I Broke Up With My Girlfriend: Seven Ways To Move On
Multiple studies indicate that the weeks and months after a breakup are the most difficult. This could be because you’re still coming to terms with the practical impact that often accompanies breakups-- including the changing nature of shared friendships, dividing shared possessions, and possibly renegotiating relationships with your girlfriend’s family.
Combine these with the heartache that comes with missing someone in your life every day and the painful uncertainty of moving on, and it isn’t hard to understand why breakups are so difficult. Sometimes you may even feel you can’t move on from your ex-girlfriend. It may take a while to regain confidence and get to a point where you no longer feel sad or angry about the breakup—but it will eventually happen.
Here are a few tips for moving on after you break up with your girlfriend:
Accept that it’s over
If your breakup is final, your ex-girlfriend is likely not coming back. In that case, letting that sink in and drawing strength from it may be helpful. In the early days, you may stay up at night wondering if you made the right decision or would ever find happiness without her. You may even be tempted to imagine the possibility of you and her getting back together someday.
But holding on to the (false) hope that things can return to how they were isn’t helpful. With each passing day, you’ll need to get used to the fact that she is no longer a part of your life. It is in your best interest to accept that you won’t get back together, nor should you if you’ve agreed that splitting up is the best thing for you both.
Limit contact and get rid of mementos
Many people claim they want to “stay friends” after a breakup. This may be fine later, but it’ll likely make things more challenging initially. If you genuinely want to move on from your breakup, you should make it clear to her that a friendship isn’t the best thing for you right now.
After breaking up with your girlfriend, avoid her social media activities. Checking up on your ex-girlfriend online will only keep you in emotional turmoil and may create the wrong impression that you are obsessed with her. Removing your ex-girlfriend from your physical and digital world increases your chances of finding closure. You could also unfollow them from all social media accounts, which could be helpful if you do not want to feel nostalgic.
Also, limit the possibility of running into her in public. If you can’t avoid seeing her, focus on restricting your interactions to conversations that don’t address personal matters in your life right now. Doing this will help you avoid awkward questions and situations.
Keeping tokens of affection around the house will likely only serve to prolong your pain, so it may be healing to pack up the things she gave you and return them to her. If there are things she doesn’t want back, it’s up to you if you want to give them away or keep them. Just keep in mind that it may add to the difficulty of moving on.
Find a new purpose
In the aftermath of a breakup, you will likely be uncertain about what to do next. Focusing more on work is one strategy, but developing a new interest gives you a novelty of purpose. You may suddenly realize there were many things you wanted to do but didn’t because you invested so much time in your relationship with your ex.
Sometimes, you need a positive outlet to help relieve you of the negative emotions associated with your breakup. You could join a fitness club, sign up for an online program, become a volunteer at your local charity, start a blog or podcast, or commence work on that project you have always wanted to accomplish but never had the motivation to begin.
The aim is not to distract yourself from pain with mundane activities that serve no purpose but to divert your focus towards productive endeavors you love, and that will improve your self-esteem.
Give yourself time to heal
Many people feel the urge to strike up a new relationship right after a breakup. This may be because they feel lonely or want to prove to their ex that they are over them. While it may help in the short term, this is usually not a good idea in the long run.
Although the verdict is still out on whether all rebound relationships are sure to fail, collective human experience says most of them do. It is far more productive to spend time processing your feelings and finding ways to enjoy your own company for a while until you regain emotional and mental clarity. Not only is this the best thing for you, but it’s the considerate thing to do for the would-be “rebound” date who may spend your whole relationship wondering if you’re thinking about your ex.
Don’t be hard on yourself
You may feel tempted to think about your flaws and insecurities, especially if your girlfriend is vague about why she’s breaking up with you. But keep in mind that just as it takes two people for a relationship to work, it also takes more than the shortcomings of one person for a relationship to dissolve.
Thinking about the things you could have “done better” or replaying hurtful scenarios in your mind will probably only serve to fill you with guilt, pain, and regret. Try to think about it from this perspective: there were things about you that made your ex fall in love with you, to begin with, and you probably still have those positive traits. Besides, you can’t change the past but you can learn from it.
Engage your support network
It’s normal to feel lonely and crave emotional support after a breakup. This is where help from your friends and family can make a big difference. These are likely to be the people who know you best and are best suited to assist you during this difficult time.
They can help restore your self-esteem, reframe your thoughts as an individual instead of one-half of a couple, and distract you with fun and laughter. If you didn’t spend too much time with your friends and loved ones during your relationship, now could be an excellent time to reconnect and make new memories.
Look forward
The end of a relationship, no matter how memorable and serious, does not have to take away your ability to live your life fully. Reflect on what makes you happy as an individual, engage in activities that are good for your mental health, and keep your heart open for pleasant surprises. Once you’ve had the chance to regain your independence, you may be ready to consider building healthy relationships with people who will inspire you to be the best version of yourself.
This is an excellent time to reflect on the relationship with your ex and examine the opportunities for improvement in hindsight. You can use these discoveries to better yourself as a person and apply them to make your next relationship (whenever it happens) the best it can be.
Move on with the help of an online therapist
Moving on successfully from a breakup includes processing your feelings. But many people try to avoid the deep, complicated feelings they still have after the split. There are many harmful consequences associated with repressed emotions, including physical health problems and potential complications that may negatively impact daily life.
When feelings of pain and isolation go unaddressed, they sometimes evolve into serious mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and disorders associated with trauma. If time passes and you find that your feelings have evolved to include more severe symptoms, reaching out to a mental health professional is essential.
Despite the importance of professional assistance, issues of convenience, accessibility, affordability, and more can act as a barrier for people who need help. In these cases, the most effective way to access therapy is through an online platform like Regain.
Regain will match you with a licensed professional whom you can speak with from the comfort of your home (or anywhere with a reliable internet connection) at a time that suits your schedule via phone, text, online messaging, and video chat. Virtual therapy is often more affordable than traditional treatment without insurance, and a growing body of research shows it’s just as effective.
For example, a recent article published by the National Center for Health Research cited three meta-analyses from 2018, 2019, and 2020 on the effectiveness of online vs. in-person therapy. Each study found that online treatment was equally effective as conventional therapy for treating issues like anxiety, depression, trauma, and more. In many instances, patients in virtual therapy were also as likely to adhere to their treatment plan.
Takeaway
If you have recently broken up with your girlfriend and are struggling to move on, it may help to know that you aren’t alone, and there are many success stories of people who have recovered from the pain of a failed relationship. Reach out to a professional at Regain to begin your healing journey.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What should I do if I broke up with my girlfriend?
The answer to this question depends on your situation. If you are hurt about the breakup, it’s essential to process your feelings. Let yourself cry if you need to. Reach out to friends, family, and a therapist if applicable. If time passes and you find yourself experiencing depressive symptoms or other mental health symptoms, it’s important to reach out to a mental health professional.
Additionally, if you are stuck on the breakup and can’t seem to let go of the relationship even after time has passed, a mental health professional can help. When you break up with someone, make sure that you separate yourself from them, at least for a while. Distance from them both in-person and online so that you can take time for yourself. If you have kids together, maintaining low to no contact with someone you broke up with might be a little more complicated, but it is possible. Keep your communication polite and infrequent if your circumstances allow it. Communicate only about the children, and don’t overstep when chatting about your ex’s life. If you just broke up and are still living together, try to find a separate living situation as soon as you can.
Why do I regret breaking up with my girlfriend?
There are several reasons why a person may regret breaking up with their girlfriend. For example, you may regret breaking up someone if you still love them. If you fear commitment or an avoidant attachment style, you may have left the relationship when things started to get serious out of nervousness and have deep regrets surrounding this action as a result. If this was the case for you, it’s essential to acknowledge that this was likely extremely hurtful for your ex before you try to reach out.
Loving someone is not the only reason that you might regret a breakup. You may also have regrets if you hurt the person by cheating on them or using other actions that impacted the relationship. Feelings of regret can be painful. What you can do is learn from this experience and become a better person. If you can’t seem to stop feeling regret, it’s essential to reach out to a mental health provider. Talking to friends and family is normal and can be helpful to some degree, but these relationships are not a replacement for help from medical, mental health, or relationship professional.
Does no contact work if I broke up with her?
Cutting off contact with an ex is one of the most effective ways to help yourself get over them. You need to discover who you are outside of this relationship and focus on yourself. If you find yourself looking at your ex’s social media or trying to get back together with them when they aren’t interested, it’s imperative to mute or block them so that you can clear your mind of the relationship. If you keep looking at your ex’s social media, you will always be filing input about your ex in your brain, and you won’t be able to stop thinking about them. No contact is important when you break up with somebody because you need to take the time to develop your life away from them. Focus on your life, your hobbies, and your accomplishments. Engage in a hobby that you wanted to engage in for a while but haven’t been able to. Think about your own personal goals. Imagine what you want for your life in your future. Ponder how to be the best person you can be. If you’re still in contact with your ex, it can hold you back and keep you in a place where you are still thinking about the relationship when you don’t need to be, which is why this step is such a vital one. In the future, perhaps you’ll be friends. In the meantime, you both must have space to heal.
Can breaking up save a relationship?
Breaking up can save a relationship in some scenarios. While “if you love them, let them go,” may sound like a cliché, it is sound advice. While the original author of the quote is unknown, it’s known that the full saying is, “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t meant to be.” The quote is timeless because it has some truth to it. You can’t force someone back into a relationship they don’t want to be in, and begging someone to come back or not to leave at all will often drive them away, particularly if your ask is incessant and they’re uninterested. Say that you broke up with someone when you were young or in a solely long-distance or an online relationship, but later on, you cross paths again and decide to get back together. Forcing yourselves together back then may have strained and ruined the relationship, but allowing yourselves, space likely improved your trust with each other and is a way that you showed respect for each other’s growth. That’s a situation where the split very well may have saved you. A breakup is also time, strangely enough, to show strong character and respect. Take the time to talk about your feelings with loved ones and to mourn (because breakups do come with a sense of grief) but show respect for the other person’s needs and try to understand that while a breakup may feel like rejection, it’s sometimes less about you and more about their needs. Of course, there are so many nuances to this, but they could be taking time for self-discovery, taking time to heal from personal issues in their life, or may feel that they can’t invest what they’d like to invest into a relationship right now.
Do dumpers miss their ex?
Many people who dump their exes miss them. Relationships are complex, and there are many reasons that someone might miss their ex after calling it off. Sometimes, people call a relationship quits because it was unhealthy for them, but that doesn’t stop a person from missing their ex. For example, if your ex cheated on you, it may have broken your trust, which could’ve caused you to break up with your ex even though you still loved them and knew you’d miss them. Other times, people know that the relationship just wasn’t a good fit and call it off for that reason. Missing an ex that hurt you can bring up a lot of unpleasant feelings. You might be wondering why you can’t seem to get over them. Be assured that breakups can indeed be incredibly painful and tough on the mind and that your feelings are normal and valid. If you’re sad or angry, it’s normal. If you’re numb, it’s normal. We all deal with loss differently, and the important thing is that you confront these emotions so that they don’t weigh on you.
Do exes regret breaking up?
Some ex-couples regret breaking up. If both people regret a breakup, they may decide to get back together. If one person regrets a breakup and the other doesn’t, that person mustn’t attempt to pressure their ex-partner back into it if they say no. If you and your ex have made it known that you miss each other and want to give it another shot, it’s crucial to talk about what caused the breakup last time so that you can work through any potential issues before they arise in the future. Did you break up due to long distances or not being ready for a relationship? Was it something more serious such as infidelity? While the feelings of regret could remain in any of these scenarios, this conversation will vary dramatically depending on the past you have with your ex. If there were issues related to trust, cheating, or frequent arguments, you would need to work together and talk through those concerns. If you regret breaking up because you were simply not ready to be in a relationship, evaluate if you’re both genuinely in a good place to be in a relationship now. Be honest with yourself and your ex-partner. Going back to the concept of breaking up actually saving a relationship, this is another time where that might be the case. If you break up with each other and both regret it, you might find a newfound appreciation for what you have and, if applicable and appropriate, a newfound desire to work on matters you didn’t work on before to make it work.
How long should you wait to talk to your ex after a breakup?
The answer to this question is heavily dependent on your unique circumstances. Do you have children together? If so, you may have to have some form of contact due to child custody. If you don’t have children together or are in a situation where you’re solely responsible for your children, you get to decide when to talk to your ex – if you want to talk to them at all. Make sure to give back any of their meaningful belongings before you cut off contact so that there’s no need for you two to reconnect until you’re ready and have gotten to a place where it’s something you both want to do. You never have to talk to your ex again if you don’t want to, and they don’t have to talk to you. If you want to talk to your ex in the future, it needs to come from a place with no expectations, and it needs to happen only if you’ve both taken the time to heal. Use your discernment as to if this is a healthy move for you and be honest with yourself as to where your desire to reconnect is coming from.
Can true love survive to break up?
True love can survive a breakup. If you and your ex cross paths in the future and want to give the relationship another shot, getting back together is possible. However, it’s not something to depend on. Don’t hold onto the prospect of getting back together after a breakup. You need to give letting go a chance; if you don’t do that, you’re missing an opportunity to grow and learn about yourself and likely won’t be on the same page in terms of personal development if you do decide to reconnect in the future. Additionally, you don’t want to sever any chances for another romantic connection to come into your life. You don’t want a rebound relationship, but you also don’t want to limit yourself if a connection with chemistry comes along later on.
How do I know if my breakup is final?
If you broke up due to a serious issue such as emotional abuse or mistreat, the breakup should remain final. Additionally, if both parties aren’t equally interested in getting back together, the breakup should remain final. You don’t want to repeat the same cycle over and over again, nor do you want to be with someone who’s not fully invested in you. If you’re hung up on an ex and feel stagnant, talking to a mental health provider may be beneficial. Look for a provider in your local area, or reach out to one of the licensed professionals at ReGain for online counseling. It may seem worlds away today, but your life can be full, bright, and better than ever after a breakup.
How do I move on after breaking up with my girlfriend?
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