What Is Reality Therapy, And What’s The Point Of It?
Have you ever seen a therapy session in a TV show or movie and wondered, “What's the point?” If so, you aren't alone. Many people wonder how dwelling on the past, complaining about symptoms, and making excuses for behavior can be helpful. If you're one of those people, reality therapy might be an effective solution to your unique mental health and relationship concerns.
Definition of reality therapy
Three Rs of reality therapy
The three guiding principles that underscore reality therapy techniques are realism, responsibility, and right and wrong.
Realism
If you choose reality therapy, you will likely discuss solutions to your problems realistically. Sometimes, that might mean facing hard facts and letting go of impossible dreams. You may have to commit to changing the behaviors that are keeping you from having the life you want. You also might need to ground yourself in the reality of who you are, how the world works, and what you can do in the here and now to improve your life and relationships.
Responsibility
Responsibility tends to be a key element in reality therapy. According to this approach, you can only change your world when you understand what others are responsible for and what is only yours to do. You can't change someone else's behavior. You can only change your own. To do that, you have to take responsibility for both the choices you make and the consequences that come from those choices.
Right and wrong
Reality therapy isn't just about getting what you desire. It's about satisfying your needs in ways that don't infringe on others' rights and trying to meet their needs. In this therapeutic approach, you know what's right and wrong by the way you feel about it.
Building a quality world
All the reality therapy goals lead to the overall quest to build what Glasser called “a quality world.” Each person has a unique vision of what a quality world would look like. It would be populated by your ideal role models and filled with your ideal possessions, and within it, you would have your ideal relationships. The point of recognizing your quality world is to understand what goals would bring you closer to achieving them.
Unsatisfying relationships as the source of unhappiness
To solve problems in reality therapy, you must identify the sources of your problems. According to choice theory, unsatisfying relationships are the primary source of unhappiness. When you make better choices within your relationships, you can improve your relationships or let them go, depending on what the other person chooses. Once you make helpful relationship choices, you can find happiness.
Unhappiness as a main source of mental health problems
Reality theory can help with mental health conditions, but maybe not directly. That's because reality theory identifies unhappiness as a major source of mental health conditions (with the exception of cases in which there are major brain lesions). It can be difficult to change the way you feel by merely deciding to be happy. However, what you can do is make decisions and take actions that will move you toward meeting your needs. With your needs met, your happiness can blossom.
Meeting your needs
Everyone has the same basic needs, although we may have different ideas of how we want to satisfy them. We all need to survive, and we need food, shelter, water, and air to do that.
Reality therapy recognizes that our other needs are psychological. For example, we need to feel connected with others, especially close relatives, partners, and friends. We need to have a sense of belonging, and we need to love and be loved. We also need a sense that we have power over ourselves and our lives. We need to feel significant, and we need to feel competent. Freedom and autonomy allow us to make choices for ourselves. We need to learn. Besides all those practical needs, we also need to have fun.
You can only control you
Trying to control someone else is a recipe for poor choices because you can never truly control anyone but yourself. You can make decisions that make it easier for others to respond to you favorably, but the decision about how to respond to those choices is in someone else's hands. They might choose not to connect with you in the way you'd like. At that point, you need to look at the situation and the relationship realistically to decide how you can respond most effectively.
It's all about choice
Choice is at the heart of reality therapy. Every behavior is a choice. You may have underlying drives and needs, but you choose if, when, and how you will satisfy them. Things can happen to you that are out of your control, but you still choose your responses to them even then.
Total behavior
Glasser's term total behavior is a concept that recognizes four components of behavior: our thoughts, our feelings, our actions, and our physiology. Because behavior is a choice, reality theory assumes that you can make different choices in each area. In other words, you can choose how you think and act directly, and you can also choose your feelings and physiology indirectly.
Directly and indirectly changing your life
What do you want to change? Is it something you do that you'd rather not do? Is it a feeling you have that you'd rather not feel? Either way, you can make that choice. You may be able to change the way you think simply by coming up with a different way to think of something. You can change your behavior by making a plan and carrying it out. Feelings and physiology can be harder to change because they aren't in your conscious control, but you can do it indirectly. When you choose the right thoughts and actions, your feelings and physiology will also likely change.
Focus on present and future
Other forms of therapy often focus on past events and traumas. With reality therapy, you'll likely only talk about the past during your sessions if your past experiences and choices can help you in the here and now. You may take some time to identify the sources of your current problems, but your main focus is to make decisions that affect your current life and relationships and follow up with helpful actions.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Building better relationships
Glasser saw our connections with other people as an important part of building our quality world. Reality therapy recognizes our need for quality relationships and offers ways to build relationships that can make us happy.
Because we can't control someone else, our relationship success is always based on our behavior and the other person's behavior in the relationship. Even if we're doing all we can to improve the relationship, we can't ensure that we'll become more deeply connected with them. If our efforts fail because the other person didn't choose us, we must decide whether to keep trying with them or look for a new relationship.
Just as Glasser saw the importance of our relationships, he also saw the need to connect in the therapeutic relationship. He outlined a certain kind of relationship therapists needed to have with their clients to help them most.
Working with a therapist
The therapist works with you to help you at each stage of the decision-making process. It is you who decides what behaviors to change. The therapist can guide you to a certain extent, but you are the one who makes all the decisions, even during therapy sessions. The therapist doesn't criticize or judge you, either during reality therapy or other types of therapy. Still, they encourage you to evaluate your own choices according to your sense of right and wrong, take responsibility for your happiness, and make realistic plans for becoming healthier and happier.
Decision-making and planning
You have to make decisions if you want to make changes consciously. In reality, in therapy sessions, you decide on and plan for different actions to move towards your quality world.
Focus on the source of problems
The process of improvement starts with identifying the source of your problems. If you have psychological problems, you look for what is causing your unhappiness. You look for the current relationships that are causing you trouble. You also might look at events from the past to recognize what went right or wrong and what you did that was helpful or not helpful in the situation.
Planning
Once you know your problem's source, the next step is to identify the behavior you can change to get past the problem. You might know exactly what you need to do differently. If not, you and your therapist can brainstorm ideas. When you choose a new behavior, you plan how and when you will practice that behavior.
Focus on specifics
In your plan, you need to focus on a very specific behavior to choose. You need to set a goal and commit to practicing that behavior at certain times or within certain situations. You need to define your goal narrowly so that you know when you've reached it. Early goals need to be easy to accomplish so you can build your confidence and positivity.
Action and evaluation
After your session is over and you return to your everyday life, you can set your plan into motion. When the occasion arises for you to practice your new behavior, you choose to follow through. Whatever happens, you can work out what to do next in your following session. At the session, you evaluate whether your new behavior was helpful or not helpful. If it was helpful, you could plan to practice it more and add new potentially helpful behaviors. If it wasn't helpful, you could look at what happened to identify where it went wrong. You take responsibility for the actions you do and for planning what to do next.
What to avoid in reality therapy
Reality therapy will go much better for you if you avoid certain behaviors. Your therapist can be your role model for improving your mental health and resolving relationship issues. Here are three behaviors your therapist can teach you to avoid.
Talking about symptoms
One thing to avoid is talking about symptoms of mental illness. After all, if all mental illness comes from unhappiness, it's the unhappiness itself you need to address. You don't complain about that, either. Instead, you can take a problem-solving approach that aims to increase your happiness.
Discussing past
You can certainly talk about the past if you can use it to impact the present and future. Otherwise, the past can't help you, so there's no need to spend your time discussing it. Instead, you focus on what you can do here and now to improve your current relationships and work towards goals you can achieve in the future.
Making excuses
Your therapist won't make excuses for you in reality therapy. You can learn from them and not make excuses yourself. Since your therapist won't judge you or punish you for not following through with your plans, there's no need for excuses, anyway. All you need to consider about your failure to follow through with your plans is the helpful information you can get from experience.
Counseling options
Reality therapy is just one of the types of counseling available at Regain.us. At our online therapy platform, you can connect with a licensed counselor who can work with you to make a new plan and incorporate more helpful behaviors into your daily living. They can help you initiate reality therapy, and offer many other therapy techniques that may be beneficial. Many people have found online therapy to be as effective as in-person therapy, and you may discover this, too.
Takeaway
To put it simply, the point of reality therapy is to increase your happiness and improve your relationships by taking concrete action. When you can do that, you can work towards having the quality life and healthy relationships you want and need.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
What is reality therapy?
Dr. William Glasser developed reality therapy in the 1960s. Although it’s a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy, reality therapy differs from other types of therapy. Rather than attributing problems to mental illness, reality theory says that behavior is a choice. When psychological symptoms arise, they aren’t usually looked at as symptoms but as poorly chosen behaviors to fulfill one of the five basic needs: fun, freedom, power, love and belonging, and survival.
The acronym WDEP, which stands for wants (what the client wants), doing (what the client is currently doing), evaluation (an objective evaluation of the client’s behaviors), and planning (future goals), is often used in reality therapy. WDEP can be an effective tool to help clients improve their present relationships and change their behavior to meet future goals. Reality therapy tends to be a future-focused type of therapy that often avoids discussing a client’s past, unlike most other therapy types.
What is reality therapy used to treat?
Reality therapy, a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy, can treat mental health conditions, including eating disorders, substance use, and anxiety. Reality therapy can be an effective option for those who wish to move on from past experiences and focus only on the present and future. There tends to be an emphasis on improving present relationships and learning problem-solving skills. Also, the principles of reality therapy can help in many other therapy types, such as family therapy and behavior therapy.
What are the principles of reality therapy?
There are a few main principles of reality therapy. First, unlike other therapy types, reality therapy does not necessarily require therapists to treat their clients with unconditional positive regard. Instead, therapists who practice reality therapy tend to tell their clients if their current behaviors are not helping them progress toward their goals. Even though unconditional positive regard isn’t required, reality therapists still offer their clients a respectful and safe environment.
Also, reality therapy is a type of future-focused therapy. Unlike most types of therapy, it doesn’t usually involve analyzing past experiences to gain insight. Instead, clients are often encouraged to focus only on their present relationships and choices. Each of the five basic needs, such as love and belonging, is usually looked at as well. Reality therapy often teaches clients not to compare themselves to others and to avoid blaming or criticizing themselves. Forming clear goals and specific plans is another principle of reality therapy.
To summarize, reality therapy’s main principles include constant effort toward making progress, avoidance of excuses and self-punishment, commitment, plans for the future, objective self-evaluation, present behavior and relationships, and positive involvement.
What is the difference between choice theory and reality therapy?
Choice theory is actually the basis for reality theory. The former is a framework, and the latter is a practice. William Glasser developed reality therapy in 1965 and used choice theory as its theoretical framework.
Both choice theory and reality therapy rely on the concept that all behaviors result from attempts to meet the five basic needs: freedom, power, fun, survival, and love and belonging. Another important part of choice theory is the notion that all people can control is their own behavior. Then, choice theory is implemented in reality therapy and used along with therapeutic techniques to help clients improve their mental health and life in general. Reality therapy is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy that relies largely on problem-solving skills.
What are the three Rs of reality therapy?
Reality therapy is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy with a concept called the “three Rs.” This refers to realism, responsibility, and right and wrong. Realism means that the client must do their best to keep a realistic perspective of their situation. Realism is being able to see which goals are attainable and which are unrealistic. Also, realism usually means making difficult decisions, holding oneself accountable, and making a commitment to grow in a personal sense.
The second R, responsibility, looks at personal responsibility. The knowledge that it’s not possible for anyone else to “make” you feel a certain way is a part of responsibility. Also, the knowledge that the quality of your present relationships and life, in general, results from your own decisions falls under the concept of responsibility.
“Right and wrong” is the third R of reality therapy. This concept looks at each individual’s values, beliefs, and morals. One of reality therapy's goals is to teach clients that others’ versions of right and wrong might differ from theirs.
What is the main goal of reality therapy?
One of reality therapy’s main goals is to help clients reconnect with the people in their lives. Unlike other therapy types, it tends to avoid looking at the past to examine present relationships and plans. Reality therapy is a kind of cognitive-behavioral therapy that emphasizes the importance of problem-solving skills. It can also be helpful in family therapy to help family members enhance their relationships.
Who can benefit from reality therapy?
Many people can benefit from reality therapy. First, this type of cognitive-behavioral therapy is often used in family therapy. It can also help with many mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Reality therapy can also be helpful for teenagers who are trying to find their path in life. However, reality therapy can be an effective choice for anyone ready to let go of the past and address problems with present relationships and expectations.
Is reality therapy a long-term approach?
Reality therapy tends to be highly action-oriented, and it’s considered behavior therapy with a short-term approach. In reality therapy, the therapist often guides the client to help them put together realistic future goals. Although reality therapy is considered a short-term approach to mental health concerns, it can have lasting effects on those who put in the necessary effort.
Is reality therapy short or long-term?
Reality therapy is a type of behavior therapy that is considered a short-term approach to mental health concerns. It is based on realistic goals and plans for the future and problem-solving skills in the present. Since the therapist doesn’t usually dive into the client’s past for insight, reality therapy tends to be short-term. Rather than looking at the past, the therapist and client usually collaborate to create a realistic plan that enables the client to take control of their own life.
What are the strengths and weaknesses of reality therapy?
One of the top strengths of reality therapy is that it tends to focus on finding clear solutions to what a client is experiencing. Another strength is that reality therapy may help clients who don’t like traditional behavior therapy. However, reality therapy is not without its weaknesses. In childhood trauma and severe mental health disorders, reality therapy may not be the most effective choice.
How do I apply for reality therapy?
If you’re interested in reality therapy, there are many options available to you. You could always start with a simple internet search or download an app to connect you with various mental health providers. You could also get in contact with a local mental health clinic. If you’re in search of more affordable care, online therapy sessions may be the best choice for you.
How do you test for reality?
One of the most important skills taught in reality therapy, a type of behavior therapy, is testing for reality. To do this, you first must try to be as objective as possible. You might try to take a look at a situation from multiple viewpoints and avoid making immediate judgments. Also, you might keep in mind that everyone sees the world differently. You can then think before you react. You may also wish to seek out other perspectives before concluding the reality of the situation at hand.
Who invented reality therapy?
Reality therapy was invented in 1965 by an internationally recognized psychiatrist named Dr. William Glasser. He also developed choice theory, from which reality theory takes its framework.
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