I Broke Up With My Girlfriend: What Now?

Going through a breakup can be very difficult, whether you broke up with your girlfriend or she broke your heart. Even if it was received well and you’ve decided to stay friends, a breakup can affect many aspects of your life, and it can be challenging to figure out how to cope and move forward. It can be a big adjustment, even if breaking up was the best and healthiest decision to make. If this is something you’re experiencing, there are many things you can do to help you get through this time and move forward. Read on for a few ideas to consider.

What you can do after a breakup

Describe the end of the relationship

One thing you can try after you break up with your girlfriend is to describe the relationship's end. In this exercise, you can look back at the days, weeks, and months leading up to the end of the relationship and really analyze what happened between you and your girlfriend. Remember, you’re not describing it to others for their benefit: you’re recounting what happened to yourself. You probably have at least one solid reason why you decided to break up with your girlfriend, and now is the time to look back on those reasons critically. While you’re looking back, try to approach the analysis with an open mind, honesty, and non-judgment. This means that rather than sugarcoating the situation or being too hard on yourself and your ex, you can try to approach it with a balanced and honest perspective. 

For instance, rather than being hard on yourself thinking, “I’ve ruined everything; breaking up with her makes me a terrible person, and I’ll never find love again.” You could instead start with, “I broke up with my girlfriend because of this… and now I’m feeling …” and let the feelings and thoughts flow freely from there. Try to opt for a healthy middle way, where you look at exactly what happened between you and your girlfriend. Don’t try to read too much into each little interaction. Instead, you can write these interactions down in a journal, or explain them to a trusted friend or professional counselor.

Identify and allow your feelings

After you’ve looked at the end of the relationship, it can help to try to define how you feel after you’ve broken up with your girlfriend. To get a healthy and honest perspective, you might try explaining your feelings throughout the breakup. For example, it’s common for someone to feel hurt or sad when they break up, but those feelings can evolve into anger or apathy with time. Instead of just looking at how you feel right now, at this moment, look at how your feelings have changed in the time leading up to the breakup, during the breakup, and after the breakup. Once you can see how your feelings and emotions have evolved, you may have a better grasp of defining and understanding your feelings.

Right now, it might feel like you have a lot of conflicting emotions. You may feel overwhelmed or unsure of what you’re actually feeling. So, try to approach all of your feelings with a sense of non-judgment and acceptance. Instead of telling yourself that what you’re feeling is wrong or shameful, you can try to embrace all of your emotions as the path to moving on.

Seek help

Recovering from a breakup can be difficult, but it’s not something you have to do on your own. You can confide in friends and family, and you may even ask them about their own experiences with breakups. They can be a kind, supportive sounding board, and they may even offer useful advice. Try to lean into their support and empathy during the tumultuous time after you ended the relationship.

In addition, you can also seek help from a professional through online therapy. Research has shown online therapy to be effective for improving self-esteem and forgiveness after a breakup. 

You may feel sad and low energy after a breakup, and the thought of seeking help in person may feel daunting. With online therapy, you can meet with your therapist wherever you have internet, including the comfort of home. 

Give yourself grace and time to heal 

When trying to cope with a recent breakup, keep in mind that healing and moving on often takes time. Each person may take a different amount of time to heal from a breakup; there is no rush to move on, and there is no one “timeline” for moving on that will make sense for everyone. You may find that you don’t want to see mutual friends of you and your ex-girlfriend for a while, for example, and that’s okay. Don’t pressure yourself to act like everything is normal and fine, especially if you feel terrible being around things and/or people that may remind you of your ended relationship. You may also want to give yourself time before deciding to start dating again; you can reflect on what would work best for your healing process. 

Also, try to remember that while a breakup can be very painful, it doesn’t define you, and it isn’t the only part of your life. You may find it helpful to focus on other aspects of your life, other connections, and other interests. You can cultivate healthy habits, start a new exercise routine, spend more time with friends and family, try a new hobby, and invest in your own growth and well-being. 

Takeaway

Breakups can be painful, and it can be hard to figure out what to do after experiencing one and how to move forward. To start, you may consider trying to reflect on the end of the relationship, identify and allow your emotions, and give yourself time to heal. For additional support, you can speak with a licensed therapist online.