<p dir="ltr">Narcissism can be difficult to navigate in a relationship, particularly when its expression is subtle and harder to understand. Vulnerable narcissism is a less overt, potentially more difficult-to-address form of narcissism that can be contrasted with&nbsp;<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/01/not-all-narcissists-are-grandiose-the-vulnerable-type-can-be-just-as-dangerous">grandiose narcissism</a>, the form that most people are familiar with. If your partner has vulnerable narcissism&mdash;also called covert narcissism&mdash;they may be introverted, sensitive, and shy. Instead of using more forceful forms of manipulation, they may exhibit passive-aggressive behavior and utilize indirect methods of getting their way. Although being in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist can be challenging, it can also result in a meaningful and rewarding connection. In this article, we&rsquo;re providing advice for dating a vulnerable narcissist, helping you understand the signs of covert narcissism and the ways you can safeguard your mental well-being while also fostering a healthy, happy relationship.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Recognize the traits of someone wtih vulnerable narcissistic tendencies</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Often, narcissism is a sign of a mental health condition called narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which is characterized by an outsized sense of self-importance and a desire for attention and admiration. (It&rsquo;s important to note that someone can exhibit narcissistic traits without living with NPD.) There are two main types of narcissistic personality disorder: grandiose and vulnerable.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">While many people are familiar with the characteristics of a grandiose narcissist&mdash;bold, aggressive behavior that seeks to reinforce the individual&rsquo;s importance&mdash;fewer people know about vulnerable narcissism. The root of narcissistic traits is generally the same in both types. It&rsquo;s primarily the expression of their traits that is most noticeably different. Where a grandiose narcissist may be more bombastic and self-aggrandizing in order to garner the attention of others, vulnerable narcissists tend to utilize self-deprecating remarks or appeals to the empathy of others. These less-obvious forms of manipulation can make covert narcissism harder to spot. It can also be more difficult to confront a vulnerable narcissist in relationships when compared to a grandiose narcissist because their manipulation tactics are much more subtle and include:</p>
<ul>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Hypersensitivity</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Introversion</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Self-consciousness</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Lack of self-esteem</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Defensiveness</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Tendency toward depression</li>
</ul>
<h2 dir="ltr">What is it like to date someone with vulnerable narcissistic tendencies?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">If you&rsquo;re in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist, you&rsquo;ve probably noticed that your partner is highly sensitive. They may be averse to receiving feedback or constructive criticism, and they can become very upset at critical remarks. While these presentations of their narcissistic traits are different from those of grandiose narcissists&mdash;who may simply shrug off feedback or criticism&mdash;they can still strain your relationship.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You might feel like you&rsquo;re frequently walking on eggshells with someone who is a vulnerable narcissist. When covert narcissists feel threatened, they tend to withdraw and use tactics like passive-aggressiveness to manipulate the emotions of others. Much of this comes from a place of anxiety and fear on their part. If you are dealing with a partner who exhibits vulnerable narcissistic traits, it&rsquo;s best to remember that they may be coping with a mental health disorder that usually requires a professional diagnosis and treatment.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">How to navigate a relationship with someone who shows vulnerable narcissism</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Because of a vulnerable narcissist&rsquo;s subtle way of focusing on their self-interests, interacting with a partner who experiences this form of narcissism can require both a gentle approach and firm boundaries. Below are several ways you can address potential challenges in a relationship with a covert narcissist.&nbsp;</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Understand your partner&rsquo;s sensitivity&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</h3>
<figure class="image"><img src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/d58376513223ed0faf98e501553697af-two-people-cheers-wine-glasses-at-restaurant-while-holding-hands_l.jpeg" alt="A man and woman toast their wine glasses while sitting next to a window in a restaurant" width="900" height="617">
<figcaption>Getty/AnnaStills</figcaption><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Want to talk about how narcissism affects your relationship?</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='0' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>Online couples therapy is a safe space</a></div></div></div>
</figure>
<p dir="ltr">If your partner is a vulnerable narcissist, it&rsquo;s important to recognize that they may be more emotionally fragile than others. Their self-esteem may depend on what others think of them, and they can be hypersensitive to the things that people say to them. Your partner&rsquo;s delicate emotional state means that they may consistently seek positive affirmation or reassurance from you. This self-consciousness can also lead to when their feelings are hurt. In fact, anger is thought to be more pronounced in those who are covert narcissists than overt narcissists.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">It&rsquo;s also important to understand that your partner may struggle to communicate effectively. Vulnerable narcissists tend to be more introverted. They often live with social anxiety that makes socializing difficult and causes them to shy away from people. This could mean that your partner may actively try to avoid social situations. They could be fine with hanging out with you but unwilling to go eat out at a restaurant.&nbsp;</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Set and maintain boundaries</h3>
<figure class="image"><img src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/regain/40a3050f78f2538f338e6c6f70d29ffb-couple-embrace-each-other-while-looking-content_l.jpg" alt="A woman wraps her arms around her husbands neck with her eyes closed." width="908" height="605">
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<p dir="ltr">Setting <a href="https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-set-boundaries/">healthy boundaries</a> is important in any relationship, but it can be particularly crucial in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Decide what you will and will not accept in the relationship and be very clear about it. If something makes you uncomfortable, you can speak up and let your partner know that you feel that way. You have a right to your feelings and to be respected. A person with vulnerable narcissism may try to push your boundaries, but it&rsquo;s important to remain firm from the beginning.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">An important boundary to set might be related to the time you&rsquo;re willing to spend with your partner. Often, people with vulnerable narcissism desire a lot of attention from others, which could be draining for you. It is perfectly okay to let your partner know how much time you&rsquo;re comfortable spending with them and that, if you find yourself overwhelmed at times in your relationship, you may need to maintain some distance. Coming from an empathetic place, you can outline the reasons you&rsquo;d like space, explaining that you want to honor your own needs.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">A vulnerable narcissist may go to great lengths to manipulate your emotions and ensure you&rsquo;re giving them what they want in the relationship&mdash;whether that&rsquo;s your time, admiration, etc. It can be easy to lose your sense of self when your partner is always taking center stage. While it&rsquo;s important to acknowledge your partner's feelings, remember that your own emotions matter just as much. When dating a vulnerable narcissist, put yourself first, stand up for yourself, and let yourself be heard.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Try not to take their behavior personally</h3>
<p dir="ltr">When dating a vulnerable narcissist, it may seem as though their deception or lack of empathy is meant as an attack on you. However, it&rsquo;s important to remember that their behavior is likely not in response to anything you did; rather, it is a result of their personality. They probably behave similarly toward other people in their life and are not singling you out.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<figure class="image"><img src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/regain/da18129b05517511c3fcb8c50828bcdb-woman-and-man-smiling-selfie_l.jpg" alt="A woman holds out her phone and leans into her boyfriend as he sits in his wheelchair and they take a selfie with smiles." width="907" height="603">
<figcaption>Getty</figcaption><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Want to talk about how narcissism affects your relationship?</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='2' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>Online couples therapy is a safe space</a></div></div></div>
</figure>
<h3 dir="ltr">Consider seeking professional help</h3>
<p dir="ltr">Maintaining a healthy romantic relationship with a vulnerable narcissist can be challenging. Seeking professional help for your partner&mdash;and for your relationship&mdash;is one effective way of addressing narcissism in your partnership. A therapist can provide tools and guidance that may help you both cope with narcissistic behaviors and strengthen your relationship.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Studies suggest that online therapy is a useful modality for couples who want to strengthen their relationship while also improving individual mental health challenges, such as those related to narcissistic behavior. For example, the results of a <a href="https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0005789418300510">study</a> of over 150 couples show that online therapy improved relationship quality and satisfaction while alleviating anxiety symptoms, which are common in those living with vulnerable narcissism. The study notes the increased availability and cost-effectiveness of online couples therapy compared to in-person therapy.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Online therapy can be there for you and your partner if narcissism is leading to complicated feelings in your relationship. With an online therapy platform like <a href="https://www.regain.us/get-started/">Regain</a>, you can participate in therapy remotely, which can make it easier for you and your partner to attend sessions and address challenges related to vulnerable narcissism at the same time. Online therapy is also an affordable option&mdash;Regain subscriptions start at $65 per week (billed every 4 weeks), and you can cancel anytime. A licensed couples therapist can give you and your partner the tools to better address tension and set boundaries in your relationship. Read below for reviews of Regain therapists from those who have sought help for similar concerns in the past.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">&nbsp;</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Therapist reviews</h2>
<p dir="ltr">&ldquo;Austa has been wonderful thus far. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time... She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I was hesitant to pursue counseling initially, but I truly believe that it makes a difference in our relationship. Austa is easy to talk to, and she is a great listener. I would wholeheartedly recommend her as a counselor.&rdquo;</p>
<p dir="ltr"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/s1ihFQQ8zuWbAKSa5ynFz1_zKgaLhcKeuFeuR1KgZbrJ8nQv50mA34xwBXlG5GlcefSMehaRZrHE2MzKd_f2REOAPbA15fa76un8o82X7elehFxSh9dhsvKDsR2XlNhFIDwY8a7SaQrcOI6WJ5xtSQ" alt="Logo, company name

Description automatically generated" width="624" height="137"></p>
<p dir="ltr">&ldquo;Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think differently. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.&rdquo;</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Takeaway</h2>
<p dir="ltr">A relationship with a vulnerable narcissist often requires a tactful, delicate approach; but it can still lead to a rewarding relationship. By setting boundaries, communicating effectively, and standing up for yourself, you can develop a strong connection with your partner while safeguarding your emotional well-being and helping to improve the mental health of your partner. If you&rsquo;d like further support, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist online. Working with a couples therapist can be the first step toward mental wellness and a happy and satisfying relationship.&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>

Want to talk about how narcissism affects your relationship?

Dating a vulnerable narcissist can take a toll on your mental health. A review of vulnerable narcissism and other narcissistic personality traits.

Advice For Dating Someone Who Displays Vulnerable Narcissism Tendencies | Regain

<p><strong>Other commonly asked questions</strong></p>
<h2><strong>What is it like to be in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist?</strong></h2>
<p>If you&rsquo;re in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist, you&rsquo;ve probably noticed that your partner is highly sensitive. They may be really touchy when it comes to feedback or constructive criticism, and they can become very upset at critical remarks. While these presentations of their narcissistic traits are totally different from those of grandiose narcissists &ndash; who may just shrug off any feedback or criticism &ndash; this is still a strain on many of their relationships.</p>
<p>You might feel like you&rsquo;re always walking on eggshells because when vulnerable narcissists feel threatened they tend to lash out at the person or people closest to them. Much of this comes from a place of anxiety and fear on their part, but it is also harmful to you. If you are dealing with a partner who exhibits vulnerable narcissistic traits (or even goes as far as to engage in narcissistic abuse), it&rsquo;s best to remember that they are coping with a personality disorder that usually requires professional diagnosis and treatment.</p>
<p>Seeking professional help for yourself and your partner is an effective way to approach your partner&rsquo;s narcissistic personality disorder. A licensed clinical psychologist can help you in dealing with the specific traits that you see in vulnerable narcissists in relationships. They can also help your partner recognize and work on improving their own narcissistic behavior. If face-to-face therapy is out of reach for your schedule or budget at the moment, consider online therapy as a way to get the help that you and your partner need.</p>
<h2><strong>Who are vulnerable narcissists attracted to?</strong></h2>
<p>Vulnerable narcissists are generally attracted to people who don&rsquo;t trigger their anxiety, and who feed their need to feel superior. This means that people with vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder tend to gravitate towards people who hold their tongues and never criticize them or offer them any feedback. This helps them to preserve their highly esteemed sense of self, and it helps them avoid anything that might make the narcissist feel belittled.</p>
<p>While grandiose narcissists prefer people who constantly praise them and build up their sense of self-worth and grandeur, vulnerable narcissists prefer a partner who will go along with anything that they say and never question their sense of judgment, behaviors, or decisions.</p>
<h2><strong>How does a vulnerable narcissist behave?</strong></h2>
<p>Not all narcissists are people who have high self-esteem. In fact, vulnerable narcissism &ndash; while it stems from some of the same root causes &ndash; manifests in quite a different way than the more well-known grandiose narcissism.</p>
<p>Vulnerable narcissists have some hallmark traits that set them apart from grandiose narcissists. These behaviors include:</p>
<ul>
<li>High sensitivity</li>
<li>Introversion, especially much more than grandiose narcissists</li>
<li>Extreme difficulty coping with trauma or failure (whether real or perceived)</li>
<li>Constantly worrying about how others view them</li>
<li>Turning on themselves when they feel hurt by another person</li>
<li>Feeling deep shame when rejected</li>
<li>Having an intense sense of entitlement that is easily offended</li>
<li>May experience depression</li>
<li>May withdraw from social situations</li>
<li>Envy or jealousy towards others</li>
<li>Blaming another person, even when the fault is their own</li>
</ul>
<p>If you recognize these traits in a friend, partner, or family acquaintance, you may be dealing with vulnerable narcissists. The best course of action is to talk with a therapist or psychologist who can help with the diagnosis and treatment of any narcissism and/or personality disorders.</p>
<h2><strong>What happens when you break up with a vulnerable narcissist?</strong></h2>
<p><a href="https://www.regain.us/advice/general/breaking-up-with-a-narcissist-how-to-get-through-it-and-recover/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Breaking up with a narcissist</a> is hard. When you break up with a vulnerable narcissist, they will likely internalize the breakup. Their own sense of entitlement will cause them to perceive the breakup as entirely your fault. From their point of view, all of the problems in the relationship were your fault anyway.</p>
<p>Relationships are already a difficult part of life, and when you throw narcissism in the mix it becomes even more complicated.</p>
<h2><strong>How will a narcissist react when you end the relationship?</strong></h2>
<p>When relationships end, grandiose narcissists and vulnerable narcissists might react with similar behaviors. For example, both types of narcissists feel a sense of entitlement that allows them to shift all of the blame to the other person. Both will find a way to justify just moving on in life and not looking back.</p>
<p>However, while a grandiose narcissist might externalize any hurt they feel, a vulnerable narcissist might be more likely to turn the anger towards themselves. Vulnerable narcissism is often a reaction to a deep fear or anxiety that threatens the narcissist's sense of entitlement and/or high view of themselves. When relationships end, they are likely to internalize these fears and anxieties, which only strengthens their own elevated perception of themselves.</p>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">Are vulnerable narcissists insecure?<br>Do vulnerable narcissists fall in love?<br>Can you date a vulnerable narcissist?<br>How does a vulnerable narcissist think?<br>How do you outsmart a vulnerable narcissist?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">What are the fears of a vulnerable narcissist?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">Is it possible for a vulnerable narcissist to be loyal to his or her partner?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">Why do narcissists often ignore you?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">Can narcissists be empathic?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">What does a narcissist typically do when you leave them?</span></h3>
<h3>&nbsp;</h3>

Narcissism can be difficult to navigate in a relationship, particularly when its expression is subtle and harder to understand. Vulnerable narcissism is a less overt, potentially...

Advice For Dating Someone Who Displays Vulnerable Narcissism Tendencies

<div class="disclaimer">
<div>Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include suicide, substance use, or abuse which could be triggering to the reader.</div>
<ul>
<li>For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the&nbsp;<a href="https://988lifeline.org/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">988 Suicide &amp; Crisis Lifeline</a> at 988</li>
<li>For those experiencing abuse, please contact the <a href="https://www.thehotline.org/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Domestic Violence Hotline</a> at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)</li>
<li>For those experiencing substance use, please contact <a href="https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline" rel="nofollow noreferrer">SAMHSA National Helpline</a> at 1-800-662-4357</li>
</ul>
<div>Support is available 24/7. Please also see our&nbsp;<a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/gethelpnow/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Get Help Now</a> page for more immediate resources.</div>
</div>
<p>Not all narcissists are going to express their superiority in grandiose ways. There is a type of narcissism that is known as narcissism that's also classified as vulnerable. A vulnerable&nbsp;<a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/personality/understanding-different-types-of-narcissism-and-how-to-distinguish-them/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">narcissist</a> is more introverted and self-absorbed when compared to the more recognized grandiose narcissist. They do have some things in common, but narcissism classified as vulnerable is unique in many important ways. Read on to learn more about this kind of narcissism and how it might impact a relationship.</p>
<h2>Understanding narcissism</h2>
<figure class="image"><img src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/8282d3d8a4ced4ed973dadcbe497a19f-couple-argues-while-sitting-on-a-couch_l.jpg" alt="A couple are sitting on a couch and are arguing; the man has his hand on his face and the woman is gesturing to him, with an angry expression." width="906" height="604">
<figcaption>Ilona Titova/EyeEm</figcaption><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Many things can impact a relationship - We're here to help</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='0' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>Connect with one of our therapists</a></div></div></div>
</figure>
<p>It's important to understand a bit more about narcissism. You see, only one percent of the population is diagnosed with what is known as <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5819598/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">clinical narcissism</a>. This is not the common type of narcissism most people refer to when talking about someone with some narcissistic tendencies. People with clinical narcissism have a great sense of self-importance, believing themselves to be special, and often lack empathy.</p>
<p>The more common forms of narcissism that will be discussed here are known as sub-clinical forms of narcissism. The two sub-clinical forms of narcissism are narcissism that's also classified as <a href="https://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.14060723?url_ver=Z39.88-2003&amp;rfr_id=ori:rid:crossref.org&amp;rfr_dat=cr_pub%20%200pubmed" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">vulnerable or grandiose</a>. The two are distinct from one another in important ways that you'll understand as you read on. First, you should focus on the type of narcissist you are likely more familiar with; the grandiose narcissist.</p>
<p>A grandiose narcissist is extroverted and will express feelings of superiority. They will also often make their sense of entitlement known. These people have huge egos, and they often think of themselves to be above others. They might even feel as if they deserve special treatment due to their greatness. This is the typical definition of a narcissist that you're probably already familiar with.</p>
<p>A vulnerable narcissist is going to be completely different. These narcissists have introverted tendencies and are often very self-absorbed. They can be highly neurotic and might even be hypersensitive to criticism. Even light criticism can be enough to set a vulnerable narcissist off. These narcissists feel a constant need for reassurance and are indeed very vulnerable.</p>
<p>Oddly enough, vulnerable narcissist still very much feels that they are above other people. They're just a lot more fragile than a grandiose narcissist is. They have a big ego, but they also fear criticism to an extreme degree. A vulnerable narcissist might even go out of their way to avoid others and might not even like getting too much attention. This is very different from a grandiose narcissist who will generally bask in the attention of others happily.</p>
<h2>Why do some people develop vulnerable narcissism?</h2>
<p>People can develop narcissistic traits at a young age. When developing narcissism classified as vulnerable, many people develop the condition as a coping mechanism when they're young. This is often done as a response to dealing with some childhood abuse or neglect. They might have dealt with something traumatic that caused them to withdraw from others and become self-absorbed. Their trauma has led to the need to explain to other people why they are so great. It's an inverse effect. They felt(feel) small, so they tend to try to convince others of their importance.</p>
<p>Knowing that it is a coping mechanism can make it easier for you to understand their plight. It also makes it simpler to see why vulnerable narcissists have such fragile egos. They feel superior much of the time but can also come crashing down very easily. They might feel inadequate or inferior to others deep down inside. This is the reason why they're constantly seeking reassurance.</p>
<p>This swinging mood or temperament can be very difficult to deal with. It makes it tough to befriend or date someone who is a vulnerable narcissist.</p>
<h2>Vulnerable narcissism and relationships</h2>
<figure class="image"><img src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/fab28affa59b77089863c59ef3fe5a1b-man-holds-older-woman-in-his-arms-both-wearing-green_l.jpeg" alt="An elderly man holds his sad wife in his arms as they sit on their couch together solomly. " width="909" height="606">
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<p>The narcissism that's also classified as vulnerable can have a very big impact on a romantic relationship. Dating any narcissist is not going to be easy. One of the traits of vulnerable narcissists is that they need constant reassurance. They're also very emotionally vulnerable and can take criticism to heart far too quickly.</p>
<p>Knowing this, you can see how communicating with a vulnerable narcissist in a relationship could become problematic. If you have issues that you need to discuss with your partner, they could easily wind up taking things the wrong way.&nbsp;</p>
<p>One of the biggest problems with dating vulnerable narcissists is that they aren't very good at empathizing with others. They have a hard time relating to you and understanding where you're coming from. This can lead to significant communication issues, and you might not be able to find common ground. Also, vulnerable narcissists are very self-centered. They're often more focused on whatever they're doing than you.</p>
<p>If you're going to date a vulnerable narcissist, you will have to accept that things won't be easy. They can be emotionally withdrawn at times, and their emotional fragility can become frustrating. Communicating with your partner in normal ways might not be simple, and you might find that you're constantly at odds if you don't learn how to cater to their ego. For many people, <a href="https://www.regain.us/advice/general/advice-for-dating-a-vulnerable-narcissist/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">dating a vulnerable narcissist</a> is going to be a bad idea.</p>
<p>Dating any narcissist is going to be difficult. You're going to have to put in a lot of effort, and you might not always feel like you're getting the same effort back from your partner. Even so, these vulnerable narcissists can change over time. They can work on becoming more empathetic, and a relationship can be successful. It's just important to be realistic and understand that it isn't going to be easy.</p>
<h2>Working on things together&nbsp;</h2>
<p>Working on things together is a good way to make a relationship work with a vulnerable narcissist. Just remember that people with this type of sub-clinical narcissism aren't going to have the easiest time relating to others. It might take significant effort to get them to start empathizing with you. Some of this will depend on how bad their narcissistic traits are. Certain people will have an easier time opening themselves up to new possibilities than others.</p>
<p>For your relationship to work, it's going to be necessary for things to change. It's unlikely that you'll be able to have a truly fulfilling relationship if your partner continues to be self-centered. When someone can only focus on their own needs and desires, it isn't healthy for a relationship. You need your partner to recognize that their behavior needs to change for the relationship to continue.</p>
<p>The narcissist will have to learn to become more empathetic while also working on shedding their self-centered attitude. Understand that this isn't always going to be easy. Many people with narcissistic traits have a real problem with making progress. This is going to take them way out of their comfort zone. Vulnerable narcissists are self-absorbed and often take criticism poorly, so hearing that they aren't acting right or treating some right could be taken the wrong way.</p>
<p>This is why it is likely going to be beneficial to seek out professional help. Working on salvaging a relationship with a narcissist will not be easy when you don't know how to go about things. Luckily, you can work with a dedicated therapist to get the best results possible. They're going to know how to talk with your partner to facilitate the best possible outcome. If you can commit to the process, you might enjoy a better relationship with your narcissistic partner.</p>
<h2>Online therapy is there for you</h2>
<figure class="image"><img src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/regain/ae3fa823f32de686c8a090fe10e3b183-man-looks-unhappy-while-facing-away-from-his-partner-on-their-couch_l.jpg" alt="A man in an orange shirt clasps his hands together under his chain while he sits sadly on the couch and gazes off while deep in thought." width="906" height="604">
<figcaption>Getty/jeffbergen</figcaption><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Many things can impact a relationship - We're here to help</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='2' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>Connect with one of our therapists</a></div></div></div>
</figure>
<p><a href="https://www.regain.us/get-started/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener"> Online therapy</a> will always be there for you, and you can reach out today if you're ready. If you're in a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist, then you can try to get the right help to take your relationship to the next level. It might be something that will take some time to accomplish, but a narcissist can learn to let go of self-centered behavior patterns. You might find that your partner can become more empathetic over time and that you can start enjoying the relationship style that you have always wanted.</p>
<p>This isn't something that is going to happen overnight, though. A vulnerable narcissist needs time to change, and they also need time to work on personal issues. Your partner might have some past trauma that needs to be worked through, and this trauma might have contributed to their current mental state. As long as you're willing to work together, it's possible to make progress.</p>
<h2>Takeaway</h2>
<p>Don't hesitate to reach out to online counselors if you're in need. Your partner can receive individual counseling to help with some issues, and you can also attend couples counseling together. All of this can happen from the comfort of your own home. Sign<a href="https://www.regain.us/" target="_blank" rel="noreferrer noopener">&nbsp;up today</a>, and you can start counseling sessions whenever it is convenient for you to do so.</p>

Many things can impact a relationship - We're here to help

Learn about vulnerable narcissism, a type of narcissistic personality & how vulnerable narcissists act in relationships, plus mental health support.

Vulnerable Narcissism: What Is It And How Can It Impact A Relationship? | Regain

<p><strong>Frequently asked questions (FAQs)</strong></p>
<h2><strong>What are the characteristics of a vulnerable narcissist?</strong></h2>
<p>A vulnerable narcissist may come off as shy or unassuming, but their narcissistic traits will likely become apparent by spending more time with them. They may seem self-deprecating, but these <a href="https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/covert-narcissist#vs-overt-narcissism">narcissistic individuals</a> often are self-absorbed and believe they are better than others.</p>
<p>This kind of pathological narcissism may make individuals hypersensitive to criticism or lead them to avoid social situations when possible. Because of these narcissistic personality traits, individuals with vulnerable pathological narcissism constantly need affirmation and reassurance. Additionally, this kind of pathological narcissism leads individuals to be less empathic and less able to relate with others.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<p>There are multiple types of pathological narcissism. A vulnerable narcissist is significantly different from a grandiose narcissist. Grandiose narcissists are likely what you think of when you envision narcissistic traits: loud, boisterous, egotistical, and always searching for attention. Meanwhile, a vulnerable narcissist is somebody that expresses their narcissistic traits in quieter, more subdued ways.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<p>Of course, just because somebody is shy or reserved doesn't mean that they are subject to a narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits. It's not until you can form a genuine interpersonal relationship with the individual to truly understand how and if narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) affects them.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Furthermore, narcissistic personality disorder doesn't wholly define an individual - there are certainly ways to learn to love, empathize, and appreciate both grandiose and vulnerable narcissists.&nbsp;</p>
<h3><strong>What happens when you stand up to a narcissist?</strong></h3>
<p>Standing up to vulnerable or grandiose narcissists can be a very challenging thing. Vulnerable narcissists may react very poorly and perhaps even delve into a depression, while grandiose narcissists may be likely to respond in a defensive and angered manner.</p>
<p>For example, breaking up with somebody that exhibits pathological narcissism can be a very tricky situation. Grandiose narcissists may react explosively, <a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/here-s-what-happens-when-you-break-up-with-a-narcissist-a7598111.html">saying things like</a> "I promise I'll change" or "you'll never find anybody like me again." These sorts of manipulative statements are usually just tricks that grandiose narcissists use to exploit vulnerabilities or fear.</p>
<p>For the other type of pathological narcissism, vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder, criticism may genuinely damage an individual's mental health. People with vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder need positive affirmation to sustain their mental state, so they may be more likely to take constructive criticism the wrong way and react negatively.&nbsp;</p>
<p>It's essential to treat others with vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder with compassion and solve problems together rather than escalate the conflict. Understand that the responses and behaviors you're witnessing are largely out of the individual's control or maybe gut reactions rather than true indications of how they feel.</p>
<h3><strong>Can a vulnerable narcissist love?</strong></h3>
<p>Regardless of whether you're dealing with vulnerable narcissism, grandiose narcissism, or some combination of the two, anybody can learn to love.&nbsp;</p>
<p>People with pathological narcissism generally tend to think they're better than others, but that doesn't mean they can't learn to love and appreciate others. It just takes a different type of approach to help vulnerable and grandiose narcissists learn to love.</p>
<p>Vulnerable narcissists tend to be fragile and don't deal with criticism well. That means it can be challenging to address problems in a relationship without sending the narcissist into a spiraling hole of emotions.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Instead, you might consider taking a different approach that utilizes cooperation and teamwork. Finding ways to address problems together - you and I against the world rather than you vs. I - can be an effective solution to helping love somebody with pathological narcissism.&nbsp;</p>
<p>It takes care, patience, and lots of empathy to love a vulnerable narcissist, but it can certainly be worth it. Although the narcissism inventory includes selfishness and a lack of empathy, those who experience narcissistic personality disorders are still human beings with the capacity to love, learn, and appreciate what other humans do for them.&nbsp;</p>
<h3><strong>What does narcissistic abuse feel like?</strong></h3>
<p>Narcissism and narcissistic abuse can feel vastly different for different people.&nbsp;</p>
<p>For some, pathological narcissism will make them outwardly mean and rude. This type of abuse tends to be what people think of when they think about abusive relationships.&nbsp;</p>
<p>It can be physical and will often include name-calling and trying to belittle the other person. If your partner frequently belittles, insults, argue with, or otherwise distresses or harms you, <a href="https://www.thehotline.org/">please don't hesitate to reach out to resources that can help</a>.</p>
<p>Sometimes, though, pathological narcissism and the effects it has can look and feel different. Behaviors, in this case, may consist of microaggressions and a constant battle to make the other person feel dependent or insignificant.&nbsp;</p>
<p>Grandiose and vulnerable narcissism typically includes feeling like you're better than others, which can manifest itself in abuse that tries to belittle other people. It can be subtle things, like comments about appearance or intelligence, or more significant things like taking control of finances. Many different actions reside in the narcissism inventory since it affects each person differently and uniquely.</p>
<h3><strong>Can a narcissist change for love?</strong></h3>
<p>Somebody dealing with narcissism and narcissistic tendencies can still learn to love and change their habits for somebody that they care about. Many negative traits are associated with narcissistic personality disorders - selfishness, excessive ego, lack of empathy - but at the same, each experiencing a narcissistic personality disorder is unique with their own emotions.</p>
<p>It can be helpful to a narcissist to witness firsthand what value a partner can bring to their lives. Bringing joy, love, laughter, and family into the life of a narcissist can change them for the better and teach them to love.</p>
<p>While individuals with narcissistic personality disorders may never fully "change" or lose the behaviors and habits that come along with them, they can indeed form meaningful and long-lasting relationships.</p>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">What makes people vulnerable to narcissists?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">What does a vulnerable narcissist want?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">Do vulnerable narcissists have empathy?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">What happens when you break up with a vulnerable narcissist?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">Can a vulnerable narcissist heal?</span></h3>
<h3><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">Can vulnerable narcissists be self-aware?<br><br></span></h3>

Not all narcissists are going to express their superiority in grandiose ways. You might not know this, but there is a type of narcissism that is known as vulnerable narcissism...

Vulnerable Narcissism: What Is It And How Can It Impact A Relationship?

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<div><strong>Content warning:</strong> Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include abuse which could be triggering to the reader. If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse, contact the<strong> </strong><a href="https://www.thehotline.org/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer">Domestic Violence Hotline</a> at <strong>1-800-799-SAFE (7233)</strong>. Support is available 24/7. Please also see our <a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/gethelpnow/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Get Help Now</a> page for more immediate resources.</div>
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<p dir="ltr">A&nbsp;<a href="https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/23-signs-youe28099re-secretly-a-narcissist-masquerading-as-a-sensitive-introvert/">covert narcissist</a>&nbsp;can be one of the most harmful kinds of narcissist, as their behaviors are more subtle and not always immediately noticeable.&nbsp;&nbsp;They may make others feel bad and guilty for doing something they never did using various manipulation tactics. These behaviors can be subtle, damaging methods of asserting themselves in a relationship, which can result in lasting negative effects for the other person.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><img src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/3ubfPSgqVD2FAIqaJVxszEVYxQAeInFF7qqcmU8hYqKfELzWioeAk1bpfXmbMv-WOvgxMVObhcdLKTwTXYNic4WAmgBvi3JI8XrLn6WD9RmsY-FiT0nuaFI1EA4dTWjyAoZFwJ36XxTz1IyA1j8smA" width="800" height="533"><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Narcissism can be hard to spot—learn the signs</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='0' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>Speak with a board-certified therapist</a></div></div></div></p>
<h2 dir="ltr">What is covert narcissism?&nbsp;</h2>
<p dir="ltr"><strong id="docs-internal-guid-aaef501c-7fff-6be2-0cf4-85e370c12997"></strong>Covert narcissists differ from those who display more overt or grandiose behaviors. A covert narcissist will normally have more subtle behavior and may respond to criticism in a more withdrawn way, making them seem sensitive from the outside.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Overt narcissists are easier to identify as their behavior is more obvious and grandiose. Covert <a href="https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/traits-of-a-narcissist/">narcissists</a>&nbsp;can appear to be the opposite of what society views as narcissism. In general, they may appear shy or even humble; but they may also take things personally and feel mistreated, unappreciated, and misunderstood. Although they devalue themselves, they dream of greatness and wonder why people don't appreciate and understand them.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">The difference between overt and covert narcissists</h2>
<p dir="ltr"><strong id="docs-internal-guid-250d24aa-7fff-c4bc-1d69-a2600167fa74"></strong>The difference between an overt and a covert narcissist (also known as an&nbsp;<a href="https://www.regain.us/advice/general/are-you-in-love-with-an-introvert-narcissist/">introvert narcissist</a>) is like listening to your favorite song while blasting the volume compared to listening to that same song on a low volume. The song itself hasn't changed, just the volume at which you are listening. The covert is playing the song nice and low, almost like background noise in the waiting room of the doctor's office.<br><br></p>
<h3 dir="ltr">The impacts of covert narcissists on relationships</h3>
<p dir="ltr"><strong id="docs-internal-guid-fec8238d-7fff-0daf-bd6e-d1937fc49cf3"></strong>They can be more destructive to relationships than an overt narcissist, as the other partner may not be immediately aware of their tactics. The&nbsp;<a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00223980.2019.1679069">emotional</a>&nbsp;abuse they place upon their partner might be more subtle, but emotional abuse can be just as dangerous as physical abuse.<br><br></p>
<h2 dir="ltr">The emotional effects of covert narcissism</h2>
<p dir="ltr"><strong id="docs-internal-guid-0b590739-7fff-41f0-ccd3-8aafc3a23faf"></strong>The emotional effects can last throughout an individual's life. The covert narcissist usually lacks empathy for their partner and may do anything necessary to maintain power and control in the relationship. Common narcissistic traits may make them selfish and dominant, and their wants and needs will typically take precedence over their partner's. As a result, the other person may be left feeling isolated and neglected.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">How to identify covert narcissism in relationships</h2>
<p dir="ltr">With so much on the line, including the long-standing effects of emotional abuse, it's imperative to identify what covert narcissism in relationships looks like. So, how do you identify covert narcissism in relationships? Here are some tips.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/xJGZ7X9p647dAwjpR72-FY_EkZxaAks--4lsiwmgtigjWL3aq6Kmsz0aB8H0PBcrMza08vxB1iBC6f8ORU8b4OGPaBi6T3D0UWGnRU9S-Dg4gGIPlI9cWVchHdxrTodGrFj5p_TJ9wGfKFLe0QBpWg" width="800" height="533"></p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Flipping the charm switch</h3>
<p dir="ltr">The covert&nbsp;<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/">narcissist</a> may turn on their charm at any given moment and turn it back off just as quickly. They might utilize their charming attributes when they want something from their partner or the people around them. They often use various manipulation tactics to gain power and control over an individual. While they may seem charming, it's important to remember that they probably are not unconditionally charming, as they often turn it on for their self-serving goals.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Blaming and shaming</h3>
<p dir="ltr">Shaming their partner is a common tactic for the covert narcissist because of their frequent need to maintain their control in the relationship. In contrast to the overt&nbsp;<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7427600/">narcissist</a>, the covert narcissist utilizes an elusive approach to pinpoint why the fault lies with the partner while the covert narcissist is not to blame. At the end of a discussion or argument, the partner may feel like they were at fault. On the rare occasion that the narcissist does concede and apologize, they may only be standing down because they&rsquo;ve gotten what they wanted.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Gaslighting</h3>
<p dir="ltr">Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates situations to trick an individual into distrusting their memory and perceptions. Numerous&nbsp;<a href="https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/what-gaslighting-how-do-you-know-if-it-s-happening-ncna890866">gaslighting</a>&nbsp;techniques can make it more difficult to identify, which is a prime tactic for the covert narcissist. Some of these techniques are:</p>
<ul>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Withholding &ndash; Feigning a lack of understanding during a conversation, refusing to listen to their partner</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Countering &ndash; Calling into question their partner&rsquo;s memory of a situation despite them remembering things correctly</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Blocking or Diverting &ndash; Changing the subject from the discussion at hand or questioning their partner&rsquo;s thoughts, thereby controlling the conversation</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Trivializing &ndash; Causing their partner to believe their thoughts or needs aren't important</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Denial &ndash; Pretending to forget things that have occurred, including promises that have been made that are important to the partner</p>
</li>
</ul>
<h3 dir="ltr">Distancing themselves emotionally</h3>
<p dir="ltr">You might be unable to feel close to a cover narcissist no matter what you do because of their lack of&nbsp;<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.2190/DUGG-P24E-52WK-6CDG">emotional intelligence</a>. They might exhibit passive-aggressive behavior to further maintain their sense of authority, making you feel frustrated, confused, or alone. Remember a narcissist, including a covert narcissist, is usually incapable of building and nurturing emotional bonds with others because their emotional energy and focus is typically on themselves.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Difficulty providing compliments&nbsp;</h3>
<p dir="ltr">Covert narcissists have a difficult time getting emotionally close in a relationship. It may also be hard for them to give compliments to someone else. They are usually either consciously or unconsciously focused on maintaining the authoritative position in a relationship. They may find it difficult to compliment you, and it may even feel counterproductive for them to do so.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">A one-sided relationship</h3>
<p dir="ltr">A relationship with a covert narcissist will typically be one sided. You may usually give them more attention than they give you. In fact, they may have no desire to shine the spotlight on you (unless they want something) because they will usually make things about them, not you.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Passive self-importance</h3>
<p dir="ltr">The more overt, extroverted narcissist may appear obvious in their inflated sense of self when interacting with others; however, the&nbsp;<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/aug/01/not-all-narcissists-are-grandiose-the-vulnerable-type-can-be-just-as-dangerous">covert narcissist</a> is less obvious and usually more vulnerable. They may give back-handed compliments and use other passive-aggressive measures like minimizing their accomplishments or talents so that people will, in response, reassure them of how truly talented and amazing they are. In doing so, you may end up spending more time and energy focusing on lifting them while neglecting your own needs.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">How to address covert narcissism in a relationship</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Now that we've identified some traits of a covert narcissist in a relationship, here are a few tips on what to do if you have found yourself in a relationship with one.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Don't take their behavior personally&nbsp;</h3>
<p dir="ltr">When in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it may feel very personal when you&rsquo;re on the receiving end of their sense of entitlement, manipulation, and deceptive behaviors. Even though it may be difficult at times, especially when the goal of a covert narcissist is often to belittle and shame you in order to build themselves up, it is important to remember that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Try not to take it personally.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Set boundaries for your mental health</h3>
<p dir="ltr">Just like narcissists often lack a certain degree of emotional intelligence, they also typically don't have <a href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2021/11/10/relationship-boundaries-critical-how-set-them-and-what-say/6358918001/?gnt-cfr=1">healthy boundaries</a>. In fact, a lack of boundaries can be one of the most damaging aspects of their relationships. They need boundaries watered down to cross those lines whenever they have a need to enforce their control on the relationship. Setting boundaries for yourself and your relationship is a positive step for you to take your power back. Consider your values, and then work to create boundaries to support them.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Advocate for yourself</h3>
<p dir="ltr">Because a covert narcissist's primary tactic is often to demean and shame you, you may easily lose your voice in the relationship. Their manipulation tactics are often subtle, and you might find that you've lost your voice in the relationship before realizing what is going on. It&rsquo;s important to spend quality time by yourself, value yourself, and stand up for yourself. If necessary, it may be helpful to step away from the relationship and take some space to gather your thoughts. Remember what your goals and desires are in life. Building your strength back up is often necessary to stand your ground and communicate your feelings and needs with a narcissist. The narcissist will see your strength and self-confidence and may become aware that you know their tactics. This may make it less desirable for them to continue with their negative behavior toward you.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Create a healthy distance</h3>
<p dir="ltr"><img src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/TcxzHdMatHJKYm95eAoe6povGcZY3Y7s3qLVsT2VzPCIWkxx4Ctiy9Cf1v8AJoIwEGVZqEmp9pWCJHta6DC4Su1ypBbrEuDRaCo2fLlOq0US9j8OwBRc_XJ83R9ZME-AUnLENUiFZ0297sZdyNLdtA" width="800" height="533"><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Narcissism can be hard to spot—learn the signs</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='2' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>Speak with a board-certified therapist</a></div></div></div></p>
<p dir="ltr">To set boundaries and advocate for yourself, it may be helpful to create a healthy distance between you and the covert narcissist. They may use tactics to distance you from healthy relationships, such as family or friends, to ensure that no one tells you the truth about how neglectful and damaging the relationship may be. Although it may be difficult to get away and set boundaries, it&rsquo;s vital that you heal and take back your ground. Find opportunities to create some healthy distance between you and the narcissist. This could include something as minimal as spending more alone time or something as drastic as cutting off all contact with them.&nbsp;</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Seek professional mental health care for the challenges of narcissism</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Being in a relationship with a covert narcissist can be extremely confusing and often damaging. Seeking professional help is a great option for those looking to heal from such a relationship. It&rsquo;s important to know you are not alone. Having a professional counselor who understands relationship dynamics and narcissism may bring you one step closer to overcoming any emotional distress that may have occurred.</p>
<p dir="ltr">If you are&nbsp;<a href="https://www.regain.us/advice/general/advice-for-dating-a-vulnerable-narcissist/">dating a vulnerable narcissist</a>&nbsp;or a loved one is in a relationship with a narcissist and experiencing difficulties, a relationship therapist may be able to help.&nbsp;<a href="https://www.regain.us/get-started/">Regain</a>&nbsp;is an online counseling platform specializing in relationships that can provide you with the support that you need. They can give you tools and guidance to overcome any challenges you may be facing in your relationship with a narcissist. Reach out today to begin your journey to an improved relationship and an overall healthier life.</p>

Narcissism can be hard to spot—learn the signs

Covert narcissists are secretly narcissistic. Identify covert narcissism & find mental health support if you find yourself with a covert narcissist.

Covert Narcissism In Relationships: Is A Covert Narcissist Impacting Yours? | Regain

<h2 dir="ltr">Frequently asked questions (FAQ)</h2>
<h2 dir="ltr">How do I know if my partner is a covert narcissist?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Although covert narcissism isn't always easy to spot, you may be able identify it in two ways: their narcissistic behaviors and how they make you feel.</p>
<p dir="ltr">One of the most destructive kinds of narcissistic behavior is gaslighting. A covert narcissist often uses gaslighting to control their partner and boost their own ego. They may minimize your experiences or outright deny they happened. All the while, they may act like they're worried about you because you're "confused" or "forgetful."</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Gaslighting in narcissistic relationships</h3>
<p dir="ltr"><strong id="docs-internal-guid-23632918-7fff-3d12-1b41-84bc97b95932"></strong>Other&nbsp;<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556001/">narcissistic behaviors</a>&nbsp;according to the DSM include these nine traits:<br><br></p>
<ul>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Inflated self-importance</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Fantasies of power</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Belief that they are superior</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Disproportionate need for admiration</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Sense of entitlement</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Exploits others for their own needs</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Difficulty experiencing empathy</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Envy over the achievements of others and a belief that others are envious of them</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Air of superiority and arrogance<br><br></p>
</li>
</ul>
<p dir="ltr">However, the first clue that you may be in a relationship with a covert narcissist might be how you feel when you are with them. A covert narcissist may intentionally try to make you feel guilty, inferior, and unsure of yourself. If they&rsquo;re using gaslighting tactics on you, you might even question your own reality. However, once you recognize what's happening, you can take charge of your situation.&nbsp;</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">How do you reveal narcissistic behavior in your relationship?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">To reveal a covert narcissist, it is important to set up firm boundaries for yourself. However, getting involved in their behaviors can potentially be problematic. They may resist or double down on their efforts to control you. So, a better plan might be to avoid responding to their covert attacks at all. You may try to convince them to go to therapy with you or go alone so that an expert can help you deal with the situation. If being in a relationship with a covert narcissist is causing you emotional distress, it may be time to decide if you want to continue to stay in that relationship.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Can you be in a relationship with a covert narcissist?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">If you're willing to put in the effort, it is possible to be in a relationship with a covert narcissist, but that doesn&rsquo;t necessarily mean it will be a healthy one. It may be a one-sided relationship with your partner, and you may have difficulties maintaining your balance, peace of mind, and self-esteem. It may be helpful to advocate for yourself and set firm boundaries if you choose to be in a relationship with a narcissist.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">How do you recover from a relationship with a covert narcissist?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Once you break free of the relationship with a covert narcissist, you may need to take several steps to overcome the emotional distress they could have caused. It&rsquo;s important to acknowledge that they may have hurt you without making excuses for their behavior. If necessary, it may be helpful to cut all contact with the narcissist to give yourself time and space to heal. During this time, it may be helpful to take care of your physical health as well as your mental health. Spend time with close friends and family. Remember you are not alone. Seek support from loved ones or a mental health professional, or join a support group to discover strategies and tools to help you overcome this difficult time.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Why do narcissists seem to get angry often?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Experts call this phenomenon "<a href="https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/2158244019846693">narcissistic injury</a>." This may occur when the narcissist thinks their self-worth is being threatened which makes them angry. This typically happens when they are challenged, have boundaries placed on them, are held accountable, or are facing criticism.<br><br></p>
<h2 dir="ltr">What happens when you stand up to a narcissist?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Standing up to a narcissist can be difficult, and it may bring on a dramatic response. A narcissist may try to manipulate you into believing the problem is all your fault. However, that doesn't mean you should accept their behavior if it is causing you pain or emotional distress. It may be helpful to take time away from a narcissist and limit or cut contact if you&rsquo;re experiencing difficulties with their response to you.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Can a narcissist ever change?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">While it may be possible for a narcissist to change their behaviors, you usually cannot expect anyone to change if they don&rsquo;t want to change themselves. It will likely take a lot of time and effort to change their behaviors into healthier ones. A narcissist may want to change if they exhibit some of these behaviors:</p>
<ul>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">They're highly motivated to change</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">They're willing to reflect on their own motivations and behaviors</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Their narcissistic tendencies are on the less severe side of the narcissistic spectrum</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">It's their idea to change</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">They have a proficient therapist, especially one experienced in dealing with narcissism<br><br></p>
</li>
</ul>
<h3 dir="ltr">Seeking support in relationships with narcissistic partners</h3>
<p dir="ltr"><strong id="docs-internal-guid-c76ccb6d-7fff-d9c7-cd02-1dba7c69f073"></strong>If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, it may be helpful to seek support and guidance from a relationship therapist to make changes. They can provide tools and strategies that may be able to help a narcissistic partner overcome these challenges.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">What would a narcissist say to their partner?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Sometimes, you can spot a narcissist simply by listening to their most common phrases. A narcissist might say things like:</p>
<ul>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;You're wrong.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;You're too sensitive.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;I always have to defend you to our friends and family.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;You're crying to manipulate me.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;My behavior isn't my fault.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;If you were different, I wouldn't have to act this way.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;You're selfish.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;I don't like it when you spend time with your friends. Don't go.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;I know more about this than you.&rdquo;</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">&ldquo;I'm the only one who will ever love you.&rdquo;<br><br></p>
</li>
</ul>
<p dir="ltr">You might have noticed that some of these phrases could be used by someone who is not narcissistic. What makes these phrases clues to narcissism is that they often say these things in a hurtful way to manipulate you along with typical traits of a&nbsp;<a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/personality-disorders/what-is-narcissistic-personality-disorder-and-how-can-it-be-treated/?utm_source=AdWords&amp;utm_medium=Search_PPC_c&amp;utm_term=_b&amp;utm_content=118051369647&amp;network=g&amp;placement=&amp;target=&amp;matchtype=b&amp;utm_campaign=11771068538&amp;ad_type=text&amp;adposition=&amp;gclid=Cj0KCQiAkZKNBhDiARIsAPsk0WiQTitpqs1S_1ASbQihtP-RHbINUhilbj9U9Hj6h8UYrq0Ri7uk5nYaAh9UEALw_wcB">narcissistic personality disorder</a>.<br><br></p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Is covert narcissism a mental illness?</h2>
<p dir="ltr">According to the&nbsp;<a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3777342/">Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders</a>&nbsp;(DSM-5), covert narcissism (also called&nbsp;<a href="https://www.regain.us/advice/general/vulnerable-narcissism-what-is-it-and-how-can-it-impact-a-relationship/">vulnerable narcissism</a>) is a sub-type of narcissistic personality disorder, which is a chronic, long-term mental illness and personality disorder. Only a mental health professional can properly diagnose narcissistic personality disorder through evaluations and assessments.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Questions to ask your therapist about covert narcissism</h2>
<h3 dir="ltr">What are the challenges of a relationship with a covert narcissist?</h3>
<h3 dir="ltr">What are the causes of covert narcissism?</h3>
<h3 dir="ltr">What do covert narcissists think of themselves?&nbsp;</h3>
<h3 dir="ltr">What do covert narcissists want?&nbsp;</h3>
<h3 dir="ltr">What personality type is associated with narcissistic behavior?</h3>
<p>&nbsp;</p>

A covert narcissist can be one of the most harmful kinds of narcissist there is. Like a covert CIA mission, by the time you realize who they are, the destruction has already...

Covert Narcissism In Relationships: Is A Covert Narcissist Impacting Yours?

<div class="disclaimer">
<div>Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include suicide, substance use, or abuse which could be triggering to the reader.</div>
<ul>
<li>For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the&nbsp;<a href="https://988lifeline.org/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">988 Suicide &amp; Crisis Lifeline</a> at 988</li>
<li>For those experiencing abuse, please contact the <a href="https://www.thehotline.org/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Domestic Violence Hotline</a> at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)</li>
<li>For those experiencing substance use, please contact <a href="https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline" rel="nofollow noreferrer">SAMHSA National Helpline</a> at 1-800-662-4357</li>
</ul>
<div>Support is available 24/7. Please also see our&nbsp;<a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/gethelpnow/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Get Help Now</a> page for more immediate resources.</div>
</div>
<div>
<p dir="ltr">To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a person has to meet the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM&ndash;5). Some of the symptoms officially associated with narcissistic personality disorder, NPD are a pattern of grandiosity, a lack of empathy, and a need for admiration.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">The term "gaslighting" comes from the 1938 British play Gas Light, where a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy using various tricks, causing her to question her perceptions and sanity. Gaslighting is a type of psychological abuse meant to make the victim feel as if they cannot trust their thoughts, filling them with self-doubt. While gaslighting is not an official part of an NPD diagnosis, many people with this personality disorder&nbsp;<a href="https://ncrw.org/narcissistic-gaslighting/">may use gaslighting in their relationships</a>. It&rsquo;s also important to note that not everyone who engages in gaslighting has NPD.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr"><img src="https://lh7-us.googleusercontent.com/docsz/AD_4nXdoaFS2LpfAjpk52LF9C5zzE7rKOJktkMOv7pX_0QFayG2D-BaIAS2s4rLM8p9nHPr65CMix9MCL5bG3dp25ZdipFJMUAkGmxVjSOOqEqs4gMH7dvo9HzvfYtpMJxWFrem0KVZ09rtNSZUXv5ij5nZcygXWB7nwk1ZSwdH4jbTShj2Uag7OkQ?key=CvYIM3t-zofGqXxSjCrauw" alt="A person sitting on a couch with her hand on her face

Description automatically generated" width="906" height="604"><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Explore the gaslighting and narcissism connection</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='0' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>An online therapist can share more</a></div></div></div></p>
<h2 dir="ltr">How gaslighting and narcissism are related</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Here are some ways that narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and gaslighting are related:</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">The lie and exaggerate</h3>
<p dir="ltr">People with NPD may be prone to frequent lies and exaggerations about themselves and others and tend to lift themselves by putting others down. People with this personality disorder may be adept at distorting facts, telling deliberate falsehoods, participating in character assassinations, and engaging in negative coercions.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">Why is it so effective, even when the evidence points toward a blatant lie? Because it usually works! When caught in a lie, many people might admit to it and apologize. But someone with NPD may refuse to admit that they&rsquo;re lying and try to turn it around on the other person, saying they&rsquo;re the one lying or that they&rsquo;re misremembering the situation, which is why the term &ldquo;narcissistic gaslighting&rdquo; is so common.&nbsp;</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">They rarely admit flaws and are highly sensitive when criticized</h3>
<p dir="ltr"><img src="https://lh7-us.googleusercontent.com/docsz/AD_4nXexfpe8AvwUMRqlRUz3BIeKb4g-tkEHd1r9Sr_dCq7augX9msTuSceejKNeqwC5q8QHecvCIMCTJid7Yz1D4FTqNzsBLIvq_LxZukpYV9uGTk2l7gqRNV5PUtxKNM0Nh8k5YHuf8CRUqoxXQQWmdMAS6zPMYnzysTkoKeoeWKy897Nba_84nYo?key=CvYIM3t-zofGqXxSjCrauw" alt="A person and person sitting on a couch

Description automatically generated" width="903" height="602"></p>
<p dir="ltr">People with NPD rarely admit fault. And when they do, be assured that it's not for your benefit but theirs. People with this personality disorder may put on the mask of admission, but more likely, it's only to get something they want. Remember that it is all about their needs, progress, and gain. However, many people with NPD have thin skin and emotional sensitivities and may react defensively when called to account for their negative behavior. When challenged, they are likely to either fight back with temper tantrums, excuse-making, denial, and blame or take flight by abruptly leaving, avoiding the other person, giving the silent treatment, or other forms of passive-aggressiveness.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">False image projection</h3>
<p dir="ltr">To counteract their lack of confidence, people with NPD may project false and exaggerated images of themselves. In the case of persons with&nbsp;<a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2022/03/29/a-new-study-explores-the-fragile-reality-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist/?sh=18e12dfb35a1">vulnerable narcissism</a>, they will try to convince others of their importance as their coping mechanism. Many people with this form of NPD like to impress others by making themselves look good externally. On the other hand, people with NPD who gaslight create an idealized self-image not by puffing themselves up but by demoralizing others to obtain perceived superiority. They may achieve this through several tactics:</p>
<ul>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">They question the other person&rsquo;s memory despite the victim remembering things correctly. ("Are you sure about that?" "Look what happened the last time you thought you were right!")</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">They redirect the conversation from the point at hand to questioning the other person&rsquo;s thoughts, thus controlling the conversation. ("What are you even talking about?", "I'm not discussing this again!")</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">Convincing the other person that their views and emotions aren't important. ("Are you going to let something so small ruin what we have?")</p>
</li>
<li dir="ltr" aria-level="1">
<p dir="ltr" role="presentation">They pretend to forget things that have occurred to manipulate the other person into believing the act didn't happen. ("What are you talking about?" "You're exaggerating.")</p>
</li>
</ul>
<h3 dir="ltr">Rule breaking and boundary violation</h3>
<p dir="ltr">Many people with NPD enjoy getting away with violating rules. For example, they might do something as seemingly benign as cut in line at the movies, purposefully under-tip a waiter or waitress, invade another person's personal space, borrow items without returning them, use another person's things without asking, disobey minor traffic laws, break appointments without calling ahead to reschedule, and not following through on promises.&nbsp;</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Emotional coercion</h3>
<p dir="ltr">For most of the partners of people with NPD, frequent manipulation and subsequent suffering are where the most damage is caused. They manipulate and twist others' thoughts and feelings and, in the course of action, may show little remorse for causing pain to the people in their lives, including loved ones. They often blame their victims for having caused their pain and troubles. Many people with NPD may have unpredictable mood swings, and you are prone to be swept up in a dangerous and upsetting emotional drama if you&rsquo;re in their orbit.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">Manipulation</h3>
<p dir="ltr"><img src="https://lh7-us.googleusercontent.com/docsz/AD_4nXeR3jbgj6BPZ0XGW9OquExjtzrHtNDHNzvZY5_eiYf68IiNGNo0y5Rz4bOxpMZNZOnMKlQLep2pkOYOVVJ4OkTyMmI2yfLbowOyE8JqbIcQqgFeBqQnS2gyjQpa2sqA_KqlZQs4OSsp0iFPo6N4DfUEBRYp1p5bLKbsD2fA-CMEsd2gOXHfFg?key=CvYIM3t-zofGqXxSjCrauw" alt="A person lying on a couch holding her head

Description automatically generated" width="904" height="602"><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Explore the gaslighting and narcissism connection</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='2' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>An online therapist can share more</a></div></div></div></p>
<p dir="ltr">The bottom line is that people with NPD&nbsp; have one main goal: to do whatever they can to benefit themselves and get what they want, no matter the cost. And no one is exempt. You're fair game if you're in their way of what they desire. And one of the primary tactics for this is manipulation.</p>
<p dir="ltr">People who gaslight can conduct psychological manipulation toward individuals and groups through persistent distortion of the truth to cause their victims to question themselves and feel less confident. Simultaneously, people with NPD may falsely position themselves as the "expert" or "authority" on all subject matters, whether in a relationship, at work, or in society. And just like someone who gaslights, they may criticize or judge others while using their "position" as validation.</p>
<p dir="ltr">People who gaslight and those with NPD can cause immense trauma in a relationship, whether a partnership, a marriage, or friends and family. Worse yet, you could be traumatized even before being consciously aware of it. Here are some dangers gaslighting and narcissism can pose to a relationship.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">The dangers of gaslighting and narcissism relationships</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Why are narcissism and gaslighting relationships dangerous?</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">They&nbsp;can erode your trust in yourself</h3>
<p dir="ltr">The primary strategy is to convince you that you can't live without them and that you'll need to rely on them entirely to survive. Someone who gaslights may demean and insult their partner more aggressively, while someone with NPD will try to make their partner believe they are inferior to them.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">They can hurt your relationships with friends and family</h3>
<p dir="ltr">Often in relationships with people with NPD, you may be well into the relationship before realizing how down and out you are. And by then, your partner may have already met your closest friends and family. You might end up believing them over your friends and family, damaging your trust and bonds in these other relationships.</p>
<p dir="ltr"><img src="https://lh7-us.googleusercontent.com/docsz/AD_4nXdAlxoSd61Q5xTm3MKU6Xz0Iu4pvayvDeXlcApsP7JQVvBHMXArHT3LMECaNS8q1fh9jLkufnDPSn9K-XyLKoq-GUTMPXiDs7TGuHOuhIX9b9NuIIVgEnzzw7Ov3gWnrxHx9oI47CjNI-6iSFkq6YyoWGqZdoReJGSU5K88e6k48BeglhT-gow?key=CvYIM3t-zofGqXxSjCrauw" alt="A person with a beard and glasses

Description automatically generated" width="902" height="602"></p>
<h3 dir="ltr">They make you forget who you are</h3>
<p dir="ltr">After dealing with someone with NPD or gaslighting, you might very well be at a place where you've lost most or all of you identity. It&rsquo;s likely the relationship was all about them, not you. As a result, you might have forgotten who you are, what you like to do, and what you need and desire.</p>
<p dir="ltr">People with NPD may feel inadequate and empty, and instead of seeking help, they prey upon others to fill that need. Being in a relationship with a gaslighter or narcissist can be confusing and damaging to your mental health, and it's essential to realize that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. It's important not to feel guilt or shame for not seeing the red flags.&nbsp;</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Help is available</h2>
<p dir="ltr">If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or someone who is gaslighting you, talking to a professional can help. Many people don&rsquo;t realize how much this form of verbal, mental, and emotional abuse affects them. A professional can help you work through any negative feelings and help you get some of your self-esteem back.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">Online therapy is a convenient and effective way to get help from a professional right from the comfort of home. You can attend sessions from anywhere you have an internet connection and communicate with your therapist via video chat, instant message, text, or phone call.&nbsp;<a href="https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15228830802094429">One review of 14 studies</a>&nbsp;found that online therapy was just as effective as in-person treatment. If you&rsquo;re ready to learn more,&nbsp;<a href="https://www.regain.us/get-started/">sign-up with Regain to get started</a>.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Takeaway</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Gaslighting is not a factor in diagnosing narcissistic personality disorder, but it is a common tactic of people with the condition. So, it is common to see a narcissist gaslighting their partner, friend, or family member to get what they want. If you are experiencing gaslighting, talking to a therapist can help you get the support you need to move forward.</p>
</div>
<div>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
</div>

Explore the gaslighting and narcissism connection

Dating narcissists with narcissistic personality disorder? Seen narcissistic gaslighting or mental heath concerns? Learn about gaslighting and narcissism.

How Gaslighting And Narcissism Are Related | Regain

<h2 dir="ltr">FAQs</h2>
<h3 dir="ltr">How do you deal with a narcissist gaslighter?</h3>
<p dir="ltr">If you&rsquo;re dealing with someone with NPD, it&rsquo;s essential to understand that you may have experienced emotional, mental, or verbal abuse. This abuse can come from a narcissistic parent, significant other, friend, or coworker. The best way to deal with someone with NPD will depend on the relationship.</p>
<p dir="ltr">If the person is someone that you don&rsquo;t need to continue a relationship with, it may be best to break it off and move on. If it&rsquo;s your boss, you may benefit from finding a different job. If it&rsquo;s a friend, you may find it&rsquo;s not worth continuing the friendship. However, if it is a parent or spouse, the situation may be more complicated.</p>
<p dir="ltr">If you believe you&rsquo;re the victim of narcissistic abuse like gaslighting, working with a licensed therapist can be helpful. Whether you want to continue with the relationship or move on, therapy can help you learn strategies to cope and heal.</p>
<h3 dir="ltr">How do you tell if someone is gaslighting you?</h3>
<p dir="ltr">If you wonder if someone is gaslighting you, look honestly at their behavior. Gaslighting has many behavioral symptoms that you can look for in how a person acts. Examples of these behaviors include:</p>
<ul>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Lying</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Denying their words or actions</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Actions not matching words</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Positive reinforcement at times</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Blaming others for their actions</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Accusing you of doing the things that they&rsquo;re doing</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Tell you that you&rsquo;re crazy</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Try to convince you not to spend time with others.</li>
</ul>
<p dir="ltr">These are just a few of the signs. It can be difficult at times to recognize if you&rsquo;ve been in a relationship with someone who was gaslighting you, there is a chance that you&rsquo;ve been the victim of their abuse. This can lead you to blame yourself for things they&rsquo;re doing wrong and question your sanity, so if you start to think that someone is gaslighting you, you may convince yourself that you&rsquo;re just jumping to conclusions.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>

To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a person has to meet the diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders... 

How Gaslighting And Narcissism Are Related

<div class="disclaimer">
<div>Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include suicide, substance use, or abuse which could be triggering to the reader.</div>
<ul>
<li>For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the&nbsp;<a href="https://988lifeline.org/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">988 Suicide &amp; Crisis Lifeline</a> at 988</li>
<li>For those experiencing abuse, please contact the <a href="https://www.thehotline.org/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Domestic Violence Hotline</a> at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)</li>
<li>For those experiencing substance use, please contact <a href="https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline" rel="nofollow noreferrer">SAMHSA National Helpline</a> at 1-800-662-4357</li>
</ul>
<div>Support is available 24/7. Please also see our&nbsp;<a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/gethelpnow/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">Get Help Now</a> page for more immediate resources.</div>
</div>
<p dir="ltr">Growing up feeling hated by your mother can be an extremely difficult emotion to cope with. Feeling burdensome, unwanted or disliked by your mother often creates ongoing problems into adulthood, including certain mental health conditions.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">Victims of toxic or narcissistic parenting often believe they are the ones at fault for their poor relationship with their mothers or feel undeserving of her love. In such cases, it can be helpful to identify possible narcissistic personality traits in your mother.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">A mother who displays persistent controllining, manipulative or cruel behavior is likely showing narcissistic personality traits. For those that have lived with this type of behavior long-term, recognizing and addressing the signs can be extremely difficult.</p>
<p dir="ltr">In this article, we will explore the realities of narcissistic mothers, what you can do to navigate the relationship, and how to take steps towards personal healing.&nbsp;</p>
<figure class="image"><img class="alignnone" src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/d1f67fb7e8f646b5d6d0fcb4826edfc5-close-up-of-a-pregnant-woman-looking-at-a-sonnogram_l.jpeg" alt="A pregnant woman looks at her ultrasound pictures" width="1242" height="828">
<figcaption>Ilona Titova/EyeEm</figcaption><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Have you been hurt by your mother’s behavior?</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='0' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>Start your healing process in online therapy</a></div></div></div>
</figure>
<h2 dir="ltr">Recognizing narcissistic traits</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Maintaining a relationship with someone who displays narcissistic personality traits can often be challenging, with a toxic parent or caregiver creating one of the most difficult and impactful relationships to navigate.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Recognizing toxicity and narcissistic personality traits in your own mother can be extremely difficult due to the fact that her love, or lack thereof, was likely presented to you at an early age. In many cases, growing up with a narcissistic parent &ldquo;normalizes&rdquo; the existence of toxic behavior in the parent, yourself, and others around you.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">While some mothers are outright cruel, many narcissistic personality traits present in a subtle, more covert way. Examples of narcissistic personality traits include:&nbsp;</p>
<ul>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">An unreasonably high sense of self-importance or a desire for excessive admiration.</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Feeling that certain privileges and special treatment are deserved.</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">The expectation to be recognized as superior even without achievements.</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">A tendency to make personal achievements or talents seem bigger than they are.</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">A preoccupation with success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Feelings of superiority.&nbsp;</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Unrealistic demands or expectations of others.&nbsp;</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">A tendency to take advantage of others without guilt or remorse.</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">An inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.</li>
<li dir="ltr" role="presentation">Excessive feelings of envy towards others, or an unfounded belief that others envy them.&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<p dir="ltr">It is important to note that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable personality disorder. While someone living with NPD will display narcissistic personality traits, these same traits can be exhibited by people who do not have NPD.&nbsp;</p>
<figure class="image"><img class="alignnone" src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/f670f2b28a04a548e2e66370f8b21009-mom-and-daughter-cuddling-on-the-sofa_l.jpeg" alt="A mom and daughter both laugh while laying on the living room couch" width="1028" height="686">
<figcaption>Getty</figcaption>
</figure>
<h2>Signs of narcissistic traits in mothers</h2>
<p dir="ltr">When navigating narcissism, it can be helpful to recognize that there are a number of narcissistic behaviors that tend to present specifically in parenting. While the process of identifying narcissistic traits your mother can be grueling and painful, doing so may serve as an important step towards healing.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">Some of the most common traits associated with narcissistic mothers include:</p>
<h3>Excessive self-centeredness</h3>
<p>A narcissistic mother is primarily focused on herself, her needs, and her desires. She may constantly seek attention and admiration from others while disregarding the needs and feelings of her children.</p>
<h3>Lack of empathy</h3>
<p>Empathy is often lacking in narcissistic individuals, including narcissistic mothers. They struggle to understand or connect with the emotions and experiences of others, including their children. Their interactions may be characterized by a lack of genuine concern or understanding.</p>
<h3>Manipulation and exploitation</h3>
<p>Narcissistic mothers often manipulate and exploit their children for their own benefit. They may use guilt, emotional blackmail, or other tactics to control and manipulate their children, often seeking to fulfill their own needs and desires at the expense of their children's well-being.</p>
<h3>Grandiosity and entitlement</h3>
<p>Narcissistic mothers typically have an inflated sense of self-importance and believe they are entitled to special treatment and privileges. They may expect their children to fulfill their needs without question and may become angry or resentful if their demands are not met.</p>
<h3>Lack of boundaries</h3>
<p>Narcissistic mothers frequently disregard personal boundaries, both physical and emotional, with their children.&nbsp;</p>
<h3>Emotional manipulation and abuse</h3>
<p>Narcissistic mothers often engage in emotional abuse to maintain control over their children. This can involve gaslighting (distorting reality to make the child doubt their own perceptions), constant criticism, belittling, and undermining the child's self-esteem.</p>
<figure class="image"><img class="alignnone" src="https://dy7glz37jgl0b.cloudfront.net/advice/images/442f5a0abf3a01025a15d2c4c940c506-woman-blue-shirt-looks-concerned_l.jpg" alt="A woman in a blue shirt sits with her head rested sadly in her hands as she gazes off solomly." width="910" height="606">
<figcaption>Getty/Xavier Lorenzo</figcaption><div class='article-cta article_cta  '><div class='article_cta_container'><div role='heading' aria-level='2' class='article_cta_text'>Have you been hurt by your mother’s behavior?</div><div class='embedded-cta-container'><a href='/get-started/' data-cta-count='2' class='btn btn-primary embedded-cta'>Start your healing process in online therapy</a></div></div></div>
</figure>
<h2>Healing from a hateful mother</h2>
<p dir="ltr">Growing up feeling hated by your own mother is undoubtedly challenging and oftentimes traumatic. Typically, the first step toward healing comes from identifying the reality of your mother&rsquo;s behavior, then learning to accept that your mother&rsquo;s behavior is no fault of your own.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">While there are a number of support groups available online for those of us with emotionally abusive or narcissistic parents, the complex and painful nature of growing up with a narcissistic mother is typically navigated best through therapy and mental health treatment.&nbsp;</p>
<p dir="ltr">A therapist or mental health professional can often provide individualized guidance in the matters of navigating or healing from a toxic maternal relationship. In many cases, it is possible that <a href="https://www.betterhelp.com/get-started/">online therapy</a> may serve as a valuable resource for those looking to heal from a different parent-child relationship. Additionally, research has proven <a href="https://www.center4research.org/does-online-therapy-work/">online therapy to be equally as effective as in-person therapy</a>.</p>
<h2 dir="ltr">Takeaway</h2>
<p dir="ltr">While recognizing the signs of a narcissistic mother can be challenging, doing so can often be helpful when it comes to the navigation of the relationship, as well as personal well-being. If you are having trouble coping with the negative effects of a mother&rsquo;s narcissistic behaviors, it may be best to reach out to a therapist or mental health professional for guidance and support.&nbsp;&nbsp;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>

Start your healing process in online therapy

Have you been hurt by your mother’s behavior?

Why does my mother hate me? You may wonder, “Why does my mom hate me?” but it could be that mental health & narcissistic personality traits are to blame.

Navigating Narcissism: Why Does My Mother Hate Me? | Regain

<p><strong>Frequently asked questions</strong></p>
<p><strong>What should I do if my mom hates me?</strong></p>
<p>The ideal relationship between a mother and her child is full of love and care. In reality, this is not always the case. Some mothers dislike and even hate their child(ren) for various reasons. Discovering that your mother might hate you can be frightening and confusing. It is sad to hear someone ask, &ldquo;why does my mother hate me.&rdquo; Listed below are steps you can take if you have reason to believe that your mother hates you.&nbsp;</p>
<ul>
<li>Don&rsquo;t blame yourself:</li>
</ul>
<p>This is very important. As children, we mirror our environment, using it as a tool to forge our identity. We search the words, actions, and body language of the people around us for clues that help us determine our place in society. If you grow up with a parent who doesn&rsquo;t love you and, even worse&hellip; hates you, your self-esteem is bound to take several heavy blows.</p>
<p>If you find yourself internalizing any guilt or blame for your mother&rsquo;s behavior, you have likely been viewing yourself through her perspective and based your identity on her thoughts and actions. Understanding that your mother is a human being who doesn&rsquo;t have everything figured out will help you take her view of you with a grain of salt. Your worth is not defined by the opinions of others, not even that of your mother.</p>
<ul>
<li>Speak to her:&nbsp;</li>
</ul>
<p>Communication gaps can cause negative emotions to develop and solidify over time. There are endless possible causes for your mother&rsquo;s behavior. Engaging her in honest and open conversation can bridge the gap and bring you closer together. It is possible that she isn&rsquo;t conscious of her behavior towards you. It is also possible that she blames you for a negative event or situation she experienced and has subconsciously connected those negative emotions with you. Whatever the case may be, having a sincere conversation with her about her behavior has the potential to heal your relationship.</p>
<ul>
<li>Assess yourself:</li>
</ul>
<p>While other people's opinions do not determine your worth, you must continue to assess yourself to make sure you aren&rsquo;t contributing to the problem. This does not mean you should blame yourself for her behavior. Rather, you should make a list of negative things you have been doing and a list of positive things you could be doing. Eliminate the behaviors featured on the negative list and adopt those featured on the positive list. Even if this doesn&rsquo;t help change her behavior towards you, you can be confident that you aren&rsquo;t contributing to the cycle.</p>
<ul>
<li>Cut her off:</li>
</ul>
<p>This should be a last resort that you only act on if her behavior is unbearably toxic. Family is ideally our most important connection, but once family becomes toxic, we can guiltlessly cut them off. Your mental health is your priority, and if staying connected with your <a href="https://www.regain.us/advice/parenting/11-signs-you-have-an-emotionally-abusive-mother/" rel="nofollow noreferrer">emotionally abusive mother</a> places your mental health at risk, you should cut her off.</p>
<p>This being said, try to save your relationship with your mother if it is within your power to do so. This will both solve the problem and give you both the opportunity to develop a healthy relationship.</p>
<p><strong>Why do I feel like my mom hates me?</strong></p>
<p>But no matter how much you fight, there should be no reason to doubt that your mother loves you, that is, if things were ideal. Unfortunately, mothers sometimes exhibit behavioral patterns that suggest hatred for their children. If this goes on for some time, the child will pick up on it and assume their mother hates them. No one should have to ask, &ldquo;why does my mother hate me.&rdquo; While this is not common, it cannot be said to be abnormal.</p>
<p>For you to conclude that your mother hates you, you must have observed her acting towards you in a hateful manner. People suspect their mother hates them if she:</p>
<ul>
<li>Doesn&rsquo;t display care or affection</li>
<li>Is neglectful</li>
<li>Is verbally abusive</li>
<li>Is violent and aggressive</li>
<li>Favors siblings over them</li>
<li>Rarely communicates with them</li>
</ul>
<p>All these are legitimate reasons to suspect that your mother hates you. However, your best option would be to have a sit-down with her and discuss how you feel. Even if this doesn&rsquo;t end positively, you will gain some insight into the situation and maybe even get some closure.</p>
<p>If you are experiencing maternal hatred and aren&rsquo;t sure what to do about it, you can find a treatment center and receive family counseling. If this is not possible in your locality, you can contact an online therapist to find a treatment plan.</p>
<p><strong>How do you know if your mom hates u?</strong></p>
<p>It can be very difficult to understand and accept that your mother hates you. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4507819/">Studies</a> show that the relationship between a mother and her children is the strongest ties in a family. Unfortunately, the opposite is the sad reality for many people. There are some signs that, when noticed, could mean your mother hates you. The signs include:</p>
<ul>
<li>She never shows affection</li>
<li>She blames you for her unhappiness</li>
<li>She favors your siblings over you</li>
<li>She gaslights you and blames you for things you have no control over</li>
<li>She consistently undermines your achievements</li>
<li>She compares you to others to make you appear to be a failure</li>
<li>She neglects you</li>
<li>She is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive</li>
</ul>
<p>If you notice several of these signs, it might mean that your mother does not like you. The best step to take would be to initiate a sincere conversation with her and take steps towards healing your relationship.</p>
<p>If you are experiencing maternal hatred and aren&rsquo;t sure what to do about it, you can find a treatment center and receive family counseling. If this is not possible in your locality, you can contact an online therapist to find a treatment plan.</p>
<p><strong>Why does my mom hate me but love my siblings?</strong></p>
<p>It isn&rsquo;t rare for mothers to favor one sibling over the other or to single one out and neglect them emotionally. The reasons for this behavior are endless and can only be determined through therapy or extended open communication between you and your mother. But the most common reason a mother would hate one child and love the rest is that she blames that child for a negative event or situation she experienced and attaches the negative emotions from that event to that child. A common cause of this is parental burnout. <a href="https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6028779/">Research</a> shows that parental burnout can cause a negative relationship between a parent and her child.</p>
<p>If you are experiencing maternal hatred and aren&rsquo;t sure what to do about it, you can find a treatment center and receive family counseling. If this is not possible in your locality, you can contact an online therapist to find a treatment plan.</p>
<p><strong>What is a toxic mom?</strong></p>
<p>A toxic mom is a mom whose presence in her children&rsquo;s lives is unhealthy for them. The absence of a mother figure can have very negative effects on a child, but sometimes a toxic mother can be an even worse circumstance. A toxic mom has the following features:</p>
<ul>
<li>She is neglectful</li>
<li>She is verbally, emotionally, financially, or physically abusive</li>
<li>She doesn&rsquo;t show affection</li>
<li>She blames her children for things out of their control</li>
<li>She undermines her children&rsquo;s achievements</li>
<li>She doesn&rsquo;t respect boundaries</li>
<li>She gaslights her children etc.</li>
</ul>
<p>If you are experiencing maternal hatred and aren&rsquo;t sure what to do about it, you can find a treatment center and receive family counseling. If this is not possible in your locality, you can contact an online therapist to find a treatment plan.</p>
<p><strong>Why do mothers hate their daughters?</strong></p>
<p>Maternal hatred is a sad reality, and it is often directed from a mother to a daughter. The main reason some mothers hate their daughters is maternal jealousy. This is a situation where a mother feels envious of her daughter for various reasons. Some of these reasons are:&nbsp;</p>
<ul>
<li>She blames her daughter for a negative event or experience she had</li>
<li>She thinks her daughter has like easier than she did</li>
<li>Her daughter excels in fields she wishes she could excel in</li>
<li>She thinks her daughter is more attractive than her and is jealous</li>
<li>Her daughter reminds her of her own past failures</li>
<li>A mental health condition</li>
</ul>
<p>If you are experiencing maternal hatred and aren&rsquo;t sure what to do about it, you can find a treatment center and receive family counseling. If this is not possible in your locality, you can contact an online therapist to find a treatment plan.</p>
<p><span data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{" is="">Why do I feel like my mother hates me? <br>What do you do when your mom says hurtful things? <br>What is cold mother syndrome? <br>Why do I feel no connection to my mother? <br>Why do I get annoyed with my mom so easily? </span></p>

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Navigating Narcissism: Why Does My Mother Hate Me?

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