I’m Married But In Love With Another Man! What Should I Do?

Although it’s not necessarily uncommon for a married woman or person to develop feelings for someone other than their spouse, it can be quite a difficult situation to navigate. You might choose to get a divorce or decide to work through the underlying issues in your relationship. It can be crucial to consider whether you still love your spouse and whether the new man in your life is interested in pursuing a serious relationship with you. You might also consider the ramifications of divorce, particularly if you have children with your husband. No matter your decision, it can be helpful to attend individual or couples therapy to work through your feelings and potentially get your marriage back on track. You may connect with a licensed therapist in person or online.

Think about whether you still love your husband

Before you jump into the arms of another man, it can be good to sit down and think about how you really feel.

It can be important to be honest with your husband about your doubts. You don't necessarily have to tell him that you have your eye on someone else. You might instead let him know that you're concerned about the marriage and whether you really love each other any longer. You could also suggest attending couples therapy together or otherwise taking action to mend your relationship.

Is divorce an option?

Is divorce going to be an option for you? Some people won't consider getting divorced for religious reasons. You might be adamantly opposed to the idea of divorce, and this could be a big part of why you're so conflicted. Your heart might be screaming, "I'm married but in love with another man," very loudly. Despite your desires, you still might be reluctant to get divorced. It can be vital to take time to think about how you feel before you proceed.

If you would like to get a divorce, it can be smart to look into things ahead of time and prepare yourself. Divorces can be very difficult and can lead to many dramatic moments. You might be better off hiring a divorce attorney if you are planning on divorcing your husband. If you own a house together, then you'll usually need to determine who gets to keep it. There may be other potential difficulties to keep in mind as well, such as car ownership, child custody, and alimony payments.

Do you have kids?

Having children can change the situation quite a bit. If you have kids with your husband, he will always be their dad, even if you choose to leave him. Some women decide to stay with men that they don't love any longer just for the kids' sake. You don't necessarily have to remain in an unhappy marriage if you don't want to, but your kids should be considered. What is going to happen if you initiate the divorce process? Where will your kids live, and are you prepared to raise them by yourself if necessary?

There can be a lot to consider when you're thinking about leaving your husband. Having kids can mess up the issue, and you probably don't want to put your kids in a tough spot. Divorces are often tough for children to get through. It can cause emotional problems, potentially making it hard for kids to do well in school while things are getting settled. Even so, divorce is sometimes the best option when two people are not compatible. 

Does the new man you love feel the same way? 

You may love this new man in your life, and you may want to be with him rather than your husband. It's even possible that you might be wishing for him to come to take you away from it all. Having feelings for someone else while married isn't necessarily unusual, but isn’t always easy if you decide to act on your feelings. Do you know whether this man feels the same way about you? Does he love you, or is he simply interested in having a physical relationship with you? 

Before you leave your husband and go to the waiting arms of your new lover, it can be wise to determine just how serious he is about pursuing a relationship with you. If your new lover happens to be married as well, then you could be in a very messy situation. A double affair is generally not a good idea, and this could put you in a challenging spot. You might ask yourself whether you can trust someone who is willing to cheat on his wife. Likewise, can he trust you considering the way your relationship began?

If you haven't slept with the man you’re in love with yet, waiting for your divorce to finalize can be the most responsible decision to make.

What is going to make you happier?

At the end of the day, your happiness is something that truly matters. If you aren't happy in your marriage, then you may need to make a decision. You can leave your husband and get a divorce to be with the man you think you love, for instance.

You may want to consider whether staying in your marriage would make you happier. Marriage is often a commitment, and you might want to stick things through. Some couples have been able to bring their marriages back from the brink of divorce with professional help. 

You might search your feelings and then decide what the right choice for you is. Your heart will likely guide you toward the decision that you're ultimately supposed to make. 

Online couples therapy could help your marriage

It's often worth considering the idea that your marriage could be saved. Unless you are entirely done with the relationship and want to get a divorce, it can be helpful to involve a professional through in-person or online couples therapy. Online couples therapy can be especially convenient, so if it’s a challenge to find time for you and your spouse to attend sessions in person, an online therapy platform could be a suitable alternative.

This study explains that online couples therapy through videoconferencing can be a viable alternative to in-person couples therapy. Online couples therapy can be as effective as traditional therapy, so if it’s a more convenient option for you, don’t be afraid to pursue it.