How Well Do You Know Your Spouse? 20 Questions To Deepen Your Connection

How well do you think you know your spouse? How well do you think your spouse knows you? Many married couples love to take quizzes and questionnaires to test how well they know each other. This is because it is fun to see if your spouse is paying attention to you and what you like and dislike. 

Although these games and questions make for a fun date activity, they also draw attention to something very important. They help you understand how well you know each other and if you two are spending enough time together. They can deepen your connection and make you two realize how much you have in common. These questions can bring some joyful memories, which are always very important to have in a marriage. 

Answering questions for married couples is both enjoyable and beneficial to attaining and sustaining a good marriage life.

Why does knowing each other matter?

Knowing your spouse well means you two likely have a great connection. Having a great understanding of their likes and dislikes is particularly good information to know. If you get a great score on most spouse quizzes, that means you probably pay a lot of attention to your spouse. It also means you two likely prioritize spending time together. 

According to Dr. John Gottman, having a deep and meaningful friendship with your spouse is one of the keys to having a successful marriage. So, when you are constantly trying to better your relationship, you are on the right path for a lifelong and happy marriage together.

So, how well do you know your significant other? If you are surprised by how little you know your spouse, don't worry! It does not mean you are a bad spouse who doesn't pay attention to their partner. You can always set up some dates and spend more intentional time together so you two can learn more about each other. 

Questions to deepen your connection

People are always changing and evolving, and keeping up with knowing your spouse must be done intentionally. Even if you get a perfect score, continue being a part of your spouse's daily routine and try to learn about them, almost as if you have just started dating. Getting to know your spouse and constantly improving your connection can help grow your bond and lead to higher marital satisfaction. Here are a few questions to determine how well do you know your partner.

What is your spouse's favorite place in the world?

Your spouse's favorite place in the entire world can give you a lot of insight into their mind. If they love Las Vegas, they likely enjoy stimulating and busy places with a lot of excitement. If they love a quiet beach town, they probably love to relax and spend time one-on-one.

What is your spouse's best childhood memory?

This is something that many married couples do not remember about their spouse. However, there is a good chance your spouse has brought up a great memory from their childhood. Whether it be their whole family supporting them at high school graduation or the day they made their junior high basketball team. No matter what it is, think back to memories your spouse always looks back on.

Does your spouse have any pet peeves?

Smacking gum, being rude to servers, littering, not putting the dishes away. Everyone has at least one pet peeve. Although pet peeves are joked about, they can be very important. If you are trying to make your spouse happy, keep their pet peeves in mind. Of course, you don't want to walk on eggshells trying not to annoy your spouse, but you should put in some effort to avoid engaging in one of their pet peeves. This may seem insignificant, but your spouse will thank you later.

Who is your spouse's best friend besides you?

As mentioned above, Dr. John Gottman recommends putting your spouse as a high priority and being intentional about knowing them. So, other than you, who is your spouse's best friend? Their other best friend means a lot to them, and they are a big part of your spouse's life.

What is your spouse's dream?

Knowing your spouse's dreams and overall goals can help you encourage them to achieve them. Whether it is starting their own business, writing a book, or visiting a specific country, do your best to encourage them. No matter how independent your spouse is, they need and want your support.

What is your spouse's biggest fear?

Understanding your spouse's biggest fear can help you understand what worries them and what causes them anxiety. You can also learn how to help them conquer their fears!

If your spouse could have one superpower, what would it be?

Every person has dreamed of having a superpower at one point. This is a fun question to ask your spouse because everyone seems to have a different superpower preference.

What is one thing your spouse hides from the rest of the world?

As their spouse, you likely know about all your spouse’s little quirks and idiosyncrasies. They could be one of the rare people who love brussels sprouts, or they could have a secret fascination for bird-watching. What is one thing you know about them that they don't want anyone else to know?

What is something that stresses out your partner?

Knowing what causes your partner stress can benefit you greatly. Learning what situations will stress your partner out can help you know when to alleviate some of their pressure. You can know when to comfort them and take over cooking dinner or cleaning up after the kids. If you do not already know this, make sure you start paying attention when your spouse is under stress.

What is your spouse's love language?

Gary Chapman has a book called The 5 Love Languages. He theorizes that there are five ways to show and receive love, and each person has their preferences. The love languages are quality time, physical touch, gift-giving, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Your spouse likely has a love language in which they like to show they love you and a preference of how you show you love them. Knowing this information can be incredibly helpful for your emotional connection.

Where is your spouse's favorite place to have a date night?

Do they love going to the movies? What about the restaurant around the corner? Your spouse's favorite place to have dates with you likely holds a special place in their heart.

Which relative is your spouse closest to?

Whoever your spouse is closest to is probably especially important to them. 

Which relative is your spouse furthest from?

In terms of emotional bond, which relative is your spouse furthest from? Is there someone who gets on their last nerve every time they see them?

What is your spouse's greatest achievement?

Other than marrying you or having the kids, what accomplishment is your spouse most proud of achieving? Think of ways you can help your spouse continue reaching their goals.

What is their favorite moment of you together?

Your spouse's favorite moment of you two will shed light on what causes them the most joy. You might try to recreate these amazing moments in the future. No matter how long you two have been together, it is always important to create happy memories together.

What is their order at their favorite coffee shop?

Coffee is the way to most people's hearts. This question can be difficult if your spouse has one of those long and specific coffee orders. If you ever want to make your spouse as happy as can be, surprise them with their coffee order and get it perfect. This may not only amaze them with your attention to detail, but it will also be a very kind gesture.

Who is the most frugal person in the relationship?

It is very rare that two people come together equally as frugal or have the same spending habits. The longer a couple is married, the more they may "lock" into their money spending habits. 

What do you and your spouse fight about the most?

Every couple argues about something. In fact, 69% of conflict in relationships centers on unresolvable problems. What is the thing you and your spouse argue about most frequently? If you and your spouse have difficulty managing your conflict, couples counseling may be in your best interest. Even if you are not in a place where you argue frequently, couples counseling can help you improve your communication skills and learn how to resolve an argument in less time.

What is your spouse's favorite quality?

From your perspective, what do you think your spouse's favorite thing about you is? You can get a bonus point if you can tell them why they love that quality of yours.

Who is most likely to be running late?

It is quite common for one partner to keep the other on track to be on time. Which person is the one who would be late for everything without the other?

How did you do?

If each question was worth a point, how did you do? Did someone get more questions right than the other? If you did get some of the answers wrong, do your best to remember the right answer. Remember, getting to know your partner better is a lifelong journey, and the answers to these questions can likely change over time. 

For some couples, there may be a large discrepancy between who knows more about the other. In situations where one partner has obviously not being paying attention to the other’s needs, or if discussing the answers to some of these questions gets you into an argument with your partner, it may be worth considering online therapy.

Through online therapy platforms like Regain, users can attend meetings with their therapist individually or with their partner, and from any location with a secure internet connection. This means that both partners can meet while on break at work, or from two different states, if they’re in a long-distance relationship. Additionally, you can schedule therapy sessions at times conducive for you and your partner.

Many studies have shown online therapy to be effective in boosting couple’s overall relationship satisfaction. In fact, couples who participated in a study comparing the effectiveness of face-to-face therapy versus online therapy all experienced improvements in partnership happiness, as well as reductions in symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression. There was no significant statistical difference in the outcomes between the two treatment cohorts, showing that online therapy is just as efficacious as in-person therapy when it comes to helping married couples resolve challenges.

Takeaway

While playing fun games and initiating deep discussions with your partner can help you strengthen your relationship, it is understandable if you feel a little slighted. Maybe you realize that you’ve been paying more attention to your partner than they have paid to you, or maybe you see signs that you need to invest more into your relationship. Regardless of your circumstances, the licensed couples’ therapists at Regain are there to support you in building a stronger partnership without judgment. When you’re ready, you can reach out today.