What Age Will I Get Married? How To Decide What Time Is Right For You

Marriage is a concept that is constantly evolving. It means whether it's important, how common it is, has changed over time (and is changing still).

However, if you believe you want to get married someday, one issue does seem to persist: the question of when to do it. Exact age may play a role in your decision, but the age you’ll get married shouldn’t be your sole focus. The average age to get married has been slowly increasing over time, but finding the "right" time inspires anxiety.

Is there a time by which you should get married or give up on the idea? What does the research say about your chances of avoiding divorce based on when you get married? Should you even pay attention to that research, and what really matters when choosing to get married?

This article can help you come to a place where you are making the right decision.

Why does it matter when you get married?

You may be wondering whether this issue is even worth worrying about or where these concerns even began. Oftentimes, cultural expectations can dictate when and why one gets married and the exact age to do it. While some cultures value marrying someone they love above all else, other cultures regard romantic feelings as a lesser priority to other values like religious expectations and building a family, which can affect the age you’ll get married. Regardless, it's important to consider one's own personal and cultural values when selecting a partner for marriage.

Obviously, there is a slew of benefits associated with finding your one and only. But some potential problems could crop up: the marriage falls apart, and you get divorced, or you're both miserable together and end up being worse off.

Going through a divorce is painful, expensive, stressful, and embarrassing, and that's to start. Living in a difficult relationship is probably worse, but that's why people are so anxious about getting a marriage that will go well. If things fall apart and seem irreparable, both of your choices seem terrible.

When you consider those fears, it makes sense that people look for every factor they can control to increase their chances of having a happy love life, including the age you’ll get married. If you tell someone you know the exact age before which they should get married to increase their chances of staying together and being happy and successful, they will listen!

Unfortunately, none of the sources of numbers can really tell you definitively.

Conventional wisdom has fallen by the wayside

At the appropriate age, you’ll get married. In Western culture, in particular, this has changed over time. It wasn't unusual to marry in one's late teens or very early twenties five or six decades ago. However, nowadays, many individuals get married well into their 30s. Nowadays, it is generally regarded that the younger you get married, the more likely you are to get divorced, and the longer you wait, the more stable your relationship will be.

On the surface, this made sense. The world is full of anecdotal stories of couples who got married way too young and didn't stay together. Conversely, getting married older seemed to have clear merits. The older you are, the more financially and emotionally stable you are, the more practice you probably have at maintaining healthy relationships. The more you know what you want and don't want in a partner.

However, research and analysis can quickly reveal that these "reasonable" ideas don't map to reality. For every anecdote you have of people who got married "too young" getting divorced, there are probably just as many stories about people who got married at the same age and stayed together forever. Being older can mean more stability, but it can also mean being too set in your ways, and there may be good reasons you are still single late in life that actually make you a bad partner for anyone.

Overall, traditional truisms about the risks of marrying young don't necessarily hold water. Scientific research, however, also doesn't have a definite answer on what the right age you’ll get married is.

Research should be taken with a grain of salt

When we want an answer to a question like this, it's a simple thing to turn to the vast ocean of information and opinions on the Internet for guidance on the age you’ll get married. As with every major life decision, though, the Internet can only provide information and perspective for you to consider as you make the choice that is right for you. This is even true when something proclaims to be research on what age is the right number to get married. As with all research, the problem is how hard it is to come to a definitive conclusion on anything.

This is especially true when discussing and definitively determining something as subjective as the right age to get married. This is because measuring things like divorce and what caused it are notoriously difficult.

For example, a recent study suggested that the window within which you have the best chance of getting married is from 28-32. That's a pretty tight window! When you dig into the research a little, however, there are some potential issues.

There is no discussion as to why this is the case - simply that it's a pattern that emerges. Yes, on average, the rate of divorce drops for people within a certain age range. But there could be lots of reasons that have nothing to do with age causing this occurrence. If most people in the study who got married at 35+ were also struggling financially, and you are 36 and financially comfortable, then the stress that led to most failure in a certain category may not apply to you.

Two, this was just one study with one set. A different researcher did a similar study with a completely different set and determined the right age range to be more like 45-49. That's almost 20 years' difference with only two studies. It's reasonable to assume that, at the very least, more study is required on this subject.

Marriage as a requirement has declined

On top of all of this, the urge to get married seems to have gone down significantly in recent years. More and more people are living together long-term without getting married. People are more flexible about relationships and marriages in general. Mental health and relationship support resources are more widely available than they used to be. The problems that used to destroy marriages now have more potential solutions.

Expectations for women have changed dramatically. There was a time not that long ago when it was assumed that women were much more likely to forgo a career in favor of raising a family. Now women are more likely to prioritize their careers over motherhood or find some way to do both. This trend has also reduced the number of marriages.

What you have, then, is no final answer on when the right exact age is to get married and a decline in the pressure to get married in the first place. This means there is now greater acceptance of people getting married when they want to, if at all. This opens up the range of 'acceptable' ages to be more like 'whenever you want to.'

If you indeed have the freedom to pursue marriage when it best suits you, it is worthwhile to review some of the reasons you might choose to get married. This should help you avoid at least getting married for the 'wrong' reasons.

Bad reasons to get married

The goal of this list is not to say that these factors may not emerge when considering whether or not to get married. Having a family that constantly pressures you to get married, for example, is definitely addressed by finding a long-term partner. However, it should not be your only or primary reason for the marriage.

• Scared of marrying too late
• Scared of being alone
• Social pressure (all your friends are doing it)
• Tradition/family pressure
• "Saving the relationship"
• Threats or pressure from your partner
• Financial reasons

Any of these pressures may come up when deciding whether or not to get married. It's a big decision, and you will probably think about it a lot more than you expect. Nevertheless, it is worth ensuring that your motivations are strong and positive rather than based on fear or sadness.

Good reasons to get married

• You're genuinely excited about the idea
• Your partner is a great supporter
• You can envision a life together long-term, and it's a life you both want
• There is a strong bond between you and your partner
• You've discussed the idea, and it sounds like you are on the same page
• You want to take the relationship further

Overall, marriage should be an exciting prospect where you and your partner have a vision of the future that you can build together. If you have someone with whom that is true, there is no reason to tie the knot.

If success isn't about timing, how do you improve your chances?

In the end, what matters most when determining your chances of succeeding in a marriage is how good are you and your partner at maintaining a healthy romantic relationship, period? This includes consideration of a lot of factors, both emotional and practical.

When assessing yourself, are you a good partner? Are you financially stable, or at least prepared to handle whatever financial hardship may emerge for you and your partner in the future? Are you relatively emotionally stable and capable of conducting yourself like an adult? Do you know what you want and communicate that, are you capable of setting healthy boundaries, do you listen?

When assessing your relationship, how well do you handle conflict together? Couples counselors will tell you that what matters most isn't whether or not you fight but how you fight. Are you both good at working together to solve problems, are you honest and open with each other, are you patient? Do your plans for the future mesh? Are you both clear about your expectations around things like having children, finances, or where you want to be in ten years?

Succeeding in a marriage is not about exact age: it's about willingness to listen, the ability to solve problems collaboratively, and many other factors around communication, compassion, and patience. These lessons and skills are universal.

The right age to get married: When you are ready

Marriage is complicated and can seem scary. It's also an amazing and beautiful opportunity. Finding the right time to pursue it can feel like an impossible decision. Many of us have struggled with this question at one point or another, and there is a ton of folk wisdom and scientific research around when is the 'best time. However, all of that information cannot prove that there is one answer.

If you have someone with whom you feel something special, with whom you have a strong and loving bond that you want to expand and for the foreseeable future, there is no reason not to get married. You can be ready to get married at 20 or 50; the exact age doesn’t matter. What matters is if you are ready and have a partner who wants the same. Stop focusing on what age you’ll get married.

Determining if your motivations are clear and healthy when choosing this can be hard. Many couples benefit from using pre-marriage and/or couples counseling at some point to assess long-term compatibility. The professionals at Regain are ready to help you take stock of your relationship.

There is no right age to get married. There is just the right time for you.