Children Of Helicopter Parents: Does Helicopter Parenting Hurt Your Child's Future?
There are many types of parenting styles, from tiger parenting to attachment parenting to free-range parenting. One parenting style you may have heard a lot about is helicopter parenting. But do you know what a helicopter parent is? If you don't, then you're not alone, but it is something that you should consider learning more about, especially if you think you may have some helicoptering tendencies.
Knowing your parenting style is the key to finding out the healthy (and not so healthy) aspects of that style. It can be helpful to know how your choices might affect your children, now and in the future. Once you have identified your parenting style, you can make the best adjustments for you and your child.
What is helicopter parenting?
So, exactly what is helicopter parenting? Helicopter parents tend to pay extremely close attention to their children. They may become hyper involved in everything that happens to their child, whether in their personal life or any other aspect of their life as they get older. These parents always know what their child is going through and any problems they may have. This is especially true while the child is in school. In general, helicopter parenting involves hovering—hence the name—and being overly involved (as compared to other parents).
Helicopter parenting is often considered smothering the child because it involves always helping and watching the child, even when the child does not need it. These parents may not be critical of their child and may, in fact, be extremely loving and supportive. However, they also tend to jump in when they are not needed. They may do this in all areas of the child's life, leading to some negative side effects for the child.
Helicopter parents tend to have a problem letting their children fail. They don't like the idea of their child experiencing something negative that they don't need to, and they hate the idea of letting their child do less than the absolute best. It's important, however, to let children experience things themselves and learn from and learn to push through their failures. Children who don't go through these things themselves will have a hard time doing so in the future, which means trouble for them when they get to college or even the workforce.
The benefits of helicopter parenting
In general, helicopter parents believe that by micromanaging their child's lives, they will give their children an edge on their future. They believe that they can help their child get ahead and be more successful once they start controlling their child’s behavior at a young age. They feel like they are helping their children in every way possible by using their knowledge and experience. In general, these parents feel like their children can benefit from everything they have been through without experiencing it themselves. In theory, this seems like a great idea and a good way to help the child advance. Helicopter parenting rarely comes without consequences, however.
The downsides of helicopter parenting
Much research has been done on this type of parenting, and it has been found that there are several negatives tied to it. For example, children raised by helicopter parents may experience a higher anxiety level, especially if they have tendencies toward anxiety already. This is because the child is never allowed to complete their activities, solve problems, or learn decision-making skills independently. Because the parent always inserts themselves into the child's life and makes decisions or points for them, this increases their anxiety level and their belief that they can't make those decisions for themselves at a young age.
How does helicopter parenting hurt your child's future? Reviewing the research
Depression and anxiety
Children raised by helicopter parents are more likely to experience depression as well. The research suggests that these children are not often allowed to make their own choices or their own mistakes. Because their parents try to keep them from making mistakes, it keeps them from learning what to do when they inevitably make mistakes, which increases anxiety levels. As a result, mistakes, failure, and anxiety can all build up to a point where they lead to depression. This condition can follow them into young adulthood and beyond.
Academic challenges
Adding to the problems, these children may have more academic problems than their peers. Even though the helicopter parent is constantly watching the child and trying to solve their problems, this isn't always possible, and the child may have trouble in other areas. Tests and exams can prove difficult because there is no one out there to help them during the experience. As they continue in school and start in college or areas where the helicopter parent cannot help, this can lead to even more difficulty with classwork and other responsibilities.
Determining whether you’re a helicopter parent
If you don't know whether you're a helicopter parent or not, take a look at the qualities we've discussed. If you suspect you're a helicopter parent, then you'll be able to decide what to do for the future. Helicopter parenting can lead to difficulties, but you have time to shift the way that you parent and decide how to help your child in an entirely new way. You want to help them, after all, so this can be a great time to learn a different way to do so.
Getting help for yourself
If you are a helicopter parent or a helicopter parent raised you, it's important to look for new methods of behaving. If a helicopter parent raised you, then the chances you will become one yourself are high. You’ll be able to adapt to the behavior they impose. Because you often become what you have seen modeled, it's possible that you'll start to exhibit a number of these traits, and that isn't going to help your child with their future. If you already see some of the signs, you'll also want to look for ways to change your current parenting behavior. It’s essential to address the said behavior early on.
Talking to a professional can help you adjust your parenting practices and determine what you can do to improve your behavior and how you work with your child. Letting a professional support you in determining your strengths and weaknesses as a parent can be a great first step that may, in turn, help your child and your future (as well as theirs). By working with that therapist, you may give yourself a much-needed boost in your behavior and well-being, and find yourself on the way to better parenting.
Getting help for your child
If you have already started helicopter parenting your child, you may want to help your child overcome any side effects. Putting them in some form of counseling can help them learn more about the skills they haven't learned. That means they'll be able to learn about solving problems on their own or completing work on their own, or even dealing with failure or mistakes. These things are crucial to their overall well-being and their ability to survive and thrive in the future. Getting them into therapy as soon as possible will help them to develop these skills more quickly.
If you’ve been a helicopter parent, it might be scary to think about providing therapy for your child. It’s important to note that doing so does not suggest any inadequacies on the parents’ part—in fact, giving your child the tools to succeed is exactly what the best parents do.
Your child may have difficulty getting through life on their own if you have been a helicopter parent and suddenly stop being there for them in the same way that they are used to. This may be counteracted through treatment. A professional can help them with the process of learning and improving skills they may be missing.
If your child is between the ages of 13-19 years old, then you may want to consider TeenCounseling.com, a platform dedicated to helping children thrive.
A licensed therapist specializing in children’s mental health is equipped to answer any questions or concerns you may have about how your parenting style is affecting your child.
Takeaway
When you're looking for a therapist to adjust your parenting style, it's important to look at all your options. Working with someone in your area can be great because you can easily meet with them, but what happens when you go on vacation, you have to go on a business trip, or there's bad weather in your area? You have to cancel your appointment, right? With Regain, you don't have to worry about that because Regain takes place entirely online. No matter where you are or what's going on in the area, you'll still be able to make your appointment because all you have to so is turn on your computer to meet with a counselor.
Online therapy offers more freedom to find a therapist that you're comfortable with—as where they're based isn’t a factor. You're also not going to have to worry about visiting a therapist's office and feeling judged. You're not going to have to worry about the receptionist or the other patients seeing you there and wondering what you're doing there. Instead, you turn on your computer (or any other device that connects to the internet) and sign in for your session, just like that.
We all want what's best for our kids. Contemplating your parenting style and making adjustments, if necessary, is absolutely part of doing what's best for your child.
How can helicopter parenting negatively affect children?
In developmental psychology, there are several reasons why it’s believed that the helicopter parenting style can cause problems, including a strain on the parent-child relationship. While many parents believe that being a helicopter parent means simply that they are an involved parent, it's more than just that. Helicopter parenting impacts parent-child interactions in many ways.
Helicopter parents tend to hover over their children. They are always there, involved in what their child is trying to do. Here are some of the negative effects of helicopter parenting:
Children don’t learn to do things for themselves. One of the goals of parenting is to help raise children that will be successful adults. However, when parents hover over their children, the children can begin to rely on the parents to do everything for them. Overbearing parents can affect a child's ability to learn things on their own at a young age.
Children can have low self-esteem. One of the effects of helicopter parenting styles is that children can struggle to develop healthy self-confidence and self-esteem which they need for school and interacting with people. Parents hover over their children and tend to correct everything that their child does. This can make a child feel like they can’t do anything right.
Children can experience anxiety. The helicopter parenting style described above can lead children to deal with high anxiety levels. They may experience anxiety if their parent is not there to help them with a task or, if the parent is present, experience anxiety that they will do something wrong and be corrected. This behavior can manifest in kids being too afraid of failing grades at school.
Children don’t learn to overcome failure. When parents are always there to correct their children's actions, they may not experience failures or learn how to cope with them. This means they may struggle to learn that failure is OK and that they can recover from it.
What are the signs of a helicopter parent?
Some of the common signs of the helicopter parenting style can include:
You do their homework for them.
If they play a sport, you are constantly trying to correct or help the coach. Not giving them a sense of control in terms of the sport they like to play or experience.
You hover around your child constantly (you stay at birthday parties when the other parents leave, you chaperone every field trip, you text them constantly).
You clean their room for them and pick up after their mess.
You don’t allow them to do anything where they could get hurt, like climbing trees or riding a skateboard.
They’re not allowed to make mistakes.
Other kinds of parenting styles
Many of these signs also apply to the lawnmower parenting style. This is when parents refuse to let their children experience any obstacles, so they mow over every obstacle for them. Most parents who employ this parenting style can cause kids to have poorer emotional health, increased emotional problems, feelings of helplessness, and an inability to cope with failures and challenging situations. These kids may struggle to navigate challenges in a complex school environment.
Free-range parenting, on the other hand, is another one of the styles of parenting. However, with free-range parenting, parents allow their child to experience their own natural consequences. Some parents might be tempted to go this route to avoid helicopter parenting, but this style can also have negative consequences. Some parents who go this route may seem like uninvolved parents as they may let their child do things they might not be ready for. The most effective parenting style is authoritative parenting, which combines high warmth with high responsiveness.
How does the helicopter parenting style affect a child?
Every type of parenting style impacts the child in one way or another. If you’re looking for a positive parenting approach, it may be tempting to think that helicopter parenting is the way to go because it means you are a really involved parent. However, this style of parenting can have a negative effect on the parent-child relationship, both in the present and the future. You can see in the article above some of the ways that helicopter parenting impacts the child.
What generation are helicopter parents?
Dr. Haim Ginott first used the term "helicopter parent" in his book, Parents & Teenagers. The book was originally published back in 1969. Dr. Ginott wrote other books out as well, including the book, Between Parent and Child. His books are geared towards creating a successful and positive parenting experience for both the parent and the child.
However, while the term first showed up at that time, it wasn’t until the 90s that it became really well-known. The millennial generation is largely believed to have been raised by helicopter-style parents. However, just because the name was around and popular at that time doesn’t mean it didn’t start until then. There have always been parents in each of the different realms of the parenting spectrum.
Questions to ask your therapist about helicopter parenting
What is the parenting style employed by helicopter parents?
Helicopter parenting or overprotective parenting is the parenting style employed by helicopter parents. It is a parenting style that impacts parent-child interactions by being overprotective and controlling. These parents tend to be excessively interested and involved in every aspect of their child’s life. Some examples of helicopter parenting behaviors include doing their child’s homework, intervening in conflicts regarding their child, micromanaging, and being over critical which can result in detrimental effects. This type of parenting can have negative consequences for a child.
What is the bulldozer parenting style?
In developmental psychology, a bulldozer parenting style, also known as lawnmower parenting, is when parents try to actively remove obstacles from their child’s path to increase chances of success and keep their children safe. This ensures a child won’t experience many challenges in life. It’s considered problematic because, in this kind of parenting style, lawnmower parents prevent their kids from experiencing pain and disappointment which can have detrimental effects on a child’s development. Because of this, children won’t be able to learn essential life skills when it comes to handling disappointments and bouncing back from failures on their own. A bulldozer parenting style can cause poorer emotional health in kids.
Does helicopter parenting hurt your child’s future?
Helicopter parenting can negatively impact a child’s future for it hinders the child’s ability to develop independence and skills related to problem-solving. It can impact their mental health, self-image, own emotions, and the way they interact with others. Researchers found that helicopter parenting can negatively impact young people with mental health problems such as depression and anxiety. Some helicopter parenting behaviors include micromanaging, intervening in conflicts, forbidding independence, and being overly critical. It is good to keep your children safe, especially if it's an only child, but there are age-appropriate choices in managing behavior effectively. If your kid is currently in elementary school, make sure to support your kid’s emotional development by employing effective parenting styles and teaching problem-solving skills they can use for slightly challenging demands and situations. Let them know that making mistakes and disappointing others is a normal part of life. Let them spend time exploring the world at their own pace. Don’t be overly critical if they’re having a harder time making friends or struggling with their academic life, most likely these kids are still not able to regulate their emotions and behavior effectively. If you notice them experiencing emotional challenges, try to get them professional help from a mental health professional.
Can helicopter parenting help children?
In a way, helicopter parenting can help children by providing high levels of support and guidance from parents. Parents will be able to control their child’s behavior and make sure they’re able to surpass any social problems that might come at a young age. Despite this, helicopter parenting also comes with consequences and negative effects. A very young baby, for example, will need that much control, safety, and involvement from parents, but it’s a different story when it's done to a child who is already past the age of toddlerhood. As a mom or dad, you should know the limits of being too involved with your kids. Too much control from adults can harm their emotions and behavior. Parents need to set a good example in teaching their children how to understand their own emotions better. It’s essential to let your child learn problems on their own. Let them experience failure and disappointment. Kids who have not experienced it have an overwhelming fear of making mistakes. The school is a perfect setting for kids to experience both success and failure. As parents, make sure to give support to your kids appropriate to their age.
What are the psychological consequences of helicopter parenting among adolescents?
Helicopter parenting can lead to negative psychological outcomes, including a disruption in mental health and other difficulties in adolescent development such as emotional and behavioral regulation, social skills, and academic productivity. Helicopter parenting can negatively affect a child’s emotional development. When these kids grow up, they may experience emotional challenges like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. It can also affect the child’s social skills with friends, by making them overly dependent on their parents. They may experience a harder time making friends in school, and other places.
Can you reverse helicopter parenting?
Yes, you can still reverse helicopter parenting by changing to an effective parenting style that is good for your children. Researchers found that while helicopter parenting has a direct impact on depression, physical self-esteem can help mediate it. Uplift your kids and focus on teaching them essential skills they need to solve challenging demands and situations. Let your kids execute their own decisions, practicing their sense of independence. Talk to your kids and encourage them to set goals, regulate their behavior, as well as to interact more with friends in school. Teach your kids some techniques on how to solve their own problems with confidence. If they struggle with challenging situations, whether in a complex school environment or life in general, support them appropriately without doing too much to control their behavior. If they play a sport, hype them up and be supportive. Let them play and enjoy what they do even at a young age. Give them some sense of control, even through the games and sports they play.
It’s important to let your child learn things on their own, even if it means facing disappointments and failures in this world. If your child is struggling with emotional problems due to helicopter parenting, consult a mental health professional to help them with emotional and behavioral regulation. All of these are important for improving their behavior because these kids will take these experiences as they age. It can impact how they respond to social problems and other complex issues in the future.
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