Nine Reasons Why Some People Do Not Date Single Moms
Single mothers make up a significant portion of the dating pool; in fact, households with single moms rank second in commonality among family types in the United States. Dating a single mother can be a rewarding and unique experience, providing an individual with the opportunity to get to know a strong woman and connect with her little ones. Along with these positives, however, dating a single parent can also present complications that some people aren’t prepared to take on. Whether it’s because of a potential lack of time or a choice to never have children, there are several concerns that may cause someone to avoid dating a single parent. Below, we’re going to discuss nine such reasons people do not date single mothers.
Nine reasons why some people do not date single moms
A person’s decision not to date a single mom may not have anything to do with her. Instead, it often has to do with the challenges that can arise while raising a child. It’s important to note that these are often also the reasons someone chooses to date a single mother. In addition to being organized and able to compartmentalize their lives, they’re often strong, independent, responsible, and fun to be around. For some people, though, this can also mean that their time will be restricted, their responsibilities greater, and their ability to be spontaneous limited. The following are nine possible reasons people choose not to date single moms.
1. Involvement of the ex-partner
Single parents have varying levels of involvement with the person they had children with. In some cases, there will be no contact. In other cases, the mother and kids might see the other parent almost daily. A potential romantic interest might worry about uncomfortable encounters with the ex-partner. This can be a complicated dynamic to navigate—which could include conflict with the ex and tension surrounding interactions with the children—so it is one that not everyone is willing to incorporate into their lives.
2. Concerns about time constraints
While not always the case, the obligations of a single mother can mean that she’ll have less time than someone who does not have children. Between caring for the little ones, helping with school and other activities, and focusing on her own career, health, etc., she may not have extra time to spend going on a lot of dates or simply hanging out with a partner. This can present problems for someone who prefers to date someone whom they can see frequently.
3. Potential lack of spontaneity
Some people desire a less structured life and are aware that a single parent might not be quite as flexible with their time. Scheduling dates with romantic partners may require additional planning for single mothers. For example, if you’re someone who likes to extend dates when they’re going well, this might not be a possibility for a single mother, who may have time constraints she has to adhere to. If you are someone who likes to change plans at the last minute or prefers not to plan at all, you and a single parent may not be as compatible.
4. Apprehension about bonding with the kids
Some people might worry about getting attached to a child, but then not being in their life if the relationship with their mother ends. This situation can be hard for both the partner and the children, who may have already experienced several changes regarding parent figure. If you tend to get attached to children, you might not want to enter into a relationship with a single mother unless you know it is going to be long term.
5. Wanting a less serious relationship
Some single moms—though by no means all single moms—may be hesitant to enter into a partnership that isn’t committed or exclusive. They may want to avoid spending time on a casual relationship, or they might want to find someone who will act as a parent figure for their children. So, someone who is looking for a less serious type of relationship may want to avoid wasting a single mother’s time. If you aren’t looking for a serious relationship, but a single mother is, it likely isn’t a compatible match, and that’s okay.
6. Having kids of one’s own
It may seem counterintuitive, but some single parents are hesitant to date other single parents. They may be worried that the parenting styles won’t match or apprehensive regarding the compatibility of the children. Some people may be concerned that, between their obligations and their partner’s, they won’t be able to spend enough time with a single mother. While many single parents start successful relationships, this it can be a challenging situation for some.
7. Not ready to help raise children
Some people feel that they aren’t in a place in life to be a figure in a child’s life. They may wish to have children of their own first, or there might be things they want to do in life before they feel that they can be a part of a person's family. If a single parent is indeed looking for someone to join the family, it makes sense that a potential partner may not feel that they’re compatible.
8. Feeling intimidated
It’s common for some people to be nervous around single moms. It takes a lot of drive, energy, love, and dedication to run a household, after all. People might see all that the single mother gets done in a day, admire their strength and power, and feel intimidated. Most single parents have grown accustomed to getting things done on their own. It doesn’t mean they don’t want help, only that they’ve gotten used to being independent.
9. Choosing a life without children
This is similar to the above point about not being ready to be a parent, but this point refers to people who belong to a growing cohort in the United States: people who have chosen to never have children. Dating a single parent doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be involved with the children, but the chances are much higher that you’ll be expected to interact with them and form some type of relationship. While some people love kids, many others know that they don’t want to be a significant adult or parental figure of any kind in the life of a child. It’s important to understand what you want, and this doesn’t say anything about you or the single parent. It primarily signals a lack of compatibility with that lifestyle.
If you’re a single parent yourself, know that the right person will respect your time, your boundaries, and your needs related to raising your children. Being a single parent is a highly attractive quality, and there are far more reasons for people to want to date single parents than not. It’s all a matter of compatibility and finding a match who can be there in the way you want them to be there.
How online therapy can help
A growing body of research points to online therapy as a helpful form of counseling for those experiencing challenges that arise out of parenting. For example, in a study of 136 couples, researchers found that participants experienced significant improvements in coparenting following an online therapy program. In addition, the study notes that relationship satisfaction increased after online therapy.
Whether you’re a single parent in the dating world, are in a relationship with a single parent, or are seeking support with anything else related to your romantic life or mental health, online therapy can help. With an online therapy platform like Regain, you can work through challenges related to dating or single parenthood remotely, through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging. All of the providers on the platform are independent, licensed, and experienced. A qualified professional can give you valuable guidance and helpful insights as you work to understand what you want out of relationships. Continue reading for reviews of Regain therapists from people who have sought support for similar challenges.
Therapist reviews
"My experience with Priscilla has been immensely helpful in better understanding myself and providing me with the tools to see my life and relationships with more clarity and compassion."
“Sessions with Natalie are very insightful and give practical advice on implementing new habits and changes. Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together.”
Takeaway
It can be fun and fulfilling to be in a relationship with a single parent; but it can also be challenging at times. Because of concerns related to bonding with children, a lack of spontaneity, and other complications, some people choose not to date single mothers. If you’re curious about how parenthood changes romantic relationships or want to discuss similar concerns, help is available. With the support of a professional, you can learn more about what a thriving relationship means to you.
Frequently asked questions (FAQ)
Is dating a single mom a bad idea?
While dating single moms could be less than ideal for some people, it is by no means a bad idea. If you decide to enter into a relationship with a single parent, remember that no matter how tight your bond may be with your partner, there will be times when your partner’s kids will take precedence over your relationship.
Why do some people choose not to date single moms?
With it in mind that everyone is different, here are a few reasons why a person may not date a single parent:
- They want full attention. A person might understand that the kids will, at times, come first in some ways. Someone who doesn’t know what it’s like to be a parent firsthand also might not understand the way that a single parent has to allocate their time. Either way, these things could cause a lack of compatibility.
- They don’t want to risk attachment with the children. It is often painful to grow attached to someone and have to end the connection. This can be particularly true when it comes to kids; you start to watch them grow up, and they may have developed a special place in your heart. A person who knows that this is a risk for them might not want to take it.
- They don’t want kids. There is a possibility that dating someone could mean entering the family as an authority figure to a child. For someone whose plans do not include parenthood, this could be a reason for not dating a single mother.
What a single mom needs in a man?
Where do single moms meet guys?
Where can I date single moms?
Why single moms are great to date?
How do you know if a girl is single without asking?
Is it hard dating someone with a child?
Challenges in relationships are always a possibility. Every relationship varies, though, so it’s tough to give an answer that would be applicable across the board. Certain concerns can arise when you date someone with a child, whether you are a parent yourself or not. For example, if you are a parent, the kids might not get along. Or, you might have trouble when it comes to making your schedules align. Couples therapy may be advantageous if there is something you want to work through in your partnership, whether there are kids involved or not.
How do you win the heart of a single mom?
You can win the heart of a single mother by not coming in between her and her kids and being an overall supportive partner. You can also try some of the following ideas, depending on the seriousness of the relationship and the desires of the single parent when it comes to your level of involvement with the kids:
- Plan a family date night: A family date night with the kids is a good way to show that you care for both your partner and their children. They’ll see you as a serious and responsible type who is interested in their happiness.
- Find a babysitter: This is also another way of making a good impression on your partner with kids. It shows you really care for the children.
- Pamper them: This could be anything from tickets to a game, cooking a nice meal and cleaning while your partner engages in self-care, or something else. It depends on what makes them feel special and relaxed.
- Support their parenting without stepping on their toes: Don’t overstep, interfere, or offer unsolicited advice. Instead, be there on the hard days and offer emotional support.
- Know that the kids come first: There are times when a babysitter will fall through, a child will become ill, or something else will happen when you were supposed to go on a date or spend time together. Be understanding.
Are you still a single mom if you have a boyfriend?
Yes, you’re still a single mom unless you choose to identify yourself otherwise. The level of involvement a romantic partner has with your children is up to you. If you have boundaries surrounding their level of involvement, which may be particularly important to you at the beginning of a relationship, these boundaries must be respected.
What a single mom needs in a man?
Where do single moms meet guys?
Where can I date single moms?
Why single moms are great to date?
How do you know if a girl is single without asking?
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