How Often Do Married Couples Have Sex? Factors That Can Affect Your Married Sex Life

Is it true that married couples have less sex? In reality, married couples tend to have more sex than unmarried couples. If you feel as though you and your spouse are not having enough sex, there could be some underlying factors affecting your married sex life.

Living in a sexless marriage

You are not considered living in a “sexless marriage” unless you have had sex fewer than ten times in the last 12 months. Married couples do tend to have sex more often than unmarried couples, but it still works out in some couples to be only about once a month or a little bit less. And that’s okay. However, many married couples have sex about once or twice a week.

If you live in a sexless marriage, many things might contribute to your sexual challenges in the bedroom. Physical issues such as hormonal changes can often be a culprit. You may also have some past trauma that can keep you from being intimate with your partner. There are several reasons why someone may suddenly not be interested in having that much sex. However, there are some things that you can do about it.

Managing a sexless marriage

Try to figure out why your marriage became sexless in the first place. There are a lot of everyday factors that can affect your married sex life. It can be important to understand these factors and how they might apply to you and your spouse. Open communication with your spouse about your sex life can help shed some light on what factors affect your sex life specifically.

Married couples having sex

Married couples having sex in a mutually beneficial sexual and romantic relationship tend to have some things in common. One of the things that many married couples having sex may be doing is paying attention to the factors that can make sex satisfying for both partners. These factors can include open communication about your sex life, how frequently you have sex, understanding and working through life stages that can affect sex drive and interest, tending to the marriage outside the bedroom, and having a feeling of emotional safety. Married couples who achieve these five goals typically have very satisfying sexual relationships with their partners.

How important is sex in a marriage?

Sex is typically very important in a marriage. Studies have found that people who have sex frequently are generally happier than people who do not have frequent sex. There are several reasons for this: a happy hormone is sometimes released when you have sex, and this hormone can have many benefits for you. One of the happy hormone benefits is that you can feel a closer emotional connection with your spouse. 

Lack of sexuality in marriage

If you have a lack of sexuality in your marriage, you should ask yourself why your relationship is lacking in sexuality. Discover the root causes of why sex has dropped off over time. If you used to have an active sex life with your spouse, think back on what is possible. What has changed since that time? Discuss these things with your partner. Once you understand the factors that can affect your married sex life, you can discuss those factors with your spouse to determine which ones apply to you and your partner, and then you can work to resolve those issues.

How often does the average married couple have sex?

The average married couple has sex about 98 times per year. This works out to more than once per week, but less than twice per week. However, some factors can affect that frequency. It appears that married couples tend to have more sex than it seems with common jokes about marital sex, but sex can decrease in frequency due to the pressures of children, career, and other factors.

Factors that can affect married couple sex

Many factors can affect married couples’ sex lives. Discuss the following factors with your partner and figure out why sex has decreased and what you can do to help things get back to normal.

Different levels of interest

Some people may not be as interested in sex as others. At the beginning of a relationship, both partners might be doing their best to satisfy each other as best as they can. That often means that someone not as interested in sex could go above and beyond to have sex more frequently and fervently than they might normally feel the need to. As the relationship progresses, steam sometimes runs out, and the person who has a lower libido may begin to distance themselves. This can cause problems in a marriage. Recognize each other’s level of sexual interest and find a compromise as to how frequent sex can be to be comfortable for both of you.

Poor body image

Maybe you or your partner are not the same size and shape you once were at the beginning of your relationship. People change over time, and that includes changing the appearance. If you are unhappy with the way your body has changed over the years, you might feel self-conscious about getting undressed in front of your partner. While you are working on body positivity, talk to your partner about your concerns and fears and make compromises.

Stress

Anxiety can have a negative effect on your libido. Married couples are sometimes under a tremendous amount of stress. Maybe you have financial stress, the stress of raising a family, the stress from your career, and other stressors that can come up with friends and family. Yoga, meditation, and talk therapy can all help you in this arena.

Waiting for arousal

Arousal is not a precursor to intimacy, but rather, intimacy is a precursor to arousal. If you don’t particularly feel “in the mood,” that doesn’t mean you can’t attempt to have sex with your partner. Once you get going, you may be surprised at how aroused you become, and the sex can be very enjoyable in the end. If you and your partner have a hard time feeling in the mood after a long day, try scheduling time for sex so that you can have that intimacy together without external obligations barging in.

Help is available for improving married sex life and intimacy

If these factors do not seem to be affecting your sex life, but you still are not having as much sex as you would like with your spouse, you might need to ask for some outside help. Several marriage counselors and therapists are available to help you with your problems with intimacy in the bedroom. Whether you and your spouse need help to communicate with each other about your sex life or have past trauma that can affect your sex life, a counselor or therapist can be of great assistance.

If you are having difficulty finding an affordable marriage counselor or therapist in your area, you still have options. Regain is an online counseling service that allows you to “see” a licensed therapist or counselor in your state through the convenience of an online connection. You can use talk, text, or video chat at times of the day convenient for you. Studies show that online therapy tends to be more cost-effective than in-person therapy. Plus, many people share that in online therapy, they feel more comfortable opening up than they would in traditional, in-person scenarios.