Why Won’t My Partner Have Sex with Me? Six Reasons Why Intimacy May Be Lacking

Intimacy, including touching, hugging, kissing, and sex, can diminish in a relationship for various reasons. This article will seek to help you learn about the possible reasons why a lack of intimacy can occur and how it can be helped.

1. Stress & other mental health issues

Stress can affect anyone and can leave people too physically and emotionally exhausted to even think about—let alone enjoy—sex and intimacy.

Common mental health concerns like depression, anxiety, and stress can negatively affect a person's libido. It is a leading reason why you might be experiencing reduced intimacy in your marriage. 

Everyone’s desire to be intimate is frequently influenced by external factors.

Therefore, if either you or your partner would rather find other ways to relax after coming home from a long day of work, consider each other's concerns. Perhaps helping your partner earlier in the day with the kids, work, or chores will give them more energy so they can be intimate by the time they get to bed.

2. Hormones

Just as hormones promote our sex drive, they can also do the opposite as we get older. These sex hormones become highly active during adolescence, define male and female biological characteristics, and eventually peak in early adulthood.

However, once we reach a certain age, our sex hormones can decline, inevitably affecting our libido. Usually, this happens once a person becomes middle-aged

Decreased levels of testosterone are associated with erectile dysfunction (ED), obesity, and diabetes. Women also have testosterone, and if their testosterone levels get too low, this can contribute to libido issues and dryness, potentially causing an uncomfortable experience during sex. 

3. Medications

Although certain medications can improve an individual's marriage, others may hamper it.

For example, if you are taking an antidepressant to treat depression or anxiety, there is a chance that it is also reducing your sex drive. And while birth control pills can effectively prevent unplanned pregnancies, they can also reduce testosterone levels, potentially diminishing your libido. 

While it might be tempting to stop taking the medication immediately to improve your intimacy, it is not advised to do so without consulting your doctor. Stopping using antidepressants and other prescription drugs can be potentially dangerous and life-threatening.

While discussing your symptoms with your doctor, they may prescribe something else to help address your sex drive concerns; that way, you can continue with your normal treatment regimen while including something new to manage the sexual side effects.

4. Self-esteem issues

If you're not feeling good about yourself, especially your body image, you may feel reluctant to be intimate with your partner.

Having low confidence can contribute to a lack of intimacy because it can cause people to doubt their ability to satisfy their partner. However, this generally can make the relationship worse. Self-esteem issues can cause intimacy issues, and intimacy issues, in turn, can lead to more rifts in the relationship. Until any self-esteem or body image issues are addressed, this can become a chronic problem in the marriage. 

5. No emotional intimacy

When people think of intimacy, the physical aspects typically come to mind first, and for a good reason; however, emotional intimacy is often overlooked. Many people might not feel the mood to be physically intimate with another person if their emotional needs are not met first.

Emotional intimacy can gradually decline over the years if it isn't maintained; however, it can be rebuilt the same way it was established in the first place—through understanding, spending time with each other, and letting them know that they are appreciated (communication is key). 

Set aside time to bond with your partner; you can start by sitting by each other while watching TV or a movie or talking about how each other's day was. On the weekends (or whichever days you have off from work), you can go out to eat and pick other exciting activities that you can mutually agree upon.

Small touching gestures, such as leaving notes and flowers and saying "I love you," can go a long way. Showing appreciation can be key here, and according to the Gottman Method, a popular form of marriage counseling, couples need to be open and respectful about their needs as this helps build emotional closeness, which can then carry over into physical intimacy. 

6. Lack of communication

Communication issues can be complex, so they are frequently a significant problem for couples struggling with intimacy.

Perhaps one or both of you have unresolved issues that have led to resentment, or maybe one of you has felt rejected when trying to make advances. Still, if no one is being honest and open about their problems, nothing can get addressed. If communication isn't worked on, more issues can arise from a lack of intimacy, like constant arguing.

Not only should you both be open and honest about your thoughts on everything, not just intimacy, but it can also be helpful to adjust the way you communicate with each other. In times of conflict, don’t shift the blame to your partner or focus on your own needs first. Instead, remember that a relationship is a team effort, and it can be beneficial to use words like "we" and "our" to help your partner feel more included.

Suppose you've tried talking to your partner about your relationship problems, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. In that case, you may benefit from a therapist who has experience helping couples learn how to talk to each other and resolve issues when they arise. 

Online couples therapy can be particularly effective for a few reasons. First, note that surveys show that 95% of couples who engage in online therapy say that the process has been helpful. Also, many people share that they find it easier to open up over online mediums than they do in person, so if you sometimes worry about discussing intimate topics like sexuality, then online therapy may be the answer.

Takeaway

While there are possible medical reasons why there is no intimacy in marriage that may need assistance from a doctor, other issues are frequently manageable by taking proactive measures on your own. If you're a husband asking how to seduce your wife or a wife wanting to bring back intimacy with your husband, support from mental health professionals can help.

Therapy can help you learn how to manage stress and mental disorders like anxiety and depression and assist you in coping with any possible self-esteem issues. 

To find a professional who suits your needs, licensed therapists are available online at Regain to help you work through any issues you may be currently facing. Online therapy is affordable and convenient and aims to eliminate the stress of traditional online sessions, such as scheduling and traveling to the location.