My Girlfriend Hates Me: How To Overcome Difficult Relationship Issues

Relationship strife can be very stressful. A healthy relationship takes work. More often than not, solid communication skills can turn even the most challenging relationship issue into a manageable one.

But, of course, sometimes partners just don’t see eye to eye. Why does your girlfriend hate you? The most important part right now is that you try to understand what’s wrong and what to do next.

In this article, we will help you break down and understand your feelings and the feelings of your girlfriend so that you can better manage them. Don’t worry, we are here to help.

I think my girlfriend hates me

Hate is a strong word, and feeling hate from a partner can be very confusing and upsetting. If you assume your girlfriend hates you, let’s evaluate why.

Perhaps your thinking, "Does my girlfriend hate me? Why do women hate me?" How can we solve that? How do you know if a girl hates you? Feeling hate from a partner can come in many different ways.

Perhaps her body language is colder, maybe she is not communicating as frequently, or doesn’t make quality time for you. Ask yourself, how does your girlfriend hate you? What does it look like?

It’s normal to get upset in a relationship, and it’s normal to feel a disconnect from time to time. Addressing this behavior is integral to mending the situation — maybe it is something you’ve done, or perhaps it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Simply begin by asking.

Sometimes a person becomes frustrated and anxious, and they give off negative signals. From a distance, these signals might look and feel like hate. Whether it truly is hate or not, there is a conversation that needs to happen between you and your girlfriend.

Resentment can become pent up over time if there is no release. Don’t fear the conflict- it might be time for a constructive fight. Be very careful about your words and your emotions. Actively work on how you speak to each other. Open up the conversation, then dive into it.

How do you communicate with your partner?

We often get defensive when discussing matters close to the heart.

If you’ve brought this concern up to your girlfriend before, maybe she’s used defense mechanisms such as denial or regression to avoid the conversation.

It’s difficult for a lot of people to understand their feelings and put them into words. Be patient. Deciding what you would like to discuss with your partner and how they might best receive the conversation prior, can add a level of calm when approaching complicated subject matters.

When partners begin to fight, sometimes the situation devolves into a “Me vs. You” scenario. But in that situation, no one wins. If you’re treating each other poorly in a fight, you’ve both already lost. In reality, you should look at the dynamic as “Us Vs. Useless Fighting.”

Declare bad fights as the enemy. Use good fights to your advantage by ensuring that they accomplish something every time. When you’re arguing, ask yourself, what is the point of this conversation? What outcome to I hope this has? Ask your partner the same questions. Work on how you treat each other during fights. Remember, fighting isn’t a bad thing,

Using “I” statements is a highly recommended way to approach conflict. When speaking only for yourself, you provide room for your partner to do the same.

Feelings are subjective. If you say, “I feel unhappy,” rather than “you upset me,” you are merely stating how you feel, rather than placing blame on your partner. Getting into a “blame game” within a relationship set can be dangerous territory. In your situation, bring up that you feel hatred from her. Tell her honestly that you feel rejected by her, and you feel a lack of affection. Maybe your girlfriend will reassure you that she does care for you, and there was something you failed to see in the situation. Perhaps she will confirm your suspicions, and in that case, you can decide if it is something you can overcome together or if it’s merely a negative relationship, and it would be best to take some time apart.

Are you getting defensive?

A relationship requires effort and communication from both sides. If your girlfriend is putting forth effort and you are struggling to match her commitment, it can lead to a lot of uncertainty.

Of course, the opposite is also true. Putting a lot of time and commitment into a person who isn’t reciprocating that can be absolutely draining.

But there is a possibility that you and your partner make both feel love, you just express it in varied ways.

Take a step back, maybe you show appreciation or love in fundamentally different ways.

Love languages

There are plenty of ways to mend a fractured relationship. Understanding your partner’s love language is a great way to understand in what ways they most like to give and receive love, and how they might like to show or get appreciation.

What are the five love languages?

1. Quality Time
2. Physical Touch
3. Words of Affirmation
4. Acts of Service
5. Gift Giving

Maybe your girlfriend’s love language is quality time, and you are someone who struggles with time management. Maybe you value physical touch, but she needs more words of affirmation.

Discussing this can be a fun way as a couple to discover more about your partner’s needs and how to fulfill them in a positive, actionable way.

Reasons for relationship strife

Sometimes, the stage of your relationship can determine the type of relationship strife you are experiencing. If you are a relatively new couple, maybe it is due to unrealized fundamental differences. If you are in the long term or long distant relationship, maybe you are just on different pages. There are many reasons for relationship issues, here are just a few common ones:

1. Fundamental differences

Has the passion of the relationship allowing you and your partner to ignore fundamental differences? You’re not alone. Evaluate the differences and decide whether or not it is something you can get past together.

2. Financial issues

Though this might be more common for married couples, there are plenty of ways that money can become a problem in a relationship. Maybe your partner feels as though they do most of the heavy financial lifting. Money can be really challenging to talk about, and if you feel as though you can’t do it alone, maybe it is time to seek guidance on a professional platform. This also ties into work around the home. One or both of you need to manage the household chores, and if one party feels that they are bearing the majority of this burden, they may grow resentment over time.

3. Long-distance

Being physically far away from someone can manifest a feeling of being emotionally distant as well. Especially if you are someone who values quality time together, it can be hard to find a solid supplement. Technology has made long-distance possible even on a global scale, so spending time together via video chat can be a great place to start. If you need to set a reoccurring time to do so every few days, this can avoid some of the anxiety that can occur while being apart. Stating your needs within home relationships is essential, but being clear about your needs in a long-distance relationship is essential.

4. Long-term

One benefit of being in a long term relationship can be watching your partner grow with you. That said, people also might grow apart. This is entirely natural and might even reverse after some time, but it can feel scary or upsetting at the moment. If you think you and your girlfriend have grown apart, evaluate together if you think it is something you can heal. Maybe you both agree it would be better to go your separate ways. If not, speaking with a qualified mental health professional is always an option for receiving informed professional advice to best continue cultivating a healthy relationship.

5. 3rd party

The foundation of a relationship can make or break it. Mutual trust is integral. If your girlfriend is feeling insecure due to a third person present, try to consider why.

People feel most threatened or jealous in a relationship setting when there is a lack of trust, or when they are managing more significant issues of insecurity. Are you giving her reason to believe she can’t trust you? If so, what can you do to reassure her? Is she managing insecurity issues? Where do they stem from? How can you help? Infidelity can be very emotional to address, even if nothing has actually happened. Tread gently.

6. Outside factor

Many factors lie beyond the expected. Maybe you both had different visions for the relationship. Perhaps there are relatives involved who don’t approve. Perhaps one of you is struggling with substance use and/or abuse. Strife within a relationship has a wide range. Seeking treatment or informed professional advice for all the reasons above is always an option.

If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you or someone you know is or might be living with a substance use disorder, please contact the substance abuse and mental health services administration (SAMHSA) at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). 

If it has nothing to do with you…

Be patient. Be patient with your girlfriend, but more importantly, be patient with yourself. Do not mentally chastise yourself for situations that are beyond your control. Even if you have made a mistake, you are human, and humans are deserving of love and affection even after they have committed an error. The beauty of a relationship is when two flawed people come together and accept each other.

If your girlfriend is going through something, she might just need time and your support. If you can accept her as she is, then hopefully she can do the same for you.

However, if it’s not fixable, or if you feel that your relationship is a consistent source of strife and it hinders your everyday happiness, then there’s nothing wrong with taking a step back.

Remember that sometimes if your partner has mental health issues, problems with addiction, or other long term issues that will be difficult to overcome, there is no problem with wanting to take some time and space. The issues of others can be a very heavy burden to bear, especially if they aren’t making an effort to help themselves.

I’m not assuming anything; My girlfriend told me she hates me

So far, we’ve been operating under the assumption that your girlfriend hates you. But what if she’s actually told you that?

Why does your girlfriend hate you? Is this a reoccurring statement? Is it new? Have you said or done something to make your girlfriend hate you? Have you been disrespectful, or unfaithful? Maybe she’s told you exactly why. Try to take some distance and consider what she said with a cool head. Was it in the heat of an angry moment? There is also the possibility that you haven’t done anything wrong at all.

Regardless of the reason, being told by your girlfriend that she hates you is a sign that there is some toxicity within your relationship. In a situation like this, it is definitely time to seek relationship counseling. Whether you look for treatment or informed unbiased guidance, counseling is the way to go.

Signs of an unhealthy relationship

Below is a list of what you should look out for in an unhealthy relationship:

• Manipulation
• Possessiveness
• Feeling of unnecessary or unjustified guilt
• A hostile environment
• Lying or cheating
• Being forced into a situation, sexual or otherwise
• Verbal abuse
• Gaslighting

A toxic relationship can be exemplified in many ways. At its core, it is when there is a lack of mutual respect or empathy. Toxic relationships can be dangerous for our mental health, and at its worst, it can be a precursor to domestic violence.

I just feel hopeless

"My girlfriend hates me, I'm starting to hate myself as well." Taking care of your relationship is similar to taking care of your body. When you figure out the diagnosis, treatment is then available. This extends not only to physical health care but also to mental health care. Struggling with mental health can have a direct effect on our relationships. If one or both of you struggles with mental health, it is highly encouraged to speak with a qualified mental health specialist. A mental health professional can provide both diagnosis treatment, substitutions for diagnosis treatment, and/or just unbiased, informed professional advice.

For couples counseling, Regain.Us is the perfect way to get relationship advice, home or away. It is an online couples counseling service, designed for remote therapy. If you are brand new to therapy, fear not. The qualified mental health professionals at Regain.Us are here to walk you through every step of the way. For affordable care, seek out their services.

If all else fails

Breaking up can be healthy. Relationships are meant to evolve, and if the negatives start to outweigh the positives, it is perfectly normal to consider this route. This may be someone you once loved or someone who once loved you, either way, it is an emotional decision. But there is no room for hate in a healthy relationship.

Counselor reviews

“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”

“Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.”

Takeaway

Whether you think or know that your girlfriend hates you, begin by evaluating the circumstance, why does your girlfriend hate you? Then, approach it with empathetic communication, and do not be afraid to seek out professional advice. Diagnosis treatment or informed advice can be a real aid to a fractured relationship. As we spend more time at home and in closer quarters with our loved ones, it is completely normal for dynamics to shift. Strive for an advice home; relationships thrive best when they are cared for.