What To Expect From Your First Therapy Session As A Couple

Have you been experiencing relationship challenges and wondering whether therapy can help? If so, you’re not alone. Millions of couples see a therapist, and for a variety of reasons. Many therapy types can benefit couples, leading to substantial improvement in relationship satisfaction.

Regardless of why you’re considering therapy, you might be wondering what to expect from your first session. This may be new, uncharted territory for both you and your partner. 

This is a common way to feel for couples going into therapy for the first time. The stigma that surrounds mental health therapy sometimes prevents others from volunteering information. This can create a shroud around the subject of therapy, but it doesn’t have to be daunting to see a therapist with your partner.

Couples therapy generally has a main goal of getting you and your partner to communicate. There may be some underlying problems that need to be addressed along the way, but the goal is usually to get you and your partner to a point where you can resolve your problems. 

Below, we’ll take a look at what you might expect as you begin couples therapy.

It might be a little awkward at first

As with any new experience, attending your first therapy appointment can be a little awkward at first. You and your partner will be sitting down with a stranger in a therapy session to talk about your relationship. It’s normal and valid to feel a little nervous at first. However, many people find that this feeling dissipates, and they feel uncomfortable about fewer topics of discussion.

In the meantime, you might keep in mind that any uncomfortable or awkward questions might be useful for the success of your treatment. One of the best things you can do is to be honest and open with your therapist. Your therapist isn't there to judge you or your partner, and they can help you feel comfortable with honest communication. If you want to get the most out of your therapy sessions, honesty may help you make progress more quickly and even allow you to end therapy sooner.

There may be raw emotions

If you are planning to see a therapist with your partner, it’s likely that you are experiencing conflict. When you are in your first therapy session, you and your partner may not be on the same page. When certain concerns are brought up, some negative and raw emotions may arise. During your first session, your therapist will likely want to gauge how serious your problems are. They will also likely want to gain insight into how the two of you are communicating.

For this reason, your therapist might let some conversations continue even if challenging emotions arise. Generally, a therapist serves as a neutral third party. This means they are there to mediate some difficult situations and serve as a voice of reason. If you get into an argument in the early stages of therapy, though, your therapist may sit back and observe. This isn't an indicator that they won't be there for you, but rather a way to get a feel for the relationship as it stands now.

You will set goals

Your first therapy session will be a time when you can assess what is happening now, but it can also serve as a time to decide what goals you want to set for the relationship once therapy is complete. Goals for therapy can vary considerably based on presenting concerns. If you and your partner are experiencing communication challenges, you might set a goal to be more open with each other. If you have explosive arguments, you might set goals to be more compassionate with one another. 

Your therapist will likely take the goals you set during this time and help you form a plan to get there. The information that is taken in during this initial session can set the pace for your entire treatment plan. It won't always be easy to keep sight of these goals, but your therapist will be there to support you and remind you of what's important every step of the way. There are many types of therapy that incorporate goal-setting, but it is typically helpful for couples to coordinate their goals when working on relationship concerns.

You will discuss expectations

The expectations you and your partner have for each other play a role in your relationship. Your therapist will likely ask questions to gather information about your expectations.

Once you have a list of the current expectations in your relationship, you will likely go over them together. You might uncover that these expectations are unrealistic, outlandish, or unfair. One of the goals of couples therapy is to make changes to make your partnership work. Sometimes, this means changing patterns or expectations. For example, if your idea of avoiding an argument is never getting angry, you may need to shift your thinking a bit. On the other hand, if you believe arguing is the only way to settle a score, that will likely need adjusting as well.

Your therapist's job, in part, is to help you find peace in your relationship. This isn't always a comfortable thing for couples to do. Some structures that you have in your relationship may have been established over several years. Applying changes to these structures may be necessary, but a degree of resistance may be expected. Throughout your therapy journey, your therapist will likely keep you actively involved in changing these constructs for the benefit of your relationship.

You will be assigned homework

Couple's therapy will frequently follow you home. You can talk for hours in therapy, but if you don't apply changes outside, your relationship may not improve as much as it could.

The goal of assigning homework is to give you specific things to do outside of therapy to carry on the work you begin in session. If you are having intimacy issues, your therapist might recommend some exercises to help you ease back into things. Many couples have problems with constant arguing. A homework assignment for a couple like this might be to talk about problems in a calm tone before they escalate.

Homework is often an integral part of therapy. Even though you may not understand or buy into the idea of the assignments, you might decide to trust your therapist. The suggestions they give you are likely based on evidence-based methods for couples who have experienced similar concerns.

You might still break up

This point may not apply to everyone, as some couples simply talk to a therapist as part of relationship maintenance. However, in cases where there is serious conflict, it might help to know that part of a therapist's job is to help you discover whether your relationship is going to work. 

This type of counseling is called discernment counseling. The goal of discernment counseling is to help you determine whether you want to stay together. If you do choose to split ways, your therapist will likely facilitate communication. The idea is to help the split be completed amicably so that no future challenges arise from a hurtful breakup. 

Finding a couples therapist

If you and your partner are interested in therapy but feel hesitant to visit a therapist’s office, you might try online couples therapy, which research has demonstrated to be just as effective as in-person therapy. With Regain, you can talk to a therapist from home or anywhere with an internet connection. Online therapy may be especially helpful if either of you travels for work, as you can still engage in therapy together from separate locations. You can talk to your therapist via phone or video chat, and you can even message them in between sessions via in-app messaging. Taking the time to find a therapist will likely lead to improvements in your relationship, and online therapy may make it easier to find a therapist who is a good fit for you.