How Do I Develop A Strong Sense Of Self?
What does “sense of self” mean?
“Sense of self” refers to your sense of identity or the awareness of who you are. Having a strong sense of self is integral because it helps you stay true to what you believe in. When you have a strong sense of self, you can weed out unhelpful external influences when you need to. Your sense of self influences the thoughts and feelings you have about yourself as a person. It relates to your self-esteem and confidence levels, both of which can impact your mental and physical health. Studies show that self-esteem and confidence are directly correlated to emotional wellness, making a strong sense of self incredibly important. Sometimes, a “sense of self” is also referred to as “self-concept.” The dictionary definition of self-concept is “the idea or mental image one has of oneself and one’s strengths, weaknesses, status, etc.; self-image.”
What does it mean to have a strong sense of self?
Having a strong and healthy sense of self means that you have a strong sense of personal identity. You have a deep understanding of your personal morals and values are, you’re conscious of how you operate internally, you know what your likes and dislikes are, and you know what your strengths are. You can look at your actions and behaviors objectively more often than not, and you’re more likely to do what you know is right, even if it goes against the grain. People with a strong sense of self reap the following benefits:
- Confidence
- Healthier friendships and relationships
- Higher self-esteem
- Self-awareness
- Increased ability to live a life that’s in line with one’s values
Ways to develop a strong sense of self
Cultivate your value system
In acceptance and commitment therapy or ACT, there is a strong emphasis on values or living a valued life. Living a valued life isn’t a value judgment, as all lives are inherent in value. Instead, living a valued life refers to living in a way that aligns with your values. Whether or not you know anything about acceptance and commitment therapy, thinking about your values and developing a personal value system can be a beneficial exercise. An essential part of developing a stronger sense of self is taking the time to look at your values, morals, and deepest core beliefs. An activity you can use to cultivate your system of values is to take out a journal or a piece of paper and write them down. Your list of values could include family, friendship, creativity, justice, self-respect, helping others, or anything else. As long as you believe in it, you can add it to your list of values.
Also, look at your intentional values vs. your unintentional values. Is there something you spend time on that you wish you didn’t spend so much time on? For example, do you spend time preoccupied with your appearance or worrying about what others think of you to the point that it’s detrimental to your well-being? Does that align with your values, or is it something that you would rather work on so that you can refocus your attention?
Do the things you love to do
When you’re developing your sense of self, it’s vital to do things that you enjoy. Part of knowing yourself is knowing what makes your heart sing, what makes you tick. Make time for your passions. Whether it’s visual art, music, sports, blogging, graphic design, or something else, engaging in your hobby is more than play. It’s a part of who you are, and so, it is a part of your sense of self and self-concept. It also has a role in your emotional well-being, physical well-being, and it can even benefit your career. Studies show that taking time for leisure can lower your stress levels and improve your mood.
If you are not sure what you like to do, think about this: Is there a hobby that you’ve always wanted to pick up? What about one that you used to engage in and want to return to? As you develop a stronger sense of self, one of the things that you can do is take a class, whether it’s a class related to something you’ve never done before or one that’ll help you learn more about something you already enjoy. You can use it to hone your skills, increase your confidence in that area, and meet new people. Having healthy social relationships where you feel uplifted and understood is extremely beneficial for our emotional well-being and can embrace our sense of self.
Join a group
Similar to taking classes with people that relate to the hobbies that you enjoy, joining a group that relates to something you’re passionate about can be extremely helpful as you develop your sense of self. Go back to your value system and your hobbies. What are the things that stand out the most when you think of who you are? If you were to describe yourself to someone and asked what you spent most of your time on or cared about the most in life, what would you tell them? Your answer might give you some ideas for groups you can join. For example, you could join an advocacy group if that something you’re passionate about. You could also join a group for writers or musicians. There are groups both in-person and online where you can meet like-minded people and embrace the things you care about even more.
Spend some time with yourself
Spending time with yourself is a great way to develop a sense of who you are without any external influences. If you are by yourself, you call the shots. You can take yourself out to a restaurant, work on an art project alone, journal and reflect on your thoughts, or do something else that you enjoy. You can even take a personality test that will help you get to know yourself better, such as the MBTI or Myers-Briggs type inventory test. The MBTI test is a popular personality test that looks at areas of a person’s personality, such as introversion and extroversion if you’re more logical and or intuitive, and so on. Social relationships are a very important part of our lives as human beings, but spending time alone sometimes is just as valuable. You get to choose the music that’s on, the movie you watch, and how long you stick with the same activity. Being alone can help you get into a place where you’re comfortable being in the driver’s seat of your own life and develop a greater sense of autonomy.
Work on boundary setting
Being able to set a boundary is a surprisingly vital piece of developing a sense of self. If you’re someone who has trouble saying no or tends to say yes to things that you don’t agree with to appease other people, part of establishing your sense of self will be learning how to say no when you need to. Regardless of if saying “no” is something you struggle with or not, we can all work on setting boundaries and respecting other people’s boundaries. Here is an example of setting a boundary: Say that you have something that you don’t want to talk about, and your friends or family always bring it up, you can say to them, “I am not comfortable talking about this topic, can we talk about something else?” State that that is your boundary, and don’t be afraid to reinforce it if you need to. While it may seem unrelated to your self-concept, boundary-setting is actually a big deal in your sense of self because it allows you to affirm your needs and is a component of self-respect.
Look at what influences your current self-perception
If you feel like you don’t have a strong sense of self, it’s important to look at why that might be. For many people, external influences impact our sense of self in a way that could be negative or simply inaccurate to who we are. For example, the media praises certain attributes and either disregard or criticize others, making us feel down about who we are. Similarly, while many of us have great families, other people have toxic families that may negatively influence their sense of self. Perhaps they were criticized growing up or told that the personal sense of identity they had started to develop was wrong or would not be accepted within the family. Maybe the family unit struggled with boundaries. If you find that this is true for you, counseling is an option to help you work through these feelings.
Self-discovery in counseling
Counseling is an excellent place to work through any roadblocks you have in your relationship with yourself. You can talk to a therapist about your sense of self or self-concept, and they can guide you along the way. The online counselors at Regain see both couples and individuals, and they are here to help you with any of your mental health, relationship, or life concerns. Search the network of mental health providers at Regain and find the best fit for you.
Takeaway
Developing your own sense of self takes time, but it can make all of the difference in your life. Small steps in setting goals, boundaries, and developing hobbies and passions can lead to large, positive changes—you just need to begin.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
How can I get a strong sense of self?
Knowing yourself and building confidence within yourself is easier said than done. While building a strong sense of self may seem daunting, defining your sense of self is not something that can happen overnight. Rather, it is a lifelong process that will shift and change as you grow and evolve. Building a strong sense of self requires you to figure out who you are, what you value, and what is important. When first grappling with these questions, you might lack a sense of who you are and what really matters to you. Don’t be discouraged. This happens often and is more pervasive than ever before, given that social media constantly shows us images of others to who we are quick to compare ourselves. By constantly looking at and comparing ourselves to others, it’s only natural that over time we would lose sight of who we are and what matters, which can lead to an unstable sense of self. The good news is even if you feel that you have an unstable sense of self, as long as you’re willing to put in the work, you can build a strong sense of self over time. Building a strong sense of self requires you to tune out the noise of what others want or what society dictates and tap into what you truly care about and want out of life.
One of the best ways to begin developing your sense of self is by looking within and distinguishing yourself from your surroundings to become more self-aware. To make decisions that are truly in your best interest, you need to have a clear idea of what you want and how you want to spend your time. Spending time alone with your thoughts is a great way to begin to create a defined sense of who you are and what you want out of life. During this process, some things to consider include looking at your strengths, what brings you joy, and looking at whether your values and the way you live your life are aligned. This process will take time, but you’ll have a healthy sense of who you are once you do.
Another way to work towards a defined self of self is to have conversations with yourself. Explore new ways to be yourself and observe ways in which you could change various situations. One way to do this is when a situation arises, take a step back and reflect on your process, thoughts, and feelings without having an immediate reaction. Then, ask yourself, “How is this making me feel?” or “Now that I’ve had a moment to think, how do I want to react or what decision feels best for me?” When these situations arise with other people, tell them that you need some time to think about the best path forward, and you’ll get back to them as soon as possible. This allows you to truly consider your options and allow you to make the best decision for yourself instead of deciding based on in-the-moment feelings or thoughts.
When difficult situations arise, it’s easy to push them aside and view them as something that happened that was out of your control. Rather than adopting that approach, try viewing difficult situations as an opportunity for you to see just how capable you are. When challenging situations come up, ask yourself how you want to meet that challenge and how you’re reacting with your self-defined values and beliefs? If not, question why that is and then make shifts in your behavior to align your actions and values.
A developed sense of self takes time, but by putting in the work and tapping into your beliefs and values, you’ll be able to define what you want out of life clearly. A defined sense of self allows you to tackle life’s many challenges in a way that aligns with who you truly are, who you want to become, and how you want to express your true self to the rest of the world. It is also important to note that it’s entirely normal for your developed sense of self to evolve and shift over time. Being flexible and tapping into your values and why they have shifted will provide perspective into why you might be feeling like your sense of self has changed.
What does it mean to have a strong sense of identity?
A strong identity means that you have clearly defined your values and personal beliefs, and when it comes to decisions, you rely on what you know about yourself to help guide you to make the right decision. Having a strong identity allows you to live with purpose and develop satisfying relationships, which contribute to feeling good overall. In addition to creating a more purposeful and satisfying life, knowing who you are and what you stand for makes it easier to accept your entire self, which includes traits that you are proud of and areas that you’d like to improve. By having a strong sense of identity, you are unlikely to take that area for improvement personally and instead view them as an opportunity for you to address those areas of concern and create change that positively impacts you. A strong sense of identity means that when you make decisions, you’re making them based on what’s best for you—that doesn’t mean you don’t take important people in your life’s opinion into consideration; rather, you don’t rely on that opinion as to the sole reason behind whatever decision you make.
How important is self-identity?
Self-identity is incredibly important. Lacking a clearly defined sense of self makes it difficult to know exactly what you want in any given situation, and whether you’re making the right decisions. You might constantly feel uncertain or indecisive when making important choices, or you might constantly feel regret towards the decisions you have made. Not having a strong sense of self may cause you to drive through life, which can lead to discontentment even when there is nothing specific that’s wrong, and you have a difficult time pinning down the reason why you’re feeling unhappy.
What causes loss of identity?
Losing your sense of identity happens for a variety of reasons. Oftentimes, trauma or a major life event may be to blame for why you feel you have lost yourself of self. Other times, losing your identity might happen slowly over a period of months or years. Loss of identity may also happen during other life changes such as changes in the workplace, including loss of job or profession, or a cross-country move away from a person’s source of support and pleasure. Sometimes, when you enter a new relationship, you may lose your sense of self. In healthy relationships, it is normal to adapt our behaviors to support and accommodate our partners; however, in some relationships, co-dependency results in a total loss of independence and results in a total loss of who you are. When you lose your identity, it is common to feel anxious, low self-esteem, depression, a loss of self-confidence, social anxiety, isolation, chronic loneliness, among others. It is also common to seek your sense of self-worth from others. How people view you becomes more important than it might have in the past, and in turn, because we seek reassurance and praise from others to feel ok about ourselves, our well-being ends up being tied to how others view us as opposed to how we feel about ourselves.
At what age do you think a person has a very sure sense of self?
Researchers have found that children have a fully formed sense of self by age five. In fact, they found that by the time children are five, their sense of self is comparable in strength to that of adults. While on its face, this might seem daunting, especially if you are currently working towards finding your own sense of self, the good news is that you already know what matters to you, even though it has likely shifted from the time you were five. While a fully formed sense of self might happen by the age of five, your values and goals will evolve and are constantly something that you should be checking in with yourself to make sure that your actions align with your personal values and beliefs.
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What Is An Example Of Sense Of Self?
What Causes A Weak Sense Of Self?
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What Happens When You Don't Have A Strong Sense Of Self?
What Are The Five Senses Of Self?
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What Is The Most Important Sense?
What Is Sense Of Self In Philosophy?
What Are The 4 Types Of Senses?
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