Tired Of Being Single? 10 Ways To Cope With Loneliness Without A Significant Other
A lot of single people are doing fine. However, that is not to say they don't feel lonely at times. Being single can be tough, but it can be a truly difficult combo when coupled with loneliness. So, how does one cope with being single and lonely in an age where relationships are displayed on social media left, right, and center?
Being single and lonely in the modern age
Many singles have thought at one point or another, "I'm tired of being single,” which is not surprising. Not having a significant other is especially difficult in an age where relationships are everywhere on social media, from romantic vacations to the islands to public displays of affection. It might feel like every feed is parading a love you don't have.
It gets especially disheartening when relatives ask you if you are ever getting married or finding yourself as a third wheel with your friend and their partner.
Constant reminders you are single and alone exacerbate the societal pressure to be in a relationship. People are often shamed into believing we can't be content or complete without a significant other. There's a perception that being single means being unhappy.
However, research has shown there are more single people out there in the world right now than at any point in recent history. A 2017 statistic from the U.S. Census Bureau has revealed that 45.2% of Americans over 18 are single. A 2014 Pew report predicts that one in four will have never married by the time today's young adults reach 50 years of age.
While human beings possess an innate need for belonging and love and are wired to be in relationships with one another, there is a distinction between recognizing that need and being unhappy because you don’t have it right now.
10 things to remember if you are tired of being single and lonely
- Social media gives us a highly filtered view of life and what it means to be in a relationship. Remember, people put the best versions of their lives on social media, even when there is a lot of turbulence behind the scenes. The relationship posts people put on social media are not necessarily reflections of the quality of their relationship. It is very possible for someone to be in a relationship and still feel discontent or lonely, so don't be disheartened or deceived by rose-colored content.
- Trust that most likely the right person will come into your life at the right time if you stay open to the possibility, and don't be discouraged if you haven't found someone special yet. Instead, consider using these emotionally challenging experiences to help you make better decisions next time. Be patient, and remember, every date is getting you closer to someone who appreciates you, loves you, and wants the same things as you.
- Being single and lonely is a tough combo, but you don't have to be miserable. It is often possible to reframe your state of mind by journaling, talking to trusted friends, or seeing a counselor. Instead of moping about not having a partner, you can decide to live your best life anyway. Doing this includes things like practicing gratitude for the positive things in your life rather than focusing on what's lacking. You can also choose to appreciate the benefits of being single: One study found levels of loneliness are lower among people who choose to stay un-partnered compared to those who are involuntarily single.
- Being single can be a time to get to know and love yourself. It is a prime time to get to know yourself more deeply, develop as a person, and identify what you are looking for in a relationship. Studies have shown that single people go through more personal growth and development than people who marry. Also, being single can give you more time to engage in hobbies and interests. You don’t have to wait for another person to come along to enjoy doing the things you love to do.
- It's OK to have high standards about what you are looking for in a partner. Many single people doubt the standards they have when it comes to choosing a partner, thinking, "Maybe it's too high," or "Maybe it's too low." Whichever end of the spectrum, it's important to have a sense of what you want and what your values are and stick to it. No one should feel obliged to date or settle because they feel lonely or because the other person is "nice enough." On the other hand, it's also important to manage expectations and remember there is no perfect partner. Good relationships take hard work, commitment, and patience, and no one is perfect.
- Being single can be an opportunity. It may not seem obvious if you feel the pain of loneliness, but being single can be an opportunity to work on career, focus on friends and family, or discover new hobbies or skills you didn't know you had. Apparently, many others are thinking the same. The U.S. Census Bureau found many Americans are holding off having children, perhaps because they want to stay single longer and explore their life options. One option for singles is using this time to become the best possible version of yourself by building your career, character, social network, and skills.
- Spending more time with the people you love can help with the loneliness of being single. A study has revealed that single people are more likely than married people to socialize with their friends and neighbors. You can use the love and energy inside you by investing it into cultivating strong and loving relationships with friends and family, and being single gives you more time to spend with them. When you have deep and supportive friendships and family ties, it becomes harder to focus or worry too much about being single.
- Use dating apps and websites carefully. If you are actively dating, it's easy to get carried away in the quest to find the right person. However, scheduling several dates a week can lead to burnout and disappointment, especially if they don't turn out as expected. If you want to date multiple people at once, try dates that are casual and short; a long date uses a lot of physical and emotional energy, time, and money. It is also important to be respectful and considerate when dating. Avoid treating the other person as just another face on your screen. When we treat others with kindness, we are more likely to get the same in return.
- Be the kind of person you want to date. Instead of pining for someone to spend time with, learn to enjoy and relish your own company by taking yourself on dates. And instead of looking for the ideal partner, be the kind of partner you seek. Think about the things you want in an ideal partner. Do you meet up to those standards yourself? It can be easy to project the qualities we lack on another person, but if you want a partner who will love and treat you well, it helps to love and treat yourself with as much passion.
- Show compassion toward yourself. When you are single, some days and weeks are going to be tough. There are going to be moments where you feel loneliness more acutely than others. It's good to be aware of how to deal with loneliness when it happens. Practice empathy for yourself. You are doing the best you can, your desire and need for a partner is valid and innate, and you're going to be okay. Dealing with loneliness can be as simple as acknowledging and accepting that it is there. However, if the loneliness becomes chronic and acute, it is important to seek a licensed therapist who can help you treat and ease your loneliness and any underlying issues, like depression or anxiety.
Find support for overcoming loneliness
If you have a busy life, online therapy is an option worth considering. At an online platform like Regain.com, you can talk to a licensed therapist who specializes in relationship issues, using multiple formats like phone calls, video chat sessions, email, and text. Online therapy platforms have proliferated in recent years, and researchers have looked into their efficacy for helping people with relationship issues, including those that lead to anxiety and depression.
Takeaway
More and more people choose to be single, which brings about unprecedented opportunities to deliberately choose the life they want rather than have it chosen for them.
Even though being single and lonely can be hard, trust that you are exactly where you need to be. Use this precious time to live the best possible version of your life and yourself, remembering that one person cannot, and should not, complete you. It is 100% possible to be single and happy, and when you meet the right person, it will only enhance the amazing life you already have.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What to do when you are tired of being single?
Realizing that you’re tired of being single can be tough. The good news is that if you’re sick of being single, there are certain steps you can take to change things. Looking into online dating, putting yourself in social settings, and getting out and about each increase your likelihood of meeting a potential partner.
When you’re tired of being single, asking yourself why you feel, this way is also a very good idea. You may feel lonely, or you could be ready for a relationship. Feeling sick of being single is nothing to be ashamed of. However, your mental health needs to understand what drives the feelings of you being tired of being sick.
How do I stop being single?
If you want to stop being single, then this means you should look into pursuing a relationship. To do this, you’ll want to present your best self to a potential partner. This will involve being mindful of good style, beauty tips, and where to go. You’ll also want to figure out what you want in a relationship and what you do not want.
Even if you’re ready for a relationship, it can take time to stop being single. All relationships don’t happen overnight; however, as you’re working to stop being single, you can use this time for personal growth, hobbies, and doing things that bring happiness into your life. Sometimes, the best relationship and partner can find you at the moment when you least expect it.
Is it okay to feel lonely?
Many people feel lonely from time to time. Some feel lonely due to singleness, while some are feeling lonely in relationship. In and of itself, feeling lonely is not something you should feel badly about; however, if you are feeling lonely, this could be a sign that you would benefit from others’ company.
If you are feeling lonely because you’re sick of being single, this can hit differently. If you’re sick of being single and ready for a relationship, it doesn’t hurt to put yourself out there and get to know new people. Immersing yourself in social settings can help with feelings of loneliness and increase the odds of you meeting a new romantic partner.
Can you be happy single?
You can absolutely be happy as a single person. Being single is nothing to be ashamed of, and your relationship status should never be the sole determining factor of whether or not you experience happiness.
Being happy as a single person is more than possible. It’s all about focusing on yourself, spending time with family and friends, traveling, taking up a new hobby, trying a new style/beauty regimen, etc. As a single person, you have countless options ahead of you, and there are plenty of things that you can do to ensure your happiness. The societal stigma which asserts that people must be miserable if they are single is not accurate.
How long should you be single for?
There is no one established timeframe for which you should be single. That depends upon each individual and their own interests, goals, and wants. If you want to be in a relationship, there are ways you can make that happen. Likewise, if you want to be single and focus on yourself, you can do that too.
It is highly recommended to remain single for as long as you want. It’s easy to look around and feel like everyone else is in a relationship, but you have to do what works for you. Trust yourself and do what feels right for you. At the end of the day, only you can determine how long you should be single.
Is being in a relationship better than being single?
It’s easy to look around and feel like being in a relationship is better than being single. This message is conveyed in the media, but one is not better than the other. The decision to be in a relationship or be single is all about what you want. Many people are happy single while others are happy being in a relationship.
If you are single, you can use this period to focus on your personal growth, mental health, style/beauty decisions, etc. Never let anyone tell you that being in a relationship is inherently better than being single or vice versa.
Do I love him, or am I lonely?
If you’re in a relationship, it may sometimes be challenging to know if you love your significant other or if you are simply lonely. If this is a problem, ask yourself if you could see yourself being happy with a different partner than the one you’re currently with. If the answer is yes, then there is a possibility that personal loneliness could be the driving factor behind your relationship rather than love for your partner.
Personal reflection, self-honesty, and a clear assessment of your relationship will ultimately help you determine if you love him or are simply lonely. Sometimes, the answer to this question won’t arrive right away, and that is OK too. Don’t be afraid to work through things and figure it all out at your own pace.
What is the best cure for loneliness?
The company of loved ones is the best cure for loneliness. If you feel lonely, this can be a sign that you should spend some time with your loved ones. Grabbing brunch with a friend, shopping for style/beauty purposes with a relative, etc., are just a few examples of ways to spend time with others to free yourself from feelings of loneliness.
If you find that you are still feeling lonely even after spending quality time with loved ones, this could be a bigger issue. In a situation such as this, seeking out counseling or therapy services can do wonders. Working with a professional can help you feel better and get to the bottom of what’s causing you to feel lonely.
How do I cope with being alone forever?
It can be hard to feel like you will be alone forever. However, even if you feel this way, it is important to know that you don’t have to be alone for good. Sometimes, when you’ve been single for a long time, you may feel like there’s no hope. However, there are many cases where the right person crosses your path when you least expect it.
If you’re struggling with depression, intense feelings of loneliness, or feelings that you will be alone forever, reaching out to a mental health specialist are strongly recommended. Working with a counselor or therapist can be very beneficial emotionally, mentally, and in other aspects of your life. No one deserves to feel like they will be alone forever.
Will I be happier divorced?
If you are trapped in an unhappy marriage, then the odds of you being happier as a divorced person are extremely high. In many ways, being unhappily married can make you feel lonelier than being divorced. At the end of the day, though, it all comes down to what you feel most comfortable with. You have to ask yourself if you view your marriage as worth fighting for or if you’ve fought enough and are ready to let go.
Going through a divorce is a huge and impactful life decision; it’s not like making a simple change in a style/beauty regimen. The choice to leave a marriage is a big one; this is why you want to make certain that you’re sure before choosing this route.
Is it OK to be single at 30?
Being single at 30 (or any other age) is absolutely fine. Despite certain beliefs, there is no set age where one must or should be in a relationship. The choice to be in a relationship or to be single remains at the discretion of each individual—anyone who claims that being single at 30 is wrong or something to be ashamed of is incorrect.
Should you wish to change your single status at 30 (or any other age), there’s nothing wrong with that either. However, no matter your age, the choice to be single or to commit to a relationship should be driven by what you want, not anyone else’s standards.
Is it better to be married or single?
Marriage and singlehood each come with their own pros and cons. Whether or not it’s better to be married or single, all depends on you. There’s no one objective answer to this question because what’s better for you is determined by what you want.
Do you want a spouse and a family? Are you more inclined to spend time with yourself and explore life as an individual? Marriage may be better for someone who answers yes to the first question; meanwhile, a person who answers yes to the second question may find that singlehood is better for them.
The best way to determine whether or not you should be married or single is to get to know yourself, your life goals, and where you see yourself going in the future.
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