying to show your spouse love and connect with them, but you aren’t doing it in a way that speaks to them. Once you learn what their love language is, you can start to do more things that make them feel special. This can help to rebuild your bond and nurture your connection.

Seek help through counseling

Figuring out how to revive a marriage after thinking it’s over can be challenging, but you and your partner don’t have to do this alone. If you would like support in navigating conflict, improving communication, and strengthening your connection, therapy can help. To get started, you can connect with an online therapist or look for a local therapist in your area. As some couples try to rebuild their marriage, they may decide to spend a bit of time apart. With online therapy through Regain, you and your spouse can join the same therapy session from different locations, so you don’t have to be in the same physical place if you don’t want to be. 

Plus, research has found online therapy to be effective in improving relationship satisfaction, relationship confidence, and individual functioning—making it a great option for couples experiencing relationship distress. 

Takeaway

Every relationship is different, but there are several signs to consider that may help you determine if it could be time to either walk away or put in effort to rebuild the marriage. For instance, if you feel like roommates, if there is no trust between you, or if you don’t care about the relationship anymore, it may be time to reassess the marriage. For support with marriage concerns and improving your relationship, online therapy can help.