The Secret To Married Dating: How To Date Your Spouse

Just because you and your spouse are married doesn't mean going on regular dates together should stop. Many couples find that they are less satisfied with their marriage when they do not spend intentional time with each other. It is very common to get stuck in a routine and stop planning one-on-one time with your spouse. 

Maybe you and your spouse have experienced the dullness of your everyday schedule. This is why dating, even if you're married, is so important to practice. Dating is crucial to keep your marriage exciting and to reignite the spark you two have on a regular basis. Let's discuss why it is so important to practice dating while you're married and how you can make that happen.

Why is it important to date your spouse?

Some couples feel that making time for dates is unimportant and a waste of time. After all, you see your spouse at home every day. You talk, you watch TV together, maybe you cook together. The truth is, when couples continue to date after getting married, they develop better communication skills, are usually much happier and more committed to each other, and tend to have lower divorce rates. 

When you dedicate one night a week, every other week, or even once a month to date nights, you may feel like you've started dating your spouse all over again. With any luck, this will help you feel even more connected to each other. Additionally, this will give you something to look forward to throughout your busy week. Here are some of the reasons it is so important to practice dating while you're married.

To keep the spark alive

When you feel like you and your spouse are starting to date again, it can be very exciting. Therefore, the romantic spark between the two of you may begin to get much brighter when date nights with your spouse are done regularly.  You may start getting butterflies back in your stomach. Your spouse may learn more about you, and you can learn more about them. This can strengthen your relationship, and each outing may feel like a new experience with your special person. Whether you've been married for a few years or married for decades, making the time to date your spouse is never a waste of time.

Setting aside time to go out to dinner or see a movie with your spouse can seem like a pain. You are likely very busy with work, school, kids, and everything else that may be demanding of your time. Taking the time to go out on a date can feel like an added responsibility for your weekly to-do list. The truth is, ignoring the need for time to develop your marriage is one of the most common reasons for low satisfaction levels in marriage. Once you are on the date, you may feel relieved to forget about your other responsibilities for a while. When you schedule a time to have fun, one-on-one time with your spouse, you may come to treasure these date nights and the spark they bring back to your marriage.

To have a deep friendship to fall back on

Not only may dating your spouse reignite the flame, but it can also strengthen your friendship. It is important to know that you and your spouse are more than just a married couple. You are a unit that works together. According to Zach Brittle of the Gottman Institute, you should have a meaningful friendship with your spouse, as it can lead to higher marriage satisfaction and a lower chance of divorce. When you and your spouse experience conflict, having a deep and meaningful friendship to fall back on makes managing the conflict much easier.

Going on dates can help you and your spouse develop your friendship. As you spend more time together, you will likely find you and your spouse connect much more than you did before. You can help grow your relationship and create many happy memories together. Every marriage faces problems, so when times get tough, having these great memories can help you feel more motivated to make up with your spouse.

To slow down and make time for each other

Making date night a habit can help you and your spouse remember to make time for each other. Slowing down and spending an hour or two with your spouse can make life much more enjoyable. According to a study by Sarah Flood and Katie Genadek, people tend to be twice as happy when spending time with their spouses. So, try your best to make time for your partner, no matter how busy your schedule is.

Even when you can't schedule a formal date night, there are ways to make time to relate to one another. In the mornings, instead of just passing by each other, try spending some of that time together. Try to eat breakfast or have a cup of coffee together. At night, do the same and enjoy dinner together and be intentional when talking to each other. In today's world, making time for someone when you have a hectic schedule is very meaningful. Being intentional and present when you two spend time together can make your relationship much stronger and enjoyable. 

How to date your spouse

You may want to date your spouse but have a hard time thinking of things to do on those dates. The thought of coming up with a variety of ideas may seem daunting at first, but once you start, you will find it isn't that difficult. Remember back when you were first dating your partner? Go back to doing those types of activities to have updated experiences with your person. Here are a few tips to help you get started with this exciting time.

Do something both of you enjoy

If you or your spouse are hesitant about regularly devoting time to dates, this can be a big motivator. Your dates should be exciting for both of you, so doing an activity you both enjoy is a great way to kick off dating while you're married. Whether that is a hiking, biking, going to comedy shows, shopping, going out to eat, or going to the movies, do an activity with your spouse. You could also try to take a road trip to a town neither of you has ever been to before. This way, you can make a whole day of your special date with your spouse.

If you and your spouse are in a place where you don't know much about each other anymore, don't worry. Try to sit down with your spouse and ask them what they enjoy doing in their free time. From there, brainstorm ideas for what you two will enjoy doing together. You and your spouse likely have at least one common interest, so try to start a date night with that activity.

Turn off your phone and other distractions

When you and your spouse start dating again, remember to turn off your phone and any other distractions. This can be difficult, as many people worry about missing calls from work or don't want to miss out on news alerts. Everything will still be there when you turn it back on, and you will feel better once you start having fun on your date. Having constant distractions can hinder your conversations and turn your attention away from your spouse.

One of the biggest distractions on cell phones is social media. Taking a break from social media can be very beneficial for your mental health and self-esteem. Many people get wrapped up in comparisons to other people, which can negatively affect your thoughts about yourself and your marriage. Additionally, social media can be very addictive, taking away time you could otherwise spend with your spouse. So, try taking a break from your social media and your phone, and be present with your spouse when you are on dates.

Make date night a habit

Do your best to make date nights a habit for you and your spouse. If your schedules and budget allow for it, try to go on a date at least one night per week. When you make date night a habit, you are making each other a priority. That is something that can slowly fade when you've been married for a long time. However, when you make date nights a habit, you will be prioritizing your spouse amidst your busy schedules.

Mark your dates on the calendar and make them a priority, so you are not tempted to cancel. Just like you would do when you have plans with a friend, stay committed to the plans you have with your spouse. Unless you both agree that your date needs to be rescheduled, do your best never to cancel. Be sure you make plans for a new date shortly if you do have to cancel.

Support is available online for rekindling the spark

If you feel like dating while you're married will not resolve the issues you and your partner face, don't hesitate to try couples counseling. A licensed counselor can help you two work out your problems healthily and effectively so you can enjoy dates again and feel more connected. Regain is an online platform which can match you with a licensed relationship counselor. You can meet any time, any place, together or separately. Regain is flexible and affordable.

Many couples have turned to online therapy to improve and maintain their relationship. Online therapy can be an effective way to work through any communication issues you may be having. No matter where you live or how busy your schedule, online therapy can help.

Takeaway

Date night can be the highlight of your week again. It does take some effort to make sure you have space in your schedule, hire a babysitter, and make room in the budget, but it is worth it. Remember, not every date has to be a big and expensive event. It can be something as simple as talking over breakfast while the kids are still asleep. Once you start dating while you're married, you may never want to go back.