Can A Sex Therapist Help Our Sex Life?
Sex therapy is a therapeutic approach designed to improve sexual dysfunction in both men and women. Sex is a complex, multifaceted experience, and modern, sex therapy considers the biological, psychological, and social factors associated with human sexuality. There is a stigma associated with sex therapy; it has often been viewed as a "fringe" psychotherapy with little real-world effectiveness.
However, researchers have studied the effectiveness of sex therapy thoroughly since its genesis in the 1960s. Decades of research have demonstrated that sex therapy is an effective treatment for many sexual dysfunctions, and today it is considered a mainstream, evidence-based approach.
A brief history of sex therapy
Moden sex therapy first came to light thanks to the work of two pioneers in the field of human sexuality: William Masters and Virginia Johnson, who began their research in the late 1950s. Before Masters and Johnson, clinicians attempted to address problems with sex and intimacy psychoanalytically. Psychoanalysis is a mostly debunked form of psychotherapy pioneered by Sigmund Freud, a neurologist and early pioneer in psychotherapy.
The psychoanalytic approach to treating sexual disorders was used in the early-to-mid 20th century and was limited in effectiveness. Psychoanalytic theory ties psychological problems to unresolved childhood conflict or poor parental attachment. In contrast, the approach taken by Masters and Johnson focused on the behaviors surrounding sex and on increasing sensuality in the sexual experience.
Masters and Johnson also focused on sex education. At the time of their research, they noted that many of their research subjects had a missing or inaccurate perception of "normal" human sex. Their approach educated couples on relevant human anatomy and physiology and encouraged the couple to disregard preconceived notions about sex. Traditional approaches to sex therapy concentrated on intercourse and orgasm, a method that reinforces the harmful idea of sex as a goal-oriented activity.
Masters and Johnson instead focused on desire, pleasure, sensuality, and satisfaction, rather than achieving orgasm. Their approach achieved incredibly high success rates, largely due to the need for psychosexual education in the population. As those with more complex sexual dysfunctions came forward, researchers like Helen Karr and Jack Annon expanded on Masters' and Johnson's approach.
The original principles of the work done by Masters and Johnson form the foundation of modern sex therapy. Today's therapists focus heavily on education, anxiety reduction, and sensual exercises. For many, addressing only those factors provides relief from their sexual dysfunctions. For those with more complex problems, sex therapists expand on the approach of Masters and Johnson through modern empirically-supported techniques, like rational emotive therapy, systematic desensitization, and communication skills training.
What does sex therapy treat?
Sex therapy is used to treat all manner of sexual dysfunctions. Sexual dysfunction (SD) is the inability of a person to achieve sexual arousal or sexual satisfaction. Common sexual dysfunctions that are treatable through sex therapy include:
- Hyposexuality. This SD is characterized by inhibited sexual excitement, or the ability to achieve sexual arousal only with great difficulty.
- Anorgasmia. Specific to women, this SD describes someone who has a recurrent inability to achieve orgasm despite normal sexual stimulation.
- Vaginismus. This SD occurs when the vaginal muscles contract strongly during intercourse, preventing sex entirely or making it painful.
- Dyspareunia. This SD is present when a woman experiences significant pain during sex, usually due to a lack of lubrication. Dyspareunia can also be induced through medical causes, as opposed to psychological ones.
- Erectile Dysfunction. This SD refers to the inability of a man to achieve or maintain a suitable erection for sex.
- Ejaculatory Impotence. Also known as inhibited male orgasm, this SD occurs when a man cannot ejaculate inside a woman's vagina, even if he can maintain an erection or ejaculate through other means.
- Premature Ejaculation. This SD occurs when a man ejaculates very early in the sex process, either before or nearly immediately after entering the vagina.
Sex therapists also help individuals and couples overcome other concerns that may be impacting their sex life, such as the ability to communicate wants and needs to their partner. Sex therapists also work with those who have experienced sexual trauma that impacts their ability to have desired sexual encounters.
For whom does sex therapy work?
Early in its existence, modern sex therapy was chiefly employed with married, straight, white couples. The first recipients of sex therapy were young couples, often newlyweds, whose principal concerns involved a lack of knowledge about sex. Interventions were focused on couples and were designed to be used in the context of a marriage. Exercises were designed with the assumption that the couple would be living together, have ample time for practice, and possess the typical anatomy of a straight male-female couple.
Sex therapy is no longer restricted to couples, either. Individual treatments have been developed that allow one person to make substantial gains in their sexual health and address their sexual dysfunction without the help of a partner. There is no one who sex therapy cannot potentially help; if you have concerns regarding your sexual health, a sex therapist is likely to be beneficial.
What happens in sex therapy?
The specific course of sex therapy will differ for each couple or individual. It is important to note that sexual contact does not take place during therapy; actual physical contact is assigned as homework and completed outside of the therapy session. Sexual surrogacy is also extremely uncommon. Surrogate partner therapy is a little-researched subset of sex therapy wherein a willing third party is brought in to engage in a consensual therapeutic sexual relationship with the client. Sexual surrogacy exists in an ethical and legal grey area and is not typically practiced.
In a typical couples sex therapy session (also known as conjoint sex therapy), the therapist begins by taking a thorough history of both partners' physical and sexual health. The therapist will discuss the most pressing concerns with both parties and determine a course of treatment. The therapist often begins by filling in gaps in sex education, recommending basic strategies (such as using personal lubricant), and assigning homework for the couple.
A typical homework assignment is often non-sexual. Many therapists begin by having a couple focus on communication. Communication is necessary for a healthy sexual relationship, and many couples experience anxiety because they do not feel comfortable communicating their wants and needs to their partner. Therapists may also assign reading or other educational resources to help couples and individuals understand specifics about their concerns.
Physical contact typically begins with the introduction of sensate focus, a technique used to improve intimacy and communication between partners. Sensate focus is the first-line treatment for sexual dysfunction and was a key part of the original methods employed by Masters and Johnson. Sensate focus begins by introducing non-genital touching before moving to genital touching and, eventually, sensual intercourse.
"Sensual intercourse" is distinct from "sexual intercourse." The therapist will provide detailed instructions for you and your partner to try at home. These instructions will focus on sensuality, pushing you away from the mechanical, orgasm-driven nature of sexual intercourse. At the start of each session, the therapist will likely discuss your experiences while completing homework before moving on to strategies to address specific concerns.
Those who see a sex therapist individually will likely receive the same education and resources as couples, but the homework will differ. If you see a sex therapist individually but have a willing sex partner who does not attend, your process will likely be similar to that of a couple. Those without access to a sex partner will receive specific guidance based on their individual needs.
How can online therapy help?
Whether you attend alone or with your partner, sex therapy can be completed remotely. Visiting with a therapist online removes many of the barriers to accessing therapy, including traveling to an office and being restricted to nearby therapists. You may also find it more relaxing to attend sex therapy from the comfort of your own home. Online therapists use the same evidence-based methods as therapists who practice in an office setting. These methods have been researched both online and offline and have been found to be just as effective when administered remotely.
Takeaway
Sex therapy is an empirically supported, effective way to address sexual dysfunctions and concerns related to sexual performance. The roots of modern sex therapy extend back over half a century, and modern techniques incorporate decades of research. Sex therapists help clients shift their view of sex from a mechanical, goal-oriented approach to one driven by sensuality, anxiety reduction, and mutual enjoyment. Sex therapy can be attended either as a couple or individually and therapists frequently address non-sexual concerns like communication. Sex therapy is also effective for those who have experienced past sexual trauma.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What does a sex therapist do?
Sex therapists provide sex therapy, of course. But what is sex therapy exactly? In sex therapy, the therapist and couple talk about the sex that is or is not happening between the couple and all the issues surrounding their sex life. The best 10 sex therapists are typically sex therapists who focus on the issues that are preventing you from having a satisfying and enjoyable sex life.
Sex therapists can be seen as coaches, psychoanalysts, psychologists, psychotherapists, sophrologists, or any other type of helper who works with you to overcome life problems. The best sex therapists are trained and experienced in using psychological techniques to help you learn how to relate to each other better, overcome fears and conflicts, and enjoy a healthier and happier sexual experience with your partner.
If you find a sex problem between you and your spouse, such as no interest in sex, the best thing you can do is find a sex counselor who can help you uncover the root of the issue and devise ways to overcome it. Whether you see them as sex therapists, life coaches, or psychologists, sex therapists have the expertise to guide you on a journey to a better sexual relationship with your partner.
In their role as life coaches, sex therapists help you make changes in other aspects of your life that will impact your sexual relationship with your partner. Among therapists, the best sex therapists see that sex is not just about the relatively small amount of time you spend between the sheets, but a good sexual relationship happens because the rest of your lives are in sync, too. A good therapist can help you discover what changes you need to make, give you homework to practice away from the therapy session, and support you in your quest for a better connection with your partner.
You may feel a little awkward about talking about these things with a sex therapy therapist, but they will be sure to put you at ease. In fact, the best 10 sex therapists are usually those who have a way of making people feel comfortable with the idea of discussing their sex life. If you find a sex discussion like this seems easy and natural, it's usually because the person providing sex therapy for you is skilled at creating safe places for discussions.
How much does it cost to see a sexologist?
The best sex therapists, available through platforms like Regain, offer their services for about $40 to $99 per week. In fact, Regain is considered the top of the best 10 sex therapists that focus on intimacy within relationships. If you're looking to find a sex counselor who can help you break through the barriers that are disrupting your sexual relationship, the best thing you can do is seek a coach, psychoanalysts, psychologists, psychotherapists, sophrologists, sex therapists, life coaches, or relationship counselor at a site like Regain. There, you can find a sex counselor with who you can connect online at your convenience.
Because they also function as a life coach, sex therapists give you the most money you spend when you find a sex counselor online. You're not just getting a quick bandage for your sexual problems. Still, you're also getting the opportunity to delve into issues that impact your sex life and all aspects of your mental and relational wellbeing. As psychologists, sex therapists have extensive training and experience in treating sexual dysfunction, related relationship issues, and mental health problems.
How many weeks you will need to overcome your sex issues depends on many factors. A good therapist can help you set goals for therapy and decide how long to remain in therapy. Legitimate online sex therapy, therapist and both partners work together to discuss the sex problems in the relationship. This can take some time, depending on how deep those issues lie. Although this is true of any psychological issue, the best sex therapists are experts in uncovering the psychological and relationship problems behind your bedroom problems. The bottom line is whether you see general psychologists, sex therapists, or a life coach, sex therapists provide much more value for your relationship than sex advice alone. Of all these helpers and therapists, the best sex therapists are the ones who have knowledge and experience with sex therapy and relationship counseling.
Why do I not want sex?
If you want to find a sex-related answer to a problem in your relationship, talking to a sex therapy therapist is a good idea. Sex therapy can help you uncover and examine the reasons behind your not wanting sex, whether it is a new problem or has been going on for a long time. A good therapist understands that sex issues often go much deeper than a physical desire. Sex therapists, the life coach that they are, can help you figure out what there is about your life that is extinguishing your sex drive. Your sex therapy therapist might help you find answers related to your body, your medical condition, thoughts and feelings about your life, or your partner and the relationship you have with them.
There may be one reason you don't want to have sex, or it could be a combination of many small reasons that are adding up to make you lose your desire to have sex. Sex therapists typically try to rule out medical reasons for loss of desire during the first one or two sessions of sex therapy. If you are physically well, there might be a psychological reason for it, such as depression or anxiety. Sex therapists often discover that the reason for a loss of desire has more to do with work stress than it does with a sexual relationship. Or, they may find a sex issue hidden within your past, such as a trauma or a dysfunctional past relationship.
The key to successfully discovering why you don't want sex is to work with qualified sex therapists. They don't have to be the best 10 sex therapists globally, but they do need to be a good therapist who is willing to take the time to explore your past and present to find what is causing the problem.
How do I get my sex drive back?
Sex therapists can help you discover why you feel this lack of sexual desire. At the same time, they can help you reignite your passion and get emotionally and sexually closer to your partner. Even with the best 10 sex therapists in the world, these things might take some time, reflection, and practice. But your sex therapy therapist can guide you along the way as you rediscover your feeling of wanting sex. When you find a sex situation unfolding, you will be ready to greet it with enthusiasm and happiness rather than worrying that you don't really want sex anyway. How does that happen? The best sex therapists can help you discover your own personal answers to your sexual issues and concerns.
Once you find a sex problem in your relationship, therapists help you explore the roots of that problem, whether they be sexual problems from the past, seemingly unrelated relationship problems, or psychological issues that are undermining your sex drive. Acting as a coach, psychoanalysts, psychologists, psychotherapists, sophrologists, or any other type of psychologist specializing in sexual problems, can help you understand what's wrong, accept the situation for what it is, and make changes to your thinking and behavior. Within their own specialty, these therapists, the best sex therapists for you, can help you achieve a higher level of sexual desire and develop a more satisfying sex life. As psychologists, sex therapists use psychological techniques to help you rediscover your sexual desire.
After discovering why you don't want sex and working on your relationship in other ways, you can create strategies for increasing your sex drive and getting closer to your partner. But it won't be instantaneous. That's because when you find a sex issue you can't solve alone, even the best 10 sex therapists will need some time to help you change the way you think and behave so your feelings can change as well. Whether you think of your helper as a sex therapist, life coach, or any other type of therapist, the best sex therapists will help you keep the focus on you, your partner, and your relationship.
In the end, no one knows what lies at the bottom of your lack of sexual desire until you do the work to find out. Whether you find that out by working with a coach, psychoanalysts, psychologists, psychotherapists, sophrologists, or any other kind of sex therapy specialist, you will probably never know why you feel the way you do until you engage your mind in the work of discovery.
So, during sex therapy, the therapist, you, and partner need to work together to solve this mystery. The process of seeking to find a sex answer such as this can be extremely rewarding. As a part of sex therapy, the therapist teaches both of you to communicate better, guides you in looking at root causes, and helps you heal from past traumas or relationship problems impacting your sexual desire. They help you create strategies for addressing the problem now so that you can move forward into a better sexual relationship.
Everyone wants to work with the best life coach, sex therapists, or counselors in the world. Yet, there are many more excellent therapists than that. Even if you could determine who the best 10 sex therapists were, and even if you could get an appointment with one of these therapists, finding the answer would take work. All you have to do is find a sex expert who is a knowledgeable therapist specializing in relationships, sex, and intimacy issues.
Can a relationship survive without sex?
Yes, in some cases, it can. However, you will discover that to find a sex-free but intimate relationship like that is the exception and not the rule. In most cases, you need to have a good sex life to sustain a healthy relationship.
One of the problems is that it's extremely rare to find a sex situation where neither partner wants sex. So, one or both of you are in a position in which you are missing out on something important to you. It's also difficult to maintain the same degree of intimacy if you aren't ever engaging in sex. These problems can be addressed in relationship counseling if there is some reason you can't have sex, such as a medical condition. Sex therapy, in this case, can revolve around finding other ways to be intimate with each other.
In most cases, though, active sex life is advantageous. Good, fun and creative sex allows you to practice trusting each other and releasing your inhibitions in ways that don't usually happen outside of sex. Sex therapists use many techniques during sex therapy to help you feel more comfortable with your partner.
In sex therapy, therapist and couple work together so each partner can deal with their own issues. Then, in another aspect of sex therapy, therapist and couple delve into past and current problems between the two partners. The result can be that you find a sex life that is more exciting, heartwarming, and pleasurable than you had ever imagined it could be.
What are signs of intimacy issues?
What causes my intimacy issues?
How do you fix intimacy issues?
What does a lack of intimacy do to a person?
Why do I not want to be touched by my partner?
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