Couples Therapy: How Seeing A Psychologist Online Can Help Your Mental Health And Relationship
Running into difficulties in a long-term relationship can be a major source of distress. Your spouse or romantic partner may normally be the first person you turn to in times of emotional turmoil. So where can you go for support when your relationship is what’s making you unhappy? And how can you restore the bond between you after it’s been damaged by conflict, neglect, or misunderstandings?
Online couples therapy offers a helpful way forward for many people in troubled relationships. An experienced practitioner may be able to help you and your partner understand each other’s needs while suggesting ways to rebuild trust and intimacy. Additionally, working with a therapist over the Internet may avoid some of the obstacles to relationship therapy. This article will explain how couples therapy can help you reconnect with your partner and why you might want to consider online treatment.
Couples therapy works well for many people
Some people are very skeptical of the idea that couples counseling could help them. Movies and TV may play a role in this attitude — screenwriters love using scenes of spouses bickering in therapy sessions to demonstrate how “wrong for each other” the characters are. You might worry that if your relationship has reached the point where it needs help from a mental health professional, it’s beyond saving.
We have good news: studies have found that 70% of couples who pursue relationship counseling wind up resolving many of their differences and building happier partnerships. That number could even be higher if you leave out the cases where one person has already decided to leave and is simply using therapy as a way to soften the blow.
Types of couples therapy
The various techniques of couples counseling have been studied, refined, and improved over many decades of practice. Different therapists may employ different approaches based on their particular training and experience, or on the particular needs of their clients. Some of the most common kinds of couples therapy include:
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): Sometimes called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, or EFCT, this method strives to strengthen the emotional bond between partners. Participants learn to let go of insecurities and defensiveness, address each other’s emotional needs, and develop enough trust to communicate their feelings honestly. Repeated studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of EFT in couples counseling.
- Cognitive Behavioral Couples Therapy (CBCT): Cognitive behavioral therapy is among the best-studied types of mental health treatment, showing high effectiveness in many trials. It focuses on helping clients change distorted habits of thought and consciously modify their behavior. CBCT applies this approach to couples therapy, with success rates similar to EFT.
- Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT): SFT takes a pragmatic approach to couples counseling. Both participants discuss what they want from their ideal relationship and work together — with guidance from the therapist — to come up with ways to make that relationship a reality. This technique helps couples feel empowered to overcome the obstacles in the way of their happiness.
- The Gottman Method: Developed by a married pair of couples therapists named John and Julie Gottman, this evidence-backed method is based on the idea that relationships often break down due to predictable, avoidable communication problems like contempt and defensiveness. Gottman therapists teach romantic partners to connect through mutual respect and empathy.
These are far from the only types of relationship counseling available. Your therapist may use techniques drawn from many different theoretical approaches to find solutions that work for you and your partner.
What can couples therapy do for your relationship?
We’ve explained that couples counseling can help many couples in crisis work through their differences — but can it help with the specific problems you’re facing? We’ll review some of the most important benefits of relationship therapy to help you understand how it may help you. Keep in mind that this isn’t an exhaustive list, and there may be many other benefits we don’t have space to mention!
Improve communication
Even if you and your partner love each other deeply, you might have a hard time showing it, especially when you’re stressed or your feelings are hurt. Therapy helps many couples learn to discuss their emotions, needs, and desires without causing bad blood. It might also help you to be more honest with each other, giving voice to the things that have gone unsaid for too long.
Break bad habits
Some relationships feel like they can get caught in an endless loop, in which the same arguments keep coming up again and again. A counselor may be able to help you recognize when your actions will aggravate your partner and choose a different approach.
Repair trust
The connection between romantic partners can be badly wounded when one or both parties are unfaithful or otherwise betray one another’s trust. Yet even this damage can often be healed through honest discussions in therapy.
Address mental health challenges
Couples therapy is still therapy, and it can often be helpful in treating psychological illnesses as well as restoring the bond between partners. For instance, there’s substantial evidence that couples therapy can be more effective at treating substance use disorders than individual therapy. Confronting the things getting between you and the person you love may also improve your own mental health.
Bring back a sense of connection
Not all couples run into difficulty due to specific, identifiable issues like persistent disagreements or infidelity. Some may simply find that they’ve lost the sense of closeness they once had. Relationship therapy can help you restore the affection, intimacy, and sense of fun you once appreciated.
Re-energize your sex life
Problems in the bedroom are a very common source of tension between long-term partners. Luckily, there’s evidence that couples counseling can lead to long-lasting improvements in sexual satisfaction.
Why online couples therapy might be right for you
When you picture couples counseling, are you imagining yourself and your partner sitting at opposite ends of an uncomfortable couch while a therapist sits across from you taking notes? Though in-person treatment for relationship challenges can be a very helpful option, many couples today are choosing online therapy instead. Here are some reasons why:
Online couples therapy is easier to schedule
Therapy of any kind requires a time commitment, and it works best when you can attend sessions regularly and consistently. Unfortunately, many people may have difficulty fitting it into their calendars, and it only gets more difficult when you’re trying to work with two schedules instead of one. This can lead to further arguments and resentment if one partner repeatedly misses sessions or shows up late.
It’s often easier to attend couples therapy online since you’re taking the commute to the therapist’s office out of the equation. You may even be able to continue sessions while you’re traveling or quarantining. Also, if you find it hard to schedule sessions during business hours, you might be able to choose a therapist in a different time zone.
Connecting online gives you more options
When you’re participating in couples therapy over the Internet, you’re not limited to the providers who are located physically near you. That means you may be able to choose from a wider range of specialties and techniques.
For example, if you really need to talk with someone who’s worked with couples with substance use disorders, it could be easier when you can talk online. This benefit can be especially important if you live in a relatively small town without lots of local counselors.
Talking online can increase your comfort
Opening up to a stranger about your intimate relationship may not be easy. And you might feel even more awkward and vulnerable if you’re in an unfamiliar space. Online couples therapy can be attended from home, where the familiar, comfortable surroundings may make it easier to talk honestly.
Discussing things with a therapist who’s not physically in the room might also help you feel more at ease with the process. A 2020 paper examining the experience of online relationship counseling found that many clients felt a greater sense of comfort and safety due to the added physical distance.
Evidence suggests online therapy can often be effective
You might be concerned that therapy over the Internet would be less effective, despite the advantages described above. After all, don’t therapists need to observe your nonverbal behavior and forge a connection in order to treat you effectively?
Evidence suggests that this may not be the case. Couples often report that they have no problem developing a rapport with their therapists over the Internet, and some say the online approach actually made this process easier. In addition, a systematic review of published research into online therapy found “no difference in effectiveness” when compared to face-to-face counseling.
Takeaway
If your relationship has hit a rough patch or fallen into a rut, couples counseling can often help you get back on track. Relationship therapy can have numerous benefits, from improving communication to bringing the spark back to your sex life. Many couples can benefit from counseling delivered over the Internet, especially if scheduling conflicts or feelings of discomfort make in-person treatment difficult.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How do you know if your relationship is beyond repair?
A relationship may be beyond repair if trust is completely gone, there's no willingness to work through issues, or one or both partners are emotionally detached. Ongoing emotional or physical abuse is also a clear sign to end the relationship. When you've exhausted efforts to make things work, and nothing changes, it may be time to consider letting go of your own well-being
How do psychology and couples therapy help in relationships?
Psychology and couples therapy help by providing couples with tools to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and develop healthier ways to connect. A therapist creates a neutral and supportive environment where both partners can express their concerns, helping each person feel heard. Through therapy, couples can learn to rebuild trust, strengthen emotional bonds, and gain insight into negative patterns affecting their relationship.
What type of psychologist helps with couples counseling and relationships?
A Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) or a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) specializes in couples counseling and relationships. These therapists are trained to address the unique challenges couples face, including communication problems, intimacy issues, and conflict resolution. Their focus is to help partners navigate these challenges and build a healthier connection.
Can therapy help you get over relationships and improve mental health?
Yes, therapy is a valuable tool for processing the emotions of a breakup and understanding what went wrong. A therapist can help you navigate the grief, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and eventually move forward. Therapy can also help improve your self-esteem and give you the tools to maintain good mental health, making it easier to build stronger relationships in the future.
What therapy is best for relationships?
Couples therapy is effective, particularly methods like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which helps partners connect on a deeper emotional level, or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which addresses negative thinking patterns that affect relationships. Both therapies focus on improving communication and understanding, leading to more positive partner interactions.
How do you fix relationship problems?
Fixing relationship problems starts with open and honest communication. Both partners must be willing to listen and actively take responsibility for their actions. Address issues as they arise rather than letting them build up, and don't be afraid to seek professional help if needed. Couples counseling can provide strategies to improve communication, rebuild trust, and break negative cycles that cause conflict.
How do you fix a broken relationship through couples counseling?
Couples counseling helps by providing a structured environment where you and your partner can discuss your issues with the help of a neutral third party. The therapist helps identify underlying problems, mediates tough conversations, and teaches tools to rebuild trust and intimacy. This process can help both partners gain a better understanding of each other and work together to address lingering issues.
How do you know if your relationship needs couples therapy?
Couples therapy may be needed if communication is consistently breaking down, arguments are escalating, or there are recurring trust issues. Feeling stuck, emotionally disconnected, or unsupported in the relationship are also good indicators. Therapy is a proactive step to help both partners feel heard and work on improving their bond before the issues become too overwhelming.
Does therapy help with relationship anxiety and mental health?
Yes, therapy can be very effective in managing relationship anxiety. A therapist helps identify triggers that cause anxiety, works on building coping skills, and provides guidance on improving communication. Therapy allows you to address underlying fears, understand your partner better, and ultimately reduce relationship stress, which contributes positively to overall mental health.
How long do couples usually go to therapy?
The duration of couples therapy varies greatly depending on the couple's needs and goals. On average, couples attend therapy for 3-6 months, but it may take longer if the issues are more complex. Some couples may also choose to attend therapy periodically over the years to maintain a healthy relationship. The key is for both partners to remain committed to the process until they reach their desired goals.
How do psychologists communicate in relationships?
Psychologists teach couples how to communicate effectively by encouraging honesty, empathy, and active listening. They help partners express their feelings in a non-defensive way and work on understanding each other's perspectives. The goal is to foster an environment where both individuals feel comfortable being vulnerable, which leads to better emotional intimacy and overall relationship health.
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