“Does My Ex Think Of About Me?” Moving On After A Breakup

Updated November 23, 2024by Regain Editorial Team

After a breakup, it can be common to wonder, "Does my ex think of me?" However, if you’re so distressed by the end of a relationship that you have trouble functioning in multiple areas of your life and can't move on, you may want to seek additional support and guidance. Read on to explore healthy, practical ways to get over your ex, move on after a breakup, and how therapy can help you heal so you’re ready for your next relationship. 

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Are you having trouble moving on after a breakup?

“Does my ex think about me?” Why it can be hard to move on

When you were in a relationship, your ex presumably held a significant role in your life. Many people have lingering feelings after a breakup because our emotions don't let go quite so easily. You certainly aren’t the only one who thinks about their ex. Research shows that as many as 35% of people in a relationship dream about their ex-partner. By comparison, only 17% of single people dreamed of exes. 

You are likely on your ex's mind occasionally, especially if the breakup was recent. You both underwent a significant change to your regular routine and habits, and they likely need time to adjust too. What you may really be wondering is whether your ex has forgotten you

"By knowing the reasons why the relationship isn't working, the initiator of the breakup has already sorted out his or her story. However, the person being broken up with is thrust from being in safe psychological territory into an abyss, particularly if the relationship was seemingly safe, secure, and serious."— Why We Need Closure From Broken Relationships

How love and breakups affect your brain 

These things usually happen to your brain during love and breakups:

Falling in love, swimming in oxytocin

Often called the “love hormone,” oxytocin is produced in large quantities during the early stages of a relationship as an evolutionary response to help you form a growing emotional connection with your romantic partner. The neurochemical activates the brain’s pleasure and reward centers, making you feel good near your partner. 

Heartbreak can change your brain

Studies show that the pain of a broken heart can be felt as physical pain, and some people experience symptoms similar to addiction withdrawal after a breakup. The data shows that actively trying to get over your ex triggers increased brain activity, often corresponding to increased recovery progress. 

The stages of grieving a relationship

“Romantic breakups can be followed by symptoms of heartbreak and bereavement. Typically, these symptoms have been associated with a loss from death, although they can also occur following other losses like divorces and romantic breakups.” — Tiffany Field

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

Romantic Breakups, Heartbreak, and Bereavement

Give yourself time and space to heal

Breakups are so hard and hurt so much because you invested a great deal of yourself into the relationship. It’s supposed to take time to get over it. Don’t push yourself too hard; give yourself the time and space to heal. The companionship of a rebound may sound enticing, but it could hurt your progress—and your new partner.

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How to move on after a breakup

While there’s no fast way guaranteed to help you get over an ex after a breakup, there are a variety of research-backed techniques you can use to process your feelings and move on past heartbreak. 

Set healthy boundaries—and stick to them 

Researchers suggest it can help to reevaluate your boundaries after a breakup and let people know if you’ve made any changes. You should prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.

Healthy breakup boundaries include:

  • Go no contact—at least for a while

You'll have a much more difficult time getting over your ex if you're still talking, texting, and seeing each other daily. You may want to slip into old patterns and ignore the emotional pain of the breakup. Try agreeing to go no-contact for a few weeks to give yourself time to heal.

  • Avoid their social media

You may be tempted to scour your ex’s social media pages for an indication of how they’re handling the breakup and whether they miss you. Remember that social media is rarely reality, and many people wouldn’t post about it if they were upset. 

  • You don’t owe anyone details

If you don’t feel comfortable talking about the breakup, you don’t owe anyone the details of your personal life. You’re not obligated to share the intimate knowledge of your broken relationship with anyone. You can simply say that you appreciate their concern but don't want to discuss it. 

Express your feelings

It can be crucial to believe that your feelings and experiences about the relationship and the breakup are valid and that you are allowed to feel whatever you feel. Your emotions are yours, and you’ll have an easier time moving forward after a breakup if you identify what you feel, allow yourself to feel it, adjust to how it affects you, and move on with your life. 

Focus on self-care

Getting out of a serious relationship can be an excellent time to refocus your energy on self-care and loving yourself. Ensure you eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and maintain healthy sleep hygiene. Studies show that people focusing on personal development after a breakup often show increased confidence, emotional stability, and independence. As you work through the separation, journaling about your feelings can help you examine and process your emotions. 

Build your support network

When you’re not feeling like yourself and are working through the chaotic emotions of a breakup, it can be helpful to surround yourself with supportive friends and family, creating a healing environment that lets you know you’re not alone. 

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Are you having trouble moving on after a breakup?

Examine what went wrong

When you've had time to adjust to and work through your emotions, examine your behavior in the relationship and how you reacted to your ex’s words and actions. Look for what went wrong and figure out what you could have done differently to identify negative patterns in your thoughts or behavior. This step is best accomplished with the support and guidance of a mental health professional. 

Fall in love with yourself

After a breakup is a great time to fall in love with yourself again. Taking time to focus on yourself to determine what you want, expect, and demand in a partner can set you up for success in your next relationship. For a while, anything you'd like your partner to do for you, do for yourself. You can send yourself flowers or take a weekend trip alone. Set the standard for how you want to be treated in a relationship. 

Conduct a breakup ritual to give yourself closure

Sometimes, the circumstances of your breakup don't allow you to get closure with your former partner. If you find yourself in that situation, you can make your own closure with a breakup ritual to acknowledge the pain and loss of the split so you can move on. Studies show that participating in a breakup ritual can be therapeutic. 

Remember why you broke up

You may find that there are times when you feel lonely and want to call your ex to feel the comfort and companionship of your former relationship. When tempted to call your ex and reconnect, try to remember why you broke up in the first place. 

How therapy can help you heal after a breakup

Many people have trouble letting go of feelings for their ex, making it hard to heal and move on in healthy ways. If lingering feelings for your ex are holding you back, consider working with a licensed therapist online through a virtual relationship therapy platform like Regain. If you’re a parent or guardian seeking support for your child after an adolescent breakup, online therapy for kids from 12 to 19 is available at TeenCounseling. Therapy can help you examine what went wrong in your previous relationship and what you could have done differently and help you develop practical conflict resolution, communication, and coping skills to help you in your next relationship.

Numerous recent studies show that online and in-person psychotherapy offers the same results. Teletherapy is usually cheaper and involves a shorter wait before receiving treatment. Virtual platforms provide access to a much more comprehensive pool of licensed therapists, making it far more likely that you’ll find someone who blends well with your personality, situation, and needs. If you don’t find a therapist who makes you feel comfortable on the first try, matching with someone else is simple. 

Takeaway 

Relationships may end abruptly, but feelings rarely do. Many people wonder if their ex thinks of them and may feel nostalgic for the lost love. This article offers insight into how love and breakups change you, how to get over an ex to move on, and how therapy can help. 

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