Premarital Counseling And Six Other Things To Build A Strong Marriage

Attending premarital counseling is an effective way to get your marriage off to a strong start. Many people associate counseling with having problems; this may make them shy away from going to premarital counseling. But that's not all premarital counseling is about.

The purpose of going to counseling before getting married is to help discuss and plan for areas of marriage that couples commonly struggle with. Many topics are commonly discussed, including:

• Finances
• Communication
• Beliefs and values
• Roles in marriage
• Affection and sex
• Desire to have children
• Family relationships
• Decision-making
• Dealing with anger
• Time spent together
• Mental health

Addressing these issues before they arise within your marriage can help you both to be on the same page and avoid potential disagreements.

Where to go for premarital counseling

There are several different options that you can explore if you're interested in premarital counseling. Premarital counseling can be provided by the church where the couple belongs. If a priest or pastor is marrying you, there is a chance that they can provide free premarital counseling for you as part of your preparation for the wedding day. You can also do premarital counseling with therapists. It can be helpful to find one that specializes in working with marriage and family relationships as they will have more experience in the common problems that couples face, but most therapists will be able to help you prepare for a strong marriage together.

If you're looking for a more convenient option for premarital counseling, you can check out options for online premarital counseling. For example, Regain provides you with an opportunity to talk with a licensed premarital counselor at a time that works for you without having to drive to an office for appointments.

Because online counseling is just as effective as in-person counseling, according to research, either option is worth looking into. Choose whichever method of receiving counseling is most appropriate, convenient, and affordable for your situation. 

Six more ways to build a strong marriage

While premarital counseling services have been found to improve your chance of having a successful marriage and lessen your chance of divorce, there are other things that you can do to help as well.

1. Talk about expectations

Unhappiness in marriage often boils down to expectations. It might be that you came into the marriage with unrealistic expectations. Or, it could just be that you and your partner expected different things. This is why it's so helpful to discuss with your significant other what it is that you expect out of married life.

2. Read books on marriage

There are tons of great books that you can read on the different aspects of marriage. Take the time to read them. Find out everything you can about things like communication, sex, the role of a wife or husband, and how to build a strong marriage. You can find books that align with your religious beliefs and books that are good for anyone in general. If there is an area that you know your relationship already struggles in a little, make sure to find a book that addresses it.

If your partner is willing to participate with you, then choose a book to read together. You don't have to read it aloud together, but you can take time after each chapter to discuss what you're reading with each other. This is a great way to find out what your partner thinks and spot any areas that could be potential problems.

 3. Set goals

It goes without saying that if you're getting married, you expect to have a future with your spouse. But even though many people think this they often don't discuss the details of what they want that future to look like. This goes along with talking about expectations.

Setting goals together as a couple can help you and your partner to continue working together and growing in the same direction. Psychology Today notes the following steps to work towards goal setting as a couple:

• Align individual goals with couple goals
• Talk about where you want to be in the future and what goals help get you there
• Make sure goals make you feel good
• Set realistic goals
• Celebrate your success and each milestone that you reach
• Find a way to keep each other accountable
• Write down goals and make sure you review them

Make sure that as you accomplish goals together, you replace them with new goals that keep you moving. Some people like to start by setting the big long-term goals such as looking at where you want to be on your twentieth anniversary. Then, break down that big goal into smaller ones that help you to move in the right direction.

4. Take "divorce" off the table

Some married couples like to throw around the D-word as a way to get what they want. They feel that if they keep divorce out there as an option, it will force their spouse to continue acting the way that you want them to. Keeping divorce as an option in the back of your mind also makes it easier for you to skip doing the real work you need to do in your marriage because you think there is a way to get out of it.

However, when you remove divorce as an option in your mind, it helps you focus on what you can always do to be improving your marriage instead of thinking that you have a way out if things are working. According to a 2023 Forbes Advisor survey, one of the major causes of divorce is too much conflict, and a warning sign of a failing marriage is poor conflict resolution. In premarital counseling sessions, your therapist may teach you and your partner conflict resolution skills. Conflict resolution skills include communication and listening techniques that may help each partner feel heard and understand where their partner is coming from to effectively resolve conflict.

5. Set boundaries

There are several different areas where boundaries should be set to help establish a strong and successful marriage. You need first to establish boundaries of what you feel is acceptable in marriage and how you expect to be treated. But you also need to set boundaries with those that are outside of your marriage. For example, what types of relationships are acceptable for you and your partner to have with others. Making sure that you and your partner are on the same page with this will help you both to feel comfortable as you move forward in your marriage.

It's also helpful to set boundaries with your family and in-laws. This is an area that you and your partner will need to work together on to agree. Are you comfortable with your in-laws stopping over whenever they feel like it? Do you want to make a Sunday dinner with your family? How will the two of you handle the holidays? 

6. Find tasks that you like to do together

You want to spend time with your spouse. If the two of you are constantly moving in different directions, it becomes easier for you to make connections with other people instead of your spouse. It's perfectly acceptable, and healthy, to have friends that you do things with outside of your spouse, but it's crucial to a happy marriage that you also have things that you enjoy doing with your spouse.

Ideally, you want your spouse to be one of your best friends and not just a romantic partner. Focus on the Family suggests that one way you can do this is by continuing to date your spouse - plan regular date nights. You can chat over dinner, learn more about your spouse, and try new activities to see what you both enjoy doing together.