What Is Libido? Definition, Psychology, And Application For Your Relationship

Updated October 17, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

When you hear the word 'libido,' what comes to your mind? Many people have heard the term before, but may not necessarily know what it means. Libido is important for your relationship and refers to the sexual drive you have. Note that your sexual energy and drive will vary distinctly from person to person, including your personal preferences and your life circumstances. In this article, we will cover the definition of libido, the psychology of sexual drive, and how it affects your relationship. 

What is libido?

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Libido is your sexual drive or your desire for sexual activity. For some people, libido is high, meaning that they want sexual contact or interaction smore frequently. For others, libido could be low, thus they want sexual contact or interaction as little as possible. Some people consider themselves asexual, which means that they may have no interest in sex with anyone. It is important to note that asexuality is considered a sexual orientation or identity that describes someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people of any gender. However, they may still choose to engage in sexual behaviors. Lastly, a person’s libido can range anywhere on the scale of high, low, and no libido. 

Now, for some people, their libido is not a problem. Wherever they fall on the scale, They are content with wherever they fall on the scale and do no not need to make any changes in their life. For others, their libido is a problem for them or their relationship. This can happen whether you have a high libido or a low one, and generally, it happens when one partner has a higher libido than the other partner. If one partner wants to have sex more frequently than the other, it can cause tension and frustration for the both in the relationship. In this case, understanding the psychology of sex and seeking help from a couples counselor or sex therapist is an appropriate next step. 

Where does libido come from?

According to Freud and psychoanalytic theory, libido is not only sexual in nature, but a type of psychic energy derived from a person’s instincts or drive that directs their behavior. According to Freud, this energy includes sexual instincts and more. The libido includes any expression of self-preservation, pleasure, and love that promotes the drive of life.  In this article, we will discuss the libido that specifies the sexual drive of an individual. 

A person’s libido is complex, connected to their psychology, biology, and socialization. All three factors will interact differently in each person, making your libido completely specific to you. Even a person experiencing the same upbringing and genetics will not necessarily share the same libido. For example , even with a twin sibling who is exactly like you biologically, who grows up in the same situation and more will still not mean you share the same personality and psychological makeup. The following factors can influence a person’s libido:

Biological influences

There is a biological origin of sex drive that involves neurotransmitters and the way that they interact with testosterone and dopamine. While you may relate this hormone only to men, the sex drive of both men and women is affected by the levels of testosterone in the body. Low levels of testosterone are directly correlated to lower libido. If you are concerned your or your spouse’s libido is being affected by low levels of testosterone, you can make an appointment with a medical professional to affirm the cause. 

Social influences

Social factors that contribute to libido include cultural and societal influences, including your family, your religion, your cultural background, and contemporary society. Some religions or cultures may place judgement upon certain sexual behaviors, especially women, which can cause a person to intentionally stay away from sex. Even social media can influence your libido. For example, frequently looking at pornography can cause desensitization to sexual stimulus and decrease your libido

Psychological influences

Psychological factors that can affect your libido include your mental health and any stress stemming from your work, family, or social environments. Stress can play a major factor in lowering your sex drive along with managing depressive or anxiety disorders. A history of sexual trauma can also have a serious impact on your libido. Lastly, relationship issues, such as problems with communication and trust, can lead to a person not feeling open to sex, especially if a betrayal or infidelity has occurred. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Medical factors

If you have different medical conditions or start taking or stopping taking medications, you could also see changes to your libido. Several health conditions can decrease your sex drive, such as heart disease, chronic kidney disease, headaches, hypothyroidism, and cancer. Some medications, including anti-depressants, high blood-pressure medications, and chemotherapy drugs, can affect the way you feel about your libido.

The effect of libido on your relationship

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If you are in a relationship with someone or you are just starting a relationship that has not reached a sexual stage yet, you might be wondering just what will happen going forward. For those who have a low libido, it might seem strange to talk about it with someone, even if you have been in a relationship with them for a long time, let alone if you are just beginning. However, being open about your personal sexual desires and boundaries is important so you both understand where the other is coming from.

Talking to your partner about your libido and what sex means to you is an important part of any relationship. If you have a high libido, this is also something to talk about with your partner. You may find that your partner agrees with you regarding the frequency with which you want sex. But you may find that you have entirely different ideas about what is 'normal' or what is 'acceptable.' The best thing you can do is be open and honest so that the two of you can decide on what works for your relationship.

You may not know if your libido is considered high, low, or average. Talking to your partner will allow the two of you to compare what you are looking for or what you want. From there, you can decide what works best for you or figure out how you are going to approach sex and libido going forward. Remember, it's entirely up to the two of you as individuals and as a couple to decide what will work best in your lives and your overall relationship.

Treating low libido

You may have heard of several different medications used to treat low libido or help those who experience the libido but have trouble otherwise. These medications can help, but here are other options to increase your libido if desired. There may be other reasons that are contributing to the low sex drive that medications will not touch.  There may be psychological or emotional influences that are keeping a person from wanting sex. 

Again, libido is different for each person, and the amount of sexual drive you have can vary with time, situation, and environment. If you have never had a high sex drive or an 'average' sex drive, you may want to talk with your doctor to find out if there is a reason for this. You may have a medical condition that results in your having no or low libido. If you are interested, there may be medications that your doctor can give you to help you with this. On the other hand, there could be a psychological reason behind your low libido, in which case you may be referred to a mental health professional to get to the bottom of things.

Treating high libido

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While many people think that high libido is not a problem, it can be for many people. If your libido is much higher than your partner's, for example, you may want to investigate ways that you can also change this. An excessively high libido may indicate compulsive sexual behavior disorder that is marked by an inability to control sexual urges and behaviors. This disorder can cause an individual distress while also affecting the healthy functioning of their relationship and life in general. 

Someone who has a very high sex drive may also have psychological causes that are the basis for this. It could result from something that has happened within your life or something happening in your brain (which does not mean anything wrong). Talking with a mental health professional could help you to understand your high libido better and might be able to bring it down to a more average level if this is what you are looking for.

Seeking help

What happens in your bedroom is often the most personal of connections shared as a couple. However, when one or both of you is finding sexual intimacy difficult, you may not know how to change or improve the physical connection. In some cases, there may be a mental health or physical problem that is affecting your libido. Either case, seeking the help of a professional mental health therapist or medical provide can be the answer to your problems. Couples counselors or relationship therapist are available to support you as an individual or both of you. 

Talking about the intimate details of your sexual relationship can be difficult and you may prefer to do so in the comfort of your own home. Online therapy is an effective alternative to in-person therapy that is often preferred by people due to its atmosphere of inconspicuousness and the secure feeling of talking to someone with a screen as a safety barrier. For example, in a recent study published in Technology in Mental Health, therapists reported that their clients appreciated the comfort of being at home and easily developed a therapeutic alliance during counseling sessions. If you think online therapy is a good choice for you alone or the both of you, contact a therapist at Regain at your convenience. 

Takeaway

A person’s libido is an integral component of their desire to have sex and can be influenced by several factors, including physical and emotional exhaustion, mental and physical health disorders, and individual variation of sexual drive. In learning these factors, you may now understand your partner’s desire for sex more completely and can more openly talk about your intimate lives. When you find that you and your partner continue to manage unresolved issues in the bedroom or in your relationship in general, reach out for help from a couples’ counselor. You may find this support is just what your relationship needs to get you back on track.  

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