When Someone You Love Dies: When Is It Time To Consider Grief Therapy?

Losing someone you love is a difficult experience. You may continually feel a sense of pain and regret, especially when facing the loss of a close family member, such as the death of a parent or sibling. 

There is no one cure for grief. Much of the time, the intensity of emotion you feel will dissipate with time. The longer you go on with life without your loved one, usually, the easier it will become to cope with the loss. In some situations, though, people may develop lasting challenges like complicated grief or prolonged grief disorder, which can result in long-lasting disruption to normal functioning that typically require professional help. Whether you’re experiencing complicated grief or not, grief therapy can be very helpful when you lose someone you love.

The passing of a loved one can trigger many different mental responses. Disorders such as PTSD, anxiety, and depression have been linked to the loss of a family member, especially a parent. If how this person passed was particularly violent or unexpected, this is even truer. A grief therapist can help you deal with the pain you feel and guide you as you grieve.

When is it time to look for a grief therapist? Here are some signs to consider.

You aren't moving on

Life often seems to stop when someone we love dies. This can go on for days or weeks, depending on the closeness we felt with this person. It's a valid response to feel as if you're not ready to face life yet and want to run away. The feelings of hopelessness you may feel are quite normal, and grief is not linear. Some days may feel harder, and others may be easier. This is a normal and natural part of grieving. 

If the pain you feel does not seem to be getting better over time, consider reaching out to a grief therapist. This person can help you better understand your emotions and teach you ways to confront them. 

You feel stuck

Maybe you have successfully gone back to work and are back to your normal routine for most of your life. You might not feel quite so affected by the death anymore, but something  may still feel like it isn’t quite right. Perhaps you have feelings of anger or denial that are lingering, and you can't seem to shake them.

There are many stages of grief that you may, or may not, go through when you lose a loved one. These stages do not necessarily occur in a set chronological order and don't necessarily each have a set amount of time. Ultimately, the grieving process is unique for each person that goes through it. If you feel stuck in a stage for a prolonged amount of time, however, enlisting the help of a counselor could be right for you.

You have nightmares

Bad dreams may be unpleasant or frightening, but most people have bad dreams only occasionally. Following the death of a loved one, however, you may experience nightmares at a higher frequency and/or intensity. Oftentimes, people who’re happier during their waking life experience fewer negative dreams, whereas people who are experiencing extreme distress or emotional challenges may experience a greater number of nightmares.
These dreams may cause extreme distress and, in some cases, can make you lose sleep. The lack of sleep you experience is likely to make your mental health worse, leaving you in bad shape.

Nightmares or other negative dreams about your loved ones are common amongst people who’re grieving. These can be recurring or have different settings and events. Struggling with constant nightmares might be a sign that your mental health needs some attention. With grief counseling, you may be able to reduce the number of nightmares you have. Grief counseling can help you get to the root of your concerns and deal with them directly. Many techniques can be utilized to help you get a more restful sleep.

You are acting recklessly

For many people, acting recklessly may mean gambling or taking other unnecessary risks. This behavior doesn't always manifest itself in these ways, though. It could be as simple as spending too much money shopping. You might also disregard your obligations in favor of going out more to get away from your feelings. While these might not look like unhealthy actions on the surface, they can cause damage and not truly help you resolve your emotional state. These kinds of behaviors can be difficult to spot, especially when you are dealing with many things at once. 

With the help of a grief counselor, however, you can identify and resolve many behaviors that occur following the loss of your loved one using a targeted plan. A therapist will generally also suggest alternative ways for you to deal with the emotions you have. These suggestions will be rooted in healthy habits that will enrich your life rather than create further problems.

Other reasons to seek help

After the loss of a loved one, there are a wide variety of challenges you may experience. If any of these symptoms sound familiar, you may want to consider seeking professional help:

• Loss of meaning in your day-to-day life
• Decreased interest in social situations
• Increased irritability
• Decreased appetite
• Loved ones expressing worries about you
• Feelings of depression or extreme anguish
• Suicidal thoughts or emotions
• Feelings of loneliness
• Inability to accept the death of your loved one
• Intrusive thoughts
• Lack of a reliable support system
• Hearing voices
• Obsession over the events of the passing of your loved one
• Uncontrollable fits of crying or anger
• Substance use disorders, such as alcohol or opioid use disorders
• Loss of the desire to do things that interest you

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, reach out for help immediately. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 and can be reached by dialing 988. You can also use their online chat.

Any one of these issues can warrant a visit to a therapist's office. If you are experiencing any combination of the above, the situation worsens. Depression and anxiety are progressive diseases, meaning that they don't go away or get better on their own. In fact, these problems are likely to get worse over time if ignored or not properly taken care of.

It is of the utmost importance that you reach out and get help sooner rather than later. Finding online grief support can help you relieve your sorrow and advise you in overcoming your grief. 

Grief counseling online: Does it work?

When you’re grieving, looking for a good therapist can feel overwhelming and exhausting. Online therapy can be a more convenient option, allowing you to attend sessions from the comfort of your home. A 2021 study on grief therapy found that online grief therapy can be effective. If you are grieving and considering online therapy, an individual and couple’s therapy platform like Regain may be a good place to look. Therapists practicing on the platform are licensed and Regain uses a questionnaire to match you with someone they think will be a good fit.