I Broke Up With My Girlfriend: Seven Ways To Move On

Updated October 20, 2024by Regain Editorial Team
Content warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that could be triggering to the reader. Please see our Get Help Now page for more immediate resources.

Multiple studies indicate that the weeks and months after a breakup are the most difficult. This could be because you’re still coming to terms with the practical impact that often accompanies breakups-- including the changing nature of shared friendships, dividing shared possessions, and possibly renegotiating relationships with your girlfriend’s family. 

Combine these with the heartache that comes with missing someone in your life every day and the painful uncertainty of moving on, and it isn’t hard to understand why breakups are so difficult. Sometimes you may even feel you can’t move on from your ex-girlfriend. It may take a while to regain confidence and get to a point where you no longer feel sad or angry about the breakup—but it will eventually happen. 

Here are a few tips for moving on after you break up with your girlfriend:

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Moving on from a breakup can be difficult in many ways

Accept that it’s over

If your breakup is final, your ex-girlfriend is likely not coming back.  In that case, letting that sink in and drawing strength from it may be helpful. In the early days, you may stay up at night wondering if you made the right decision or would ever find happiness without her. You may even be tempted to imagine the possibility of you and her getting back together someday.

But holding on to the (false) hope that things can return to how they were isn’t helpful. With each passing day, you’ll need to get used to the fact that she is no longer a part of your life. It is in your best interest to accept that you won’t get back together, nor should you if you’ve agreed that splitting up is the best thing for you both.

Limit contact and get rid of mementos

Many people claim they want to “stay friends” after a breakup. This may be fine later, but it’ll likely make things more challenging initially. If you genuinely want to move on from your breakup, you should make it clear to her that a friendship isn’t the best thing for you right now. 

After breaking up with your girlfriend, avoid her social media activities. Checking up on your ex-girlfriend online will only keep you in emotional turmoil and may create the wrong impression that you are obsessed with her. Removing your ex-girlfriend from your physical and digital world increases your chances of finding closure. You could also unfollow them from all social media accounts, which could be helpful if you do not want to feel nostalgic. 

Also, limit the possibility of running into her in public. If you can’t avoid seeing her, focus on restricting your interactions to conversations that don’t address personal matters in your life right now. Doing this will help you avoid awkward questions and situations. 

Keeping tokens of affection around the house will likely only serve to prolong your pain, so it may be healing to pack up the things she gave you and return them to her. If there are things she doesn’t want back, it’s up to you if you want to give them away or keep them. Just keep in mind that it may add to the difficulty of moving on. 

Find a new purpose

In the aftermath of a breakup, you will likely be uncertain about what to do next. Focusing more on work is one strategy, but developing a new interest gives you a novelty of purpose. You may suddenly realize there were many things you wanted to do but didn’t because you invested so much time in your relationship with your ex.

Sometimes, you need a positive outlet to help relieve you of the negative emotions associated with your breakup. You could join a fitness club, sign up for an online program, become a volunteer at your local charity, start a blog or podcast, or commence work on that project you have always wanted to accomplish but never had the motivation to begin.

The aim is not to distract yourself from pain with mundane activities that serve no purpose but to divert your focus towards productive endeavors you love, and that will improve your self-esteem.

Give yourself time to heal

Many people feel the urge to strike up a new relationship right after a breakup. This may be because they feel lonely or want to prove to their ex that they are over them. While it may help in the short term, this is usually not a good idea in the long run. 

Although the verdict is still out on whether all rebound relationships are sure to fail, collective human experience says most of them do. It is far more productive to spend time processing your feelings and finding ways to enjoy your own company for a while until you regain emotional and mental clarity. Not only is this the best thing for you, but it’s the considerate thing to do for the would-be “rebound” date who may spend your whole relationship wondering if you’re thinking about your ex. 

Don’t be hard on yourself

You may feel tempted to think about your flaws and insecurities, especially if your girlfriend is vague about why she’s breaking up with you. But keep in mind that just as it takes two people for a relationship to work, it also takes more than the shortcomings of one person for a relationship to dissolve. 

Thinking about the things you could have “done better” or replaying hurtful scenarios in your mind will probably only serve to fill you with guilt, pain, and regret. Try to think about it from this perspective: there were things about you that made your ex fall in love with you, to begin with, and you probably still have those positive traits. Besides, you can’t change the past but you can learn from it. 

Engage your support network

It’s normal to feel lonely and crave emotional support after a breakup. This is where help from your friends and family can make a big difference. These are likely to be the people who know you best and are best suited to assist you during this difficult time. 

They can help restore your self-esteem, reframe your thoughts as an individual instead of one-half of a couple, and distract you with fun and laughter. If you didn’t spend too much time with your friends and loved ones during your relationship, now could be an excellent time to reconnect and make new memories. 

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Moving on from a breakup can be difficult in many ways

Look forward

The end of a relationship, no matter how memorable and serious, does not have to take away your ability to live your life fully. Reflect on what makes you happy as an individual, engage in activities that are good for your mental health, and keep your heart open for pleasant surprises. Once you’ve had the chance to regain your independence, you may be ready to consider building healthy relationships with people who will inspire you to be the best version of yourself. 

This is an excellent time to reflect on the relationship with your ex and examine the opportunities for improvement in hindsight. You can use these discoveries to better yourself as a person and apply them to make your next relationship (whenever it happens) the best it can be.  

Move on with the help of an online therapist

Moving on successfully from a breakup includes processing your feelings. But many people try to avoid the deep, complicated feelings they still have after the split. There are many harmful consequences associated with repressed emotions, including physical health problems and potential complications that may negatively impact daily life. 

When feelings of pain and isolation go unaddressed, they sometimes evolve into serious mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and disorders associated with trauma. If time passes and you find that your feelings have evolved to include more severe symptoms, reaching out to a mental health professional is essential.

Despite the importance of professional assistance, issues of convenience, accessibility, affordability, and more can act as a barrier for people who need help. In these cases, the most effective way to access therapy is through an online platform like Regain

Regain will match you with a licensed professional whom you can speak with from the comfort of your home (or anywhere with a reliable internet connection) at a time that suits your schedule via phone, text, online messaging, and video chat. Virtual therapy is often more affordable than traditional treatment without insurance, and a growing body of research shows it’s just as effective.

For example, a recent article published by the National Center for Health Research cited three meta-analyses from 2018, 2019, and 2020 on the effectiveness of online vs. in-person therapy. Each study found that online treatment was equally effective as conventional therapy for treating issues like anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. In many instances, patients in virtual therapy were also as likely to adhere to their treatment plan. 

Takeaway

If you have recently broken up with your girlfriend and are struggling to move on, it may help to know that you aren’t alone, and there are many success stories of people who have recovered from the pain of a failed relationship. Reach out to a professional at Regain to begin your healing journey.

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