Will I Ever Get Married? Why You Haven’t Found The One

Will you ever get married? While we can’t predict the future, there are enough people out there looking for serious relationships that if it’s something you really want and you are patient in your search, you’re likely to find one. More useful and practical questions might be what kind of person do you want to marry? Why and when do you want to get married? What kind of relationship do you want to have? Here we’ll unpack those questions, why they’re important, and how they can help you find “the one.” We’ll also talk about how your own attitudes and expectations may be getting in your way. By adjusting your approach and attitude toward dating, you may be able to increase the chances of finding a great partner while improving your quality of life in the meantime.

Why you haven’t found the one

Everyone’s situation is unique, so there are likely many different, unique factors at play that have impacted your relationship status. But if you are eager to find a long-term partner and haven’t found them yet, you may consider some of the following possible dynamics that may be affecting your search: 

1. The self-fulfilling prophecy

The self-fulfilling prophecy is the idea that if you believe something, it’s more likely to come true because you act in a way that makes its coming true more likely. It can help or hurt you when it comes to looking for the right partner.

If you go into all your new relationships stressing about if marriage will ever happen, you may come off as demanding or needy, which may not make a positive impression on the people you date. If you go forward with the “I will get married when I’m ready, and my partner is ready” attitude, you’re more likely to come off as confident and patient. You may also be more likely to attract the kind of partner who is also interested in marriage.

2. Feeling rushed to find companionship

One of the reasons that many people want to get married is a desire for companionship. That’s a natural desire, but sometimes, you need to be patient to meet it properly. If you’ve found that you tend to rush from one bad relationship to the next, it might reinforce the feeling that you’ll never get married. But, it may just be that you are in too much of a hurry. When you allow yourself time to look for the right relationship, you may be more likely to find a relationship that fits. On the other hand, when you rush into relationships because you don’t like being alone, you may be more likely to throw yourself into relationships that don’t fit and so don’t last.

That doesn’t mean that you must sit alone while you wait for the one. Instead, while you’re being patient in pursuing a meaningful relationship, you can spend time investing in yourself and in other relationships, such as with your friends and family. This can also make you more emotionally prepared for a serious relationship when the right person comes along. 

3. The limitations of the idea of “the one”

We’ve been talking a lot about the idea of “the one.” Some people like the idea of something like a soulmate, but the idea can also be very stressful. In fact, looking for “the one” might be hindering you from finding and holding onto anyone.

Looking for “the one” sets a pretty high bar. Whenever you meet anyone, you may be wondering whether you could spend the rest of your life with them. Who can live up to that? Then, even in a relationship with someone who meets that bar, whenever anything goes wrong, or you feel your relationship is going flat, you may wonder whether they’re really “the one” rather than wondering if there is anything you can do to improve the situation. As a result, the idea of “the one” may not just hinder you from finding someone who is right for you. It may also prevent you from maintaining a relationship with someone who is. Instead, it may be more helpful to give yourself the power and agency in the search: you can decide what you are looking for, you can give people chances, and you can create an incredible relationship with the person you choose. 

Getting help through therapy

Trying to find a long-term partner can be confusing, exciting, exhausting, and frustrating. If you would like support as you deal with the challenges of dating and relationships, an online therapist can help. 

For some people feeling frustrated by dating, they may find the prospect of traveling to and from another location to meet with yet another new person to be tiring—even when that person is a therapist. With online therapy through Regain, you can meet with a therapist from the comfort of home without having to deal with a commute or meeting face-to-face with a stranger.

Plus, research has found online therapy to be effective for a range of concerns, including self-esteem, which may be especially useful for those navigating the world of dating.

Takeaway

If you feel like you’re having trouble finding “the one,” it may be helpful to consider some of the possible dynamics at play detailed above. Perhaps you are experiencing a self-fulfilling prophecy or feeling rushed to find companionship. For more support with these and other dating and relationship concerns, an online therapist can help.