Is It All In My Head? Signs A Married Man Is Pursuing You
When the feelings are reciprocal, being pursued romantically is generally an exciting feeling that produces a welcomed rush of excitement and emotion. However, when the situation is a complicated one — such as a scenario where the person pursuing you is monogamously married or seems to want to keep your relationship a secret — it can be confusing more than anything else. You may feel that a married man’s pursuit of you is all in your head, but there are some signs that might indicate otherwise.
Is it all in my head?
If the signs that a married man likes you are there, and you have an overarching feeling that they are pursuing you, you could be onto something. This might be especially true if you notice these signs on an ongoing basis, and other people who have witnessed the behavior believe that this person is pursuing you, too. If nothing else, when something’s weighing on you, it often helps to acknowledge the problem so that you can work through it and feel more at peace with the situation.
Romantic pursuit: Definition
How do you know whether someone’s pursuing you or just being friendly? What are the signs a married man likes you as more than a friend? To pick apart the signs, it can help to first define what pursuing someone romantically might look like. A romantic pursuit differs from simple friendliness or general conversation. When someone says, "It was nice to see you today,” their body language and tone can change the meaning of the phrase from its face value to something more charged. Either way, you can learn a lot from not only what is said, but how it is said.
Someone who is romantically pursuing you may single you out above others. For example, they might pay you more attention than your peers, create more ways to be physically or emotionally close to you, and devote more time and energy to making you smile or spending time together. The way they treat you in comparison to how they treat other people in your peer group (i.e., other coworkers, friends, or acquaintances) can say a lot. Depending on the cues and how overtly romantic or attraction-based they are, their intentions may be more or less obvious.
Signs a married man is pursuing you
If you’re single but believe a married man might be interested in you, you could be right. A married man could be lonely or dissatisfied in their current relationship, leading them to go after someone else. It’s entirely possible for two adults who could otherwise be romantically linked to be friends with each other. So, the fact that a man wants to spend time with you does not mean that they necessarily like you as more than a friend.
However, some signs are clearer than others, and if a person who is married is interested in you, there might be noticeable signs that can alert you to a need for boundaries, the termination of your friendship, or, in some cases, more drastic action. These signs could include:
1) They try to get you alone
If the two of you only ever interact in public or in groups, there may be little room for infidelity. Cheating is less likely to occur without the two of you finding a way to be alone together. If a married friend or coworker seems to try to create situations where the two of you are alone (e.g., asking you to come to their place, inviting you to dinner or drinks alone), it may raise a red flag.
2) Their ring disappears
Removing a wedding ring can have many meanings. The person — in this case a married man — may have experienced weight changes recently, meaning that their wedding ring doesn't fit anymore. They might have lost it or forgotten it at home; or they may simply not have one. These are all valid reasons a married person might appear out and about without a ring. If you find, however, that the ring specifically seems to disappear when they’re around you, it may be due to romantic interest.
3) They attempt to excuse their behavior
Guilt can be a powerful motivator. Many people who cheat, or attempt to cheat, experience quite a bit of guilt. So, a person may start to say things to excuse their behavior — especially if they know that you’re aware of their relationship. They might speak negatively about their spouse or the relationship as a whole. Be mindful that the same person might be lying to their spouse or lying about the reality of their situation. If you start to notice that they have a guilty conscience or are making excuses for their behavior toward you, it could be a sign they’re looking for something more.
4) They treat you differently
Sometimes, you’ll be able to tell that someone likes you because they pay more attention to you than other people when in a group. For example, if this person is someone you work with, they might single you out by asking you questions about a task or by trying to collaborate with you specifically, instead of other coworkers.
5) The way they move or talk gives it away
Do you catch this person looking at you often? What does their body language say? Signs like sitting close to you or leaning in when you talk, hugging you for longer than is typical given the context, and even a person's vocal pitch or tone could give it away. These signs are not 100% reliable, but they could be red flags, especially if other indicators are present.
What to do
If you can approach the situation with directness, you may be more apt to get the answers you’re looking for. It can be important to listen to your gut. If it feels like something is there, and especially if the signs are ongoing, or if other people take notice as well, this person may very well like you romantically. Starting a direct and open conversation with this person can help you figure out what their intentions are. Setting boundaries and letting them know what you are and aren’t comfortable with can help you define the terms of the relationship you have with them.
In some situations, you might need to bring an observer in. This could be the case if the person in question is your boss or someone who otherwise has authority over you. If at any point you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, do not hesitate to reach out for help.
Online counseling with Regain
Your dating life may already be complicated enough when you run into a tricky situation with a married man. Having someone to talk to can be important as you sort out what to do next. Regain is an online counseling platform that can connect you with a licensed therapist at your convenience. If you’re worried about seeing someone you know by visiting a physical location for therapy, consider trusting Regain to find the support you need. You don’t have to work through your thoughts alone; you deserve to have support through life’s confusing moments.
The efficacy of online counseling
Those pursuing, being pursued by, or trying to get over someone they can’t be with (such as a married person) may benefit from online counseling. In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, researchers found that encouraging people to think of the negative qualities of their love interest helped them move on more efficiently. While this activity may have caused participants to feel worse in the beginning, it ultimately helped them decrease their feelings of attachment to the person more quickly over time.
Counselor reviews
“Cris Roman saved my marriage. His approach to therapy taught my husband and I the skills we needed to change the way we communicated and the way we understood each other. He is very non-judgemental and helps each person make sense of the others' feelings and actions without taking sides or placing blame. His ability to make you feel heard while helping you to see and understand why your significant other is acting a certain way is phenomenal.”
“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”
Takeaway
Most people like the feeling of being pursued romantically. It can make you feel seen, valued, and cared for. However, when this attention comes from someone like a married man, you may not know how to interpret the situation. Self-doubt and confusion can cloud your judgment, making it difficult to decide what to do next. Speaking with a licensed therapist could help you make sense of your feelings. Online therapy through Regain provides a discreet way for you to find support at your convenience.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
How do you tell if a guy is trying to get your attention?
Though people show their feelings in different ways, there are some signs that a guy may like you as more than a friend. If they want to catch your attention, they might do the following:
Trying to spend time alone with you.
Trying to be funny and checking to see if you laugh at their jokes.
Dressing to impress — smarter, cooler clothes than usual, or spending longer on their appearance when they know they’re seeing you.
Buying gifts for you.
Making eye contact with you often, possibly paired with flirtatious gestures.
Touching you more than is typical for platonic relationships (longer hugs, touches on the waist or hands, etc.).
Talking about your interests and hobbies a lot or showing extra interest in your life.
Asking about your love life.
Flirting and complimenting you.
They might also give more subtle signs, like pointing their feet toward you when you’re having a conversation. You may find that they are suddenly taking more of an interest in what you are up to in your spare time, possibly because they are trying to find ways to spend more time with you.
They might suddenly pay attention to conversations you have with other people so that they can find out more about you. Someone might also seem more nervous or shy around you than they do around other people.
If you’re unsure about whether someone is trying to get your attention, watch out for these signs. You could also ask other people who see both of you together — maybe coworkers, friends, or family have noticed some of these signs. Finally, asking the person directly if they’re trying to get your attention can be an effective way to find out for sure.
How do you tell whether a guy is into you?
Sometimes, it can be hard to discern whether a guy likes you as more than a friend or if they’re simply an outgoing and affectionate person. If someone likes you, they might show it by focusing on you more than other people in group settings, telling other people about you, reaching out frequently, and complimenting you. You’ll typically be able to get clues based on how they interact with you and how they interact with other people.
If a guy is into you, it might be hard for them to hide it. This can be true for people of any gender. If someone’s into you or has strong feelings for you, they might think about you a lot and:
Keep in touch with you as often as possible - they might text you, call you, message you via different social media platforms, or do a combination of all of these. When someone likes you, they usually want to talk to you and learn more about you.
Talk about you with their friends and coworkers - they may want everyone to know how great you are and light up when they talk about you.
Ask about your love life - they want to know if you’re interested, if there’s anyone else, and what your plans or wants are when it comes to romantic relationships.
If someone is married, though, it might not be so obvious. If that’s the case, an individual might try to hide their feelings, but some signs could still show through. Perhaps they’re buying you gifts or sending you flowers. Maybe they’re asking you to go out frequently or finding other ways to spend more time with you.
How do you tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you?
If a man likes you, but is confused about his feelings for you, then you may get mixed signals from him. Maybe he asked for your number but never sends you texts or calls you. Perhaps he asked you to go for a drink then canceled. Maybe you went for a drink and had a good time, but when you expected a kiss afterward, he pulled away. Or he might have been really interested in you for a while, and then suddenly seemed to show no interest at all.
These mixed signals can be indicators that he’s either confused about his feelings for you or trying to fight them. He might be surprised that he suddenly has feelings for you and is just trying to work out what it means and whether he should act on his feelings. Or he might be fighting the mixed feelings he has for you, especially if he is in a relationship already.
How do you know if a guy thinks about you a lot?
Here are some signs that a guy could be thinking about you often:
They remember details about your life.
They ask you questions often, perhaps to get to know you better.
They text, call, or otherwise reach out first.
They ask you to hangout often.
How does a man act when he's falling in love?
When a man falls in love, there are some signs you may notice:
He opens up to you and is vulnerable; he talks to you about hardships he’s going through or tells you when he’s struggling with something.
He introduces you to his family and friends - he shows you off and wants you to get to know the people he’s closest to.
He listens to and remembers the details - he takes in what you say and commits it to memory.
He starts talking about your future together - he has a plan for the future that involves you, and he wants to talk about it.
He prioritizes you - he thinks of you before himself and makes sacrifices for you if necessary.
He misses you when you’re apart - he sends you random texts, calls, or even flowers. He might even surprise you by visiting you unexpectedly.
There are also physical signs a man could be falling in love:
He stands as close to you as possible when you’re talking.
He initiates physical contact. He may frequently offer hugs or touch your arm.
His eyebrows raise up a lot when he talks to you.
He maintains eye contact with you and rarely gets distracted by your surroundings. He seems to be only interested in you.
He makes more overt gestures, such as going in for a kiss.
Note that these are signs that could apply to any gender and that everyone displays romantic attraction differently.
How do you tell if a guy is afraid of his feelings for you?
In general, if someone’s scared of the feelings they have for you, this can manifest in getting mixed signals from them. Perhaps you’ve noticed that they’re staring at you, but when you catch their eye, they look away. Maybe they made plans to meet up, but they change their mind or cancel. It could be that they’ve even talked about the future with you, but conversations about it are short, vague, and have no follow-through.
If someone’s giving you mixed signals, it can sometimes be helpful to find out why, especially if it’s weighing on your mind or you have feelings for them, too. Are they scared of getting hurt? Are they worried you don’t feel the same way? Or are they monogamously partnered? Depending on the answer to those questions, you’ll likely navigate the situation very differently.
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