How To Encourage And Support Your Husband When He’s Feeling Insecure

Watching someone you love struggle with insecurity can be difficult, particularly when their feelings are related to your relationship. If your husband is feeling unsettled, jealous, or apprehensive about your marriage, you could have trouble maintaining a healthy, trusting bond. Learning how to encourage and support your husband as he goes through this can enhance his self-confidence and improve your marriage. Below, we’re going to cover ways you can recognize insecurity in your husband and help him address these concerns. 

Signs that your husband feels insecure

It can be hard to recognize insecurity in your husband because men often hide or mask their emotions, whether or not they mean to. Your husband may be uncomfortable admitting that he lacks confidence or unaware that he’s feeling insecure, which can cause him to repress his emotions or express them in potentially unhealthy ways (overcompensating, becoming angry, etc.).

Still, there are many ways you can identify feelings self-doubt, jealousy, or self-consciousness in your husband. The following are some signs to watch out for if you think your husband is feeling insecure:

Needing reassurance

Does your husband frequently ask whether you still love him and want to be with him? Does he often look for ways that you can reaffirm your commitment to him? The desire for reassurance is a common sign of insecurity. If your husband is looking for validation, he may frequently tell you how he feels so you respond with the same; or he might simply ask your for compliments. In this case, your husband could be looking to you to build him up because he’s having trouble valuing himself highly. 

Lacking friends or interests outside of the marriage

Sometimes, a man who is insecure will eschew friendships and activities that he enjoys in favor of his partner’s interests. If this is happening with your husband, it could be the result of a lack of self-assuredness—a quality that could help him make more connections and develop greater independence—or his desire to spend as much time as possible with you. While it can be important for you and your husband to spend time with each other, if it comes at the expense of having your own lives outside of the marriage, it can be a sign of a bigger concern. 

Over-confidence

This may seem counterintuitive, but sometimes increased bravado or audacity indicate the presence of insecurity in your husband. Vulnerability or discomfort can make it hard for some men to express themselves, causing them to instead display excessive confidence at times. Your husband may do this by overstating his abilities, neglecting to listen to other peoples’ points of view, or exhibiting behavior that is more aggressive than normal.

Frequent anger and blaming

Your husband's insecurity may come out as frustration and finger-pointing directed at you. Take, for example, a situation in which he is driving somewhere, doesn't know where he's going, and makes a wrong turn. If he feels bad that he made a mistake, he may find a way to try to blame you by saying that you didn't do a good job of giving him directions. Even if it seems like he's angry at you, he is likely just upset with himself, but lacking the confidence that would allow him to make a mistake without it devaluing his self-worth.

Jealousy

A lack of self-esteem can cause your husband to worry that he isn’t worthy of you, even if you haven’t given him a reason to feel that way. This can lead to feelings of jealousy toward those he’s worried may replace him. He might be suspicious of your relationships with friends and coworkers or concerned that you are interested in someone else. He may question your whereabouts regularly, ask about your interactions with certain people, or try to accompany you anytime you go out with others. 

Indecisiveness

If your husband is insecure, he might be unsure of his instincts and abilities. This can cause him to question and second-guess himself in various aspects of life. He may frequently ask you to make decisions in the relationship or look for validation regarding the choices he has made. 

Helping your husband address his insecurity

If your husband is insecure in your relationship, his feelings are not necessarily being brought on by your actions; in fact, they’re likely related to personal challenges. He may be dealing with trauma from his past or current life challenges that make things feel precarious.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

It’s important to remember that even though you may want to reassure your husband, he is responsible for his own feelings. As long as you’re helping to foster honesty and trust in your marriage, you do not have to do things you’re uncomfortable with in order to make him feel more assured. That said, you can give him support and help him address his challenges so that your marriage remains strong and stable. The following are some suggestions for encouraging your husband when he feels insecure. 

Help him find the root of his insecurity

As mentioned above, insecurity often stems from the person experiencing it, rather than the actions of others. When helping your husband address his self-doubt, it can help to learn the source of these feelings. For example, your husband’s insecurity may arise out of something from his childhood, a previous failed relationship, or a mental health struggle. For example, if he experienced infidelity in a prior relationship, it might be difficult for him to feel confident and trusting now. If you can help him identify the source of his insecurity, it may be easier for him to overcome it.

Ensure your compliments are authentic

While you may be tempted to shower your husband with praise and reassurances about his abilities, your relationship, etc., this may only hurt him in the long run. Try to only provide words of affirmation that are genuine. 

Help him avoid comparisons with others

Social comparison can lead to low self-esteem and negative emotions that may exacerbate insecurity in your husband. Particularly with the increasing prevalence of social media, measuring one’s life against the lives of others is easy today. Try to point out potentially damaging comparisons when you hear him making them. You could even consider taking a break from social media as a couple. 

Help him spot his triggers

Certain things may bring about or worsen feelings of insecurity in your husband. Consider talking to him and together trying to identify triggers that lead to self-consciousness, lowered self-esteem, etc. This can help him avoid those situations in the future or better react to them when they do arise.

Be empathetic

Sometimes, the best thing you can do for your husband is listen to his concerns and be understanding. Try to avoid invalidating his feelings by minimizing the situation or providing unsolicited solutions. Remember that in many cases, insecurities are rooted in past experiences that have caused him emotional strife. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is provide a listening ear when he needs it. 

Ask him what you can do

If your husband knows that he is insecure, and this is a challenge that he has struggled with in the past, then he might know coping strategies that you can help him implement. You can keep him on track by helping monitor his progress, engaging in confidence-building activities with him, or simply providing motivation and encouragement. 

Consider online therapy

Studies show that online therapy can improve both relationship functioning and individual concerns, such as mental health challenges that may be related to insecurity. In a study of 151 couples utilizing an online couples therapy platform, participants reported experiencing improvements in relationship satisfaction, quality, and confidence even a year after the end of treatment. Additionally, researchers found that individual anxiety and depression symptoms decreased, while overall quality of life increased. 

A licensed therapist can help your husband work through insecurity and similar challenges as you work together to improve your marriage. With an online therapy platform like Regain, you’ll participate in therapy remotely, which can be helpful if you or your husband aren’t yet ready to discuss sensitive topics—like self-esteem concerns—in person. Your therapist can also connect you with helpful resources, like at-home exercises that can give you and your husband the opportunity to address his feelings of insecurity on your own time. 

Takeaway

Insecurity on the part of your husband can have serious effects on your marriage, potentially leading to conflict, distrust, and resentment. By getting to the root of his feelings, helping him improve his self-esteem, and, possibly, seeking the support of a professional, you can help him feel confident in the relationship. With the right approach, you can help your husband address insecurity and continue to foster a trusting and comforting marriage.