Prepare For Couples Therapy: What Does A Therapist Do To Help You And Your Partner?

As you prepare to begin couples therapy, it can be helpful to know how a therapist can help you and your partner improve your relationship.

What does a therapist do to help you and your partner?

A therapist will generally take on the role of a listener before asking questions and providing insight. They typically act as a neutral third party, remaining honest as they help you focus on the positive while addressing the negative points as well. They’ll likely teach you helpful problem-solving skills to use at home and let you know that setbacks can be normal. You can find a therapist who’s right for you by seeking out a licensed couples' therapist in your local area or matching with one through an online therapy platform.

They listen

One of the most important roles therapists take on can be that of a listener. They will likely ask you what brought you to therapy. They must generally have a clear understanding of what has gone awry in your relationship, and this can require them to listen to both parties to get a full sense of the problems you are experiencing. 

Your therapist typically should let you speak until you and your partner have expressed all your thoughts and emotions. For your therapist to provide you with the best care, they may need to fully grasp the issue you’re facing. They may also need to hear and understand the perspective each partner has regarding what is going on between you. This can ensure that the correct treatment or interventions are implemented, and it can also save time and frustration throughout your therapy sessions.

They ask questions

Once your therapist has sat and thoughtfully listened, it may be time to dig for more information. They will likely ask probing questions to get a clearer understanding of your relationship dynamic. You can expect some of these questions to be a little awkward or uncomfortable. However, please understand that these questions can be necessary to get the most accurate picture of your relationship. Your therapist may need to ask hard questions to give you the best care possible, and they should be skilled enough to know how to ask without shaming you.

You may also be given time during your sessions to ask your therapist questions. It’s often advisable to take full advantage of the time you have and get everything you can out of these sessions! If there is anything you don’t understand or if you feel misunderstood, please be sure to speak up so that everyone in the room can be on the same page.

They provide insight

Now that you have someone who can understand the dynamic of your relationship, you can think of them as a teammate. This can be a person you can depend on to offer insight that you can use in your relationship for years to come. They will likely see things from a perspective different from yours and your partner’s, which can enable you to reevaluate how you think about a situation you are facing. This can then lead to more self-awareness when it comes to disagreements with your significant other. 

Put into practice, you may be able to get out of your own head and see where your partner is coming from, and vice versa. Of course, this often comes with practice and may not be accomplished in the first few sessions. But as you, your significant other, and your therapist continue to work together, your therapeutic relationship will likely grow deeper, thus ensuring that solid work can be accomplished.

They act as a neutral third party

The role of a couples counselor is usually to help you get through your problems together, not pick a winner in an argument. A couple’s therapist can function as a neutral third party and mediator. This person will generally never take sides or tell you who is right or wrong, and they should aim to be nonjudgemental and open minded. They will typically be there to help you navigate (possibly heated) conversations, and they might suggest a different approach. A therapist will usually provide support and help to get your relationship on track without ever taking a side. 

They remain honest

We may all need someone who is willing to be completely honest with us. Especially in a relationship, it can be hard to find someone who can remain completely unbiased and remind us of what’s important. That is why it can be so important for a couples therapist to stick to the strict code of always being transparent and straightforward with both parties. This does not necessarily mean that they will yell at you or make you feel uncomfortable speaking your mind. It can mean that they will offer insight into what they interpret you are saying or where they feel you may be coming from regarding a certain point. 

In general, they may be on the lookout for verbal and nonverbal cues and may call attention to what you may say or do that they deem important to recognize. This can cultivate self-awareness in you and your partner so that you can be more cognizant of what may be going on with you, your partner, and your relationship.

They focus on the positive

No matter how many negative issues there are in your relationship, there are often positive aspects, too. A couples therapist can help you determine what these are and remind you that they exist. This can help you refocus and remember the good things about your partnership. All too often, when we are experiencing relationship problems, the good can get lost in the shuffle. Sometimes, we may need someone to remind us that it’s there.

They address the negative

You and your significant other may have some things to work through, or you likely wouldn’t be meeting with a counselor. It could be pointless not to dissect the negative aspects of what’s going on, in addition to the positive. Your therapist may need to address the problems that you are there to work through, but will likely do so in a constructive way. This normally involves talking about the real issues you are facing and figuring out the best way for you both to work through them. A good couples counselor will typically hold both of your hands through the process so that everyone feels safe, comfortable, heard, and understood.

They teach problem-solving skills

Your therapist can help you apply strategies to navigate the issues you face outside of their office. These strategies can vary, but regardless of how mild or severe your problems might be, you will likely be greatly served by learning problem-solving skills. They may not only enhance your romantic relationship, but can improve your life and communication skills overall. 

A very important aspect of therapeutic work can be homework. You may be sent home with things to address and practice between one session and the next. It can be very helpful to follow through with this, as it can only benefit you by reinforcing the hard work you are putting forth in the counselor’s office. They may ask you to try some listening exercises every day for a certain amount of time or may even ask you to go on a date. No matter the homework, it can go a long way in the progress you and your partner make together.

They warn you about setbacks

Finding a therapist who’s right for your couples therapy

Finding a couples' therapist that satisfies all your requirements might seem like a daunting task, but it may not have to be. You can start by seeking out therapists in your area and looking into their education and experience if you’d prefer to attend in-person couples therapy.

If you’re open to (or prefer) online couples therapy, then joining an online therapy platform can be the first step to finding your ideal therapist. You and your partner will typically get started by completing a questionnaire together that addresses your needs and preferences. Then, you can be matched with a therapist who may provide you with the professional support you deserve from the comfort of your home.

As research has shown, online couples therapy can be a viable alternative to traditional couples therapy, as their rates of efficacy are generally the same. If you believe you and your partner would benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional to improve your relationship, please don’t hesitate to reach out.