When Is A Marriage Over And What Should I Do?

In an ideal world, we would fall in love, get married, and live the rest of our lives free of pain and conflict. As much as this would be great for everyone, the truth is that marriages take a lot of sacrifices, commitment, and work. Because two people are involved, issues are bound to arise that will damper the life you have created. 

That is not to say that all marriages fall into these conflicts or that these issues will even present a huge problem for all couples. But some couples indeed have problems that they simply cannot or do not want to move past, and there are cases of couples who fall out of love and need to move onto someone they are more compatible with to lead a happier life. The harsh reality is that not all marriages succeed.

Have you and your partner been having difficulties in your relationship? Perhaps you are in a situation where you haven't been talking to each other, or you just disagree and end up arguing more often than you have heart-to-heart conversations. You may be struggling to get on the same page lately, and you're not sure if you should just give up or keep trying.

When partners reach the point of asking themselves if they should keep a marriage alive, this indicates enough conflict to cause one or both individuals to question the strength and validity of their marriage. When this happens, you have two options. The first option is seeking the proper help to ensure the relationship is mended if that is what both partners want and are willing to work for. The second option is to realize that the marriage is over, divorce, and go your separate ways. Keep in mind, however, that both options require careful thought and planning, and choosing any option recklessly comes with its own set of consequences.

If you feel your marriage might be over, but you want to learn how to properly identify a marriage that cannot go on any longer, here are some hints that point to a marriage that is no longer repairable. 

When you're not talking

If you and your partner haven't talked about your problems and you haven't had any desire to, then chances are your marriage is not doing so well. Every relationship has issues, but you improve and continue building your relationship by discussing and working through those problems. Partners who are unwilling or unable to listen and speak with the intent to resolve some of these issues contribute to a toxic relationship where nothing is solved, and the conflict and anger continue to grow.

Perhaps you don't talk because you and your partner have been spending less and less time together. If this is the case, it could indicate that the two of you need to separate from figuring things out. Communication and resolution are the only way out of conflict; if you don't do those things, your relationship has little hope for success.

When you're not in love

If you and your partner are no longer in love, or if one of you is no longer in love with the other, your relationship may not last. It can be challenging to bring back that level of love and caring, and it won't come back if other things are going on in the relationship that you aren't willing to work on.

Additional problems within the relationship, such as infidelity, can further build upon this challenging issue and make it even harder for one partner to fall back in love with another partner or even spark that initial physical attraction that helped to build the relationship in the first place. Rebuilding love is extremely difficult and intensive, and both of you must be willing to put in the work. If one partner no longer sees the need to work on the relationship and decides it is over, it is no longer a partnership, and the marriage will likely come to an end.

When there is abuse taking place in the relationship

We often hear stories about people trapped in abusive relationships and wonder why they don’t leave. Because of the power dynamics and tactics utilized by abusers, those who are abused will often believe that they have no choice but to continue carrying on the relationship or may think that the treatment they are receiving is the relationship that they deserve. To be quite clear, this is not true, and any type of abuse should not be tolerated. When you see signs of abuse in your marriage, that marriage is over, and you should leave your partner immediately and seek help to escape the situation. There are plenty of resources available to help abused husbands and wives, and the time to change the situation is now.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

When a relationship is seen as settling rather than intentional

Not all couples are enamored with each other, and many people have decided to marry simply because they felt the need to settle. They may have thought they could never do any better or that time was running out. In situations like these, those who feel like they have settled often grow resentful of their significant other and their marriage.

If you fall into this category, it is another red flag that signifies the end of the marriage and should most certainly be discussed. No couple should be in a relationship where one party would much rather follow a different course but see their marriage as preventing them from doing so. While it is not ideal, it is best to move on to another person who wants to be with you for the rest of their life and sees you as a goal rather than a safety net.

When the relationship is only causing issues

Toxic and unhealthy relationships are bad for us, but some individuals will stick it out for various reasons. In these relationships, couples constantly fight, and their physical and mental health are affected by unhealthy relationships as the partners suffer from stress, anxiety, depression, and other problems caused by general unhappiness and other life circumstances. When two people are dealing with the repercussions of their marriage on a 24/7 basis, this is another clear sign that ending the marriage might be best for both people.

What should I do?

If your relationship is over, the best thing that you can do is sit down and talk to your partner about the situation. Tell them how you feel and that you believe the relationship is done. Before having this conversation, make sure you have decided that you don't want to try working things out. If you wish to take this course of action, it is crucial to start working on an amicable divorce as soon as possible to ensure both parties are happy and can move on with their lives apart.

You must get out of the relationship right away by finding another place to stay and cutting ties with your ex. This doesn't mean that you can't talk to them at all. It means you need to create a separate place for them in your life that doesn't relate to them being your partner or spouse. You and your partner may be able to be friends. In fact, some people find that they and their former spouses make much better friends than partners. But when the relationship ending is still fresh, that's generally not a good thing to try.

Therapy can help

Therapy can be a good option when you’re trying to figure out what to do or if you need help adjusting during or after your divorce. A professional therapist can help you to understand any of the deep-seated problems you might have or even any concerns that you might have about entering into an entirely new life without your former spouse. You can prepare yourself for whatever will happen next in your life, and you can do it with a therapist you trust.

Online therapy is a great option that’s affordable, accessible, and effective. With online treatment, you can attend therapy sessions from the comfort of your home or anywhere you have an internet connection. When you sign up, you’re matched with someone who can start helping you right away, and you can communicate with your therapist via phone, video chat, direct message, email, or text. 

One review of 14 studies found that online treatment is just as effective as face-to-face treatment and provides “strong support for the adoption of online psychological interventions as a legitimate therapeutic activity.” To learn more, reach out to the qualified licensed therapists at Regain.

Takeaway

Admitting that your marriage is over can be difficult, but if you are experiencing the signs mentioned above in your relationship, it might be time to consider making some changes. If you need more support at any point in the process, online therapy can give you the guidance you need to find happiness after your marriage ends.