Helpful Advice For Newlyweds During The First Year Of Marriage

It has been said that the first year of marriage is the hardest. When you think about it objectively – combining two separate lives, homes, bank accounts, and more – it may make sense. The truth is, the first year of marriage may only be as challenging as you make it. Of course, there will be some difficulties, but with the right attitude and a little bit of patience, your first year of marriage can be just as amazing as you want it to be. What you choose to do as a newly married couple can carry into the rest of your marriage and affect its quality and longevity. Here are a few pieces of advice to get you started during that first year.

Helpful advice for newlyweds during the first year of marriage

Create your own traditions

Many of us grew up with family traditions: some big, some small. Whether you left milk and biscuits for Santa on Christmas Eve or had Sunday night dinner every week, many people can think of at least one tradition that they did as a family. The first year of marriage is a time for you and your spouse to create traditions that you can keep for years to come. Think about some of the things you would like to do with your partner now that you are married. Do you want family dinners once a week? Do you want to take a vacation to someplace tropical every summer? Talk with your partner about fun things for you two to do as a couple that can be made into family traditions. One funny piece of advice could be picking a favorite movie once a month and making a bet to see who can quote the most lines. 

Start a bucket list

Do you like to travel? Is there some activity you’ve been dying to try? Write down a list of “bucket” items that you and your partner want to do together. You can make a list of all the things you want to accomplish in the first year, or you can create a list of things you want to do in your lifetime. These could be things like “take a salsa class,” “go sky diving,” or “travel to Venice.” You probably have a working list from when you were single, and your partner may have one too. See which items overlap and which things you might not have thought of before. Write the list down and keep it in a place where you can both see it. Use it as a reminder to have fun once the dust settles and you’re entrenched in married life.

Make your house your home

Whether you move into an apartment or buy your first home, it’s likely you’ll spend time putting personal touches on furniture, artwork, kitchenware, and pictures. You might make your home cozy and inviting, or chic and clean. You can incorporate your style with your partner’s style so that you can see both sides of the relationship in the décor. Try to make your home a place where you want to spend time together, whether that means fluffy pillows (for pillow fights), smooth leather couches, air conditioning that is always running, or the use of natural light. You want to be happy and comfortable in your space so that you both will want to spend a lot of time there. You could even take things a step further by building forts together if you have enough pillows and blankets to do so. This could be just one way to bring some fun and laughter into your marriage.

Practice gratitude

The longer you’re married, the easier it can be to notice what your partner does wrong rather than what they get right. They may have habits or flaws that you didn’t notice before or that get on your nerves now that you’re living together. It can be important to appreciate and point out what you do like and enjoy about your spouse rather than being negative. While it’s okay to express concerns or frustrations, ensure that your spouse knows that you still love and care for them by giving compliments, recognizing when they do something right, and thanking them when they help you out. These positive interactions can help your marriage thrive. Coming from a place of gratitude in your interactions with your partner can also help you stay kind and forgiving when things get difficult. If your marriage is in a negative space or you’ve both had a particularly hard week, try sending your spouse a funny card or a gift that reminds them of an inside joke. The laughter that could ensue could be beneficial and help you work things out. 

Set boundaries

When you combine two lives, it’s not just your physical things that get combined. You both have families and friends that will want to spend time with you, too. If you are fortunate enough to have loving parents or in-laws, there may be conversations galore about when they will get to see you next. It can be important to set boundaries at these times so that you and your spouse can have time together as a new couple without any outside interference. It can be nice to have help when you need it, but having your own experiences and solving conflicts on your own can help you create a stronger foundation in your marriage.

Fun tip: Boundaries can be difficult to discuss but consider making a night of it. Grab a glass of wine, order some pizza, and hammer out some ground rules that you and your partner are comfortable with.

Communicate your expectations

It can be crucial to communicate properly with your spouse. When you live together every day, conversations may get harder because there’s not as much that you need to fill each other in on. You know what each other’s day looks like and you can easily see what kind of mood they’re in. However, that doesn’t mean that you should simply stop communicating. Neither of you is a mind reader, so it can still be vital to talk about what you want and need in the marriage. This way, you can also cultivate intimacy with each other. Adjusting as you go along can only happen if you tell each other what needs to be changed. Make time to talk about important things together. Set aside time without electronics or other distractions to assess the health of your marriage from time to time.

Fun tip: Have a date night once a week or month where you can talk with each other. Go to dinner or play a game; do something that allows you both to look each other in the eye and talk about what’s going on in your relationship. Try to keep an open mind when you do.

Make time for the two of you

Especially right after you get married, it can be helpful to find some time to spend together doing something that has nothing to do with planning a wedding. Go on your honeymoon or do a project around the house. Spend a day watching movies and eating junk food. Be conscious about having quality alone time together where you can talk and laugh and revel in the fact that you are now married. Things don’t just go back to normal once the wedding is over. The real work begins in creating a life together. Having moments of just being and bonding can help that sink in and help bring you closer together.

Talk about your finances

Finances can be a hard topic for any couple to talk about. But for married couples, it can be crucial to talk about money expectations. Who pays the bills? Who pays for the groceries? When will you go out to eat? Each couple will have to decide for themselves what makes the most sense for their marriage. Some couples combine all their earnings into one account. Others keep things separate and split the bills. Either way, you must decide what you are most comfortable with within your marriage. These discussions can be started in pre-marital counseling or conversations before the wedding, but it can be crucial to put those decisions into action once you are married. 

Fun tip: If you have separate accounts, take each other out on a date occasionally. Say it’s “your treat” and pay for all of it. Then have your partner do the same for you next time.

Host a dinner party

Think about hosting a dinner party with your friends and family when you’re all moved into your new place together and are ready to have guests over. This can be a fun way to welcome people into your new space and show your loved ones a glimpse into your married life. You could even turn this dinner party into one of your married life traditions, especially if it’s around the holidays.

Be gentle with each other

It’s no secret that you will fight during your first year of marriage. You may not fight a lot, but there will be times when you disagree, or you make mistakes. It can be stressful to combine two lives and create new routines and traditions. However, when you have a strong foundation of love and respect, these times of disagreement don’t have to be huge events. You can be gentle with each other, forgive easily, and understand that you are both very new at being married. Just because marriage can be hard doesn’t mean it’s impossible. You can work together to build a foundation of trust, love, and respect that can carry you for years to come.

Connect with a therapist online

Getting married can be an exciting journey, but most marriages come with ups and downs, and you don’t have to navigate them alone. Whether you just got married or have been together for decades, Regain can help you sort through any problems you might be facing.

How an online therapist can provide advice for newlyweds during the first year of marriage

Regain is an online counseling platform that has therapists who specialize in a variety of areas. You can connect with a licensed marriage therapist right from your couch and according to your schedule. Working with your therapist, you and your partner can come up with solutions to create a stronger foundation for a happier, healthier marriage.  

The effectiveness of online therapy 

In one study, researchers found that couples receiving therapy through videoconferencing experienced a “positive shift in expectations” toward their partner, which allowed them to feel a greater sense of satisfaction in their relationship. Couples also reported connecting well with their therapist because of the video setting of the intervention, which helped them feel more comfortable and in control of the process. 

Takeaway

Being newlyweds can be a fun and rewarding time. Sometimes, lighthearted advice may be just what you need to help your marriage thrive. Making a marriage work can take time and effort from both parties, and you don’t have to wait until there are problems to reach out for help. Rather, you may choose to be proactive in your marriage by receiving marriage counseling early on. Regain can connect you with a licensed marriage counselor who can work with you and your spouse to set a stronger foundation for your relationship. You each deserve a healthy marriage that continues to grow, and a therapist can help you get there.