Couples Therapy Techniques Couples Can Try At Home
Communication is a key component of healthy relationships. But if the conversation between you or your partner seems to primarily consist of asking what the weather is like and other basic things throughout the day, this could mean that deeper communication and emotional intimacy is lacking in your relationship. You may lack the depth and passion that you are used to as a pair, or you may be using small talk as a means to avoid discussing some of the larger problems at play within your relationship.
As long as both of you desire to strengthen your relationship and the willingness to try new things, many couples can make some progress by trying a few therapy exercises at home. These exercises can help you discover more about each other, what you need from your other half, and how you can sidestep the traps you might fall into.
Additionally, many couples find that developing stronger relationship skills improves their mental health and quality of life.
Strategies used in couples therapy
Here are a couple therapy techniques that can help couples navigate issues with trust, communication, and intimacy:
Couples therapy techniques to build trust
Trust, which means believing that your partner will be there for you when you need them and at least try to behave with your welfare in mind, is widely considered one of the cornerstones of any good relationship. In healthy relationships, both people can rely on their partner to come to them with any issues they may have, and they should know that their partner will be open and honest with them.
However, trust is fragile and can be damaged by large lapses in judgment and small inconsistencies, such as frequently being late without calling or forgetting to do chores around the house. Once trust is broken, it takes work from both partners to help put it back together.
One of the easiest ways to counteract this erosion in trust is to admit where you’ve fallen short. You could sit down and take turns apologizing for minor mistakes or misjudgments. You can also both start making a habit of owning up to it if you realize you’ve disappointed your partner.
Consider having deeper conversations about your feelings and practicing problem solving skills together. What is the reason behind the lack of trust? What events led to this breakdown of trust between you two, and who has to take what kind of responsibility for this event? What does each partner need to know, and what can you do to make things better? Once you’ve determined what can be done, attempt to forgive and move on so that you can start rebuilding the relationship rather than focusing on that past mistake as you move forward with your relationship.
Another powerful technique that can enable far more intimate communication is telling each other a secret about yourself that few or no other people know. Nearly everyone has some event in their past that evokes feelings of shame or powerlessness. These feelings can persist even though that person did nothing wrong or the situation in question had nothing to do with the other person.
Talking about this with your partner can give them the chance to care for and nurture you. You can build trust by finding out that they can handle the responsibility of your secrets and not hurt you. Although it may have happened in the past, the willingness of both individuals can help you work through these issues.
Couples techniques to bond with your partner
If you’ve been together for some time, the chances are that you see enough in each other to want to grow closer. However, this isn’t a process that can be forced but should instead be nurtured by providing greater closeness to develop naturally. You can’t force bonding.
When dating casually, every time you see each other can be like a job interview. When you’re already together, though, a date may be an opportunity to relax, discuss what’s on your mind without needing to hurry, and reconnect in a pleasant environment. Establishing one night a week for the two of you can bolster your communication. Set aside a specific time each week that you two will go out and do something. It can also be helpful to keep a list of things you want to do with each other that you can reference when you make plans!
Another way to bond is to find couple games or questions that allow you to explore yourselves as a couple better. We often forget things about ourselves that would be interesting for our partners to learn to bring us closer together. You can also watch some movies or create couple workout goals to bond with each other. Fortunately, there are a wide variety of self-exploratory resources and tools online that can help you accomplish this quite easily. You will have to do a bit of digging to find something that works best for the two of you!
Couples’ techniques to plan your future
Living in the moment and enjoying what we have today is important, but we also must make sure that we are looking to the future as we move forward. Many couples may not have any goals, which can create issues if you realize you want different things in life.
A great exercise to do with your partner is to sit down and determine your goals and a proper plan to help you get there. Ask yourselves what some of your dreams, aspirations, and personal goals are and discuss them with your partner. These goals should be very specific and should be things that you want to ensure that you are more successful in your journey. These can be financial, spiritual, social, or business goals; there is no limit to what you can seek (as long as you are realistically able to achieve it). Besides your personal goals, you may discuss some relationship goals that you can achieve together.
Once you find out what these goals are, ask yourselves, how can we make this happen? How can we work towards these things together? What can we do to support each other? When do we want to see these things happen? Next to your goals, set a realistic timeframe. Then, try to turn each of these goals into plans with steps so that you can reach the goal without feeling like you are working towards something too large. Goal-setting can be an extensive process that is always growing and evolving as you learn more about yourself and what you want. As with other techniques on this list, you can find goal-setting and planning tips that will give you and your partner a jumpstart on your life together.
Equipped with a proper plan, you can then put it somewhere where both you and your partner can see it and watch as you check off items and continue to make progress together.
Online therapy for improving your relationship
When we keep following the same routines, our thoughts and feelings also get stuck in fixed patterns. Something fun and exciting like taking a trip or trying to write poetry together brings us back into our relationship and allows us to focus on what’s really in front of us instead of what we’re expecting. Hopefully, this list of exercises has given you some valuable tools to use with your partner to bring that spark and excitement back into your relationship.
If you have difficulty rekindling your love for each other and find that you need assistance in the process, you can find support through Regain, where you are welcome to ask for help rebuilding your relationship from qualified online counselors.
These convenient online sessions are just as effective as in-person therapy while also being more cost-effective for a wider range of people. Consider Regain for couples therapy to help strengthen your relationship.
Frequently asked questions
What is the best therapy for couples?
One of the best couples therapy approaches commonly used by therapists is emotionally focused therapy. However, many other choices are also quite effective.
In emotionally focused therapy, the couples therapist observes the way you interact with each other. Then, they discuss with you how these types of interactions play out in your home life. Finally, they guide you in exploring and giving your honest emotions in completely new ways. You also learn communication skills, like listening more closely and actively or responding in better ways during emotional times. One more thing that’s great about emotionally focused therapy is that you can see results relatively quickly. That’s why emotionally focused therapy is usually a short-term form of focused therapy.
Another approach to couples issues is Imago relationship therapy. In this kind of couples counseling, your couples therapist helps you explore childhood wounds impacting your current relationship. Then, by expressing your feelings about these issues and dividing them with your partner, you can begin to heal and understand each other’s emotional pain. And when they begin to gain empathy for each other, this helps couples form closer bonds.
One of the types of therapy specifically designed for couples and marriage counseling is the Gottman Method. The Gottman Method is based on the Sound Relationship House Theory. Therapists need special certification to use this method. It involves assessing your relationship and then improving it by becoming better friends, managing conflicts more effectively, taking a positive perspective, developing couples’ goals, and creating meaning within the relationship.
Even cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is one of the most popular techniques for individual therapy, can also be helpful in couples counseling. When CBT is used in couples therapy, couples can learn to change their thinking to be more accurate and beneficial. Then, they can respond to the real situation between them rather than reacting to cognitive distortions like overgeneralizing or catastrophizing. Cognitive behavioral therapy is often considered an evidence-based “gold standard of psychotherapy,” so it’s probably a good choice if you and your partner are navigating conflict or communication issues.
The best way to decide which type of couples counseling to get is to take a two-step approach. First, explore different therapies and talk about which one sounds best to each of you. Then, talk to a couple’s therapist and get their input. Finally, talk with your partner again and decide together which one to try. If you don’t agree on a specific couple’s counselor or method, try making a deal to try one and switch if you don’t feel you’re getting the help you need. The important thing is to get started with focused therapy to address the issues that keep you from having a happy, healthy relationship.
How much does couples therapy cost?
Couples’ counseling costs can range from $35 to $195 per in-person session. How much you pay for couples counselors depends on several factors:
- What state they practice in
- Their degrees and certifications
- Their specialty
- What type of program or facility they practice in
- Your income (if it’s a sliding scale fee)
However, there is another option besides face-to-face couples counseling. An online platform like Regain.us has couples counselors who have the proper certification and training to use psychological techniques for helping couples rebuild their relationships. For this, the cost starts at $65 per week, and you can have multiple short sessions per week if you need them.
What is the success rate of couples therapy?
According to JustMind.org, the success rate of couples counseling is 70 to 80 percent.
However, there are several things to consider when assessing what your success will be. First, you need to define what success will look like for you. Some goals might be to:
- Avoid a breakup
- Get closer as a couple
- Communicate more effectively
- Regain trust in each other
- Heal from emotional wounds you’ve inflicted on each other
- Understand each other better
Also, your success may depend on who you see for couples counseling. While all certified couples therapists are trained in helping couples deal with relationship issues, not every counselor is a good fit for every couple. By choosing an online site like Regain.us, you can easily switch to a new counselor if your first one isn’t a good match for you.
Finally, the type of therapy might make a difference. Although emotionally focused therapy is the perfect solution for some couples, another benefits more from other couples or family therapy. And, again, with Regain.us, you can switch from a counselor who specializes in emotionally focused therapy to one who uses another method that helps couples like you two more.
Is therapy good for couples?
Yes, it usually is.
Therapy helps in many ways. If excessive, unresolved conflicts mar your marriage, a couples therapist can help you work through those issues and learn to manage your conflicts more positively and effectively.
Through couples counseling, you can learn to communicate with each other in ways that get your point across without hurting your partner or damaging the relationship unnecessarily.
If you choose emotionally focused therapy, your couples therapist can help you recognize and express your emotions to your partner and respond with empathy when they theirs. Emotionally focused therapy is just one approach to couples’ problems, though. There are many couples counseling methods, and any one of them might benefit someone. So, talk it over with a couples therapist before you decide on one to try.
Some couples stay together for the long term because they learned in therapy how to work out their problems whenever they come up. Others use therapy to reevaluate what they want from a relationship and make dramatic changes. And there are even some people who benefit from counseling because they realize the relationship is not going to work, and they need to move on.
Do marriage counselors recommend divorce?
Usually, they don’t, but some cases prompt them to ask the question. Unless there is violence in the relationship, most therapists will open up discussions between the two of you so that you can decide whether you want to stay together or not. The therapist might ask you to think about the pros and cons of staying together, for example. This discussion may lead you to the conclusion that you need to leave the relationship, but it is always your decision.
Can therapy save a relationship?
Yes, in many cases, therapy can save a relationship. For example, if you constantly argue and yell at each other, you can learn to deal with those issues more productively and peacefully. This could change the dynamics of your relationship in a profound way that allows you to build a better life for yourself. Or, consider a marriage in which you’ve grown apart. Therapy can help you see each other in new ways and strengthen the bonds of your relationship. However, therapy won’t save every relationship; many people credit counseling with keeping them together for a positive relationship in the long term.
Is family therapy the same as couples therapy?
What are the goals of family and couple therapy?
What percentage of couples stay together after couples therapy?
What are the four stages of family therapy?
What are the benefits of group family and couple therapy?
How long does family therapy last?
What is a couples therapist called?
What techniques are used in family therapy?
What is the difference between a marriage and family therapist and a psychologist?
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