Seven Things To Know About A Successful Marriage

Virtually everyone who enters a marriage does so with the intent of achieving success. When two people take their vows and commit to one another, they generally believe it will work out, but things don’t always go as planned. There are so many factors that ultimately contribute to whether or not a marriage succeeds or fails. To have a successful marriage, you and your spouse must agree on what this means to you.

Deciding what a successful marriage means for you

Everyone is unique, and there are dynamics that apply to some marriages but not others. People have their own expectations of how they expect marriage to turn out. You and your spouse should be on the same page regarding what you want from your marriage. It’s a good idea to discuss this before officially tying the knot; when two people go into a marriage with different expectations, it can be hard to be successful.

When deciding what a successful marriage means to you, sitting down with your spouse is a good idea. Knowing who you're married to, what you both want, your future goals, whether or not you want children, etc., are all critical details. Marriage is mainly about compromise and give-and-take, but one party should never be expected to always be the one to make considerable concessions to please the other. Huge imbalances in personal happiness and satisfaction have a way of causing problems.

It may take time for you and your partner to determine your definition of a successful marriage, and that's OK. As a matter of fact, learning together allows you and your spouse to develop a deeper bond and grow as human beings. What you both considered to be a successful marriage may change later down the line, or it may not. Sometimes it's not practical or even advisable to figure out every single step of the way. Give yourselves time to decide.

Now, here are seven things you should know about a successful marriage.

1. Healthy and respectful communication is important

No marriage or relationship can succeed without effective communication, especially when things aren’t going smoothly. We all know it's easy to be polite when everything's working out and things go your way. However, when frustration, exhaustion, or a bad day arises, respectful and healthy communication is more important than ever.

This means expressing the concerns or problems you may have without coming off as accusatory or aggressive. Healthy communication also involves listening to your spouse and being open to what they have to say, even if you don't necessarily agree with them. Refraining from adopting a defensive attitude when you hear something you don't like will also go a long way toward desirable communication.

2. Spending time together will help you bond

Life can be pretty hectic. If you and your spouse have busy work schedules and are constantly on the go, carving out time for one another may seem quite difficult. However, to have a successful marriage, you and your partner must be with one another, at least sometimes. Whether this means traveling together, going on a date, or even taking a walk in the park, you'll have a much easier time bonding if you can enjoy each other's company.

Successful marriages require work and sometimes sacrifice. It may be necessary to reduce or cut back on certain things for the sake of family time with your spouse. Many relationships have ended because the two partners grew apart; this is much less likely to happen when you and your spouse spend quality and enjoyable time with one another.

3. You both should want similar things in life

Marriage tends to work well when both partners want similar things. This doesn’t mean you have to share every idea and interest of your partner, but there are certain areas when you must agree. For example, if you have different ideas about having children, where you want to live, if you wish to pursue advanced education, or if you want to travel the world, it’s more likely that problems will arise.

4. It’s okay to be apart sometimes

Bonding and spending time with your significant other is conducive to a successful marriage, but so is spending time apart from one another sometimes. Getting together with friends and spending time with others can help you individually. When two people are whole and fulfilled individually, they can contribute much more to their marriage, allowing for success.

5. Putting aside money is important

In a perfect world, only love would contribute to a successful marriage; however, finances play a significant role. Many relationships deteriorate over money issues. Putting aside a percentage of earned income can make a difference in the short and the long term. If you or your spouse falls on hard times, having money aside to keep you both afloat will be useful. Money should never be able to drive a wedge between people in a marriage, but it so often does.

6. Both parties should feel loved and appreciated

At the beginning of a marriage, it's easy for you and your spouse to feel and convey love and appreciation for one another. As time passes, it's not uncommon for married couples to set into a routine and sometimes forget about the little things, like a hug after work or a quick kiss goodbye, which makes such a big difference. This is why letting your spouse know they're cared for contributes to the success of any marriage. Familiarity with someone can make us think they know that we love and care for them, but even if your spouse does know, making it a point to convey this intentionally does help facilitate a successful marriage.

7. Honesty is paramount

No successful marriage can stand on a foundation of lies and dishonesty. Honesty, trust, and integrity are values that all of us should possess, especially if we're committed to a successful marriage. Obviously, this is a two-way street; spouses should always be open and honest with one another, regardless of how ugly or uncomfortable the truth may be.

Telling a lie in the heat of the moment or avoiding having a particular conversation may seem like the easy thing to do, but it always has ramifications. Those ramifications may not always be immediately apparent, but they're there and make the situation much worse.

Seeking help for a successful marriage

If you and your spouse are struggling in your relationship, online therapy is a good step. Whether you want to go to therapy individually or look into couples counseling, working with a professional can help you both get to the root of problems and find ways to move forward.

With online therapy, you don’t have to worry about commuting to an office or being on a waiting list for an appointment. When you sign up, you’re matched with a licensed therapist who is available to start helping you right away. You attend sessions from the comfort of your own home (or anywhere you have an internet connection), and you can communicate with your therapist via video chat, instant message, text, phone, or email. Research shows that online therapy is effective, too. One review of 14 studies found no difference in effectiveness between in-person and online treatment. If you’re looking for more information, get started with Regain.

Takeaway

The first step in determining what makes a successful marriage is sitting down with your partner and figuring out what success means to you. The seven things listed above are a good place to get started. If you and your partner are struggling and need support, online therapy can help.